How can you tell what women are out to be picked up or available?

[happyman]

Chicago Wrote:

"guys must

be a little cocky with woman. ( i said a little and dont be abusive). to create attraction. woman get turn off by

wusses. they love cocky and confidence in a

man."

__________________________________________________ __________


All true my friend, all true. I

am kinda sick of hearin the "you gotta see what a womens intrests are", or "you gotta talk to her about

herself"....ya-da, ya-da, ya-da.

Whenever I see a dude macking on a chic he is usually full of

HIMSELF.
She responds with excitement and he talks mostly, not all, but 90% about himself. I NEVER really see the

conventional :Guy approaches woman=Guy talks to woman about her intrests and her=Guy acts sensative to what her

responses are and gets her number, or leaves with her.

Usually the dude could care less. He just approaches

her like....hey, I know that you know your hot. And I know that you know I know your hot...and I am the man.....so

what Up?

Then he may babble about himself and then swoops her out of there while she seems flirty with him

all the while.

Any time I have picked up a chic
A. I didn't really care about her and she responded to

that
B. I was just talking to her not thinking of getting it on with her at all.

This nice guy stuff DOES

NOT work guys. And gals....say what you will, but you know I'm right. They always like the bad boy, they always go

with the jerk in the end.

That is why you gotta give the vibe like:hey, I know that you know your hot. And I

know that you know I know your hot...and I am the man.....so what Up? You gotta tease her a little and act like your

kind of a sexual being.

Trust me. I've done it, and I see it ALL THE TIME. Most of the time when I didn't

even realize it till down the road was when I was doing it.

This stuff about being responsive to her, and

talk to her about her....nahhhh dudes. Approach, take control (without you know....lol being a blutto or something),

act cocky and like a sexual being, kinda interested in getting something going. And THAT IS THE

FORMULA.

Trust me: I wish it weren't. I am just a nice dude. I am not a whoosie. I never let a girl order

me, or anything and I always do my own thing but I am just a nice guy with a friendly attitude. Sure I am kinda

cocky, but in a genuine, funny way. I am not an ass and I don't act better than everyone (at least this is what I

am told lol). I wish this was the formula. It would be so natural, for me at least. It isn't guys. I actually have

to put on a phoney act to mack on a chic. And the thing is, I think they may sense it is phoney but they don't

care. It is like they just follow the script. Seriously. I get in the car with a number, or leave them and it is

almost like I let out a sigh and take off my mask. I am tellin you they feed off this. It all started in the earlier

90's. Nice Guys are gone. Don't friggin worry about her response. You could care less. You the man, you sexually

tease her a little. And she is yours. Just you know, NEVER force anyone geeze of coarse ,or be to the point of being

overbearing.

Youre probably thinkin, well why don't you just follow your own advice:

Well you know.

It is kind of a chore. I don't like pretending I am something I am not 100%. It takes effort, and energy. Most of

the time you just don't feel like it lol. But if you wanna pick em up....this is how you gotta be. lol

Any

input?

Happyman

[Gegogi]

Oh come on that only works on

teenagers and bimbos. I help real women shop for shoes and lingerie and get plenty 'o poon. They love it when a man

cares enough to learn their personal whims and desires. And it makes them want to please yours. I've heard women

complain many times their BF or husband was so full of himself it was a drag. They appreciated me because I spend

the time to talk to them, learn their idiosyncrasies and made sure they came before I did. Call me a girlie-man but

it gets me laid regularly.

[happyman]

Oh come on that

only works on teenagers and bimbos. I help real women shop for shoes and lingerie and get plenty 'o poon. They love

it when a man cares enough to learn their personal whims and desires. And it makes them want to please yours. I've

heard women complain many times their BF or husband was so full of himself it was a drag. They appreciated me

because I spend the time to talk to them, learn their idiosyncrasies and made sure they came before I did. Call me a

girlie-man but it gets me laid

regularly.

__________________________________________________ _______

Well with the age group from

19-27 this is what I mostly see. As for an older chic. Say like 34 and upwards then they tend to be more along the

other lines. I don't like being that way, because you actually have to go into a "mode" to do that. Like I say it

takes energy and effort, and it is not really me.

But women respond to it as if you are reading a script at

times. I have once heard that if you want women to respond to you like you two are in a movie or something.....you

kinda gotta act like your in a movie.

I know it seems unrealistic. but I think the other method is actually

the unrealistic approach. Because I have seen the cockier, confident, full of himself, come off as slightly a jerk

approach work. And I have did it my self. If I try the other route....well I cannot remember that getting me

anywhere. Like I say, I wish it were the other way around. Nobody likes being kinda jerky, unless it is playful. But

you gotta take it up a notch even from that.

As you said the women you know COMPLAIN their boyfriends are

like that and they dislike that.....but guess what, they are their boyfriends. My guess, is they were like that to

them from the git-go. Come on who are we kidding. And they complain till the cows come home about them....but you

never really see them dumping them off now do you?

Numbers don't lie.

Happyman

[belgareth]

Haven't we had this

conversation before, Gegogi? Any bets on where it will go from here? You, me and maybe a few more of the more

experienced guys are going to try to share some experience with others and we'll get told it doesn't work that

way. I don't know man. Maybe it is all in our heads and women don't respond to us when we act like nice, friendly

gentlemen?

You had it right when you said it works for teenagers and bimboes. Once a woman grows up beyond the

playing with barbie dolls stage I've met very few worthwhile ones that would fall for that nonsense. Maybe it's

just a difference in the caliber of women we find attractive?

[surfs_up]

I my younger days I had an approach that was partly agressive, partly empathetic. If a girl was

hot I had no problem walking straight up to her and telling her. Girls2Women did like a clear direct signal about

where my head was at. I made a major distinction between expressing how they impacted me "damn, you are HOT" and

what I wanted to do to them.. The guys who succeeded in the best way took total ownership of *their own* passions,

but didn't put any thing on the girl as how she should feel or react. This was fine with educated women, from

money, good families, with high self respect, good taste, worldly connection... you know what I mean ? People of

substance. I would never imply that *because you have this effect on me* THEN *you owe me this response*.... classy

women don't play games anyway, they do like to check you out, and having sharp minds, they know HOW to check you

out... so you could start having a sharp conversation about politics or business or philosophy and there could be a

steaming subtext of sexual chemistry running through the whole thing... I've encountered some awesome women who

could throw you for a loop, at first blush they seemed maybe a little flakey or hard to pin down, then I wised up

that sometimes the real deal hot babes have developed many emotional disguises and subterfuges they use,

unconsciously I think, to throw the hounddogs off the scent... in other words they know their real worth and they

know how to NOT broadcast it....

[belgareth]

I agree with you completely and

have said as much in the past. A woman without a sharp mind and a will of her own is worthless to me. She has to be

somebody that can talk to me about something a little more advanced than the latest hairstyles or what's happening

on the most current TV show. As soon as that type conversation starts I'm out of there.

[DCW]

Oh come on that only

works on teenagers and bimbos. I help real women shop for shoes and lingerie and get plenty 'o poon. They love it

when a man cares enough to learn their personal whims and desires. And it makes them want to please yours. I've

heard women complain many times their BF or husband was so full of himself it was a drag. They appreciated me

because I spend the time to talk to them, learn their idiosyncrasies and made sure they came before I did. Call me a

girlie-man but it gets me laid regularly.

Communication is the number one factor in any worth while

relationship.
And yes it becomes even more critical as a woman get older.

DCW

[MOBLEYC57]

I agree with

you completely and have said as much in the past. A woman without a sharp mind and a will of her own is worthless to

me. She has to be somebody that can talk to me about something a little more advanced than the latest

hairstyles or what's happening on the most current TV show. As soon as that type conversation starts I'm

out of there.

Geez! Is this something that happens with age!? 'Cause that never really mattered to me

earlier in life, but it does now. I'm so in need of something more than sex, and have been for the last 10-15

years. It use to be enough ... a woman being a woman, and being attractive, but now ... I'm sooooooo picky. What

gives!?

Back on topic ... in this day and time, when a woman is interested ... you'll know. Just pick

up on who's being extra friendly and laughing at mostly anything you say.

In bars/clubs ... let constant eye

contact/who's always in YOUR vicinity guide you.

[tim929]

All the books about "the game"

have been writen to help young guys attract young women.Interestingly,these are the same people who havent figured

out what makes a relationship work in the first place.Hence the HUGE number of very young twenty-somethings getting

married and divorced.Games work realy well on the young and inexperienced for the purpose of generating dates and

sex,but as a side effect the fallout is failed relationships and restraining orders.These games ultimately produce

very little of practical value in terms of a stable relationship.

[bucs24]

from my experiences the younger

the girl the more she is gonna want to chase. meaning if your there and its easy for her to have you she will not

want you. but if you act like you dont need them and they have to chase you then your golden. nice guys do finish

dead last in this game and assholes win.......

[surfs_up]

The game of Hot Pursuit too often broke down into the game of Trivial Pursuit...

Everbody makes

it too mysterious and too hard... so they can sell more books, courses, mojo berries...

The thing is to know

how to BE with another person... young thangs are so wrapped up in the smallest stuff, like there is some official

ritual you must master...

Sometimes young women, real beautiful special girls too, hate to say this but this

happens with distressing regularity, throw themselves at me, and I'm not about to throw myself back, one 'cause I

am more interested in who they are two or three levels deep, but I allow that I'm totally open to listening to them

and conversing about anything that they feel like conversing about... and then there is the inevitable panic retreat

that lasts a while, and I allow that I'm comfortable with them going through their 25 year old panic attack....

then they want to hang out again.... being the steady state dude has its' benefits...

[phersurf]

YOu don't have to be a jerk to

attract women!

Women like confident guys but most guys are wuss's, so the only confident guys most women

come across are jerks and arrogant guys.

It's possible to be a gentleman but not be a wuss, but most modern

males can't seperate them. But you still have to be able to stand up for your opinions, tell a woman she did

something wrong, be able to walk away from a woman if things aren't going well, etc.

Most modern men, are

so happy when they find an attractive women, that they start acting like a needy wuss (I've been there most of my

adult life, I know it doesn't work).

Just think for a minute about the guys in women's romance novels.

They are cocky, arrogant, act uninterested in the woman to the point that she is even a pain in the ass, but they

are also heroic, have scrupels, are virtuous, couragous, etc. Everything a jerk isn't.

There's a reason why

Romance Novels account for over 30% of all book sales! Women are looking for guys like this in her life. Obviously

you don't have to be a pirate, you just have to have some of the same character traits as the men in the books.

[CptKipling]

Yep, deja vous!

Being full

of yourself, being cocky, teasing, being a badboy/jerk, acting like you are the prize, social proof, etc. etc. yada

yada are all different methods that create attraction.

But there are other ways too, and they work on the same

underlying principles that unite the above. The problem is that nobody really talks about them because they are much

more subtle, or people don't understand what they mean. Here are some examples: Be a MAN, have a purpose, be

attracted to more than just looks (i.e. not swooning over attractive women), be nonreactive to other peoples drama,

be non-needy, be interesting and fun, have passions and interests, be in control of your reality and your "frame".



The reason why Bel and Gegogi CAN talk about doing "nice" things with women is because they have the qualities

from the second group, and they do the right things without even thinking.

For example, a badboy/jerk type guy

is someone who is unresponsive to other peoples drama, is in control of his reality and frame, and can be

interesting and fun. BUT, he is also a BOY, and more mature women are not attracted to this quality at all (a man

doesn't need to be abusive).

Teasing is a fast way to convey that you are in control of your frame/reality,

you are non-needy and that you are fun.

What can happen if you are a guy who uses or has seen/heard about other

guys using things from the first group with success, then in your mind you become absolutely certain that those work

to "get" women. However, this is similar to some guys who consistently have nice conversations/interactions just by

saying "Hi" and talking about mundane things. These guys think that this is a great "pick up" technique and that

this is all you need to do to get laid. It may work 1 out of 100 times, but that can be put down to being

circumstantial.

Doing all of these attraction techniques from the first group will only "get" you the girl in

certain cases, and only with certain types of girl, even if they did feel attraction. Why? Because only with certain

women at certain times will a feeling of attraction alone justify them a) having sex with you or b) investing in you

in any other way. You may notice that she is feeling attracted to you, but only rarely will acting like a badboy get

a really quality mature girl/woman (these things are more likely to end up in a one night stand if the

circumstantial conditions are fulfilled, so if you aren't interested in getting a quality woman or having anything

long term then go for it).

For all other cases you will have had to cultivate a connection, also known as

rapport, which basically involves you both feeling comfortable around each other (this is part what Bel and Gegogi

are talking about). Most of you guys don't realise that most of the time a connection is necessary for her to have

sex with you or otherwise invest in you. Having said that, creating a connection without any attraction will create

a friend.

So basically, everybody is right in varying degrees and has something to offer.


p.s I'm not

saying that everything from the first group is bad or immature, I'm just using examples of more commonly stated

"pick-up" methods

[luxveritas]

right on

CtpKipling!!!
People over simplify. Nice guys dont always finish last. Only the weak finish last.

[phersurf]

The "cocky/funny, teasing,

social proof, acting like you're the prize" group and the "be a man, have a purpose, be unreactive to other peoples

drama, etc" group are really not that far appart.

I first started using the behaviors in the first group as

an outward attempt to be more successful with women. It worked, and I attracted much more than bimbos!

But

the good seduction coaches all tell you to become a man from the second group and you will no longer need to use the

techniques from the first. Just being a man from the second groups will automatically make you attractive to

women.

But, I speak from very recent experience! Fake it till you make it works!

[CptKipling]

The "cocky/funny,

teasing, social proof, acting like you're the prize" group and the "be a man, have a purpose, be unreactive to

other peoples drama, etc" group are really not that far appart.

I know, and like I said in the p.s, the

first group isn't all bad. It's just that generally the guys that swear by the first group are the ill informed

ones that don't get the whole picture.

[DrSmellThis]

I'll keep it to a simple

point this time.

There is an incredibly hot young woman at the bar I hang out at (they let me practice my

guitar in their heated courtyard) who I was convinced wasn't interested in me, since she never gave me any

attention whatsoever. That isn't always indicative of anything.

The main problem most guys have is being

paralyzed by hotness; to where you want something from them and they therefore rule you. The second they look

you in the eye you're through for the evening. They know so very well, from having seen it hundreds of

thousands of times.

You can't ever let this happen, (easier said than done, but worth it to keep it

mind) but have to stay confident and remind yourself you don't want them at all unless they have the qualities

you like. They have to earn you wanting them many times over. Maybe they'll earn you wanting them for a

night, maybe not. They have to be much more for you to want anything more. Be realistic, and have some

self respect!

Don't sit there and think, "I can't help it, because I do want them". You just have to try your

best, and struggle to gain control of your thoughts. Keep trying. That is good enough for most hot women. If you

just try, you'll show inner strength, which is hot on a guy.

Last night, when near the hottie, I was thinking

of stuff I was interested in, and not letting myself have any thoughts that are unhealthy for attraction. I was in

control of my own thoughts.

I stood next to a group of people including her and was listening to her talk.

Whenever I looked at her, which I did just like you'd look in passing at anyone conversing, I made damn sure I

had control over my thoughts, as I said, and felt strong. She immediately started smiling at me sticking her

tongue out, and licking her lips while contining her conversation (this is open body language, for anyone who has

recently had a frontal lobotomy) . I stayed unaffected and confident (again this wasn't an act, but was based in

what I let myself think. Believe me, you telegraph it. You just think the thoughts you know you need to think, and

trust it comes across properly.)

I took my drink and went into the court yard. Later We all left the bar at

the same time and I heard her say something flirtatious, like "can I go with you?" jokingly, but I'm not sure. I

didn't look at her but kept walking. I was just setting up a dynamic that will be there the next time, should I

choose to use it. I probably wouldn't want her for a relationship, though, because she hangs out at a bar (the

same one as me, but I'm talking odds, not judgements of her.)

So the change happened instantly. The

moment I was good on the inside, the outside world responded in a different way.

I should add that

recent work out habits made it easier for me to be confident, and I was wearing some good mones.

[Holmes]

Believe me, you

telegraph it. You just think the thoughts you know you need to think, and trust it comes across

properly.

And the more those thoughts become part of the fabric of your subconscious, the

better.

At first, though, it really is all about self-control - from the inside out.

Excellent post,

Doc.

[surfs_up]

not letting myself have any thoughts that are unhealthy for attraction. I was in control of

my own thoughts.

It was a dark and stormy night at a hot bar in lower manhattan, I'm sitting on a

barstool sipping my Absolut when a tempting young thing of questionable morals indicates she wants to squeeze in

close to the bar so she straddles my thigh and rides up my leg in her skintight jeans until she's almost sitting in

my lap while humping my leg. Subtle.

She's not my type for a goodly number of reasons, one being that she

hooks up with a bud of mine with a legendary case of herpes, so no thankye ma'm, this li'l pink pekker stays safe

and sound behind his protective zipper...

And she wants me to notice her.... such an attention Ho, humpa

humpa humpa, and I am sipping my vodka thinking how much nicer to have this excellent Absolut buzz going and a good

story and no herps growing on me, so I let her pulsate away for a while as I ignore her and she gloms on to some

other guy who has a good doctor I hope...

[CptKipling]

The secret to a successful

approach is to be competent and confident enough to portray (at least some of) those attractive qualities fast, as

early as the first 10 seconds if not earlier. This will then give you a little more time where she is open to you

for you to display more attractive traits, etc.

Guys who are good at approaching women and creating attraction

are good at conveying those attactive qualities fast, and that is universal.

[happyman]

Dr. Smell This wrote:

"I

was thinking of stuff I was interested in, and not letting myself have any thoughts that are unhealthy for

attraction. I was in control of my own

thoughts."

__________________________________________________ ____________

Ok, interesting response

doc. But....what thought s are unhealthy for attraction??? I am not getting that. Are you suggesting to keep:dating,

sex, relationships totally out of your mind when goin about to talk with a chic a public place in order to relax a

little more and let it evolve?

Because as I have also seen it....

I thought you SHOULD be somehwat

clear that you have sexual desires and objectives, as well as other objectives for the most part without staring at

her tits the whole time you are talking to her???I have heard you SHOULD let her know you are a dude with those

intentione just like the next guy....without being over-bearing with it. Otherwise she may see you as the "just a

cool friend" type thing.

What are you speaking of here?

Happy

[Gegogi]

I thought you SHOULD be

somehwat clear that you have sexual desires and objectives, as well as other objectives for the most part without

staring at her tits the whole time you are talking to her???I have heard you SHOULD let her know you are a dude with

those intentione just like the next guy....without being over-bearing with it. Otherwise she may see you as the

"just a cool friend" type thing.

Most of my partners began as "cool friends" and things evolved to

friends with benefits, lovers or GFs depending on the woman and situation. I wouldn't want to hang out with a woman

if she wasn't at least a friend. Otherwise there's not much to talk about or do after sex. Being friends is

essential for me. I guess if I was a horny college student a fcuk buddy would be cool but I'm not that desperate

for cookie anymore.

[happyman]

Most of my

partners began as "cool friends" and things evolved to friends with benefits, lovers or GFs depending on the woman

and situation. I wouldn't want to hang out with a woman if she wasn't at least a friend. Otherwise there's not

much to talk about or do after sex. Being friends is essential for me. I guess if I was a horny college student a

fcuk buddy would be cool but I'm not that desperate for cookie

anymore.

__________________________________________________ _________

It is all good man. You just

happen to be blessed with being surrounded by mature women dude. ALL the things you have said are positive. In a

perfect world this would be fantastic. It is just the mentality of chics today, meaning 8 to 9 out of 10 good

looking girls are more for the bad-boy, cocky, full of themselves type from where I have been. Atleast the 30 and

under crowd.


Happy

[Gegogi]

Most of the women I date are

early to mid 20s. However since I work as fine arts faculty on a college campus, I tend to meet well educated women.

In fact, many of these women are rather cocky and full of themselves and look down on "chics." After all, unlike

increasing numbers of men that forgo college, these women are tomorrows leaders, artists and scientists. Last week I

went to lunch with a foxy 24 year old journalism grad student and she nearly kicked my ass for trying to open the

door for her. Man she is aggressive, cocky and nearly broke off my little willie. I love it.

[belgareth]

I think Gegogi has hit on the

difference or at least articulated it better than most of us. I've never had much use for bars or clubs but have

met almost all the women I've known through professional activities of one sort or another. They tend to be well

educated professionals with good backgrounds and high self esteem. Although I don't go quite as far as he does. If

a woman is going to give me a hard time about my manners, such as opening doors and the like, it isn't going to go

very far. I'm still going to be me and if she doesn't like my manners she isn't going to be seeing much of me.

[Johnny Mnemonic]

I always

frequent a coffee shop. Sometimes I will see a chic, alot of the times pretty good looking just there by herself.

They usually are not there very long, say like 45 minutes it seems.
I think, hmmm. Wow. Good looking, nobody

around, are they here to be hit on or to meet a guy? It is hard to tell. Some sit out of the way in a corner in

which it is kinda harder to say hi to or go over to. I saw one real nice looking women. About 26. She was all into

this book. She sat with her back to the crowd. Not looking any other way or turning her head ever. I thought I may

of seen a ring. I thought....ahhh figures. Then this dude comes in, introduces himself, like a friggin pro, plops a

seat right in her face. He was so confident it was almost over bearing to her. But in three minutes he asked her to

join him and his friends for a drink. She agreed (I got a closer look when she was leaving. It was just a gold charm

ring=no wedding ring). He went out to tell his friends that were out side on the patio. Came back in in 4 or 5

minutes and asked her if she was ready. She sighed and said as she was leaving "this is crazy". I was woed. She gave

no indication she wanted to be picked up. No suddle clues, she was so into her novel and sat with her back to the

entire shop. I thought....naw, she is NOT here to meet someone. When he took her out of there in three friggin

minutes I was like...hmmmm how do you know?

I seen another good looking women there the next night that totally

stayed to herself as well. In the corner. I thought. Hmmm maybe I should just go over to her like the dude did to

that chic the other night. She left while I was still lookin for a clue of her availability and if she was open to

conversation. Is there a 9 out of 10 chance that if they are there alone they are there to be picked up. Is there no

way of knowing?

I know the norm:you just gotta give it a shot and the "how will you know if you don't try".

But I just want to know what are the odds? Is there a connection with a women being by herself at a coffee shop to

looking to meet a dude or is it all in the situation? Is there any probability or do women just go to get away or to

relax.

What's the deal? Getting some insight (especially from a women) would be helpful. You see it is a small

coffee shop. If I do go over and it doesn't go good I suppose I'd either have to go back to my seat and pretend it

was nothing or something. Also some folks would see this who know me just by seeing me there. I'd look kinda silly

if I did this often. Even though the more times you try the better your odds. So I kinda am not sure on how to go

about it and I want to make it a good selection if I do choose to pull a move like the dude did the other night with

that chic. It would help if I knew how much women generally go out to be picked up and where. How do you know? Is

there any way to guage?Like the one chic...here was no body language signs or anything but the dude swooped her out

of there?

Any tips, input, or advice?

Happyman

I used to think exactly like you in my late

teens and early to mid 20's.

I'm now 28yrs old and feel much more confident with myself, looks and so on that

I do completely the opposite of what I used to do. For example himing and hawing whether I should speak to someone

or not.

The only time I'd feel uncomfortable approaching a strange woman is with a group of her female friends

and/or male/female friends.

But if it's a woman alone, and I think an opportunity has risen, I Carpe Diem.



If she tells me to f#ck off, I have a little smirk on my face and laugh about it. If she says no even politely, no

bother. Many other women around.

My best advice is to do completely the opposite of what you've been doing. Do

no think, just react on instinct. If your gut tells you to approach her, then listen. If you're wrong no big

deal.

I agree with the 1-2-3 get over there look theory. The first look is to get her attention or vice versa,

the 2nd look is to ensure you that she notices you, and the 3rd look, well if you don't get over there you must be

on crack b/c she's giving you spelled out signals.

Once you approach her, find something to comment on such as

her outfit or piece of jewelry, her book or work that she has with her. This will show her that you're interested

in what she's doing.

Then just remain calm b/c if she sees that you're nervous, many women can get turned off

by it.

Just ask her questions to keep the conversation going.

Only talk about yourself unless she asks. You

still want to remain aloof at this point as that is a turn on to many women. Don't spill your guts i.e.

If

you've managed to carry on the conversation for a good 20mins+, ask for her phone number &/or e-mail and then tell

her you have to get going and you'll be in touch with her.

If she is interested, this will tend to make her

want to see and speak to you more.

If she asks for your phone #, then give it to her. There's a good

probability she may call you in a few days. And if she calls wanting to get together with you that night or a

Thursday night, tell her you're busy but would like to see her this week.

This will show her you've got a life

and won't come running at the drop of a hat. If she accepts for a later date, than she's definitely into you.



The rest is up to you in how long you want to continue seeing her and so on.

I hope this advice helps you out

as it's certainly helped me out lately.

[DrSmellThis]

Dr. Smell This

wrote:

"I was thinking of stuff I was interested in, and not letting myself have any thoughts that are

unhealthy for attraction. I was in control of my own

thoughts."

__________________________________________________ ____________

Ok, interesting response doc.

But....what thought s are unhealthy for attraction??? I am not getting that. Are you suggesting to keep:dating, sex,

relationships totally out of your mind when goin about to talk with a chic a public place in order to relax a little

more and let it evolve?

Because as I have also seen it....

I thought you SHOULD be somehwat clear that you

have sexual desires and objectives, as well as other objectives for the most part without staring at her tits the

whole time you are talking to her???I have heard you SHOULD let her know you are a dude with those intentione just

like the next guy....without being over-bearing with it. Otherwise she may see you as the "just a cool friend" type

thing.

What are you speaking of here?

Happy

Good question. You're not think of dating and

relationships very much because you know nothing about her, and she doesn't know you. You're aware of sexuality

but it is well controlled, and underneath everything. Remember? You have too much respect for yourself to want

something romanatic from a random stranger with random qualities.

Obviously, you are two people of the opposite

sex meeting in a bar. She knows what's up, and you know what's up. You have chosen to talk to her, after all. You

do really think she's hot, which will come across whether you want it to or not; but you are in control of

yourself, and don't want her or need her.

The slight confident glint in you eye is enough. You are a sexual

being with strong sexual energy, not a eunuch or wimp; but it is well-controlled and just comes across as a slight

sparkle. You know who you are and what you're about. You have probably been thinking of your life, things you're

passionate about, what opportunities you have tomorrow, making youself strong in thought. Let her get turned on by

being in the presence of a real man. The reality of who you are is quite enough, and you don't need to act

anything.

You're getting out of your own way and allowing it to happen, not forcing it to happen. You're

setting it up so you can talk to her however you wish. You treat her like a person and talk to her about appropriate

things. You're ready to have a fun conversation, because that's reasonable to expect. Whatever chemistry is there,

you're ready to ride the wave of, which is another topic.

[surfs_up]

that the game isn't about picking up girls or getting laid. The game is a larger thing about consciousness

expansion. The ability to connect with others on a deep level, to communicate in rich, satisfying ways is a SIDE

EFFECT of personal growth.

Things that once seemed impossible (when you are young and before you know too

much) become so easy they aren't even necessary to think about, they just happen like breathing happens... if

you've been doing a ton of growth work, however you do it, the growth energy becomes relational energy, the

capacity to powerfully connect with people, sexually or otherwise, is the consequence of the growth work you are

doing.

I've probably spent $50,000 on study with the best teachers over the last 25 years and about now I

think I finally qualify to be a beginner, a raw white belt only barely strong enough to begin study... when that

humbling piece of awareness became clear it was obvious, painfully glaringly obvious, that this is a deep deep game

of knowledge, there are no ascended masters who know everything, only some strangely driven people out there with

small pieces of a large puzzle, a lot of phonies and hustlers with slick packaging, a small cadre of ethical

teachers who have walked hard paths and can show you a few things to ease your exploration...

If that's what

you're about, the ways you grow, the understandings you mature into, they resolve most of these problems because at

the bottom of it they are consciousness problems...

[happyman]

(after reading the

original thread)

Well the truth is only you is the one who has to do something.Noone will care for you and

feel good or bad but you.If you cant make the first move noone will feel bad or good else other than you.It's all a

mind trick,you have to solve your inner self thoughts and feel ok with yourself.

I was a great wussy some

years ago feeling afraid to approach women to talk to them having all the time in my head the thought "what if she

is with someone else?oh no she will turn me down".

After a lot of trial and error and some painstaking

situations i realized that for most normal women even if they have boyfriends they cant turn you down if you are

really a man in his true role.

I noticed from my long experiments while trying to approach women or groups of

women,that many times women who other people or friends of mine said that: "ok dude stay away from her she has a

boyfriend and she is not willing to be aproached" were actually fine human beings and open to be approached by

someone else!.You just have to act accordingly.

Most women in the situations that the thread maker states,are

natural signal receivers of man's status.They can easily understand if you are the man or not just by your body

language or your voice or in the way your plans (direct and indirect) are for them.Its not what you say or what you

plan to say,its how you say it.

What to do?My advice stop worrying and start enjoying flirt,there will always

be a boyfriend out there,all of them,but remember the better always should win.What do i mean?

The logic that

"all those who have boyfriends we should not approach them" is wrong.You dont care if she has boyfriend or not in

the initial stages of the conversation.Those are the social dynamics.If she has she has.You should not be thinking

it at all.They are women.We are men.We want to find our sex partner.Fine.So do the women.

The fact that there

is a man does not mean that they wear the engagement ring and the wedding ring (at least those who are not married

they are not wearing rings?right?)

After all i noticed that most women even if they have "boyfriends"

sometimes may feel "boyfriendly" status for another man if they date other persons and they are having fun with

them.Most men trigger the "boyfriend" status on relationships by calling women too often by being overall nice an

wussy or by caring for women.

So i think there can be no boyfriend status and relationship matters at least

until you have been going out for about 10-12 dates.(and of course that means that you are not seeing the woman

every day!).

So my advice,you have to feel the desire to turn down the fear inside you and learn to start

casually converstations with women.I would advice to be a little cocky (but always in a funny way with

humor!).

About the body language you mentioned.I used to overanalyze those things until i understood.You do

not have to care about the female's body language.I mean you should have your own correct body language and ways of

using and sending the correct messages,and just once in a while to check to see wether the female responds to this

well.

And do not take too seriously the answers you get,no need to be a jerk,but if a woman turns you down

while you try to be flirty and nice to her,just move on,we are all human beings and the one who hit you hard with

her words could have a rough day at job or had a fight with her family and she could be in bad mood,just move

one.

__________________________________________________ ____________

Excellent post. It

simplified everything, in an intelligent, yet basic way.

I am with you. All this chitter-chatter on how you

gotta be with inner peace, before you can talk to a women...or how you have to tap into that deep connection between

you and her....or how you want to really form a bond with her by engaging in a conversation that connects the two of

you...

I think all that is pretty much over analyzing things. As you said, she is a women, you are a

man....end of Story. Put on your best face and make a go of it. All this deep meaning stuff is really much. All we

are talking about is simply going to talk to a person. Be confident, smooth, and real, and give it your best shot. I

am looking to have fun, talk, go out, or what -ever with who-ever I approach ultimately. I do not need to have some

deep psychological connection and bond. I had that once. It was really good. It didn't work out in the long

run....but it often doesn't always start out that strong. I am out to have a good time, period. Not even so much in

the sense of sex, I mean over-all. If there is a deep connection great, if there isn't, well maybe one will begin,

if not, I'm still not thinking about all that. I am just out to have fun and see what happens, and most importantly

have a good time. I think maybe some of us, including myself over think things. I think this connection, same wave

length stuff is over doing it. Your a dude, and I don't care if she is the Queen of England, Mary Poppins, or a

Playboy Playmate...she is a chic, nuff said.

Make a go of it and see what happens.

Happyman

[Bruce]

Folks,

This is an amazing thread. All happened in a week's time over 6 years ago. Weird that I found it.

Guys, start from the beginning.

B