alright, alittle background story (probablly going to turn into a life story, read it anyway, i know your boerd,

you'll love it) latelly i havn't been useing mones as much as i used to. sence i havn't been very socially active

( my situation consist of court & falony, job, and my dad wnats me to get new friends, because of court & falony) so

the only time i wear my mones is at work. sence i work about 15 days a month (but 12 hrs day ) i been useing

considerblly less mones. and have had thoughs about quiting mones..... and the reason is in the following

paragraph.

so before abuch of shit went down in my life (and i mean alot, i can make a movie and a sequal about

my last 3 months of my life) i have started changing abit. like i said in my ohter post that i have started being

not as socially greaceful as i once was, and thinking back it all started around the time of my ex. we fell inlove

and i spend pretty muhc everyday with her and lost many connections then after we broke up, it shot my confadance to

hell. didn't notice it then but looking back, i can def tell. so i started being less active, lost my spot light

(wasn't in the spot light) at parties, didn't want to do shit,(EVEN WITH MONES ON) when i mack on girls, i get to

the point where they were basically bagging me to bang them, and i dont even want to follow througe with it.

as

you can see, everything started turning shit. other factors i think migh have contributed to my downfall are

withdraw from ecstasy (the drug, did it about 5 times in a 2 month period then quit) compatative jobs (first time

being fired) and periods of unemployment. anyway im probeblly think these are part contributing by associaction with

the time period. they may or may not be, im not a psycologist (even tho i study many psycology shit)

lol im

getting carried away, lets get to point shall we? i have decited im that i was going to get everything back to

normal. last month or so, when i went to a party, i made sure i have a fun time, when i force myself to have fun and

get back in the spot light, i was able to easilly, after 2-5 mins and everything started flowing again. i loved it,

i think i remember saying "slick is back" . then i got a job. very n ice job, and the money is starting to stack up

dont even know what to spend it on. and it always feels so good to have many resourses that you can flaunt around

(damn this capatalist socity that have tainted me haha )

so i have realized acoupple of things latelly. i need

to quit being a little bitch acting like a pussy, and i need to "man up" again. and nothing can help me except

myself. and i can do it. i did it for many many years with out mones or what not and i was the shit! i have became "

too dependant on it" that i have let other parts of my life sliped away. and started felling sorry for my self,

which didn't help at all.

so all this shit been going througe my mind latelly but when ever i go out i always

end up putting mones on, just as a clutch, somehting to fall back on, incase something happens i can blame it on the

mones. my safty net! but yesterday i went to work but was in a hurry and with lack of sleep made me forget to put

some on. so this will be the first time i went to work with out mones.
keep in mind that i work 12 hrs shifts.


was going to work when half way througe i realize that i wasn't wearing any mones. and i was kind of like, uh oh.

gets to work, going to put my shit away and notice that some of the guys didn't say hi, or made an effort to

acknolage my present. so at that point i was like aww. well it was time to get to my station so i started

walking........ then guess what! i get approached by a girl...we talked for about 5-7 mins but i had to cut her off

cause i was 5-7 min late now! haha. i get to my station i work with all women but a guy boss. i notice they were

acting weird. one keeps eyeballing me the other keeps licking her lips at me another keeps makeing puffy lips at me.

other girls from other lines/ areas started comeing around me. helping me with my work. anther girl started bring me

papers.... one sheet at a time untill i started talking to her. at this time i have realized what was going on. so i

started conciouslly flirting with every girl. started talking, makeing more convasations with people. this one told

me that i was short (i get that all the time ) but then she started saying that i have big feet ..... haha so i had

to explane to her how my feet are not big, but just really wide...at the same time im trying to make the convasation

provacative as i can . then antoher girl asked me if i had kids... lol thats the first time i been asked that. i

said no... she said, oh...then i said "i though i was going to have one once tho" she goes oh really grinded and

licked her lips.....im thinking (i think i passed her little mind game test). even tho the guys were less then

friendlly, i could care less cause i was so busy flirting with the girls.

oh shit i'll continue this thread

someother time im late for something.