Hi - My name is David Portney and for a large part of my life I was
stricken with terrible shyness and nervousness - if you've got a minute, read my story because it will probably
help you.
If you're suffering from shyness and nervousness then you and I are kindred
spirits because I know the pain you feel, and I know its holding you back from getting the most out of your
life.
Just like people who get cancer and survive will often help other cancer victims, I also want to
help people who suffer from shyness and nervousness, just like I used to.
And if someone as shy as I was can
become super confident, then ANYONE can - so there's hope fo you too - here's my story:
I grew
up EXTREMELY shy: in school I always sat in the back of the class so no
one would notice me, I was so insecure I even wore jackets in the summertime, and I avoided ALL
social situations.
And boy, when it came to the opposite sex, I was as
scared as a mouse at a rattlesnake convention.
Can you relate to ANY of that?
First I tried
therapy. It seemed like the logical choice.
I got some benefit from going to therapy - I
understood my problem really well - but therapy didn't SOLVE my problem.
Then I went to
see a shrink who prescribed an anti-depressant but the side effects were worse than being shy, so I stopped taking
them after a while.
Then I tried to "fake it till I make it" - I'd go into social situations and
pretend to be confident, but I knew inside I was just faking and I still felt shy and nervous.
Frustrated, I
turned to self help books and tapes, & I even went to seminars (I sat in the back). Most were not very helpful, and
a few were excellent.
Self help is what finally worked for me, and it worked so well that people who know me
today just laugh in disbelief when I tell them I grew up painfully shy.
It's great to finally be free of that
crippling shyness and nervousness that held me back for most of my life.
Here's what helped me:
First, I had to
accept that I was MAKING MYSELF shy and nervous. NOT to blame myself, but to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for the situation I
was in.
The first thing you should do is realize that YOU ARE IN A POSITION OF POWER AND CONTROL when you take
responsibility for being shy and nervous. THAT PUTS YOU IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
You need to realize that even if
you're not aware of it, you're DOING SOMETHING inside your head to make shyness and nervousness happen. I know
that might not seem true - I was shy since nursery school and thought that THAT WAS JUST WHO I WAS.
I finally
realized that shyness and nervousness is NOT who I am, IT'S SOMETHING I DO. You are NOT shy, you DO shyness... A
very important distinction to make.
You DO shyness and nervousness by running movies in your head and talking to
yourself - it's those movies and talking that "makes" you feel shy and nervous.
The critical shift you need to
make is knowing that your shyness and nervousness is NOT who you are, and it's NOT out of your control. YOU ARE IN
CONTROL.
But those movies and voices in your head have been playing for so long, you probably don't even notice
them, you just know you feel shy and nervous.
In other words, SHYNESS HAS BECOME A BAD HABIT.
And because
shyness and nervousness is in reality a bad habit, it needs to be TREATED like a bad habit.
But, everyone knows
how hard it can be to break a bad habit - just ask anyone who's ever tried to stop smoking.
Breaking a bad
habit requires 2 things: You MUST use a proven strategy to break the habit and you MUST have a positive replacement
habit.
If you don't use a proven strategy then you're just stumbling around trying "whatever" and hoping it'll
work, and it doesn't, so you give up.
And not having a new habit to replace the old habit pretty much guarantees
failure because you'll slide back to your old, familiar ways of shyness and nervousness.
The simple
way to take ALL the effort out of breaking the shyness habit is: PUT MOMENTUM TO WORK SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK. To
get momentum to work for you, all you have to do is start small.
Using momentum makes breaking a bad habit easy
because you "go with the flow" - you don't have to struggle or fight to get where you're going.
Where most people
go wrong is they try to do too much too soon - what if you went to the gym for the very first time and you went over
to the heaviest weight and tried to lift it over your head... That would be foolish - and dangerous.
Instead,
what if you lift the lightest weight... Then the next day a slightly heavier weight... And the next day a slightly
heavier weight... After 3 or 4 weeks, you'd be lifting heavy weights you never thought possible.
Incremental
success is EXACTLY how you learned to read, write, tie your shoes, and drive a car.
Now you can read, write, tie
your shoes and drive a car effortlessly and automatically, but when you first started it seemed hard, right?
So you
just have to start small and then do a little more and a little more each day for about 3 weeks and at that point it
becomes automatic - momentum takes over and does all the work for you.
You need to start small and continue
adding a little more each day for 3 weeks because it takes about 3 weeks to break a habit and "install" a new
replacement habit, it just does.
But the most important thing of all is
this: The #1 ingredient that guarantees your success is a burning desire to change. There is nothing on this Earth more powerful than pure desire.
You've got to WANT TO CHANGE and
you've got to want it really really really badly. Because if you want it bad enough, nothing can stop you.
I was
ABSOLUTELY DESPERATE to get rid of my shyness and nervousness because it was ruining my life.
I was scared to
death of meeting new people. I was scared to death of approaching women I wanted to meet. I was turning down social
invitations and cowering at home. I was afraid to do all kinds of things because of shyness and nervousness.
Now, I speak in public for a living, something I thought I would NEVER, EVER be able to do. As I said before, if
someone who was as shy as I was can become confident, then ANYONE else can too.
So, thanks for listening - er,
reading - my story, I sincerely hope that this will help you because suffering from shyness and nervousness just
sucks.
Let me give you the summary of how you can get over shyness, and what you should do, step by step and I
even wrote a booklet about it that you can have for free.
First, realize that understanding your problem will NOT
solve your problem.
Next, accept responsibility (NOT blame) for your situation and realize you are in the
driver's seat - that puts you in a position of power and control.
Then recongize that you are NOT a shy nervous
person, shyness and nervousness are processes that you actively DO in your head that creates those feelings.
Next, understand that you've been playing movies and/or talking to yourself for years to create the shyness and
nervousness, and after all these years it's turned into a bad habit that needs to be broken.
And, know that all
you need to do to break that bad habit is to use a proven strategy, and that you must decide on a new, positive
replacement habit (I recommend your new habit be ferocious super confidence).
Also, you MUST start small and
build momentum each day for 3 weeks in order to break that shyness habit - just one small win followed by a slightly
bigger win followed by another slightly bigger win - momentum means you don't have to struggle to break the habit,
you just go with the flow.
Finally, NONE OF THAT MATTERS unless you really really REALLY want to get rid of
shyness and nervousness. Without strong desire, you'll just give up or won't even try. I was totally sick and
tired of shyness and nervousness holding me back, so I decided to do something about it.
What to do now? Just
decide to take action on each of those steps one by one.
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