Who Reads
What In This Country (US version)?
1. The *Wall Street Journal* is read by the people who run the country.
2. The *Washington Post* is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The *New York Times* is read
by people who think they should run the
country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. *USA Today*
is read by people who think they maybe ought to run the
country but don't really understand The New York Times.
They do,
however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. *The Los Angeles Times* is read by people
who wouldn't mind running the
country--if they could find the time--and if they didn't have to leave
Southern California to do it.
6. The *Boston Globe* is read by people whose ancestors used to run the
country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The *New York Daily News* is read by people
who aren't too sure who's
running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat
on the
train.
8. The *New York Post* is read by people who don't care who's running the
country as long as they
do something really scandalous, preferably while
intoxicated.
9. The *Miami Herald* is read by people who
are running another country but
need the baseball scores.
10. The *San Francisco Chronicle* is read by
people who aren't sure anyone runs
the country, but if they find out who does, they oppose all of them. There are
occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist,
atheist, and also happen to be illegal
aliens from any other country or galaxy
provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The *National
Enquirer* is read by people trapped in line at the grocery
store.
12. Nothing is read by the guy who is
running this country into the ground.
An Australian version:
1. The Melbourne Age is read by the people
who run the country.
2. The Canberra Times is read by the people who think they run the country.
3. The
Sydney Morning Herald is read by the people who think they ought to
run the country.
4. The Melbourne Herald
is read by the wives of the people who run the
country.
5. The Australian is read by the people who realise
that no one's running
the country.
6. The Financial Review is read by the people who own the country.
7. The Western Australian is read by the people who think the eastern
states run the country.
8. The
Hobart Mercury and the Melbourne Sun are read by the people who
think the country ought to be run the way it
used to be run.
9. The Adelaide Advertiser and the Brisbane Courier-Mail are read by the
people who think it
still is.
10. The Sydney Daily Mirror is read by people who don't give a stuff who
runs the country as
long as she has big tits.
IN BRITAIN...
1. The Times is read by the people who run the country.
2.
The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country.
3. The Financial Times is read by the
people who own the country.
4. The Express is read by the people who think this country should be run
as it
used to be run.
5. The Telegraph is read by the people who think it still is their country.
6. The Guardian
is read by the people who think they should be running this
country.
7. The Mirror is read by the people who
think they are running this
country.
8. The Morning Star is read by the people who think the country ought
to be
run by another country.
9. The Independent is read by the people who don't know who runs the
country but are sure they're doing it wrong.
10. The Evening Standard is read by people who are less interested
in
who's running the country than in getting a seat on the train home.
11. The Star is read by people who
don't care who runs the country as long
as they do something scandalous.
12. The Sun is read by the people
who don't care who runs the country as
long as the naked girl on page three got big boobs.
Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.
--Lazarus Long
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