Abusive alpha male type at work &PI od

[DrSmellThis]

The pacifist should "fess up".



Friday night I was playing music at a pub when some drunk guy came to my girlfrind's table, sat down next to

her, put his hand on her thigh, and started spewing pickup talk. I stopped playing, told him that was my girlfriend,

and my seat next to her. He then began tapping the back of my guitar. He said "you have a cute girlfriend, and

wrapped his arm around her. She didn't like it, but is very small, and was too intimidated to do anything. I stood

up and told him to take his F---ing hand off. He picked up a metal chair and prepared to swing it at my head.

Someone grabbed the chair, but he then lunged toward me. He was bigger than me, and beyond the point of insanity. I

quickly considered side-kicking him in the stomach (which would have thrown him backwards), but decided to let him

get closer so I could have more control over him, in case he wanted to get other weapons. Still carrying an

expensive Martin guitar (yes, I'm an idiot), I hit him twice in the face pretty hard with my free hand, injuring

his nose; and he bent over. People were able to push him out of the back door as I was sitting my guitar down,

before I could hit him again.

Shortly thereafter, four squad cars showed up. He threatened to kill police, and

was arrested. Turns out he had been wandering through the bar harrassing and intimidating various people, especially

women. Nice guy.

I did not feel guilty for being violent. In fact, I was mad at myself for not hurting him worse,

and not immediately throwing the guitar down. What I learned was (1) if you are more aggressive people become less

aggressive and less immediately dangerous (2) if you are going to fight, you need to plan to really hurt someone and

keep the pressure on until they are incapacitated or you can otherwise make everything safe. (3) It really helps to

have heavy-bag training, so you can judge how hard to hit someone, and how much to extend your blows -- it was much

easier than I expected for that reason, not having had much full contact experience. I hadn't been in a fight since

I was a kid. (4) If you can avoid a fight, avoid it. I could have been hurt badly had he connected with the chair.

[belgareth]

I did not

feel guilty for being violent. In fact, I was mad at myself for not hurting him worse, and not immediately throwing

the guitar down. What I learned was (1) if you are more aggressive people become less aggressive and less

immediately dangerous (2) if you are going to fight, you need to plan to really hurt someone and keep the pressure

on until they are incapacitated or you can otherwise make everything safe. (3) It really helps to have heavy-bag

training, so you can judge how hard to hit someone, and how much to extend your blows -- it was much easier than I

expected for that reason, not having had much full contact experience. I hadn't been in a fight since I was a kid.

(4) If you can avoid a fight, avoid it. I could have been hurt badly had he connected with the chair.

Doc,



You're begining to sound like me. You've been reading to many of my posts.

Rule no. 1: Unless you intend

to hurt somebody, don't swing. Run instead.
Rule no. 2: Know how and where to hit for the most effect. The use

that knowledge. As my earliest teachers explained, a man has a tough time attacking you after you've broken his

knee.
Rule no. 3: There ain't no such thing as a fair fight. If you want to follow rules make sure your health

insurance is paid.

I'm glad it turned out well for you but suggest you get some mat time so you have the

experience to deal with most situations of that sort.

[Gegogi]

"Shortly thereafter, four

squad cars showed up. He threatened to kill police, and was arrested."

Sheesh he was lucky the Portland

PD didn't blow him away! They've earned a bit of a national reputation the last few years. I'm glad you and your

guitar survived fully intact. Is your hand okay? The last and only fight I got into (with a shitfaced drunk), huh,

over 20 years ago, I couldn't play for about 2 weeks!

[DrSmellThis]

Sheesh he was

lucky the Portland PD didn't blow him away! They've earned a bit of a national reputation the last few years. I'm

glad you and your guitar survived fully intact. Is your hand okay? The last and only fight I got into (with a

shitfaced drunk), huh, over 20 years ago, I couldn't play for about 2 weeks!

Thanks for your concern. My

hand was unscathed because I used the meaty part of my fist and hit his nose, which was softer than, say, a

cheekbone. I got lucky there. What was really irrational was that my instinct to protect the Martin was almost

greater than the one to protect myself.

[DrSmellThis]

Doc,



You're begining to sound like me. You've been reading to many of my posts.

Rule no. 1: Unless you intend to

hurt somebody, don't swing. Run instead.
Rule no. 2: Know how and where to hit for the most effect. The use that

knowledge. As my earliest teachers explained, a man has a tough time attacking you after you've broken his

knee.
Rule no. 3: There ain't no such thing as a fair fight. If you want to follow rules make sure your health

insurance is paid.

I'm glad it turned out well for you but suggest you get some mat time so you have the

experience to deal with most situations of that sort.

You're right about mat time. Dealing with the chair

was my biggest concern, though! Ultimately, my best move was to be in a place where people knew me.

[belgareth]

You're

right about mat time. Dealing with the chair was my biggest concern, though! Ultimately, my best move was to be in a

place where people knew me.

Something like a chair is a lot easier than it seems. The most effecitve

method, which I think you used without knowing it, is to get too close for them to swing effectively. Then their

hands are tied up with a useless weapon while you are free to fight.

[Holmes]

Friday night I

was playing music at a pub when some drunk guy came to my girlfrind's table, sat down next to her, put his hand on

her thigh, and started spewing pickup talk. I stopped playing, told him that was my girlfriend, and my seat next to

her. He then began tapping the back of my guitar. He said "you have a cute girlfriend, and wrapped his arm around

her. She didn't like it, but is very small, and was too intimidated to do anything. I stood up and told him to take

his F---ing hand off. He picked up a metal chair and prepared to swing it at my head. Someone grabbed the chair, but

he then lunged toward me. He was bigger than me, and beyond the point of insanity. I quickly considered side-kicking

him in the stomach (which would have thrown him backwards), but decided to let him get closer so I could have more

control over him, in case he wanted to get other weapons. Still carrying an expensive Martin guitar (yes, I'm an

idiot), I hit him twice in the face pretty hard with my free hand, injuring his nose; and he bent over. People were

able to push him out of the back door as I was sitting my guitar down, before I could hit him again.

There you go. How might things have turned out if you hadn't been able to "get mean" when

absolutely necessary?

Very glad that you, your girlfriend, and your Martin emerged unscathed, btw!

[DrSmellThis]

There you go.

How might things have turned out if you hadn't been able to "get mean" when absolutely necessary?

Very glad that

you, your girlfriend, and your Martin emerged unscathed, btw!

Thanks, Holmes! That is indeed the important

part. You do go quickly through a decision process, where you go, "OK, it's clear this is necessary."

Then you

must do it. That's where the advice of people like Belgareth becomes important, regarding not messing

around. Even if you don't whip the person, effective resistance of any quantity can slow the person down enough to

enable help to arrive, discourage them, or even enable you to run. So you just do the best you can. Obviously,

training helps, because at least part of it is second nature, and you know you have some good techniques. So I know

for a fact his face hurt afterwards, because it was a couple good, solid backfists, where everything happened the

way it should technically. Not to be macho.

But now I have to worry about this guy coming back to the bar next

week. Violence is never a good thing, in terms of the situation being good afterward. But it can make a bad

situation less potentially bad, if that makes sense.

[belgareth]

You do go

quickly through a decision process, where you go, "OK, it's clear this is necessary."

Then you must do

it. That's where the advice of people like Belgareth becomes important, regarding not messing around. Even if you

don't whip the person, effective resistance of any quantity can slow the person down enough to enable help to

arrive, discourage them, or even enable you to run. So you just do the best you can. Obviously, training helps,

because at least part of it is second nature, and you know you have some good techniques. I know for a fact his face

hurt afterwards.

The idea behind my advice is to avoid getting yourself hurt. Your best chance at that is

to fight 'Dirty'. You never let the other person swing first if you can avoid it and you always do whatever damage

you can as fast as you can. Believe it or not, giving the other person a broken nose or bruised testicles can be far

less damage than what he, and you, might get if you allowed it to become a real fight. Never hesitate and never

warn, act.

But now I have to worry about this guy coming back to the bar next week.

Violence is never a good thing, in terms of the situation being ood afterward. But it can make a bad situation less

potentially bad, if that makes sense.

The single best thing is to always avoid a fight whenever possible.

In you case it wasn't possible and you did the best you knew how. However, in the knowledge that this guy is going

to start a fight and given the choice, my first instinct is to show the whole world just how fast a frightened

coward can run. That's the best alternative whenever you can get away with it. My bruised ego is much better than

my broken bones.

[Watcher]

hmmm well one would hope he doesnt

return. Do they have effective security - ill be almost certain to say a) he will turn up and good luck b) he wont

ever come back due to ego - police (appreheneded violence order (AVO) basically to keep him away from u if u can get

his name might be a good idea - he has a police record u have witnesses to say he attacked u previously could be

worth a look

[gamecity]

I've been

involved in martial arts for about 30 years in one form or another. We are taught how to avoid being put into a

position of grappling and how to deal with it if we are. You may be correct about boxing, I don't know a thing

about it, but any properly trained fighter in the martial arts knows how to handle that effectively.

The boxer doesn't have training on how to avoid being tackled, grappled or wrestled. So the ground

fighter will win against the boxer if he takes him to the ground.

[belgareth]

The boxer

doesn't have training on how to avoid being tackled, grappled or wrestled. So the ground fighter will win against

the boxer if he takes him to the ground.

As I said "A properly trained fighter". A boxer is somebody

taught to do something very specific in a controlled setting, the boxing ring. That isn't a poperly trained

fighter. If somebody is dumb enough to try to use that skill set in the 'no holds barred' setting of a street

fight, they get what they deserve.