Do you as a male take it as an insult & offensively when a woman says "you're nice"?

[Sigfreed]

Do you as a male take it as an insult and

offensively when a woman says "you're nice"?

I personally take that offensively and as an insult. To me when a

woman says "oh he's nice, or he's nice and cute" it's degrading.

27 years old and since the age of 18 years

old I've been with 12 women so you can see I usually try to go for the long term deal as long as they want to.

I've had a couple of one night stands but not really by choice.

Some women I've tried to date or wanted to

take out on a date have said I'm just nice or if I met someone through a friend and took them out on a date my

friend would tell me she thought I was nice.

To me that's just like saying there's nothing special about you

to get them going and want you.

For me when I hear that a woman thinks I'm great, or she wants to f^ck me, or I

hear from her or a friend who set us up that she thinks I'm hot now this is what I as a man like to hear.

I

know you guys will probably think that the women that say this about you aren't worth your time, but these are

usually the women you end up being most interested in b/c they themselves are usually hot and you want to be with

them.

Why some of these women think I'm just "NICE" I don't get it?

I am tall at 5ft10, I have an

athletic build at about 195lbs as I work out 4 days a week and watch my diet. I am well dressed unless I go casual

which can be often and I still look good, I know how to treat a lady like a lady, I'm descently endowed if you know

what I mean (not a monster but plenty enough), I am good in bed as I know how to please a woman. I am always

respectful to women, I have a sense of humor and with the right person it can be even more noticable, I'm fun, out

going, and love to live.

So why is it that some women say "you're nice"?

This is why I'm hoping that

Chikara and/or other mones will help me get noticed by the women who would say I'm "NICE".

I've as you know

mutually ended almost a 3 year relationship.

Could I be rusty?

I'd like to hear your opinions as well,

women's opinions would be greatly appreciated. I want to understand what it means and how to eliminate this so I

don't hear that word again.

Thanks

[DumLuc]

Here you go Siggy, maybe this

will help.





Nice guys vs

jerks

The debate of "nice guys vs. jerks" has been

raging for quite a long time. The nature of being a "nice guy", however, is commonly misunderstood. It is believed

that being polite, considerate, friendly, tender, romantic, etc. is what being a "nice guy" is all about and thus

those qualities should be avoided, as it is the "jerk", the rude, the inconsiderate, the impolite, the rough guy who

always gets the girl while the "nice guy" is waiting outside in the pouring rain with flowers in his hand.

It

doesn't mean that women prefer rude over polite, inconsiderate over considerate, etc. It all becomes clear when we

look at a very important issue often overlooked when trying to define what makes the "jerks" beat the "nice guys"

when it comes to getting the girls. It is sexuality - the "jerks" are not afraid to show that they are sexual

beings, while the "nice guys" hide their sexuality as a part of their agenda of being friendly, polite, and

courteous towards women.

Peta, Clifford's Seduction Newsletter: "It dawned on me as it has, that the

androgyny is key. Women fall for bastards because they don't turn off the sexuality.. "nice" guys think women will

be terrified of their sexuality, so they turn it off and all they get is women responding to their androgyny See

also:

[Sigfreed]

I see there are 10 views and

only one reply? Is this not a worthy topic of conversation or something? I'd like to hear a woman's point of view

on this

DumLuc

The debate of "nice guys vs. jerks" has been raging for quite a long time. The nature

of being a "nice guy", however, is commonly misunderstood. It is believed that being polite, considerate, friendly,

tender, romantic, etc. is what being a "nice guy" is all about and thus those qualities should be avoided, as it is

the "jerk", the rude, the inconsiderate, the impolite, the rough guy who always gets the girl while the "nice guy"

is waiting outside in the pouring rain with flowers in his hand.

It doesn't mean that women prefer rude over

polite, inconsiderate over considerate, etc. It all becomes clear when we look at a very important issue often

overlooked when trying to define what makes the "jerks" beat the "nice guys" when it comes to getting the girls. It

is sexuality - the "jerks" are not afraid to show that they are sexual beings, while the "nice guys" hide their

sexuality as a part of their agenda of being friendly, polite, and courteous towards women.

Peta, Clifford's

Seduction Newsletter: "It dawned on me as it has, that the androgyny is key. Women fall for bastards because

they don't turn off the sexuality.. "nice" guys think women will be terrified of their sexuality, so they turn it

off and all they get is women responding to their androgyny
See also:

The funny thing is I have no problem

showing & exploiting my sexuality or presenting myself as a sexual being. If I know the woman well enough and we're

at that level of conversation and humor I make sexual jokes (nothing too degrading or improper) so I don't see why

"SOME WOMEN" say "I'm nice".

That's how I hooked up with my 36yr old boss when I was 23 years old.

But

some women despite my clear and present sexuality letting them know that I'm not shy in anyway still say I'm

nice.

B/c when I get down to business, I'm like an animal. I like to give long oral pleasure sessions to the

woman I'm with, and I can go for a good 45mins w/o finishing, multiple positions, I also like to stimulate her in

"certain" spots while I'm going.

So for me I am not shy at all.

But for some reason w/o even knowing me

"SOME WOMEN" think I'm nice w/o even giving me a chance.

This is where I'm hoping the Chikara will come into

play.

When I was in my early 20's I will admit I was much more shy sexually than I am now which probably gave

me the nice guy portrayment. At this time when I'd be "into it" so to speak with a woman I'd be able to let loose.

Now I'm not shy at all. I've actually told women that I was dating or hanging out with that I wanted to be with

them in all ways and this has actually worked in most cases. Sometimes I got a slap in the face but that didn't

happen all the time.

So why is it that I still get the "nice guy" response?

[ManBeast]

I've always been seen as a

"nice guy" by girls... Honestly it's not that bad, you just have to adapt your game to work that angle better. Yes

you can be a nice guy, but only nice on your terms, or if they are nice to you. If they are just messing around,

blow them off, make them come to you if they really want to spend time with you. I don't see this as not being nice

and whatnot, I see it as being selective and picky about who you are truly nice to, and saving it for those that

show interest in you.

MB

[belgareth]

Why does it bother you? Not

every woman is going to find you sexually attractive. Isn't it better than them saying "What a jerk!"? Does it

really matter all that much?

On the other side of it, how many women have you made similar statements about?

[DrSmellThis]

Men who define their own

standards of behavior and have a little bad boy in them, as well as "saying what they think regardless" (withing

limits) are often perceived as attractive. These are not really "nice" traits. "Nice" can dovetail with pleasing

others in a vain attempt to be liked or accepted. Nice can mean reducing one's personality to fit into some sort of

stereotypical "best possible social image". Nice can imply "boring" to many people.

That said, many (most?)

women mean "nice" as a genuine compliment, for lack of a better word; and there is no need to take offense or be

disappointed.

Certainly, being a kind, big-hearted gentleman is a desirable thing. A little sweetness is a great

thing. But I know what you mean about feeling ambivalent with the "nice" label.

[silksand]

Everything DrSmellThis just

said is on the money. I would add that none of us can tell from your posts if you are truly a great guy and are just

meeting women who don't find their perfect match in you (and therefore you should just keep looking)... or if you

do have some kind of personality problem (trying too hard, not showing your real self, too bland, afraid to offend,

trying to tell sex jokes - which may not be the best way to win a girl's heart....)

In either case, I would

advise you to rent the movie "The Tao of Steve" - or do a search for it here, it's been discussed. Great advice on

how to make the nice guy thing WORK for you.

Reading all the posts on the women's forum here, starting with

the oldest ones, might be a good thing, too. You'll find are some very wise and awfully funny gems from earlier in

the forum's history.

[DrSmellThis]

What do you

think are the better ways to let women see you as a sexual being w/o being a jerk or a$$hole?

Most basically,

I think women pick up on sexuality from an unforced, sparkling glint in your eye, based on a sense of who you are

and the substance of your confidence. James Bond is an exaggerated example. But you have to "attract rather than

promote", as my father says. Women like to discover their own attractions, not have it spoon fed to them. Keep the

sexuality very subtle. A woman open to it and looking for it will notice it. It is partly an awareness of the sexual

level of the relationship, that you mostly control to keep the situation comfortable for everyone. You "max out the

comfort with your gentlemanliness", but still have "room for a knowing sparkle", reflecting genuine liking of the

other person (not just approval of them as a hottie). You have to have some sense of being full of physical energy

and surging testosterone (but not too surging) to go along with it. I hope that describes it fairly closely.



There are other factors, of course.

I've experienced both being considered a nice guy and intimidating women

with overt sexuality, many times. You have to control your sexual energy well, with good timing. But it has to be

there underneath.

Women love to see a man that has a lot of sexual energy, but has a mastery level of control

over it! It makes them feel both safe and horny; as well as a little submissive, due to the trust (you need to

control yourself well to evoke willingness to be controlled.)

Still, even if you do everything perfect you

won't hit it off with too many women, percentage-wise. As Bel says, not every woman is going to be attracted; and

sometimes the best ones will portray very convincingly that they are not, even when they are.

[DumLuc]

Siggy, you seem a little

confused, to me. If that is the case, I feel fairly certain that some of the women you are encountering perceive

this confusion of yours as well. Do you think that might be part of your problem?

[DrSmellThis]

Um, why do you constantly put

random links in your quoted text, Sigfreed?

[DumLuc]

Nice one, Doc. I was wondering

about that myself.

[DrSmellThis]

Do you work for the search

engine you link to or something?

If so, sounds like a crappy site that installs adware and spyware without your

explicit consent or knowledge to me:



http://searchmiracle.com/TERMS.htm

Why would anyone link us

repeatedly to such a site? Hmmmm.

[Pancho1188]

I didn't read every post on

here carefully, so forgive me if I repeat something:

I think the "you're nice" almost automatically brings up

the "nice guy" vs. "jerk" argument, so I'll take a different angle.

Girls think differently than guys. I've

noticed this especially when it comes to compliments. Women will not outright say, "you're hot," or, "I want to

f*ck you," but are subtle about things. I won't discount the fact that they may just want to be friends, but think

about every personal ad or comment you've ever seen. Women like nice, so to them it's a compliment. Again, I'm

not talking about a "nice guy" as defined in the book, No More Mr. Nice Guy, but just being a nice person.

Depending on how, when, etc. they say it, they could be paying you a nice compliment and may be interested in you.



I'll give you a parallel example from personal experience. You mention "nice" vs. "hot" or "doable". Well, I'm

sure the compliment you want to hear is "big" when it comes to your penis, correct? Well, girls (who aren't lying

to stroke your ego or surprised at your size compared to their last boyfriend---I've had that happen to me...twice,

actually) won't say that. They don't want big...no matter what anyone says. They want one that's "perfect".

Therefore, when I've gotten compliments from women that say my penis is "perfect", I know it's the real deal.

Yes, deep down inside from years of social brainwashing, I want them to say it's the biggest thing they've ever

seen...but that doesn't mean as much to women. They see "perfect" as being the ultimate compliment they want to

pay the man they are interested in.

Bringing this back to the exact topic, a girl may find "nice" to be a much

better compliment than "hot" because that's what they really care about. Get the difference? Besides, how many

women would ever come out and tell someone they were hot to his face? Maybe they're just adhering to social

norms. I've had women call me nice just because I was nice...and I've had women call me nice who were trying to

flirt with me. Don't knock the importance of "nice" to women just because it doesn't mean that much to men.



Again, I am assuming that they said "nice" in a way that hinted at interest...the others covered the first

implication.

[DrSmellThis]

Again, I would strongly

advise everyone to stay the fawk away from the site Sigfreed is linking us to.

Do not click!

You may

well have spyware on your machine otherwise (I read the terms -- trust me on this).

I trust mods and Bruce will

handle the situation in the "best possible way."

[belgareth]

We are working on it with

Sigfreed's cooperation. The Doc's advice is good advice and you should all take it.

If you have already click

on a link to that site run a good spyware killer as soon as possible. If you need any help or advice you can contact

me and I'll be happy to help you.

[DrSmellThis]

Here is the Symantec blurb

on it:



http://securityresponse.syma

ntec.com/avcenter/venc/data/adware.elitebar.b.html

Risk is rated "high!"

It is a pretty common

thing to get infected with.

I don't know how you cooperate with a cybercrook, so good luck!

All his

infected posts should be deleted, IMHO.

I found an unnamed Browser Helper Object (BHO) on my browser. My spyware

detectors may not have worked on it. I'll probably be manually removing things.

[Mtnjim]

Here is the

Symantec blurb on it:



http://securityresponse.symant

ec.com/avcenter/venc/data/adware.elitebar.b.html

Risk is rated "high!"

I'm glad

you used the Symantic site. There are a lot of fake anti spyware sites that infect your computer out there

This site lists them.

[Pancho1188]

I love the ones that infect

you with spyware, tell you your computer's infected (Yeah, with the exact stuff you just gave me! How

convenient...), and then get you to buy their stuff to get rid of it.

One of those bastards got me when I was

looking for Baldur's Gate II information (the site was filled with crap), and they put all kinds of porn short

links in my favorites folder!!! AT WORK!!!

[belgareth]

I'm glad you

used the Symantic site. There are a lot of fake anti spyware sites that infect your computer out there

This site lists them.

I understand that

the fedds are pursuing charges aginast several of those companies.

Mtnjiim is right to suggest you avoid them.

One great product that you can get for free is Ad Aware SE. It's at

www.downloads.com, just do a search. Another good AV site is

www.grisoft.com.

[Mtnjim]

I understand that

the fedds are pursuing charges aginast several of those companies.

Mtnjiim is right to suggest you avoid them.

One great product that you can get for free is Ad Aware SE. It's at

www.downloads.com, just do a search. Another good AV site is

www.grisoft.com.

I agree about AdAware, but most experts (some people

consider me one in this field) suggest running both AdAware and a program calles Spybot SD available

from the same location. Seems that each product gets only about 75% of the spyware, but not the same 75%.



Remember practice safe computing!!

[belgareth]

I agree about

AdAware, but most experts (some people consider me one in this field) suggest running both AdAware and

a program calles Spybot SD available from the same location. Seems that each product gets only about 75% of the

spyware, but not the same 75%.

Remember practice safe computing!!

Spybot is a good program too. I

should apologise for not mentioning that. With the new version of Ad Aware I don't usually need spybot but I can

edit the registry where it isn't a good idea for the non-techy.

[Mtnjim]

"...but I can edit the registry

where it isn't a good idea for the non-techy."

And now the award for understatement of the year.



Good point, sometimes those of us who climb in "under the hood" tend to forget.

[DrSmellThis]

Neither AdawareSE nor Spybot

picked up my BHO, but it could have already been there. I'm not sure I was infected by searchmiracle. I found none

of the typical .exe files on my machine (I did not search the registry for related entries), though the browser was

painfully slow. Hopefully no one else was infected.

[belgareth]

Neither

adaware nor spybot picked up my BHO, but it could have already been there. I'm not sure I was infected by

searchmiracle. I found none of the typical .exe files on my machine (I did not search the registry for the others),

though the browser was painfully slow. Hopefully no one else was infected.

Before you search change your

folder options in control panel so you can see hidden and system files.

[DrSmellThis]

That is my default setting.

Plus I used a "find", in addition to a manual search of the typical download location to check for alternate names.

Thanks for the advice, though.

[Pancho1188]

When I fixed my computer

manually, I ran a search for all files created that day. If you haven't installed anything today, this is a

good way to find malicious files that spyware created on your computer.

[Sigfreed]

Here is a conversation I had

with Belgareth


My reply to his same questions

It's not intentional, I don't know why this is

happening but on forums & other websites that I go to certain words are highlighted links & I don't know

why.

The most common words I notice highlighted as links are sex, advertising, internet, cologne, porn & some

other words.

I thought it was a virus, but I've done a few virus scans & I've clearned any worms, trojans &

virus's that I had & it still occurs?

Do you have any idea?

Sometimes when I'm typing a pm or in a thread

all of a sudden a shit load of coding appears around one word & I manually have to delete it all.

I don't get

it?

Here is Belgareth's reply

You have a hijack. Try using Ad Aware SE, you can download it

free at downloads.com. If that doesn't do it, get a professional to take a look because you have what could be a

serious problem.

I've used these tools it might be one of the new softwares I've instaled.
B/c I've

used spybot, adaware se, and a system mechanic pro to remove junk files.



Now can we get back on the topic

at hand? How do we get this "NICE" lable removed? I just be myself around women. Like I said I am not shy to show

them I am a sexual being (btw what are your opinions for doing this most appropriately w/o offending anyone?), I

treat a lady with respect and know how to treat her like a lady, forgive me if I appear cocky but my sexual

techniques are top notch. However I AM NOT one of those jerks who forces a woman's head down, or forces them to

swallow. I do what a woman feels comfortable doing with me.



Could we hear a woman's point of view on this

please? Thanks

[a.k.a.]

Just for the record, genuinely nice

guys are patient, respectful of diverse opinions, conscious of other people’s needs, avoid being pushy, and not

easily offended.

[silksand]

As a woman who has already

replied to your questions, I will add that I think you are really barking up the wrong tree. When I tell someone

he's a nice guy, it is not derogatory in the least. It is a compliment. I would not want to get involved with

someone who lacked this quality. If I were to tell a man I was not attracted to that he was a nice guy, I would be

letting him know that I see and respect this quality in him, but for whatever reasons (quite likely lack of

chemistry) I am not attracted to him sexually. You are not ever going to have a perfect batting average and if you

did it would be meaningless. There are women who you have chemistry with and those you don't. Be patient, be open,

keep enjoying yourself and growing - you'll likely find some women with whom that spark of attraction is mutual.



And by the way, have you tried any pheromones? You say you want to be noticed as a sexual being - are you

having any success with pheromones in that sense?

[Pancho1188]

I've had sex with women who

have called me a nice guy.

Don't you think that maybe your negative reaction to being called a "nice guy" is

really what's causing the problem here? It sounds like if you hear those words, you give up or get upset...



Notice that SilkSand doesn't specifically say that it's over if a woman says that...sometimes they're

complimenting you because they like you, and other times they're (ironically) just being "nice"...I can't explain

it, but you can tell the difference if you try.