I don't get it...

[esk6969]

Okay,

let me ask you - has a girl ever expressed (in whatever indirect way) that she wants you, and you've had to tell

her that to you, she is a friend and not a girlfriend? Was it painful for you to do? Did you avoid the "friend" part

because that's such a bad thing to say to someone? When I truly care about someone as a friend, I think that's

worth mentioning, don't you?.

Honestly, no, I don't. Guys aren't that sophisticated. We cannot

emotionally accept two divergent concepts like "compliment" and "rejection" at the same time. We can no more

deliver this to someone else, than we can accept it. If a guy is romantically interested in a girl, and it's

obvious, then, to a man's mind, at least, to MY mind, (I can't speak for all men), there are two possible options.

Either she:

a. Feels also romantically for him.
b. Does not feel romantically for him.

I cannot tell you

how many times in my life I was told "I don't want to ruin our special friendship." But guess what? You just did.

By rejecting the romantic overtures. Rejection hurts, right? Yet, I'm supposed to overlook the hurt, and just

focus on "but, she really likes me as a FRIEND, though.... YAYYYY!!!".

I'm sorry, that' just not realistic.

In EVERY case this happened, it promptly "ruined the friendship". It's selfish to ask a guy to be a friend, when

clearly he wants something more. If you don't feel the same way, that's fine, but it's unrealistic to expect the

other party to just overlook their feelings. So no, whether you truly care for them as a friend is not relevant -

except that, a real friend doesn't want to see the other in pain. It's better to just go separate ways.

Oh, so she SHOULD let him spend money on her, lead him on, even though at this point she does

not see him as a potential partner? Not consistent! If she thinks he's a possible-maybe contender, she's not going

to use the "friend" line. If she doesn't think he is, does he still want to take her out?

No....

she SHOULD see him based as a "potential partner", based on what she said. In the above fictitious (yet all too

often realistic) scenario, the following conditions exist:

a: chick unhappy with boyfriend
b: chick states she

wants "nice guy"
c: "nice guy" shows up

What happens next should be obvious, right? Based on her own

statements about what she wants, she should feel attraction towards the nice guy, especially if he makes his

interest known. Yet she doesn't feel the attraction, because she doesn't "see him as a potential partner". Why?

She stated criteria. He met (the stated) criteria. Yet the attraction doesn't exist. This actually proves my

above point - what women SAY they want, and WHAT THEY RESPOND to, are two separate things. That's why the "bad

seduction advice" teaches men:

"It doesn't matter what she says she wants. It only matters what she responds

to."

Not sure how I can state it any clearer than that.

Simply because it's

boring.

You don't seem boring to me, at least not yet.

Well gosh, I

know OF thousands of women.

Copout. You know what I'm asking. Let me rephrase it: Are *most* women

likely to engage in, or have *most* women ever engaged in, the above described "leading on" behavior? Others please

feel free to chime in on that.

[silksand]

esk6969,

You did not

answer my question about whether you had ever had a female friend who YOU had to reject, and what that was like for

you. In my experience it's not that easy to reject people, especially those you care for. I really would like to

hear about what this experience is like for you; it's a side of the story we don't get to hear very often.

In EVERY case this happened, it promptly "ruined the friendship".

As I said in my

last post, this has not always been the case for me, whether it's me or my friend who's being turned down as a

lover. It's a choice. If you can handle it, you can stay friends. If not, you don't, and don't torture yourself,

but recognize that she is not "doing this to you" - it's your choice whether to persist in enjoying her company,

even if it's not in her bed. (I also tend to stay friends with ex-lovers, unless they did a jekyll-n-hyde on me,

very rare). Why make it all or nothing? It's not logical! It's VERY romantic, though - the French Foreign

Legion and all that.

What happens next should be obvious, right? Based on her own statements

about what she wants, she should feel attraction towards the nice guy, especially if he makes his interest known.

Yet she doesn't feel the attraction, because she doesn't "see him as a potential partner". Why? She stated

criteria. He met (the stated) criteria.

You know any women who truly have just ONE criterion for

a mate? This argument is kind of obtuse, don't you think? I mentioned a few reasons why she might like him as a

friend, want a nicer lover than the one she has, yet not want that particular friend in her bed. I have LOTS of

criteria, don't you?

"It doesn't matter what she says she wants. It only matters what she

responds to."

True, as far as it goes. Actions do speak louder than words. If these techniques

work for you and you like the quality of women you end up with, you like the quality of the interactions you have

and the level of intimacy afforded by them, then you go for it.

You don't seem boring to me, at

least not yet.

Give me time, I'm sure I'll get there. But my comment referred to my

story, not myself.

Copout. You know what I'm asking. Let me rephrase it: Are *most* women

likely to engage in, or have *most* women ever engaged in, the above described "leading on" behavior? Others please

feel free to chime in on that.

Well darlin', I DID answer your question, and you did not acknowledge

my full answer. Some women do those things, and I don't care to hang with them. You don't have to either. I don't

think that's acceptable behavior on any level. Anyone who feels qualified to assess the behavior of "most" women is

welcome to do so. Anyone looking for a golddigger or a ho can certainly find one. There are also plenty of

down-to-earth women like myself who have no patience for BS or for some kind of adversarial gamesmanship between the

sexes. Please, that is SO old. Men and women ARE different, but we are much more alike in our humanness than we are

different. A guy that really, really gets this is worth keeping around.