Ways to handle being led along by women

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They will miss the attention. It\'s the same old reversal that your mom taught you. Only if you start aying them attention again then they\'ll go back to leading you on. I figure if the chick wants to play it that way then she\'s not right for me. So I leave her be.

Eventually she\'ll move on because she was never interested or she\'ll jump through hoops to regain your attention. Whatever the case don\'t become part of this foolishness it doesn\'t lead anywhere.

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LOL [img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

Is this thread inspired by the \"Help Me Ask Her Out\" thread? I\'ll be a regular poster/reader on this one then [img]images/icons/cool.gif[/img]

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Hell yes this one deserves a thread all of its own actually im after interesting stories as well of situations where one has had some fun with the usuall teasers, like jambat said reversal of the tables. Your right though the easiest way is just to stop paying them attention and see how they react. And then take it from there.

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I\'ll give you one. This happened before i even knew pheromones, ross j., and doc love.

This one girl 18 y.o. and a 9 or 10, she\'s 5\'8. I met her a long time ago and the first time I met her, she immediately grabbed my attention and always asking me questions about my job. So I thought maybe she likes me. She would never stop looking and smiling at me. I didn\'t ask for her number but stole it instead then i called her, she sounded surprised and happy she even told me i can call her anytime i want. So i did, once a day, even on weekends, but i just can\'t get a date. Sometimes she says she\'s busy, then when she finally said yes, she cancelled it right before the time of meeting, then finally she doesn\'t answer my phone calls anymore. So I was kinda upset and felt stupid about myself and stopped calling her, and stopped treating her very special. Then a couple of weeks later, her friend talked to me and said I\'m doing a good job making her crazy. I said \"how come?\", then she said she can\'t believe you\'re not talking to her anymore like you did before. She advised me to keep it up cuz this girl is so used to having guys falling over her feet and now somebody is ignoring her, she just can\'t believe it. Well, i never had anymore interests for her after she showed me her real colors.

So i guess \"reversing\" is a real good way to handle being led into the bush.

[ January 12, 2002: Message edited by: Redcapp ]

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So there you have it everyone if youre being led on ignore it spend less time with the girl and focus on someone else and then guage the response. If she starts coming back then take small steps to see if it was just a cover but if it continues then bail back to the friendship stage and leave it at that and focus energies elsewhere. Anyone else. Ive known someone like that now for a while and it got to the stage where ive done exactly the same thing, its good to know i can walk away from something that isnt in my best interests.

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Just a thread for responses from anyone who has ideas on how to handle being led around and around by women who are trying to get attention from and who are just intent on playing mindgames without actually going anywhere.

My first bit of advice is to stop chasing and put your energies elsewhere (stay nice to them just in case but spend your time and attention on someone who will respond and who is actually interested) women have this behaviour or thing where they play with some guys because it suits them to have some attention but they have no intention of allowing it to go further. They say its sweet we say = well youre covering up using these other guys to attract other guys you actually like sort of like mob theory have enough guys after you and more will follow i actually use the same tactic with the pheromones get as many as i can to find someone who will follow through and go no further with the others because they actually usually respond anyway. Double use of the system enhances ones responses.

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This thread is really funny to me. I can\'t tell you how many times women are lead along by men. Men seem able to show affection with no emotional attachment, a trick which I\'ve never understood. I\'ve fallen in love with lovers, only to find out that they were with me for just sex and companionship and no intention whatsoever of having any sort of committed relationship.

Laney

[proteus]

Well I guess this gets back to the old story of ladies in general selecting as lovers the proverbial \"bad boys\" over the \"nice guys \" who will treat them \" right \". I\'m not saying you do this Laney, but I\'ve found this to be very true with women I\'ve known in general. And then afterwards these same women complain about how x guy or y guy only used her for sex etc. - question is, what criteria did she use in selecting her lover??? Getting back to the thread about being led along, simple solution is what\'s already been stated above - move on with your life and ignore her attempts at playing these \" mindgames \" with you - either she\'ll get her act together or she won\'t. If she doesn\'t, figure it\'s her loss and forget about her completely. I went through months of this kind of stuff when I was a junior in college with this girl who I thought was totally incredible and she strung me along forever (obviously I allowed her to string me along so it was my fault) - anyways, one day I \"finally\" got pissed off enough at myself, for allowing this to continue and stopped calling her, hanging out with her etc. and moved on. Never heard/talked to her since (about 7-8 yrs. ago) although a mutual friend did say she was very upset that I didn\'t want to have anything to do with her but I figure she just missed having a doormat to walk over [img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img] Never allowed this to happen again and never will!!!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif[/img]

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Laney, I try very carefully to never offend anyone. But again, it is only a matter of interpretation.

What I tried to convey is that there general thought is that one has to trust better actions than words. Specially when listening to politicians (or men/women trying to pick us up).

In \"Ars Amatoria\", a book by the roman poet, Ovidio, he says things like this (more than 2000 years ago!)

\"Promise, promise a lot, for that costs nothing. Put the gods as witness...\"

Note that my translation is not really good.

I really think, that everyone should read that little book.

Regarding expectations, my mail tried to express that giving so much love will probably hurt in the long run, because she will never fill quite fulfilled with anything less, which in turn is almost impossible from a lover.

I am really sorry, if you found my mail offensive in any way.

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Had that happen a couple of times myself but ive grown because of it and actually id say if seen a lot more out of life using this stuff, although it isnt everything it is something that gets the foot in the door and the whole biology and scienctific side of things is where my interst lies.

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Maybe this is why serious opposite sex relationships are so hard to obtain! Because girls don\'t want to get mistakenly involved with guys who play games, they tend to act restrictedly and are afraid to show deep emotions although they really want to. On the other hand, men interpret this as \"being led along\". This is the same problem I had, I got so confused why this girl suddenly acted extra nice to me to the point that I interpreted it that she likes me. Then when its my turn to make the move, maybe she sensed something that she got afraid of then suddenly turned everything around, thus making me think that she\'s leading me into the wild bush! Do u see my point?

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sure do redcapp i guess its the game we play by not being able to communicate what we want and also the fear factor.

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Bad_grass, your second post makes so much more sense. Thank you for clarifying what you meant...I read it all wrong. You also sound like a wonderful father. My dad was very affectionate with me when I was small and I still remember it fondly now.

I wonder if men and women aren\'t somewhat set up for trouble because of the societal expectation of mutual romantic love. If one person falls in love, the other person is supposed to love back. That\'s what our books, magazines, TV, and movies all say, after all. None of us are prepared for what happens when we start to feel love towards someone and the feelings aren\'t returned. Perhaps that is why we feel used.

Of course, there are manipulative people out there who just want sex/money/affection but I wonder if there are fewer than we think?

Laney

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I\'ve had my share of bad boys, but that\'s not what I\'m talking about. I\'ve dated guys that got affectionate and cuddly after a month or two. They will put an arm around me in public, curl up on the couch with me watching movies, always kiss hello & goodbye, etc. I adore that kind of stuff but only with someone to whom I\'m getting emotinally attached. Some men seem to be able to simply use affection to keep women hooked in. I fall in love, thinking it\'s safe because of all the affection. Next thing I know, I find out the touching/affection has nothing to do with his feelings for me.

I\'ve gotten so confused by it all that I just don\'t trust affectionate gestures anymore. I wait for words.

Laney

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Welcome to planet earth, Laney!!!!

Why does it bother you that someone shows care for you, and is tender while at it(with you)? What does that have to do with love?

I am asking myself if I am doing right, giving so much love to my own daughter. I hug her a lot. When I sit down, sometimes she comes to me and sits on my lap. I then run my fingers thorugh her hair, or just put my big hands over her. And she shivers with pleasure and I know she feels loved, and safe.

All these feelings, this pure love, she will never get anywhere else...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Male point of view well mind anyway, its a thing to keep getting the sex till we get interested in someone else, consider it the same as a woman who we are saying keeps being nice to us talking to us etc, but not taking things further if we show an interest. Unfornatley life seems to be far from cut and dry then we got all this confusion and insight with pheromone levels and types as well. I guess some guys are just unable to show emotion (probably high none aggressive bad boy types) consider it to women in general a case of their subconscious brains wanting one thing and conscious brain wanting another. Ie she knows hes bad for her but shes with him (bad boy) or she knows that hes a nice guy, but she plays him along uses him for a while but never takes things further to a emotional level. (nice guy) then you got the rich ones.

From a male point of view we seem to be more visual if she looks good then we go for it. Money is the same. ALthough we seem to be able to do the same (we are the same in many ways but different in others) Hope this sheds some light or gets further discussion going.

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>Welcome to planet earth

I find that to be offensive and insulting. *plonk*

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Yeah, Donaldduck
It seems that both sexes use the other when the \"magic\" isn\'t there. Sad, isn\'t it? I\'ve never used a guy who wasn\'t using me at the same time, though. I\'ve definately been in short-term relationships where I wanted affection and nice dinners, and he wanted sex. After a while, he and I moved on. It\'s fine when both parties are getting little needs met. The pain comes when one person is really attracted and the other isn\'t.

Laney

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Laney,

I think, that love, as we, occidentals conceive it, is a very selfish state of mind. We are only socially allowed to have two loves, only in case of our own parents.

I also think, that no matter what you do, you cannot buy (own/posses) another human being. That violates, in my particular way of thinking, the most basic human right, and that is your freedom to be whoever you are.

Marriage, was an institution promoted by the power structures to make the people more manageble. Of course, it was less problematic then, because life average wae basic roles. In lions, for example, the female is the hunter, and the male takes care of the kids. With human beings, it is the other way around, it is the female, the one that strives to form a family to give its newborns a better chance to grow.

So, they say, the male has to provide for her, but, in the mean time, it has to make sure to get as many females pregnant as possible, in order to secure the species survival.

Also the female would favor the strongest male in the groups, simply beacuse a son from the most successful individual will have better chances to survive (Darwin, anyone?).

I think this is all very crude and it of course does not take into account inteligence / social-rules, but I have to conclude, that if you see actions and not sayings, it is actually the rule and not the exception.

When too many social laws are against nature, then you have the incredible high reates of divorce. Terrible thing is the psicological damage we through for BUYING what romantic novels/movies/tv sell dictate on how eternal love HAS to be.

When you have been hurt, it is harder to open up your heart, to feel new things, to allow another love. But this wall you are building to protect yourself becomes your prision. Isn\'t this a great paradox?

But, as you say in English, \"no pain, no gain\".

I try to keep my expectations very low (the ideal is none at all). That way love always surprises me.


Best Regards

[a.k.a.]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=\"1\" face=\"Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif\">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Laney:
Some men seem to be able to simply use affection to keep women hooked in. I fall in love, thinking it\'s safe because of all the affection. Next thing I know, I find out the touching/affection has nothing to do with his feelings for me.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My impression is that the words \"men\" and \"women\" are interchangable in the above phrase. In other words, I think everybody gets burned.

This is about the sixth time I\'ve read through this string, thinking that I might have something constructive to say (given my age and experience). Unfortunately I don\'t feel any wiser than when my first gf dumped me, 29 years ago.

Maybe it\'s some sort of social crisis.

[img]images/icons/crazy.gif[/img]

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Then we say bring on this little thing called concentrated pheromones to give off the signal we are the strongest and the world gets upside down wrong way round real quick ???????

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Then we say bring on this little thing called concentrated pheromones to give off the signal we are the strongest and the world gets upside down wrong way round real quick ???????

[Whitehall]

Let\'s be frank - there are many, many more \"relationships\" than there are long-lasting partnerships/marriages. In either case, its give-and-take --- he wants sex (probably)--- she wants dinner/plumbing repairs/child support/bodyguard/sex/whatever.

And that\'s OK! A responsible, ethical person of either gender just tries to give as good as he/she gets and to not misstate or overpromise what you have to offer. I\'ve had relationships where we both just wanted hot sex - we\'re both happy, we both got what we wanted.

Now, the question is, how do we deal with \"being lead along?\" First, one does need to expose oneself to some risk and take a bit of a gamble. Not too much, \"not more than you can afford to lose\", but some. After a while, suspections and doubts may well arise in your mind. Then, call him/her on it, bring your expectations up in conversation and ask for their position. \"Do you want me to keep calling?\" etc. That might well settle it but asking takes the courage to face a possibly unpleasant answer. At some point, you just know and you have to cut it off.

All this points to the fact that until one is mutually committed, one should have other prospects and other possibilities. It is much easier to let go if the alternative is dating a known new prospect than if the alternative is \"loneliness\" and no known prospects.

Which brings us to a riddle:

\"What minority has MORE power the fewer there are of them?

[ January 18, 2002: Message edited by: Whitehall ]

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MMM interesting women mostly till now [img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img] now its the hot men and women in pheromone control it does have an impact actually im dying to try SOE because i think it will have a major effect in the meantime im using my fourway mix NPA AE SPMO and what was the other oh yeah attraction (scented). Mixed into my little atomoiser smells great to lol [img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img] major responses to, im in the situation where everyone in the workplace has managed or almost everyone has managed to find out about the pheromones which means no secrets but does hold up certain things but enhances other as every other male wants the same advantage as me so lots of men using pheromones has a very ?????? interesting response.