NEWS: New official language of the European Union

[seduceme]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language

of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the

British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in

plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly,

this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should

klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the

sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20%

shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more

komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always

ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is

disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with

"z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords containing "ou" and after

ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil

find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil

al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

[tim929]

LMAO...did you ever see the SNL

skit years ago with the new "metric alphabet?" It would combine letters into ten relatively equal groups to be used

together...

[Mtnjim]

"Zer vil be no mor trubl or

difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru."

There

are people in the US who already write this way!

[NaughtieGirl]

Seduceme, where did you

find that? This is totally excellent.

For giving me such a good laugh! (I'm a linguist btw so that made

it even funnier)

[NaughtieGirl]

"Zer vil be

no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali

kum tru."

There are people in the US who already write this way!

Excellent job assimilating the new rules!

[Rbt]

I hear there is also a plan to

reduce font size on computer-based documents to save storage space...