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  1. #31
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    visit-red-300x50PNG
    Thanks CC! Happy New Year to you too!

    Well, she knows I\'m single because she already asked me that once. I mean, I asked her then she asked me back asking when i\'m gonna get married? I answered not anytime soon.

    Eventhough she didn\'t say directly that she has a boyfriend, i think that\'s what she meant when I asked her if she\'s coming with her boyfriend and he answered \"No\" and when I asked why, she answered \"He\'s with his sister...\". I think I screwed up because instead of asking about his boyfriend, I should have gone directly to the point. Then if she says she can\'t then at least I know I can move on.

    Now I\'m stuck in the Shoulda-Coulda Land. So guys, CC told me that I can still try again. Anybody knows how to fix this screw up that I made? Actually I wanna know if she\'s still at least intrested in me.

  2. #32
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    Redcapp,
    Sorry that I could not have recommended it 2 u sooner, but u should read up on the Players Guide found at Fast Seduction. There are a LOT of great tips--and I bet if u had that guide down like the back of your hand--that u would have known what to do in that situation--I guarantee that. But--the past is what it is---the past--dont dwell on it bro, at least u did it [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img] and I do not think that its over--just read the Players Guide in the link that I provided use the pheros and u should be well on your way--so keep an open mind and keep pluggin away--it only gets better. Peace. [img]images/icons/cool.gif[/img]

  3. #33
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    ChrisLax - Thanks for that link. I\'ve been going to that site sometimes but I never seen that article about \"Boyfriends\". It testifies what Proteus says about not asking her if she has a boyfriend or not. It says she may or may not have a boyfriend but who cares. Maybe she is ready to dump her for you. That\'s probably why she never mentioned about her boyfriend until I extracted it out from her.

    What bothered me is when Ross J. said that if you have extracted that information from her somehow, she might just write you off in her mind.

    I know you guys would say that I have to try again and that\'s what i would like to do. I want to know how I can proceed from this point. Do I just tell her that our little talks make me intrested to know her more and just pretend that I never knew she had a boyfriend?

    [ January 01, 2002: Message edited by: Redcapp ]

  4. #34
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    Redcapp- There\'s nothing you can do now but move on, she knows that you know she has a boyfriend. If you would have done what I told you you wouldn\'t be in this mess right now. I personally wouldn\'t pursue it but if you really like this girl and just want to be friends. I say get her number and take her out for launch or a cup of coffee, but don\'t expect anything and don\'t get too attached. There is a chance she might dump her boyfriend along the way but that\'s a very slim chance. Chuck this one up to experience and next time be more confident and don\'t think so much, just do it.

  5. #35
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    Redcapp, I\'ve found myself in your position many times but the thing I always try to remember is that I AM THE CATCH, NOT HER. The more you stress about her boyfriend, the more you are making her into the catch instead of yourself. Even if she has a boyfriend, girls will leave a boyfriend if they find someone they think is better. Just show her you are better. Be her friend and let her get to know you and see what she is missing. If she likes what she sees, she\'ll drop the other guy in no time. Remember, you are the catch, not her.

  6. #36
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    Jose - I know I screwed up big time. My whole plan really was to do what u exactly advised and I was ready but for some reason this big mouth acted like it has a mind of his own. Honestly, while I was saying that phrase asking about his boyfriend, I knew right then and there that it was a big mistake, especially when she looked down for 1 second before answering my question. She really looked sad, I don\'t know if it was because she lost interest in me or because she can\'t spend time with her boyfriend.

    But then I thought, instead of me thinking every night about what I should have done or what it could have been, i figured what the heck! Its already screwed up and my only loss now is if I still don\'t find out if she\'s still interested. I already lost and the only gain I can get is if at least I can free my mind out of this by either getting a straight no or a straight yes from her. I\'m still gonna tell her that I wanna know her more and if she turns me down, then i can start moving on and if she still accepts me, I will not expect too much and will not act desperate and I will treat her as if IM THE CATCH and not her.

    Whatever happens, this sure was a learning experience and im starting to know how to be a PLAYA like u guys! [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]
    (I just hope she comes with me to the Creed Concert.)

    [ January 01, 2002: Message edited by: Redcapp ]

  7. #37
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    Redcapp,
    Please, just RELAX. Clear your head of doubts, schemes, scenarios, expectations... This isn’t about diffusing a bomb or wrestling an alligator. This is about asking a girl out, and it sounds like she’s attracted to you.

    Don’t try to anticipate what she’ll say or what she thinks. Just be clear about yourself. You’re attracted to her and you’d like to spend some time getting to know her. This is not a crime. If she freaks out or humiliates you (which she probably won’t) that’s her problem. Just go for it.

  8. #38
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    hey, just one word of advice think positively so u will go in the situation with a smile and confidence. [img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

  9. #39
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    It helps to have women acting funny DIHL in the background. This helps to get your date friend etc to see you in a *better light*.

  10. #40
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    Do u think i can use this line when i meet her again. \"Is it too late for me to know you better?\"

  11. #41
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    Red...I agree with the rest of the people who posted. You\'re obsessing a little too much on this one girl, rehearsing the \"proper\" thing to say, etc. I think most guys, including me, will do that when we\'re really attracted to someone. It\'s ironic, but when we put a woman on a pedestal like that, she\'ll be less attracted to us...instead, she\'ll be attracted to some guy who sees her as nobody special, because he\'s able to be comfortable and relaxed around her.

    Just to give you an idea...I went for lunch the other day with a 20 y.o. female friend. She\'s a waitress and attractive...somehow, the conversation turned to dating, and she was talking about some of the male customers who ask her out. One regular had brought her flowers and candy as a xmas present. He\'s obviously head over heels for her and makes every effort to be seated in her section, etc. I\'m sure he spends hours thinking about strategy and the \"right thing\" to say, and then analyses the encounter afterward, wondering if she\'s sending positive signals. She thinks he\'s \"sweet\" but said she\'d never go out with him, he\'s not her type. But she\'s still friendly, because it\'s her job and she\'s not a mean person...

    The really ironic thing is that this attractive, sexy girl isn\'t MY type, so I\'m completely comfortable with her.

  12. #42
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    Fellow phero warriors, sorry if i still keep posting on this thread i know we\'re trying to keep the board free from non-phero related posts. But since this problem of mine started because of pheromones, i think you are the only people i can get help from. (Is that a valid excuse [img]images/icons/tongue.gif[/img] )

    I just don\'t wanna give up without getting a straight no or yes from her so what i did was this:
    I called their office this afternoon and spoke to her and told her that i need to go back there on monday for follow-up on their computer problem (of course i made it up). I wanted to see how she\'ll react if i speak to her again in a different manner after 4 days of not hearing from me. Whenever i call their office, I usually talk to her politely and with a happy tone of voice but this time, I toned my voice real down and spoke to her professionally. So this is how the conversation went:
    ****************************
    (She answered the phone)
    ME: Hello Mitch. This is Redcapp, how are you doing today?
    HER: (In her usual hypnotizing voice) Hi! Im doing fine, how about you?
    ME: I\'m doing good. I need to come back there on Monday to see if the terminals are stable, will your office be open til 5?
    HER: Oh yeah, we\'re gonna be here.
    ME: Oh ok, I\'ll be there after lunch. Thanks a lot.
    HER: (She paused then giggled like she wasn\'t expecting me to end the conversation that quick). Ahhh, are you alright?
    ME: (Trying to read the tone of her voice, it seemed like a sincerely worried question) Oh yeah! Why did you ask?
    HER: You sound mad.
    ME: Really? I\'m sorry I didn\'t mean to do that, I\'m just in a hurry so I can call and confirm all my appointments on Monday.
    HER: Oh i thought you\'re mad at something. I\'ll see you Monday then.
    ME: Bye.
    ********************************

    What do you think guys? Is she still interested? I hope you keep your patience with me. Don\'t worry, its about to end. Whether in favor of me or not, at least i still have pheromones to move on. [img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

  13. #43
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    Hey, I\'ve been where you are so I understand why you want to see if you can still get with her. My advice before reading this post would have been what others above have said, which is to just let it go and move on. However, since you already called her and will see her on Monday as I gather from your post, the best thing would be to just go in, be friendly and DON\'T ask her out or anything. The fact that for whatever reason she said you sounded mad says she did sense you were being cool (aka \" professional \" as you put it to her) towards her and if you still want to get with her, being cold to her won\'t do it. Just be your usual self as you always are with her, friendly but don\'t push anything for now. As for whether she\'s interested in you - who cares??? MAKE her interested in you by being friendly, listening to her, showing her that you have a lot of good qualities. Once y\'all are back to interacting the way you used to, then maybe ask her out to lunch, but don\'t do it now or you\'ll definitely blow it. One other thing - the fact that you did call her and she said what she said tells me she\'s definitely clued into the fact that you are interested in her - she figured you were acting cool because she told you she has a bf so again to repeat, if you want to get with her don\'t act too standoffish, but don\'t pursue anything for now either. If Monday\'s goes okay, then wait a week or so then ask her out to lunch during one of your during one of your lunch hours, and then take it from there. But don\'t ask her out on a \"date\" and don\'t ask her about her bf anymore. This is just my two cents and while I think there a is still a slight chance that things might work out, if you can, your best bet would be to just completely leave things be for now - if you can\'t then try what I suggested above or try what someone else might suggest. Good luck!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

  14. #44
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    Uh, dude. Either move on and call it a day or just ask her out point blank. If you know she has a man then don\'t bother. If you\'re not sure then ask. It goes a little something like this...

    \"Hi, I just wanted to clarify, something. I\'m very interested in maybe seeing you on a non work basis are you involved.\"

    She\'ll say yes or no. If \"no\" then you\'re in if \"yes\" then you say...

    \"Oh, okay. I just wanted to make sure. I would\'ve kicked myself if I\'d let the chance slip away.\"

    My goodness man this isn\'t rocket science. You\'re either going to get turned down or not. Life goes on and there\'s millions of manless women roaming around the American continent. (Did I spell that right)?

    I went out with a chick on New Years. it was nice but I\'m finding she is somewhat strange and over analyzes stuff. I like her but wow! I say only to say she may be cute and all but realize she may not be all you expect. You could be in all this agony for nothing.

    You see a chick you like if she\'s sending signals and she\'s not involved you drop a flow to her. And there\'s nothing to be this scared about. Nervousness is fine but this a bit much for a chick you only see every once in awhile when you go to fix her computer. And if you can\'t find a reason to go don\'t, especially now after the New Year. (Before you were on a deadline).

    Just next time you have to go over there, go and be polite, be positive and be yourself.

    The next idea is maybe finding other girls. I mean, they inhabit the earth like insects. There\'s millions of them out there. No they don\'t all like or want you but I\'m sure some of them wouldn\'t mind cozying up to you. Many people have that infatuation thing were they get stuck on one person. I\'ve learned early on that will kick you in the a$$ all the time.

  15. #45
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    Its not rocket science for sure but if you put a utility guy into an office to be the new manager, that seems to blow everything that he\'s known before. See, my whole life i lived in another country and i never really had a hardtime pursuing after girls because they just come to me and made the signals \"clear\" and then i make my move from there. Girls from my country will not bother to even talk to a stranger if she\'s not interested but once they talk to you about anything, then you\'re on. When i got here in America, i thought love life would be much easier coz as far as i\'ve known, women here are more open and agressive. Then I\'ve learned that all women here can be so friendly to you and yet they don\'t mean anything. I\'ve been fooled a couple of times and now it\'s confusing me because this one girl seems to be extra nice to me all of a sudden (since i started using pheros), and i don\'t want to read the messages wrong. She has a boyfriend as far as i\'m concerned but that is not confirmed. She didn\'t even mention him until after i asked (which i will never do again). So my goal now is to leave the \'boyfriend\' thought behind and I\'ll just let her know i\'m curious about her and whatever her response maybe, i\'ll take it from there. Whether to move on or move in, i\'ll consider myself a winner coz at least i\'ve learned a lot from you guys and will never make the same mistakes again. [img]images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

    [ January 06, 2002: Message edited by: Redcapp ]

  16. #46
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    Now you\'re making sense Jambat instead of those long posts that you sometimes write. [img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

    Go in there Monday with a mission she goes to the bathroom like everyone else, she\'s just normal. Don\'t over analyze what she does or says your just putting more pressure on yourself.

  17. #47
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    Hey!!!! I\'d like to thank u guys! Everybody who replied to my post, now im back on track!
    Yes, you guessed it right. I got the number! Yup, i got the cellphone number. Now i realize you\'re right, it\'s not that hard at all. But i did mine in a different manner because of the situation around the office. They\'re so busy and the co-workers are around us talking to me too (bec. of the pheros probably) but this girl still is attentive to me, in fact she didn\'t care talking to me even if she\'s busy. She would stop whatever she\'s doing then face me and talk to me like there\'s nothing else to do.

    So i got her to conversate with me excitingly before i pulled the trigger. We were talking about the first time we met about 2 yrs. ago and i told her that she was nice to me from day 1. Then she said she\'s really the kind of person who doesn\'t talk to someone who she don\'t know. Then i replied by saying \"Why do you talk to me then, do you know me?\" Then she paused and inhaled and her eyes got bigger as well as her smile then replied \"Yes I know you.\" I said, \"Professionally yes, but do you know me personally?\"

    So the conversation went really good then she began complaining about her boss being a bitch and that she\'s really mad. I told her that she has a good way of handling her emotions coz it doesn\'t show at all. I projected a face of someone who is really amazed and curious about her personality. Then this co-worker of hers butted in and I lost my momentum. So what i did was, I wrote a short note on a piece of paper saying this: \"You\'re an interesting person. I\'m curious about you.\" She smiled upon reading it then she whispered \"I\'m not really that interesting.\" (I remembered what Jambat said about girls are sometimes not what i expected at all.)

    So i wrote another line saing this: \"I\'d like to see you sometime outside of work. What\'s your phone number?\" Now as she was reading it, she is really smiling big then without hesitation picked up a pen and wrote down her number. She said her cellphone is the only way i can reach her. So i stayed calm and cool then i pretended that my job\'s done (i just made up this job, remember?) Then i said bye to everyone and left the office cool and calm.

    Now its her turn to wonder if i\'ll ever call and its her turn to be thinking everynight while i can start sitting down, relaxing and enjoying the fruit of my labor. I\'m planning to call her on Sunday night and ask her out for Monday night. Then hopefully I can get her to come with me on Wednesday night for the CREED Concert. You think its a good plan? Or should I ask her before weekend like for Thursday night? Coz I really like the Creed concert to be the 2nd date.

  18. #48
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    WhoooHooooo....RedCappp...You got her digits (Cell Number)....Okay it was allot easier than you had thought, was it not?

    But congrats....and let us know how the date goes..

    (Giving you a cyber high five)

    TCO

  19. #49
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    Excellent!! Good for you Redcapp. You seem to have gone about this pretty good today so continue to trust your instincts - she definitely is interested so just take it from there. [img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

  20. #50
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    Good show Red. Creed concert. Good choice. Heck I missed a Creed concert recently and wanted to kick myself. But you\'re going and with a hot chick. I guess I\'ll live through you for awhile. [img]images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

    I hope this works out for you both. And I\'m glad I could be of help to you. Remember what I said about power, responsibility, truth and honor. And congrats.

  21. #51
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    That’s great, Redcapp! I knew you could do it.
    I think it’s a good idea to get together sometime before the concert too, especially since she likes to talk and concerts aren’t conducive to that sort of thing.
    Many guys say make the girl wait before calling. But if it was me I’d call soon (the direct approach seems to be working for you) and set up something she would consider casual fun for much later in the week, or the weekend. (In other words, don\'t let her wait with doubts that she did the right thing. Strike while the iron is hot and THEN let her wait with the anticipation of something positive.)
    In the final analysis, however, I’m with proteus. Trust your instincts. Everybody’s got their own style that works best for them.

  22. #52
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    Now listen to me very carefully so that you don\'t blow this. Only use the phone number for dates, don\'t start long conversations on the phone save it for later. Call her on Wednesday for a Friday or a Saturday night so you can get together. Remember to wear your pheromones and dress nice. Just don\'t expect anything, play it cool. That\'s all I have to say for now.

  23. #53
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    I owe it all to you guys for opening my mind and making me believe that there is nothing to be scared of and that i don\'t have to over-analyze things.

    Jose, I\'ve been reading Doc Love\'s advices and he strongly believes that going out on weekends should be a no-no for us in the first few dates so that the girl doesn\'t get the impression that they are the priority and we\'re so excited to be with them. He wants men to act like we\'re doing something else on weekends and if we keep asking them out only on weekdays, it raises the girl\'s interest level by making them ask themselves why they don\'t get to go out with us on weekends. Now in my case, I need to make a 1st date before Jan. 16 (Wed.) because of that Creed concert. I like Doc Love\'s idea of not going out on weekends but I guess I have no choice. How about instead of Friday night, just make it Thursday night? But that would break the 3-day rule right? Well, what the heck! Forget all the rules. Men make the rules! (just kidding ladies)

    [ January 07, 2002: Message edited by: Redcapp ]

  24. #54
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    I think you\'re allowed to bend the rules a little here, I mean you\'ve known this girl for what two years? Like I said before don\'t expect anything she has a boyfriend,but if you get the sense she want you to make a move go for it! I do agree with Doc. Love\'s articles, but I wouldn\'t follow every thing he recommends. Guys Have to Make Their own rules.
    http://home.earthlink.net/~joselg

  25. #55
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    Careful here Red, if she has a boyfriend, you should make sure you know where they stand. No one needs to come out of this hurt. If she\'s being dishonest with him she\'ll be that way with you. Keep this in mind. But otherwise go out, have a great time. Maybe the the other guy is whack, and you\'ll end up with her. But remember to be honest and let her know what you want and all. (Don\'t hand this to her all up front) but remember have a goal (to get this girl obviously) and you don\'t want that goal sidetracked.

    Another thing, if you see that she\'s into her boyfriend and she\'s stringing you along as the guyfriend, get out of that situation. You don\'t want to be the carry on lugguage, you want to be the main man.

    -The Bat

  26. #56
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    Dudes,

    I called her to hang-out with me tomorrow night. I got turned down. [img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img] I knew she has to go to class every weeknights but I still asked anyway to see how she will handle it. But the funny thing is, she sounded different than the usual jolly hypnotizing voice, this time she seemed to be very careful with what she\'s saying, like tensed maybe but she still answers my questions with complete sentences and told me how crazy it was today in their office.

    Three \'potential\' reasons why she turned down: Maybe her accounting class is a real important class to her, OR... She doesn\'t want to look easy-to-get, OR... She\'s not really interested at all. I don\'t really feel frustrated at all (im surprised actually) because i\'m getting the hang of acting like a \'Big Pimp\' and it comes out naturally as I do it. Now the way I look at it with this girl, i\'m not really that serious at all but i just want to know her real personality outside of work. So what I\'m gonna do (based on Doc Love\'s system), is call her on Sunday night and tell her about the Creed Concert on Wednesday. You know what, it\'s her birthday on the 19th (Saturday) and she kept reminding me that last week, so I\'m gonna put it like I wanna take her to the concert as my birthday treat for her, and that I\'m doing her a favor so if she turns down again, its her loss not mine. She will have class on Wednesday for sure but I wanna see how she\'ll respond to my invitation. [img]images/icons/cool.gif[/img]

    Worst case scenario is if she turns me down again. But i don\'t really think about it as a \'worst case\' because it\'s still in my favor. I\'m gonna flush her number down the toilet and say to myself, \"Too bad, you missed out on something good.\" Pretty mean huh? But that\'s what \'Big Pimpin\' is all about. And at least, I\'m out of the woulda-coulda land and I can sleep comfortably at night thinking that I did what I should but that\'s just the way it is. AND I DIDN\'T LOOK LIKE A WIMP - That\'s what makes me a winner. [img]images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

    Thanks to all of you for opening my mind.

    [ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: Redcapp ]

  27. #57
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    You told her you’d like to see her sometime and asked for her number. She gave it to you. So she either wants to see you but other things take priority (which I think is fair enough, unless you’ve got a big fat ego and want girls to drop everything just for you) or she wants to see how BAD you want to see her (which I think is ingenuine and a waste of your time).

    If it was me, I’d save the concert for somebody that’s already proven them self — even if it’s a cousin or a friend or some girl that’s just done you a big favor, even if you’re not hot for her. No point in writing this girl off (maybe give her an other chance to hang out when she has no classes), but I don’t see how you owe her any kind of birthday present.

    In other words, don\'t be a dick-head but don\'t be a sucker either.

    Just my opinion on the finer points. I think you\'ve gone over the biggest hurdle just great.

  28. #58
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    a.k.a.-

    so many girls give out their phone numbers just to make the guys stop asking and go away. yes this girl may be a little interested based on how i described her actions to me but one thing that i don\'t want her to sense is my eagerness to go out with her. i\'ve been fooled a couple of times already by girls who i think were so interested in me but when i made a mistake of coming in too hard too soon, it blew all my chances. that\'s why i started to ask the forum members to help me ask this girl out because i wanted to make sure i\'m doing everything right. I learned that if i slowly back-off after getting a \"busy\" excuse two times, this will make her think that she\'s losing me so she needs to do something if she is somehow interested in me. But if she doesn\'t do anything, then she doesn\'t want anything to do with me, and at the same time I was able to save myself before she can even give me some big-time whopping and embarrassment. I think it\'s called \"protecting our heart\" as quoted by Doc Love.

    So do you guys think I should not ask her for the concert?

  29. #59
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    I agree 100% with everything a.k.a said - save the concert tickets for someone else and do not ask her.

  30. #60
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    Default Re: Help me ask her out

    She *does* have a boyfriend already, you know...

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