More body Language Signs That A Lady Is Interested?

[So Confused]

Great post catlord. As

weird as I think it is, I know first hand that what you're talking about with the ladies is true. I was always a

RIDICULOUSLY shy guy when it came to gals in general, if they showed any signs of interest in me romantically. And

God forbid I should LIKE one of them, 'cuz I'd literally run away from them lol. Yet as long as things were just

on a friendly basis... let's just say most of my closest friends were gals.

When I got into college I was not

only the big man on campus for the last three years I was there, but I was also in that acapella group I mentioned

earlier. I had gals all over me, ALL the time. And because I'm not typically attracted to overaggressive gals, I

couldn't care less about the overwhelming majority of them. Thus, I'd just be my wise arse self with them and

have a good old time.. and they just came after me moreso than before lol. It got so bad that I had people finding

out where I lived, showing up and trying to get autographs, pictures, give me phone numbers... then there were booty

calls and getting groped in the bars all the tim (have I mentioned yet that I miss college something fierce?! lol).



I've known how I NEED to do things since back then.... I just haven't ever been able to put this into

practice with the few gals I've actually cared for romantically. As recent as three weeks back I went out with some

pals and got called over to talk to these three gals who were asking about me. I talked to them and was just having

fun with them for 20 minutes... by the end of that time I'd had all 3 of them ready to go back to my buddy's house

with us lol. Of course then I continued to be myself and didn't do anything more than talk with them lol. But

just knowing that I can do very well for myself until I actually care... it drives me CRAZY!!!

The

statement about having lost if you go in thinking there's something to lose is absolutely priceless. I will try

and keep that in mind. I am on the site right now ordering a bottle of Chikara as we speak. So hopefully that'll

help me to loosen up around her a bit more. I think I honestly need it more for the effects it'll have on ME than

what it'll do to her lol.

I've also seen a few references to good books on body language that I've written

down somewhere, and will certainly take some time and pick that up too. I'm just going to change my mindset and

focus on things I can control, especially cutting up for a photo shoot I'm doing in early April, and let her come

to me, if it's going to happen at all. She already knows how I feel, so I'll let her decide what happens next.



Thanks a lot for the advice. If anyone has suggestions as to books on the whole body language topic, I'd love to

see them. I figure I'll wait 'til I get a list of 1/2 dozen or so, then just start in on my reading.

[catlord17]

Here's my advice:

Never,

ever wait to do what you can do RIGHT NOW.

I learned this one when I became a photographer. See a great shot?

Stop what you're doing and get it NOW. It might never be available again. Same is true for a lot of other things

in life.

Don't wait to educate yourself. Just go to the bookstore, find a book on it, and read. You don't

need to buy it. And you can even use it to strike up conversations. "Hey, according to this book, you want me!"

Said the right way, it's hilarious.

Another idea: Walk over to an attractive woman and say, "Excuse me, but I

need a woman's point of view on something, would you mind? I have a friend who always does this one particular

thing when we get together, and I was wondering what it means when she does it? Is she interested? Is she

nervous?" This has the added bonus that you're now talking to a woman, and can practice on her.

Spend time

watching others interact, too. Great stuff. And fun!

You know what to do. The success is already in you. What

you need to do is change some of your responses. You can do that by deciding what you need to change and then

writing down, in a short, positively phrased manner, what it is youneed to become. (Example: I am cool and

confident with women I find attractive.) Then, make a recording of yourself saying it in a confident, assured way.

Spend some time listening to it every day, and repeat after it, as so:

Tape: "I am cool and confident with women

I find attractive."
You: (Out loud) "Yes, I am cool and confident with women I find attractive."

Also play it at

low volume in the background while you do other things, especially as you sleep. Eventually, this becomes your new

belief and it manifests as your new reality. Try it; it works. If you need help with the phrasing, just ask. Make

sure there are no negatives in any statement, though!

Finally, remember that no matter what assails you, where

there is a will, there is a way. Sometimes you have to reconsider your beliefs to find the way. Sometimes

you'll need to increase your knowledge. But there's always some way. Always. Don't let yourself be limited by

thinking inside the box... and don't let self limiting beliefs stop you either. Or other people's negativity.

Positive thinking. Just decide you will achieve your goal, and act. As Picard would say, "Make it so,

Number One."

My favorite thing to remind myself is that as long as I do what it takes to succeed, success is

inevitable. More often than not, the only thing it takes is perseverance.

And for goodness sakes... have

fun. That's what it's all about.

[CptKipling]

So Confused,

Your problem

isn't not knowing what to do to attract someone, or that you don't notice when they are interested. Your problem

is that you think very destructively when you like her. When you aren't interested you seem to attract perfectly

fine, but as soon as you are interested she has a completely different meaning to you - she makes you turn on your

(sorry for the bluntness) currently crappy courtship circuitry.

First of all, its good to see that you've

noticed that you can be very attractive to women when you aren't interested. But instead of trying to sort out the

way you act when you care about her, you should learn to place less importance on her.

Imagine that there are

"attraction switches" to be flipped, and when enough are in the "on" position it will be inevitable that you will

get together. From what you have written it seems that you have flipped her physical attraction switch, but she has

a lot of other switches that you are just not going anywhere near ("confident enough to get what he wants",

"decisive", etc.). This is because she is sitting pretty on a pedestal in your mind.

She is just another girl,

the only difference is that she seems to have potential to be a good girlfriend. By putting her on that

pedestal you are rewarding her for just being in your life. It would be fine to do things like that if she had made

some kind of proportional commitment to you, or had expressed some proportional level of approval, or you are

pointing out something that you genuinely find to be cool about her.

If you still want this girl then start

treating her like a girl you are just having a great time with. It's ok to be interested in her and even show it,

but only for "real" things.

Also, you need to be a man. You need to be confident enough in yourself to go for

the things you are interested.

[So Confused]

Hey guys. Sorry it's taken

me so long to get back to you. Things have been really busy at work, with the fam, and going out. Both of those

posts are again loaded with tons of great advice. I love that part about needing to get myself to see this girl as

just another girl, but as one with POTENTIAL to be more. I've been putting the cart before the horse, so to speak.

And It was hilarious that you brought up the whole pedestal thing too, as I actually have termed this shortcoming

of mine as "The Pedestal Complex."

I think it's hilarious how much different I am in certain settings too. I

was in the bar with these three gals one night a few weeks back. I was still too shy to do the approach, even

though I have what I term "Tunnel Vision" for the gal I've been talking about all through these posts. But once my

buddy pulled off the approach, the GIRLS hounded HIM to get ME over there. After talking with them for around 20

minutes I had all three of them back at my buddy's place lol. So I guess even when it comes to the gals I'm not

interested in, I still struggle with the approach.

Anyways, a bit of an update... I just got my Chikara

(scented) in the mail the other day, along with the Beginner's Combo and free samples. I tried the Chikara solo

when I went out to the big city on Saturday with my friends, but couldn't really tell if it made a difference. The

two gals I noticed I got the most attention from were my buddy's gf and sister lol. The gf grabbed my butt and

must have told me that she loved me about 7 times, but she's done that before, so that's not any indication of

things. I've gone out with my buddy's sister a few times too, so we've gotten quite chatty on several occasions.

I would have to say that this time around she was leaning into me a bit more than she usually does, but nothing big

over previous times. Of course I also have to take into account that things take longer to work on those whom

you've known for awhile. Not that I want them to work with either of those gals!! lol

On Friday night when I

went out you'd have sworn I had on a ton of -none, as I hadn't made it 5 feet into the bar when I was grabbed and

hugged by a girl lol. I was getting all the gals hanging on me, all the guys shaking my hand and buying me

drinks... and I just had on my regular cologne (didn't get the -mones 'til Saturday morning). I can't wait to

try out the Chikara in that bar this weekend (assuming the usual crowd will be there again). If I could get my

crush to go out there with me in that setting she'd no doubt get jealous and start looking at me as more than the

really smart, big guy from the gym.

As far as things go with my girl... I should see her again either tomorrow

or Thursday, but am iffy as to what to apply around her, being we'll be in the gym setting again. I know that I

put off the whole alpha male thing just based on my size alone demanding respect, so if I were to add a touch of TE

with the Chikara, I'd be nervous that it'd intimidate her further. What do you guys think I should do? Remember,

with her I already have the whole friendship/comfort thing going... I WANT her to see me as more than a friend. So

does that mean I should add some -none?

Thanks again for everything.

[Watcher]

yes avoid the pedistool complex at

all costs it will destroy any chances u have in most cases.

[Friendly1]

Anyways, a

bit of an update... I just got my Chikara (scented) in the mail the other day, along with the Beginner's Combo and

free samples. I tried the Chikara solo when I went out to the big city on Saturday with my friends, but couldn't

really tell if it made a difference. The two gals I noticed I got the most attention from were my buddy's gf and

sister lol. ...

It seems like no matter how often we say it, guys still don't get the message.



You will not notice immediate effects on people who already know you.

The pheromones have the most

immediate impact on people who have never met you before.

People who already know you will gradually adjust to

your new pheromone signature and begin to show some changes in behavior (it varies from wearer to wearer, and from

individual to individual).

[Gegogi]

Friendly spake the truth.

[So Confused]

Of course

I also have to take into account that things take longer to work on those whom you've known for awhile. Not that I

want them to work with either of those gals!! lol

But I DID get it haha I seriously am

trying my darndest to internalize everything that you guys are telling me, as I'm sick of missing out on the very

few gals who I see as worth the time and effort just 'cuz I then get shy.

Anyways, I tried 2 sprays of Chikara

today (spread between the neck and wrists) along with 2 dabs of TE applied to the same areas. I need help in

figuring out how best to time my applications, however. I recall reading somewhere that either the -none or the

-nol requires a few hours from application 'til it begins to work most effectively. That said, how would you all

suggest I go about timing things in relation to my girl's arrival at the gym? Should I take them at the same time,

both @ 2 hours early? Or both within 1/2 an hour of her ETA? Should they be taken at different times? I'll have

been working out before this point, so I'll use AXE bodyspray in order to help cover the smell of both any

bacterial breakdown and the TE. Thanks again for your insights guys.

[koolking1]

big clue to how you are

thinking:

"As far as things go with my girl... "

As far as I can tell, she isn't "your girl". If

you want her to be your girl you'll have to find another girl, preferably somewhat more attractive physically than

the one you really want and you have to make sure "your girl" sees this.

Personally, I would ignore "your

girl". She may come back, she may not. At least it ups your odds. My experience is that they usually come back

but it doesn't last. Good Luck.

[abcd2]

i agree with catlord. Just a

couple of months back i was taking the iniative and just trying to talk and get to know as much females as i could,

and i can honestly say that it was the best tiem of my life. Then i hit a slump where many factors in my life just

completely threw my previous lifestyle out the window.... ever since then ive been trying to go back to the way it

was.........

[CptKipling]

So I guess

even when it comes to the gals I'm not interested in, I still struggle with the approach.

But, you still cared about what they thought of you. The key is to be completely detached from the

outcome if the situation, and almost completely not care what anyone thinks of you. That is what makes bad boys

attractive to some women - those are very attractive traits to a woman, it's just that some women still find them

attractive if the guy is a dick.

If you make a real commitment to fix these issues you will be successful.

[So Confused]

Hey everyone. Just thought

I'd give a little update, as a lot's happened since I last wrote in. The girl I've been into has been coming in

at all sorts of random times as of late, so I never know when to try and time out putting the mones on (I still

don't know if I should put them on and leave a certain amount of time or what not). So I've basically been going

regular mode, all but once, when I had had the 2 dabs of TE and 2 sprays of Chikara on for about 1/2 hour before she

got in. I noticed no difference from how she normally acts, which could again be due to her being familiar with my

scent and needing some time to come around to it. However, she's still acting as mixed with me as ever. When in

the gym, she tries to monopolize my time, and the only time her body language changes from being very open and at

times submissive acting around me is when I make any mention of other gals. Then she can't look at me and gets all

fidgety, for the most part.

A great example came the other day when I was bouncing around talking with she and

two other gals who like to flirt with me, over by the cardio machines. I had to run to the bathroom quick in

between it all, and when I'd come back out she had gotten off of the bike she was on (she's usually on for a good

45 minutes and had gotten off within 10 today) and moved into the free weight area, which was closer to the hallway

that leadsto the bathroom. She then intercetped me as I was on my way back towards the two other gals, talking in a

cute little "help me" voice. We then basically flirted for the better part of the next 45 minutes, with me helping

her for about 7-10 minutes worth of it. As usual, we had a ball. I had her laughing and the body language seemed to

be favorable; plus we even found out a few MORE things we have in common.

Then, also as usual, things seemed

altogether different when the notion of any relationship outside of the gym came up. I wrote her a witty message

that at one point brought up the notion of watching one of our mutually favorite movies. I was very upfront in

stating that we could watch it in a large crowd, in neutral territory, and that I know I'm somehow in her friend

zone right now, so I wouldn't take it as her leading me on to accept. At the end of the message I gave her my IM

name and told her to write me the next time she got a bit of insomnia. While she never responded to my message and

the invite, she DID IM me later that evening, and we talked for 2 1/2 HOURS on there. It was a VERY personal

conversation, in which we both revealed a good amount about ourselves (me moreso than her). It was a PHENOMENAL

talk though, and I am more hooked on her now than ever.

We also worked together today for 1 1/2 hours, flirting

again quite a bit, with a LOT of hands on and up close contact... I wish I'd had some TE on lol. BUT I guess she

told my buddy who owns the gym shortly before I started talking with her that she sees me as a "safe guy" or

something like that. So I remain confused. Plus now she seems set on moving to Seattle within the next few months.

She's talked about moving before and hasn't, but we'll see what happens.

CptKipling-
The funny thing

that's happened over the past two weeks is that I'm seeing EXACTLY what you mean about not caring and it drawing

them in. I've had quite a bit of drama with 6 different girls over the past 2 weekends, and am supposed to go on a

date with one, to another's party, and to hang out with a third this Saturday... each of them pursued me lol... and

I wasn't wearing any 'mones. I also had a few middle aged women trying to lift up my coat the other night at the

bar to check out my arse, and at a doctor's appointment last Thursday I had only a muscle shirt on while I got my

BP checked and had to wait on the doctor coming in. The nurse who'd been waiting on me came back and opened the

door up a few minutes after leaving, and 5 or 6 of her fellow nurses were all huddled in the doorway trying to check

me out lol. Over the next 40 minutes (the doctor was WAY behind schedule) I must have had between 9 and 12

different nurses popping in and out, using the excuse that they didn't realize the room was occupied lol. Good

times.. again, no 'mones. I just hate that I get all of this positive attention from everyone but the one person I

want it from.

[Friendly1]

You talk about other girls and

you write a witty message.

*sigh*

[So Confused]

You talk

about other girls and you write a witty message.

*sigh*

Haha... enough said. I realize this was

dumb. I'm really gonna take the route that in my eyes I'm done with her. After yesterdays interaction, I asked

her to come down in between 12 and 5pm sometime and save me from boredom, as the owner of the gym is out of town and

I was there alone. She showed up right at the exact time that I normally leave.... pissed me right off. It was

ironic, 'cuz a few of my buddies who always see us interact were just earlier today talking about how ridiculously

flirty the two of us were yesterday... how she was so opened up to me that she was sticking her chest right out at

me and everything. So whether she's playing games or not, I just don't give a crap anymore. I can't deal with

her anymore.

So screw her. I am going out with one of the gals from last weekend tonight, who isn't playing

games, just expressing LOTS of interest. But we're supposed to meet that gal who I am supposed to go on a date

with out later.. might get a bit hairy lol. I plan on putting on some Chikara and some TE, and in the mood I'm in

right now, I'll certainly be acting like the alpha male wherever the heck I wind up lol.

[CptKipling]

So Confused,

I share

Friendly's disdain. It would be so easy to get this girl if you stopped being afraid of losing her and actively

lead her into a relationship. You have to be the "aggressor", stop being timid.

I was very upfront in

stating that we could watch it in a large crowd, in neutral territory, and that I know I'm somehow in her friend

zone right now, so I wouldn't take it as her leading me on to accept.

That was timid.

Just do it,

step out of your comfort zone and take a risk; it might just be worth it.

[CptKipling]

My point is why not actually

try to get her. If it messes up then fine move on.

[So Confused]

screw her is

probably the right thing to do, you've got your options so just fool around with whomever you want, right?

Haha... the sad truth is that I've always been a guy who wants relationships. I've never

seen any purpose to just doing the whole random hookup thing. I met up with the gal I'm supposed to go on a date

with last night at the bar, but ditched her and the other gals and went home early (2am, but that's early for me),

as I have absolutely no interest in her or any of the others that were there lol. I'm supposed to meet up with

another gal tonight when she gets out of work... in a more intimate setting. But I now am searching for a way out

of that too lol. I am HOOKED on the gal from the gym!!!

Cpt Kipling, I feel like I already HAVE tried to get

her. I put in the effort in the gym (when she doesn't approach me in the first place), and we have a ball there

all the time. It's just that I can't seem to get her to hang out outside of that darn place. It's not due to a

lack of effort, in my opinion. I've been beating the hell out of myself to figure out why it's not going anywhere

though, seeing as how we're so very compatible. Has anyone here ever read up on "Ladder Theory?" This is actually

something that the gal I'm hooked on brought up to me. It talks about how with gals they base a lot on money/power

(like 50%), then 40% on attraction and 10% on the things gals claim to be important but they really don't care

about (humor, kindness....) . Well, I figure I've got the physical attraction and personality stuff (which isn't

that big of a deal according to the theory) covered... but I'm not exactly loaded by any stretch of the imagination

at this point. I have the unique traits of being a bodybuilder and a singer, and novelty is supposedly something

that enhances your value to a woman. But between the fact that I fell into her friends ladder and that I'm not

rich, she is just unattainable for me right now? Dang gals are so complicated.

[Friendly1]

Confidence is all you need.

[Friendly1]

its one thing to

say it, building it is a completely different beast altogether

No one is born confident, at least not

in my experience.

You're confident you can put your pants on correctly, right? How did you build that

confidence, if not by dressing yourself?

You're confident you can use a telephone. How did you build that

confidence, if not by using a telephone?

You're confident you can drive a car. How did you build that

confidence, if not by driving?


When my grandfather picked me up and threw me out into the deep end of the

swimming pool, he knew I had the skills to swim. I just didn't have any confidence. When I stopped panicking and

calmed down, I realized two things: first, he was right there beside me, making sure I wouldn't drown; and then

that I was swimming.


When you are in the deep end of the pool, you only have two choices: sink or swim. If

you're lucky, someone will be there to help you get out if you sink. But you have to do the swimming on your own.

You become a better swimmer by swimming.

You become a better man-for-that-girl by being a man for that girl.



She may throw you a lifeline if you get in too deep. But she won't do the job for you.

Just do it.



Believe you can do it.

The more you do it, the more you believe you can do it.

That's how you build

confidence.

[So Confused]

Have you guys ever seen the

movie "Say Anything," starring John Cusack and Ione Skye, from the late '80s? There's an absolutely classic line

in there..."She's gone. She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen...." Sadly, this describes the

conversation I had with that girl last night on IM. I completely opened up to her... we'd been in a discussion on

Ladder Theory, and the next thing I knew I was being asked if I thought of her as being superficial. So I just came

out with it.... told her how crazy she's made me; how I think about her all the time... EVERYTHING. I KNOW I

shouldn't do that, according to the "rules of the game," but I don't like to play games. I am open and honest, to

the point where it could cost me... and I think it definitely just sealed my fate with her. So here I was, putting

my heart out on a plate for her; and she just changed the subject... so you could say "I gave her my heart, and she

gave me a change of topic." lol. Gotta love it.

i guess a reason ppl go out on dates is

like an interview, getting to know someone for the first time, right? thats why its never a good idea to lay all

your cards on the table, it leaves nothing to be desired, cuz they know you from the inside out. drop a hint or two

about something that intrigues the girl, but don't lay it all out, so it lets her see a side of you that can't be

shown in the gym setting.

Yeah, I've made mention of my past, where I was into the whole acapella

singing scene and all. When I started talking about one song in particular, in which I do a few muppet voices, she

started to show some real interest in it, saying she may need to hear it. And she also knows that I can be the life

of the party and all, as every time I interact with her or anyone else, everyone winds up turning to see what all

the laughter is over... it's almost always due to me telling stories and having everyone around me cracking up.

But she for some reason or other just isn't interested. I just have to accept that I can't change it and move on,

I guess. I have other opportunities, one of which seems like she could have some real potential, but nothing like

this gal I've been chasing after.

Friendly1,
That's gotta be some of the most sage advice I've ever

received. I just want to thank you and let you know how much I truly appreciate your insights. I actually AM very

confident that I'm right on the ball when I say that we'd make an amazing couple, and have let her know tons of

reasons why.... but I'm still lacking any sort of real confidence when it comes to saying that kind of stuff to her

face to face. I AM confident enough to be funny as heck around her though, and have been doing so for the past

several weeks. Plus I am now getting cocky to the point where I can see how she reacts to being close to me when

I'm showing off my physique with a tight shirt... and I'm able to use it to my advantage... to make her get

fidgety and all.

But like I said, for some reason or other she's just not going to come around. Maybe just

'cuz my initial impression was one of being too friendly. Or maybe it's got more to do with the fact that all of

her closest female friends, who've all moved far away themselves, are dead set on pushing her to move to Seattle,

basically clear across the country from our current location. And of course there's also the fact that her

parents, her mom in particular, are big fans of mine and the idea. This could easily work AGAINST me lol. Who

knows.. but I'm sick of missing out on sleep and feeling miserable 'cuz of this gal, no matter how amazing I think

she is. I'm going to try and distance myself from her. It will at least help me to start getting over her. And

if not, maybe it'll have that opposite effect that the "rules of the game" talk about.... I've made a very

positive impression in that she too admits that we're ridiculously compatible, knows she has fun with me and all.

Now maybe my NOT being very available to her will get her realizing that she WANTS me in her life. Either way, this

will be a better move for ME, so as hard as it is, I'm going to let go for now.

Thanks again for all of your

advice everyone. I truly appreciate it.

[CptKipling]

So Confused,

It's not

about playing games, it's about knowing the rules of courtship and working the system. You couldn't jump in

a car and ignore the guidelines, stay in first gear and just rev the crap out of it; you just wouldn't get very

far. Similarly you can't expect to create a healthy relationship with a girl by doing the things you were doing.

You should always be genuine but still be aware that all things have to be done a certain way. If you keep doing

what you're doing you'll keep getting what your getting.

That ladders thing is BS btw. All you need to ever

worry about is having the attributes that are attractive to women (none of them is money, but money can signify

some). I believe that you, like most men, already posses them but you aren't comfortable enough around the things

you want to display them. Confidence is the absence of discomfort, and like Friendly said you just have to start of

the self perpetuating cycle of having the courage to do something, getting confidence out of doing it and then doing

it again. You have to step out of your comfort zone and learn to get comfortable with your discomfort too.

Stop

resting on your excuses and just do it.

I hope you get what you want.

[gaf]

im too afraid to wear

pants, zippers scare me

lol, seen "meet the parents" have we?

[Friendly1]

...Sadly,

this describes the conversation I had with that girl last night on IM.

Imagine the future of the human

race depends on your sexual success. The clock is ticking, as you only have so much time to find a mate.

And

imagine that you only have 3 years left to live.

Now, do you really want to spend those 3 years IMing and

writing love notes to girls who won't go out with you?

Friendly1,
That's gotta be some of the most

sage advice I've ever received. I just want to thank you and let you know how much I truly appreciate your

insights. I actually AM very confident that I'm right on the ball when I say that we'd make an amazing couple, and

have let her know tons of reasons why.... but I'm still lacking any sort of real confidence when it comes to saying

that kind of stuff to her face to face. I AM confident enough to be funny as heck around her though, and have been

doing so for the past several weeks. Plus I am now getting cocky to the point where I can see how she reacts to

being close to me when I'm showing off my physique with a tight shirt... and I'm able to use it to my advantage...

to make her get fidgety and all.

Your problem is that you're rushing. You're in no position to be

writing intimate messages to her.

My girlfriend threw me a lifeline a couple of months ago when she told me I

was taking things too fast for her. In her mind, we still have plenty of time.

Backing off and slowing down to

her chosen pace without caving in and becoming a total wuss is the hardest thing to do. At some point, the girl

tries to take control and that is when you have to unbalance her in some way.

There is no formula for success,

other than don't fail the tests.

This girl in the gym threw you a lifeline, twice by the sounds of it, and you

groped your way into drowning anyway.

But like I said, for some reason or other she's just not going to

come around.

She's not coming around because you're not giving her a reason to come around. You make

yourself too available. You get a hit that lands between two outfielders and then stop to gawk. You should be

running for first base.

Dude, spend time with other girls no matter how much it bugs you. Get off the

computer.

Don't get all cozy with her unless she's ready to cuddle in front of the fire.

You're not her

girlfriend. Stop trying to be. You don't see it that way, but she does.

[DCW]

Dating & Relating

Body

language: 4 signs to decode it
By David Givens, Ph.D.

Your date's gestures can send you silent signals of

desire—or communicate a complete lact of interest. Do you know how to read the message in these moves? Can you tell

when someone is interested in you? Are you sure? Since no one likes to be rejected, it's a good idea to understand

the subtle signs of attraction (or lack thereof) before you launch yourself into the line of fire. As an

anthropologist who studies mating and dating rituals, I'll help you decode the top four body-language cues. Use

this information to either proceed with your flirtation—or flee with ego intact.

Before we get into the

specifics, know this: For all of our technological advances and psychological insights, when it comes to the silent

signs of sexual attraction, we are no different than beasts. For the past 500 million years, every member of the

animal kingdom has utilized certain signals to communicate their interest in mating. These boil down to the message:

"I am harmless; I won't bite." (Charles Darwin called these signs "submissive displays," because they make the

subject seem more approachable.) Seeing any one of them may signify physical attraction. Seeing all four at once is

compelling evidence that you are liked—and very possibly lusted after.

Signal 1: Lifted Shoulders
One of

the most easily detected signs of attraction is lifted shoulders. This motion indicates that a person has activated

what biologists call the "cute response," a bashful, almost childlike behavior that reveals a softer, more compliant

side. This is an emotional, involuntary muscular response to someone you like, and it has a universally disarming

effect. (It is also a natural response when you're oohing and ahhing over a puppy or cuddling with a baby.) In a

dating scenario, this unconscious movement tells you that the person you're interested in wants to get a little

closer—and that you shouldn't be shy.

Sign 2: Pigeon Toes
Pigeon toes may not sound like the sexiest of

gestures, but an inward rotation of the feet suggests definite interest. Anatomically referred to as "tibial

torsion," this toes-turned-in posture occurs when someone feels both smitten and somewhat intimidated by you. By

"shrinking" the body, the subject is creating a less threatening profile. Put simply, pigeon toes do for the body

what the smile does for the face. Both actions say: "If you approach, I won't snub you." Worth noting: In direct

contrast to pigeon toes is the more aggressive military posture. This toes-out, hands-behind-the-back posture is

reminiscent of soldiers at ease, and its aloofness should tell you that it's probably best to keep your distance.



Sign 3: The Palm Reveal
As you talk to your potential love interest, watch his or her hands.

Specifically, take note of whether the palms are facing upward, while gesturing or resting on a table. The brain is

programmed to perceive vulnerability and openness in this motion. In courtship, these gestures are psychologically

friendlier than palm-down cues. (Indeed, think about the downward hand motions that President Bush uses when talking

to the country about Iraq or that a grade-school teacher uses when trying to calm rowdy students. Not a maneuver

that communicates warmth and connection.)

Sign 4: The Forehead Bow
Your date has more than friendship in

mind if he or she uses the forehead bow. Here's the tell-tale gesture: The person tips the head slightly forward

and looks up at you from under the eyebrows. (Think of Lauren Bacall looking at Humphrey Bogart with her famous

come-hither look.) A fragment of the full-body bow, which is used in cultures around the world to show respect and

deference, this head motion and those bedroom eyes can indicate that you may not be very far away from an actual

bedroom. In direct contrast to this move is a posture of domination: A subtle tilting back of the head and casting

of a downward gaze. That look should tell you where you stand—and that, in fact, you should go stand elsewhere

because this individual is not a good prospect for love.

[MOBLEYC57]

Signal 1:

Lifted Shoulders
One of the most easily detected signs of attraction is lifted shoulders. This motion indicates

that a person has activated what biologists call the "cute response," a bashful, almost childlike behavior that

reveals a softer, more compliant side. This is an emotional, involuntary muscular response to someone you like, and

it has a universally disarming effect. (It is also a natural response when you're oohing and ahhing over a puppy or

cuddling with a baby.) In a dating scenario, this unconscious movement tells you that the person you're interested

in wants to get a little closer—and that you shouldn't be shy.

Sign 2: Pigeon Toes
Pigeon toes may not

sound like the sexiest of gestures, but an inward rotation of the feet suggests definite interest. Anatomically

referred to as "tibial torsion," this toes-turned-in posture occurs when someone feels both smitten and somewhat

intimidated by you. By "shrinking" the body, the subject is creating a less threatening profile. Put simply, pigeon

toes do for the body what the smile does for the face. Both actions say: "If you approach, I won't snub you." Worth

noting: In direct contrast to pigeon toes is the more aggressive military posture. This toes-out,

hands-behind-the-back posture is reminiscent of soldiers at ease, and its aloofness should tell you that it's

probably best to keep your distance.

Thanks, DCW!

Has anyone ever seen/noticed either of

those two? The lifted shoulders sounds kind of strange to me.

Anyone? Anyone?

[girlnextdoor]

Very interesting DCW. I

love posts like these because they're so fascinating and teach a lot.

I find it surprising because as a woman

I've done those things a lot. It's scary how transparent we are, and it's not very comforting to know people can

read our feelings so exactly.

Mobley, I don't know if links are allowed, but the pigeon toe and shoulder lift

is quite subtle. Here are samples:

Shoulder lift:

http://www.apogee-studios.com/web

site/portrait_photos/images/Couple-004.jpg

Pigeon Toe:

http://www.istockp

hoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/620391/2/istockphoto_620391_shy_legs.jpg


I wouldn't necessarily

associate it with love, because women seem to do that when awkward and shy in other situations too. But as far as

things go it's definitely a sign of nervousness.

I'm wondering if these same signs would be associated with

men as well?

[CptKipling]

Links are allowed, just not to

other pheromone stores.

[MOBLEYC57]

Mobley, I

don't know if links are allowed, but the pigeon toe and shoulder lift is quite subtle. Here are samples:



Shoulder lift:

http://www.apogee-studios.com/web

site/portrait_photos/images/Couple-004.jpg

Pigeon Toe:

http://www.istockp

hoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/620391/2/istockphoto_620391_shy_legs.jpg


I wouldn't necessarily

associate it with love, because women seem to do that when awkward and shy in other situations

too. But as far as things go it's definitely a sign of nervousness.

I'm wondering if these

same signs would be associated with men as well?

Naughty ... always a pleasure! Oooops! You're

not her ... Thanks GND!

Men are much more easier to read IF they're interest ... just watch for the

drooling & eight-ball size eyes.

[MrPlayboy]

I have

noticed ladies yawning along with the other signs like leaning back in the chair,fidgeting etc when Im wearing

mones.It would go along with be relaxed right?

Also I have been hearing when a lady waves as she is saying hi

thats another sign have any of you heard or notice the same?

This word lady is most commonly

used by guys who have no game...all the players know what I'm talking about.

She has a vagina...that doesn't

mean she's automatically something to be reverred.

[belgareth]

The word LADY is also used by

adults who waht to show a little courtesy or respect.