Pearls of wisdom and life experiences

[Kardz]

I'm one of those types thats in deep thought often. Very nostalgic. I think about the past and future often as

well as past experiences and lessons learned.

This all stems from having a rough upbringing and my growth as a

person. Looking at family and friends, it gives me concern and an urgency to live a happy life, and live it right

the first time without regrets toward the end.

Being around the holidays, not being happy with the relationships

i've been having as of late, and family drama and with their regrets...a few things that come to mind is life

lessons, pearls of wisdom, and how would you do things different if you were younger.

I am turning 22 this

12-28-05, and while I take action and get out there and experience things, I often wish I was 60 years old mentally

but 22 physically just for the experienced outlook in life and have a deeper idea of not so much what I want in

life, but how to proceed as well as a larger sense of urgency.

This is directed toward any demographic, but

leaning more specifically toward the old farts, weather you regret parts of your life or not...the question is, what

pearls of wisdom, life experiences that taught you important (viable, real world lessons us youngins can actually

use) lessons, and other important thoughts and decisions you made or wished you made in your lives would you share

with today's youth to help them live better lives? And this can be advice from finances, to mental health and

mental outlooks, to more general or highly specific things that you feel would contribute something.

Or another

perspective to think from, what you might teach your kids, if you had kids, or that you wished you taught your kids

or wished that they got it the way you do.

I think it's important and useful to ponder these things every so

often, but at the same time not too often. You need to live life too, not just think about it.

This is one of

the less looked at parts of teh forum, I know most here are more interested in mones and rightly so. But feel free

to mention this thread to other's, I think this is a thread that can benefit everyone if people contribute to it.



Contribute as you will,

Ryan

[Mtnjim]

"I often wish I was 60 years old

mentally but 22 physically just for the experienced outlook in life and have a deeper idea of not so much what I

want in life, but how to proceed as well as a larger sense of urgency."

Sorry, but you haven't had time to make

the stupid mistakes yet. Don't worry, you'll get there soon enough.

Remember if you are going to have regrets,

let them be regrets for what you did, not for what you didn't do. That is have regrets for being turned down by

that hot super model babe you asked out, not for not asking out that cute store clerk.

Also, karma is real, not

instant, but real. Screw someone, you'll eventually get royally screwed!

[belgareth]

Develop a set of principles and

live by them regardless of how others feel about them. Remember what MntJim said about Karma in developing those

prinicples, he is right IMHO. Take big bites, live life to the fullest in everything you do. Enjoy yourself and

share that joy with others so llong as you can do those things without causing others needless harm.

You are

going to make mistakes, that's part of being human. All you can do is your best and learn from the mistakes you

make. Don't beat yourself up for it when you err, simply fiix it and go on. Don't spend your life saying "I wish I

had" or "I should have" learn from everything you do and move on.

Laugh often, love generously, don't hold

grudges and be kind to all. Remember that you aren't going to get out of it alive. The only legacy you'll leave

are memories. Make them the best they can be.

[itwow]

To self : Be honest & real,

as most people don't afford to do it, it's so much easier to look the other way. Self deceit or neglect do much

more damage than any other, it wastes one's time & life. Acceptance of self pave the way to courage & greater self

esteem. Not a moment in life is wasted as you move on with the heart of a lion. Roar your life from the

heart.

To kids : Teach them how to identify love when it shows up (or lack thereof), to create,

experience & express love. Most parents struggle to bring up their kids (emotionally or financially, in one way or

another). Anger & hate are easily passed on to kids in the process, to be accepted as the way of life.



Without love to balance these issues, serious hangups or emotional handicaps occur to these kids later in

life (as young adults or mature people, it's hard to resolve). This perpetuates & worsens what the parents have

gone through, as manifested in these kids when they're adults. The cycle repeats.

[thenoser]

can't remember who said these,

they may not be quoted accurately and i wish i could give credit to who said them:

'experience is a cruel

teacher because the test is given before the lesson'
'learning by experience is painful - the more it hurts, the

more you learn'
'experience is not what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you'

[Holmes]

Remember if you are

going to have regrets, let them be regrets for what you did, not for what you didn't do.

Best

possible advice.

Also, karma is real, not instant, but real. Screw someone, you'll eventually get

royally screwed!

Not always, but it's better to act that way, regardless.

Good

thread.

[Mtnjim]

And as someone once said
"To thine

own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
William

Shakespeare".

[Kardz]

I'm trying to stay away from

quotes and just simple mind frames like that. I believe they're important, but I also believe whats said needs an

experience or a lesson behind it and how it came to be to be truely meaningful.

What experiences have had

massive impacts on your lives? How did it change you and why? What feelings did it give you? Are you thankful or do

you regret it, and why?

[Mtnjim]

I threw in that quote because of

some recent polls that said that lying and cheating were seen as OK as long as you didn't get caught. And as long

as it helped you out. The polls were from college students at several colleges.

[itwow]

Don't over emphasize the "Why?".

It has a tendency to keep you stuck in limbo, sometimes for a long while.

When an event is truly experienced,

the "Why?" are forgotten entirely. What comes as a prize is acceptance and wisdom, respect is a bonus.

If the

experience does not offer you this, guess you have to "experience" it again. These are the impressions made to

one's lives.

[belgareth]

Any other individual's lessons

won't apply to you anyway. Nor is the wisdom gained from those lessons going to help you much either. All us old

farts can talk until were blue in the face and it will not make much, if any, difference. Until you feel the pain

and joy and have made your own mistakes the lessons we've learned will mean almost nothing to you. Itwow is right

that you have to experience it, live the experience to learn the lessons.

I've seen it a lot in life,

including from myself. When I was in my twenties and thirties I knew so much about what life was really about. Since

then I've seen a lot of things and learned a lot of lessons. I can look back now and see the words I rejected from

those older and wiser than me were true and that I wasn't understanding them because I didn't have the real life

lessons to give the words substance. I find myself now a little older and a little more experienced and

understanding things I never would have understood without the experience of beating my own head on the wall a bunch

of times. It's not that younger people are stupid, they just don't have the experience yet. We were all guilty of

that at one time and some of us managed to at least partially outgrow it.

I can tell you the joy of holding my

newborn child or the thrill of seeing her become a real person with a mind and will of her own. I can tell you all

about the anguish of seeing my whole world collapse around me. We can talk about all the times where I was proud or

ashamed or hurt or found new joy in some simple thing. None of it is going to help you until you do it yourself.

That's what I mean by 'Take big bites. Live life to the fullest'. There is where you'll gain your wisdom and

experience.

All I can advise you is to live an honorable life and to do your best at everything you do. Learn

the lessons as they come along and enjoy your youth. The last thing I can offer is to reccomend that you find as

many reasons as possible to love, laugh and play, make others smile and create happy memories. As you get older,

those will be the most important memories.

[InternationalPlayboy]

Plastics.


















Sorry, couldn't resist. ("Here's to you,

Mrs. Robinson.")

I can't really add to the above posts except that maybe Mtnjim's advice about regrets ring

true for me. Time moves quicker than you think. Today you're in your twenties and when you wake up tomorrow,

you're pushing fifty. When "someday" comes, it may be too late.

[Kardz]

I threw in that

quote because of some recent polls that said that lying and cheating were seen as OK as long as you didn't get

caught. And as long as it helped you out. The polls were from college students at several colleges.

My

take is it's never OK. You mess up and your sorry about it or you just don't care or have a respect for an

exclusive relationship.

If I was going to sleep with someone else, i'd call the person I was with and tell them

it's over atleast right before I did it with someone else.

Belg,

I'd disagree. I think people can

definitely speak of their experiences or decisions they've made in life and have it actually be meaningful and

teach things to others but that all depends on if they are willing to listen muchless care.

One thing i'm

aiming for about this thread is not just stories and lessons learned but actual things, physical things you'd teach

someone else or teach your kids.

More or less mentoring and being mentored in various ways.

I've had alot

of thoughts about success and why people aren't as successful as they could be. Why people choose to live routine

lives day after day when they dream of more. How people don't become so dissatisfied with themselves in certain

areas of their life they can't stand it and do something about it. How they aren't much better off years later, or

doing something better in some sense with their life, not just jobs/economically, or are in the same exact place or

worse off.

Growing up as mr popular and then being reduced to a mere shell of myself for over 10 years, I began

watching people I knew and what they did or didn't do with themselves. Along with a healthy dose of nostalgia, it

got me thinking about success in all areas of life, and why your average person isn't necessarily progressing

upwards with their life alot of the time.

It also gave me a sense of urgency, to get back to how I was and

better. That and I wanted to be more than your average person in many aspects and actually obtain happiness rather

than just being ok or content with my life when i and your average person would dream of so much more.

So again,

thats when I began to progress in my life. Writing down goals and dreams and taking steps toward them, or something

or another almost daily. Nothing unobtainable and certainly confidence boosters, but working up to things. And when

I began thinking about success and what was different between successful truely happy people and your average joe

that was getting by in all areas of life just going through the routine.

Just turning 20, almost 22 now, I had

already began regretting my life and the last 10 years of it. That for me personally was a life defining point in my

life, and gave meaning to alot of negative experiences I had concentrated in my early teens and preteens.

So

fear of regret about so many things in so many different senses and a sense of urgency along with realizing even

though i'm still a kid, I was just as mortal as the 60 yr old guy next to me.

Will contribute more

later,
Ryan

[Kardz]

Although Belg, I will say that

being taught and told something then later learning it first hand also gives you a much greater understanding of

something and how to handle it in the future.

I've learned some priceless things from self help books. I

didn't always think much of a lesson or something on a certain topic, but i've found later when i've experienced

it and screwed up or not, and thought about it, I had an extremely clear view on it.

Other things, like seeing

your parents or people around you go through things or you hear about things that might touch on a few feelings or

hit home can definitely make you sensitive and cautious about things.

Things i've learned 2nd hand from some

of my parent's experiences were not just seeing financial struggle and knowing better about ALOT of things even

before I had my first job, but looking at their behavior patterns and habbits and how it applies to their life among

so many other things. Sometimes you need to experience things in a bad way before you really take notice. Or in this

case, see other people you know experience something in a bad way.

Having seen that, it's opened my eyes and

allowed me to be alot more sensitive to a wide variety of things and has forced me to look at the big picture and

demand more of myself.

Ironically, because I'm always right about things that pertain to my parents current and

past circumstances and even some things in life in general they always come to me for advice. Advice and money.



Even more ironic, i'll throw in a quote. "Those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it". For me,

being so dissatisfied about my life for so long before the last 2 years and watching others, that quote has massive

meaning to me. I've learned from both first hand and second hand experience and I personally find I don't repeat

many of the problems i've had before unless i'm looking for a stronger grasp on teh concept.

[Mtnjim]

My take is it's never

OK. You mess up and your sorry about it or you just don't care or have a respect for an exclusive relationship.



If I was going to sleep with someone else, i'd call the person I was with and tell them it's over atleast right

before I did it with someone else.

The survey I was refering was about lying and cheating in general, not

specifically personel relationships.

I've had alot of thoughts about success and why people

aren't as successful as they could be. Why people choose to live routine lives day after day when they dream of

more. How people don't become so dissatisfied with themselves in certain areas of their life they can't stand it

and do something about it. How they aren't much better off years later, or doing something better in some sense

with their life, not just jobs/economically, or are in the same exact place or worse off.

Some people are

afraid to take the chances necessary, others feel they have "responsibilities" (e.g. raising kids) and can't afford

to take the risks necessary.

[a.k.a.]

My biggest regrets, by far, are the

people that I've hurt. When I was in 4th grade I kicked another boy in the groin and he had to have surgery.

That's the last time I physically hurt anybody. But I used to "experiment" with hallucinagens, when I was in

college, and I regret the people I "turned on" in the process. I probably messed up several really good minds and

it's hard to get over that.
I guess the "pearl of wisdom" coming out of that is, "don't drag other

people into your vices."

Another big regret is the friends I've failed to keep up with. I think

friendship is the true measure of a person's wealth. On a practical level, it's always good to know a mechanic, or

a doctor or a travel agent; if these aren't your areas of expertise. On a deeper level, good friends are like a

mirror to the soul. They can see in you things that you can't see yourself. And they can help you make the most of

yourself.
I don't imagine anybody ever achieved greatness on their own.

Not as serious as the other

two regrets, but I do feel stupid for not having learned Spanish by now. This is the US's unofficial second

language. It can open some doors that would otherwise remain closed and is just plain handy to know in many

circumstances.

With regards to things I've done right, and have come to feel vindicated about...


I've been a political acitivist for nearly 30 years. It got me kicked out of grad school. I lost my teaching

assistantship. I've been beaten, jailed, gassed, barred from various military facilities, and always run into

issues when a job involves background checks.
The world is much worse than when I set out to "save" it,

but I can honestly say I have no regrets. If anything, I wish I could have devoted more of my time to the issues

that I deem important.
The "pearl of wisdom" I've gathered from this is that you've got to live life

passionately. Pragmatism has it's place when it comes to solving particular problems, but you can't apply it to

the big picture without sacrificing the more dynamic aspects of your personality.
I'm not suggesting

everybody join greenpeace. I just think you have to go with your heart. My passions are in the political arena,

yours might be in one of the arts, somebody else's might be in one of the sciences.
The point is you've

got to have something bigger than you that gives your life meaning and makes your juices flow.

Another

success, on my part, is that I've been practicing yoga since I was a teen. I think everybody needs a discipline

that they can purse and gain deeper insight into themselves. "Discipline" sounds like a restrictive thing. But, in

the long run, it's the surest path to personal freedom.

Finally, I think everybody needs some kind

of creative outlet in order to to access some of those half-baked ideas or half-burried emotions that we all have.


I play piano/keyboards, and I truly suck. But I believe that my intuitive and empathic capacities are greatly

enhanced.
So the "pearl" is... you don't have to be a star to get great benefits from the arts.



Summing up: don't hurt people, cultivate friendships, learn Spanish, live life passionately, pursue a discipline,

and find yourself a creative outlet.
If these suggestions don't make sense, go to the library. There's

centuries of life experience buried away in there.

[Kardz]

The survey I was

refering was about lying and cheating in general, not specifically personel relationships.

Some people are

afraid to take the chances necessary, others feel they have "responsibilities" (e.g. raising kids) and can't afford

to take the risks necessary.

Well, my bad on the first one. I personally call anything where your

exclusive to someone a relationship.

Your second paragraph, I think that pretty much answered my question in an

indirect way. I think that belief is what inhibits people from progressing, and I don't just mean economically.

Physically, mentally, passions, hobbies, social life, family, etc.

If you've got kids and you have a full time

job and you are trying to make bread and people that rely on you, I think that belief limits you. I think it is one

of those self defeating or bs excuses people use when they can find time, maybe not very much a day, or time they'd

rather spend relaxing or resting they could use making their life better or planning future, something.

And I

think people need to find the BURNING DESIRE inside of themselves...that feeling where they ABSOLUTELY have to have

something or do something out of fear of what happens if they don't or just out of sheer desire, whatever the

reason...

I know just about everyone reading that has felt this about one thing or another a few times in their

life. Where they were absolutely obsessed they had to achieve or get something or do something.

That I guess in

my imagination is the feeling behind the quote "You can achieve anything if you put your mind to it". But I think

feelings have to be there or there is no motivation.

Us humans are very emotional creatures, and frequently

dictates what we do and don't do. Because we "don't feel like it" or we do.

And AKA, nice post man. I can

relate to the drug part 2nd hand. My brother and his friends, a few are mutual friends, smoke alot of dank. One of

my most intelligent friends started dabbling with cocaine.

I KNOW he was starting to turn people onto it,

including my brother. But he has the hyper ADD so cocaine didn't really do much but mellow him out. So he lost

interest in it altogether and it stopped there. I think one of his perscription drugs has some safe or very small

amounts of some hard drug in it like that if not that. But the point being, he learned that lesson in a small way

after the fact. And a few people approached him later and showed concern, and told him if he was going to do drugs

atleast not go beyond the more friendly ones...like weed, shrooms, and some crap you make into a liquid and drink.

[Kardz]

Another thing i'd like to

contribute is about your average blue/white collar guy that gets a job and earns his money paycheck by paycheck or

goes to school and then does it.

I don't necessarily think getting a job and doing what you like is necessarily

the way. Or going to college and then getting a job, even if it's something you have a passion for and love.

I

think alot of people would be alot better off if they went into business for themselves.

And the first thing

people frequently think when thinking about a business is start up expenses, effort, time, lack of knowledge, so on

and so on.

Then they dismiss it all and go back to thinking about their job and continue buying lottery

tickets.

You really don't need alot to start up a business in alot of cases.

Working at The Home Depot

i've seen alot of scuzzy looking loser contractors (and this is while i'm gradually self employing myself more and

more as a mobile notary) or just people without alot of money but have carpentry skills start up their own thing.



They didn't have ALL of the equipment but they started out small and they took the jobs they could handle on

their own and THEY were then the boss. And gradually worked up. Got more equipment, alittle bit bigger jobs, and so

on. Eventually hired other people on.

And it may not of been completely legit in some cases, alot of

contractors pay their employees under the table, but i've seen some of them go from driving beaters to lexuses in a

matter of months or brand new heavy duty pickup trucks and looking at houses when they were just living in studio

apartments months before. Some of them were also smart enough to hire people more knowledgeable than themselves, or

grab a partner more knowledgeable. That way they didn't have to know everything, could still make money on that end

of things, and still run the show.

I personally am too pretty to get dirty and thats why I choose to push paper

and drive around half of my day, but I definitely don't think an 8-5 or college is a need.

But I will say it

definitely helps to either have a mentor in some cases. With me i'm slowly getting into real estate, I have a

mentor that knows how. And he does it on a small scale, but i've seen him do things first hand and even though he

won't be rich, he'll be retired in 5 years and never have to work again after only 10 years of extremely half

assed effort from his real estate stuff. And this is something he could speed up exponentially too.

It did take

me alot of nerve though. I was scared and I procrastinated alot. And sometimes I still do. But one thing I realized

was my biggest fears weren't so bad. At the very worst, i'd have a bad day. I'd still be alive, i'd still have

my health, and I could try again whenever I felt like it. And if your committed to doing a good job, you really

don't have anything to worry about anyway.

1 small bit, if you are a notary you might want to think about

getting E&O insurance in the range of a house if your into the loan signing end of things. You'll probably never

get sued for executing documents poorly but if you do, then you've got nothing to worry about. And it's hella

cheap.

So look around. Look at how many different small time services there are on the net, phone book, news

paper, etc. Even small retailers or offices. Don't necessarily need product, you can always make make things or

offer services. There are literally businesses everywhere, big and small. It's one reason why america is so

powerful.

So moral of the story. I think if people just tested out the waters and tried stuff, or did more

research or started small instead of having this huge thing in their head, they'd realize it's really not so hard

and be alot more ready to persue it.

And you can't focus on what all you have to do to get something. The

effort, money, time etc. They're things to be considered, but if you want something, you have to focus on what

you're going to get out of it, not what you have to put into it. Or what happens if you don't do it. You can feel

unmotivated by thinking about something, or more motivated. Most people have unmotivating thought patterns.

And

that's my random deep thought of the day.

Ryan

[jpr]

The survey I was

refering was about lying and cheating in general, not specifically personel relationships.




Some people

are afraid to take the chances necessary, others feel they have "responsibilities" (e.g. raising kids) and can't

afford to take the risks necessary.

OK, at the risk of sounding like I read it off a bumper

sticker:

"To risk nothing, is to risk everything"