if my REP had any value, i'd
REP you NOW.
OK, who's gonna STICKY this?
Howdy
Folks!
Since this subject hit the forum, I've collected things/notes that caught my interest, and
wanted to share them. I'm sure there's lots more that can be added, but this is what I have. Sorry, no links.
BODY LANGUAGE NOTES:
The less you move about
(body movement) when entering a room, the more powerful and credible you are perceived to be.
To accurately
interpret a person’s body language one must be aware of (1) the culture in which it takes place, (2) whether the
environment is professional or personal, (3) the gender of the participant, and (4) be sure you’re receiving more
than 1 sign (the more signs you see, the greater the possibilities are that you’ve read her interest in you
correctly).
GESTURES
* Catching one’s eye
gaze, and holding it long than what is considered normal.
* Preening - A woman may
stroke her hair, twirl or toss her hair, check her makeup in a mirror, or rearrange her clothing.
* Moving in for the kill (cutting the space/distance between you two) - Some signs that someone is
trying to command your attention is the pouting of the lips, crossing and uncrossing the legs, placing the hands on
the hips, thrusting the hips out and leaning one’s body in toward you.
* Swaying
of her body and hips as she walks.
EYE
CONTACT
In a business or classroom situation, hard eye
contact is possible, but you must consider the professional setting. To help figure it out, you can look to see if
the body is turned away from you, or towards you.
SIGNS OF SEXUAL
INTEREST
* Intense eye contact (which will often shift to sexual organs,
like the breast or genitalia, or looking the intended up and down).
* An overly
exaggerated or coy smile* Concocted
laughter* Winking* Licking
the lips to wet them* Touching oneself in a flirtatious
manner* Overtly touching the intended target* Overtly thrusting out the
breast and/or hips* Swaying of the hips* Wearing of revealing clothing or excessive
makeup* Slightly separating her legs (in invitation) when seated.* Holding her hands
near her breast or thighs when talking.* Forward thrusting of her breast.* Slowly
licking her lips* Hair twirl with a finger* Lightly rubbing her
neck/leg* Lightly running a finger across her lip(s), breast* Playing with her
jewelry* Looking at your lips when you talk* Showing more leg then is appropriate (if
in a dress)
HOW TO TELL IF SHE’S PLAYING HARD TO GET
She’ll give the SIGNS OF SEXUAL INTEREST before turning and walking away. To determine if there’s genuine
interest, just look into her eyes. If she’s truly attracted, her eyes will drop, but will return to meet your
gaze.
STEPS IN CREATING SEXUAL ATTRACTION
OPEN POSTURE. DO NOT cross anything ... arms, legs, or sit or stand with hunched over
shoulders.
FACE YOUR PROSPECT, making sure you’re entire body is facing her.
THE
FLIRTING TRIANGLE - When the eyes travel from the eyes down the face, (for a more prolong period) to the mouth,
and for the more daring, the chest or genitalia area. The more intense flirting will have one looking from eye to
eye, and make sure you concentrate on the lips. Constantly looking at the lips will have them wondering if you’re
fantasizing about kissing them. The wider the flirting triangle, the more sexual interest exists.
MIRRORING
- Mirroring is one of the most powerful and influential body language skills we can possess. Whatever moves she
makes, you make, but work to not be so obvious. The concept of mirroring is to get someone to like you, and works as
a bonding mechanism. (1) NEVER mimic a negative movement (crossing of the arms or legs), (2) allow at least 50
SECONDS to pass before mirroring your target.
THE EYEBROW FLASH - When we first encounter someone that we
find attractive, our eyebrows instinctively rise and fall in a flirtatious pattern. Recognizing this can be very
advantageous to someone looking for romantic interest. It only last about one fifth of a second, so one has to
really be paying attention. If you want to let someone know of your romantic interest, magnify the eyebrow flash,
coupled with a smile.
POINTING - It’s natural for people to point at things that draws their interest, so
pay attention to their feet and hands. On a more subconscious level, people will position themselves so that their
hands, arms, legs, feet, toes and even their entire body at someone they’re interested in. If you want to let
someone know you’re interested in them, turn your body towards them.
BLINKING - Focus on her pupils,
which instinctively dilates when she sees someone, or something that interests her. Likewise, blinking
proportionately increases with this augmentation in pupil size. It is said that you can increase the blinking
rate of your target by blinking more yourself.
FOUR RULES FOR CREATING
ATTRACTION
* If someone hasn’t picked up on your interest, or is not
responding ... Do the opposite of what she’s doing. The opposite of mirroring ... she crosses her arms, you uncross
yours, she uncrosses her legs, you cross yours.
* Physically invade the other person’s territory,
SLOWLY to gradually break down her defense.
* Visual intrusion. Allow the eyes to do the talking for you. Let
them sensuously linger on her lips, neck, throat, collarbone, or breast (places you would like to kiss her).
*
Licking your lips, and narrowing of the eyes (bedroom eyes) also stirs arousal.
* Focus your
full attention on your target ONLY.
SIGNS OF
LYING
* Covering the mouth. People will try to cover it with a manufactured cough.
*
Stroking the nose.
* Closed palms
* Lack of eye contact - Women tend to look up at the ceiling and rub under
their eye to not give direct eye contact.
* Prolonged contact or heavy staring is the throw off method of
covering it up.
* She looks up and to the left ... normally, mentally conjuring up something - she’s lying
*
She looks up and to the right ... normally, she’s recalling an image - she’s not lying
* Minute facial
expressions
* Increased sweating
READING POSTURE
* Open posture
and leaning forward - an indication that she is responsive to and accepting what you’re telling her.
* Open
posture and leaning backwards - an indication that she is evaluating the information that you are giving her.
*
Closed posture and leaning forward - an indication that she isn’t paying any attention to what you’re saying. She’s
either skeptical or angry at what has been said.
* Closed posture and leaning backwards - an indication that she
wants to flee the situation completely.
SHE’S REJECTING YOU IF...
*
She rubs her nose
* Crosses that arms and legs
* Rubbing the hands or tugging at her ear
DATING YOUNGER WOMEN
THE SPECIFICS... WHAT, WHEN,
HOW WHY, WHERE...
Here are some specific ideas for dating younger women.
REMEMBER: These are WOMEN. They're not a different species.
1) Be Cool, Dude. When most older
guys meet a younger woman that they feel attracted to, they immediately begin to act WEIRD. They stop acting like
"themselves". Now, women don't know what you're like "normally", but they can tell INSTANTLY if you're NOT ACTING
LIKE YOURSELF. Us guys do all kinds of subtle and not-so-subtle little things when we're feeling nervous... and
these things give women the HEEBIE JEEBIES! So be cool. Relax. Don't act like a Wussbag.
2) Treat her like a
BRATTY LITTLE SISTER. Now that you're being "cool", take it to the NEXT LEVEL... Use one of my favorite personal
techniques, and treat her like your BRATTY LITTLE SIS. Tease her. Make fun. It's OK, go for it. Say all the things
you never had a chance to say when you were a freshman. Now's your big chance! And don't worry about it when she
plays "fake mad". Just turn it up some more. Oh, and call her on everything she does, or say that's immature. I
can't go into all the reasons why this is a great idea, but it is. You keep your power, you have all kinds of
opportunities to be Cocky & Funny, and you can always keep things interesting and challenging. Oh, and it's
COMPLETELY different than the way most Wussies treat her... which is good.
3) Don't try to follow or get her to
lead. Women in general are not attracted to men who don't take the lead... and younger women are no exception. In
fact, younger women have less experience in life, so trying to get them to lead and tell you what they want you to
do is just a horrible idea. Don't do it. You lead. You decide where you're going. You make the rules. If you try
to make her the boss, you'll run her off faster than you can say "I touch myself."
4) Don't try to take
advantage of the situation. Most attractive young women have had at LEAST one "icky older guy" that "tried
something" with her. Younger women are HYPER-ALERT when it comes to sketchy behavior. If you try to take advantage
of the situation or try to "make a move" too early, you'll most likely signal to her that you're a "perv" and that
you aren't to be trusted. Lean back. Chill. Give her room. When you walk down the street with her, bump into her
and push her AWAY from you. Tell her not to walk too close to you... tell her that other people might think
something. If you're alone with her in your living room, don't sit right next to her. If she touches you while
talking, don't touch her back... or even make fun of it and say "Keep your hands off the goods."
5) Don't
intrude on or interfere with her life. You must remember that younger women have lives of their own. Often they're
very close to their families, and they're unsure of how their families would respond if they found out that their
pride and joy daughter was dating an older guy. Remember, she just got FREE of the overbearing father... and she
doesn't need a new one. Don't call her at work, don't show up to see her unexpectedly, and don't embarrass her.
If you want to make an attractive young woman perform magic (the instant disappearing act), just interfere with her
life. She's free, so let her be free. Encourage it, even. Don't interfere.
6) Let her come to you... don't
chase her. If you want to make friends with a cat, the best tactic is to IGNORE IT. Cats are interesting creatures.
Have you ever noticed that if you chase a cat, it will run... but if you sit and ignore it, you'll soon find
yourself pushing it off of your lap? Same goes for younger women. Like I just mentioned, younger women have often
just "escaped" from controlling parents, structured lives, and zero freedom. If she's attracted to you, it's not
because you're creating the environment that she just left... it's because you represent something different.
You'll find that if you call her all the time and chase her, she'll be harder to get a hold of, and less likely to
continue to see you. If you let her go, let her live her life, and make yourself more scarce, you'll be more likely
to have her pursuing YOU. Be the man that she's always dreamed about, and then don't chase her.
7) EXPECT her
to change. If you're dating a woman between the ages of 18 and 23, you need to remember that her life is probably
going to change DRAMATICALLY over the next few years. You need to keep an open mind, and not try to restrict or
hinder her options. You need to expect and even encourage her to grow, change, and become all she can be. The
reality is that the chances are SLIM that she's going to be with you in a few years. In fact, the chances are slim
that she's even going to be the same person in a few years. Get over it, and be OK with it. Challenge her to grow,
achieve, and be her best... and don't accept second-class behavior from her. But she's going to change, so expect
it.
8) Be CHIVALROUS. Most younger women have had VERY FEW men in their lives who even know what the word
"Chivalry" means. If you're one of those men, then you need to LEARN what the word means. Opening doors, walking on
the outside of the curb, and pulling out chairs makes a BIG impression on younger women. When you combine a
masculine, powerful presence with chivalry, you will stand out and make yourself VERY intriguing and attractive.
9) Stay totally calm in the face of drama. Younger women often have a lot of drama happening around them, and they
often act dramatic. I could write an entire book about all the things that a young woman has going on around her
that are TOTALLY UNSTABLE... And the most influential one is the other people in her life. If she freaks out about
something, don't let it get to you. Stay cool and calm. Don't try to fix all her problems, and don't try to stand
in for her dad. She isn't looking for advice, so don't give it to her (unless she asks seriously, and in a
non-emotional tone). One of the things that makes you attractive as an older man is the stability that you bring. So
BRING IT.
10) Be conscious of how often you see her and speak with her. Younger women are less in-control of
their emotions... and can become attached more quickly and easily. The "trigger" for a woman "becoming attached" is
how often you see her and talk to her. If you want to trigger the "relationship" mechanism, spend a lot of time with
her. If you DON'T want to trigger those emotions, you need to limit the time you spend with her. As a rule of
thumb, don't see her more than once a week, and don't talk to her more than once or twice a week unless you want
her to start becoming very attached to you. And I don't care what you SAY... it's the AMOUNT OF TIME you spend
with her that makes this determination. Trust me.
UNDERSTAND ATTRACTION: As always, the
most IMPORTANT thing you must understand when dating younger women is how ATTRACTION WORKS. If you don't understand
ATTRACTION, then none of what I just taught you will make a damn bit of difference... In fact, if you don't
understand ATTRACTION, then most of the things I just taught you above will probably BACKFIRE on you. So what's the
best way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you? In fact, what's the fastest, most efficient, most
complete, most EFFECTIVE way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you available in the world? Do the
opposite of what you think you should do to win her over. If you put a young, beautiful woman in a guys house on his
couch, he doesn't know the FIRST THING about how to make her feel ATTRACTION for him. He'll do things to please
her, hoping that at some point she begins to get "into the mood"... and then somehow lets him know. It will NEVER
HAPPEN. But if that guy knows the secrets of how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION... and how to smoothly take things
to a physical level without triggering resistance and rejection... then he will be successful almost every
time.
AN IRONIC PROLOGUE: As I sat in Starbucks writing this newsletter on my
laptop, across from me is a couple sitting at a table talking. And guess what? He's obviously older. He's probably
in his early 30s. She looks and sounds like she's around 19 or 20 years old.
It's obvious that this is the
first time that they've met (they're wrapping up their conversation, and she just said "It was nice meeting you").
He wasn't saying much, and she was basically doing all the talking... and boy was she ever talking. About a million
miles a minute...
She was leading the entire conversation, and he was trying to be a "nice guy" and let her
lead things.
She was talking about what life was like before she moved away from her parents.
She was
saying "My parents were overbearing" and talking about what it was like to live at home. The guy was sitting there
nervously talking to her... and fidgeting. She was asking him questions like "What is your family like", and he was
trying to give her "good answers" like "My family is nice, and my parents are sweet" etc.
It was obvious that
she was trying to keep the conversation going, and he was trying his best not to "say anything stupid"... he was
trying to seem like a "nice guy". At one point when she asked him a question, he sat forward, turned his hands up in
the air in a "I'm just a regular guy, nothing special here" gesture, and answered about himself.
They just got
up and left. It was PAINFULLY CLEAR to me that this guy did NOT understand what to do in this situation. He probably
met her online in a chat or on a personals website. He was probably all excited about meeting her. He probably
offered to take her to dinner, and paid for an expensive meal... and maybe even a movie before winding up at
Starbucks. He probably has no idea whether or not she is interested in him, and he will probably go home tonight
wishing he would have kissed her... and wishing he would have "made a move". He didn't get it. DON'T BE
THAT GUY!
One thing to look for when you are unsure of a woman’s interest is
whether the woman is tightly clasping their hands together or crossing their feet at the ankles underneath their
chairs (almost putting their feet behind them). These are signs that they are feeling anxious and are trying to
maintain control over themselves. The hand clasping is a more certain signal (in my experience). The woman is
usually standing when she does this (because she cannot cross her ankles and be ladylike). So, if you move closer,
she may make nervous eye contact with you (if you are the reason why she is feeling that way). If you move farther
away she may relax a bit and try to check you out. If she doesn't change her posture after you change your
position, she is probably not thinking about you/attracted to you.
I should also have mentioned that you can
look at which direction their feet are pointing, and in which direction they are aiming their torsos. Tonight, a
woman who was very interested in me sat down and talked with another man for about five minutes. Nonetheless,
wherever I stood in the room, her feet managed to point toward me. She continually shifted her position so that I
remained in her eyesight. But she did not flip her hair, adjust her clothing, rub her legs, thrust her breasts out
at me, or smile at me, or send any of the classic "I am interested in you" signals (she is probably 30ish). She was
very cool, very subtle. I already knew beforehand she was interested in me but I was somewhat amused AND amazed to
see how she maintained that non-verbal connection with me while maintaining a full conversation with the other man
(and SHE was doing most of the talking). Women send signals men just never realize are there. I am sure the other
guy thought she was into him. She was just being polite and answering his questions.
SELLING
AND INFLUENCING
They’re possibly interested in buying if they are ...
maintaining eye contact, turning their body towards you, nod their head in agreement to what you have to
say.
INCREASING THE PROBABILITY OF A SALE
*
Stand up when greeting someone
* Study their formality and energy level and
match them with your own
* Put forth a strong and effective handshake
* Convey open and relaxed posture
* Allow your body language to match your words
* Move closer to your target
* Keep your hands in neutral
position, and never point
* Use leaning to your advantage:
- LEAN IN to display interest;
- LEAN BACK
when you’re making a point to be taken seriously; and
- MAINTAIN NEUTRAL POSTURE when discussing prices.
*
Allow brief silences
* Make a lasting impression - Stand up straight, give a firm handshake, and
maintain good eye contact when closing a deal.
-------------------------------------
I didn't write any of this, but I
collected bits and pieces as I ran into things here and there. Body Language is hard if ya ask me, but, I can see
where it can be useful!
Hope something in
here helps ya!
Last edited by MOBLEYC57; 03-28-2005 at 10:58 PM.
Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!
if my REP had any value, i'd
REP you NOW.
OK, who's gonna STICKY this?
Great post but I think your font
size control is screwed up , its all over the place
Thanks, CarniV!Originally Posted by Icehawk
Yeah,
IH, I know. I edited it twice, changed the font sizes, and it looked great. But after I submitted it again, it came
out the same. Sowwy!
Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!
No problem to fix it for you.
To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
Thomas Jefferson
Thanks, Bel! I think I
got most of the kinks out!
Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!
It is very interesting
indeed.
Some things are classics but it's good to be reminded.
Great notes .. thanks
Mobley
"He who makes a beast of himself
gets rid of the pain of being a man"
DR. JOHNSON
Greetings SirAngel
I just picked up a book on
body language so I'll add anything else as I am reading.This should be a sticky thread.
AnyOriginally Posted by platinumfox
new additions, PFox?
I've noticed lately that when I'm working at getting my throne back at MiniPool,
I cross my ankles realllll tightly while playing. Any thoughts, 'cause this is definitely new to me?
Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!
The median 22yr old woman gets
laid twice as often than the median 22yr old man. This draws to the conclusion that most 22yr old guys dont get laid
quite often, and that a handful get laid all the time, with alot of different partners.
Now I agree in
everything thats written here, this is VERY good material for guys who are pretty much clueless. This stuff alone
WILL get you laid, liked, in a relationship, whichever preference you might have.
BUT(you knew it was
coming), one thing I have to comment on in this text is that alot of it is based on calibrating. Meaning you CARE
what she thinks of you. Trying to read if she's interested, or attracted.
Me, I say SCREW THAT THINKING!
Assume there is attraction and maintain that frame of mind! If you behave like they are attracted to you and you
maintain that reality they'll soon be sucked into it. And if you dont give a flying * if they like you or
dont(simply assuming they do) then you come off as strong and manly(read: leading) as possible. That is attractive.
Furthermore to evolve away from bodylanguage specifics I can add that bodylanguage is just a reflection of you state
of mind and emotion. What you believe.
Believe you are attractive and you'll behave attractively(where
bodylanguage is a part of that behavior). Instead of focusing on do A and B and C and D to reflect attraction, try
to imagine you two are in the bedroom about to have sex, then that triangular gaze, the soft bedroom eyes, the soft
sensual movements will all come naturally.
This is ofcourse advancing from the specifics of bodylanguage,
its insightful to learn but this is much more effective in application. Try it..
Great post MOBLEYC57 ........ All
this nlp stuff is in a book I read called 'Sales Majic' by Kerry L Johnson and it is very effective.
Flash1
I think this could be effective, as a style... if it's allOriginally Posted by seduceme
about style. If she's someone who only takes you in skin-deep.
Style is nice - it's like dessert. It
won't sustain you long, though.
It's called active listening. It means taking an active interest in what the other person is saying.
Especially trying hard to take in the full gestalt of where that person is coming from. It ranges from frustrating
to infuriating when you're across from a self involved asshole (or ashollette) who isn't bothering; why ? They
were raised like princes and princesses who could do no wrong ? People exist to provide them with entertainment ?
They're fucked up on heroin ? Their sole source of information about life comes from music videos ? They think
their tits or their dick is/are a sufficient source of wonderment and no other conversational exertions are
necessary ? They only speak a near extinct Turko-Urgic dialect known in three Anatolian sheep herding communities
?
I well remember the most beautiful Moroccan girl, she was moderately insecure, she didn't have much to add
to the conversation, and how much she opened up when I began to ask her to tell us about what it meant to be a child
growing up in Morocco, how her early life was so unlike Americans... she was bowled over that someone would want to
know about her culture, her life, how she was shaped by the events around her as a kid... she was so accustomed to
being categorized as a beautiful, exotic, slender goddess, which she was, she was not accustomed to being taken
seriously as a rich source of information about another culture. She had gotten the idea, probably unfortunately all
too true, that she was expected to hang back and make her date look good. Lucky for her she found a great guy, I
think they got married and lived happily ever after, or maybe she shot him in a dispute over a couscous recipe and
she fled back to Tangier to nurse baby camels... life is unpredictable.
Most of this is very good, and
right on target.
I look up and to the Left if I'm thinking, hardly ever look up and to the right.
I think that
might be a L brain, R brain thing.
The bratty little sister thing can only go so far, so go easy on that until
you are sure she's interested. I hate to be teased by guys that I don't care for, but once I do care for them, it
can be fun to an extent.
Take the lead, be in control of the situation, but DON'T be controlling. Yes ignore
to an extent, be interested, seemingly not in a sexual sense until you're sure she's interested. One of my
favorite comments is, "I'm concerned about....." Wow, they're concerned about me, now that's sexy.
A guy
with a life is a turn on. Can't stand guys that don't have other things to do and grovel at my feet. Bleh! Not
attractive.
A winning smile is one of the best things, and a great sense of humor.
Just my 2 cents.
Bindy
Now that you mention it, Bindy,
that part about observing eye movements to detect lying is easily misinterpreted, the way it is phrased. As written:
"* She looks up and to the left ... normally, mentally conjuring up something - she’s lying
* She
looks up and to the right ... normally, she’s recalling an image - she’s not lying
This is correct for MOST
people, not all - some of us are "switched" and there're nothing wrong with that, it's just a variant of normal.
BUT, it is correct if you understand it to mean that as you are facing her, she looks up and to HER left (which
would be YOUR RIGHT) - that is visual memory. Up and to one's own left = visual recall. Up and to one's own right
= visual construction. This is usually linked to how people "see" their timeline - past to the left, future to the
right. But again, there is *lots* of variation in how folks are "wired" and you can only depend on this tidbit if
you have reliably calibrated with the person first, before using it to detect lying.
Surfsup, I really appreciate
your post about active listening and the Moroccan woman. It is a beautiful thing when you can elicit and honestly
respond to someone's inner self, how they feel about what truly makes them themselves, instead of falling for
appearances as it is so easy to do. THAT will get you everywhere you want to go, with women and with people in
general. Because it is a real human connection, and being truly seen and known and accepted are things that we all
crave. Thanks for telling us her story.
Here's a completely crazy idea
that could just work:
Be yourself. Be forthright and open. Try your best to be a thoughtful date and a
gentleman. LISTEN to what she says.
Best thing about it is you don't even have to pretend to be anyone else.
Call me crazy, call me a rebel, but I think I might be on to something here...
You are so right Silksand, didn't
really think of it that way.
And Satyrboy, I agree, how can you expect someone to like you if you're
not being
yourself. I've known plenty of seemingly geeky guys, who turned
out to be very hot, just because of their
confidence, sincerity, and warmth.
Bindy
Good points all round - depends if
youre playing with attention seeking women (usually 9s or 10s on attraction scale) or someone whos going to stick
around longer than 5 minutes - might be a 6 or 7
Of course you can get a 10 who is completley loyal as well
im just generalising above but both approaches work but if youre a walkover whining male in real life and a turnoff
to most women - being youreself at that stage is a loss making strategy you need to change
You have theOriginally Posted by satyrboy
right idea. It sounds like your wife is a lucky woman.
in the final analysis you need *content* that is congruent with your level of style.
I think the person who has traveled widely (let's make a distinction here between *travel*, where you try to
understand the language, the culture, values, issues of the place you travel to, and *tourism* where the locals
serve as a stage set, flunkies to bring you drinks, change your sheets, sell you useless crap)... well, lets say the
person has travelled, he/she has integrated into a foreign culture or two, or mastered a subject that requires no
small self discipline, had some complex meaningful relations with complex meaningful people who didn't immediately
offer comforting confirmation to one's pre-existing biases about the way that things are, or should be, or would be
if God got his self down here and straightened out these heathen bums, and maybe read 10 or 20 difficult books that
rose well above the standard of trashy bestsellers... yeah, that person is going to have something to say, there are
dimensions to that person's being that won't be there in another person who does nothing but talk drivel into
their cell phone and flip impatiently through magazines... the take away lesson is that you have to work hard at
life if you want to differentiate yourself from the herd... and you don't have to... one may choose to do nothing,
never grow or expand, be comfortable, self satisfied, and take the easy way out of any problems that come up in
life. Now, if such a person then decides that their "problem" is a general lack of style they're making what the
philosophers call an *attribution error*... they attribute their lack of connection to failing to hold the right
pose, being overweight, ordering the wrong drink... but that's all a great mistake... if someone is basically
empty, vacuous and they have a pretty lacquered shell of mannered behaviors you can't help but feel weirdness and
hollowness around this person, like talking into a large empty room where you only hear the echo.... OTOH, you talk
to a person who has lived a ton, they know stuff *first hand*, they know details about life and people you can only
know from full sensory engagement, when you talk to this person you feel like there are layers upon layers, each
depth leads to another depth, you might not find it necessary to attempt to seduce this person, he or she would see
right though you anyway, so you have no option but to be real...
Care to elaborate?Originally Posted by silksand
Originally Posted by satyrboy
Call me even crazier but what about changing yourself, your inner core to a more
attractive one? Thus you never need to put on an act, no need to try to be someone else, no need to try to be
something.
surf's up just said it; see above - I especially liked the last part:Originally Posted by seduceme
"...if
someone is basically empty, vacuous and they have a pretty lacquered shell of mannered behaviors you can't help but
feel weirdness and hollowness around this person, like talking into a large empty room where you only hear the
echo.... OTOH, you talk to a person who has lived a ton, they know stuff *first hand*, they know details about life
and people you can only know from full sensory engagement, when you talk to this person you feel like there are
layers upon layers, each depth leads to another depth, you might not find it necessary to attempt to seduce this
person, he or she would see right though you anyway, so you have no option but to be real."
This is so
refreshing to read here!
Style/content: If you have great content (which requires living fully, honestly,
deeply) you will have little need to study style, in order to connect with others on the same level.
Allright i got ya, but still
even if your style is to assume attraction/likability in others then its easier done with something to back that up
with, say experience and knowledge?
I know people who have lived life, gone through hell and back but lack
social skills. Then I know people who are socially skillful and can bullshit to the break of dawn without really
having experienced anything in life.
The word youre looking for would be incongruecy. The wierdness or
hollowness is something socially intelligent people feel and pickup on when a person is being incongruent. Fake it
'til you make it, but by all means make it!
Originally Posted by silksand
Disagree, then youre limited to people 'on
the same level' and the more you live life the more limited your targetcrowd will be. Just because you are
experiencing things doesnt necessarily mean they are beneficial for your socialskills.
For example lets say you
experience a wonderful life, and then share them with new people, you might come of as a braggart, someone who is
flaunting their experiences making their hopeful friends feel insecure, inferior and jealous. Not a very good
outcome no? Connection is achieved through rapport, rapport is established with people who share
commoness(spellcheck?) towards one another.
Nice post! Lately I have also been trying to provide a moreOriginally Posted by surfs_up
real alternative to "seduction theory" here. Let's not kid ourselves. It depends on who you really are, and how you
relate as a person. That is the whole basis for it all. If you can't get it on that level, you can't get it.
You don't want to just attract idiots who can't see beyond your game. But this is the consequence of being
"game-based".
DrSmellThis (creator of P H E R O S)
This is a confusing post to me. Someone with great contentOriginally Posted by seduceme
won't come across lame like that. It's not just about travelling.
Last edited by DrSmellThis; 03-29-2005 at 12:34 PM.
DrSmellThis (creator of P H E R O S)
Originally Posted by DrSmellThis
In a sense that's also
settling for your level of sexuality in the hierarchy of human mating. There are guys who get laid, laid alot, and
with highstatus stunning looking women. Then there are alot of guys who dont get laid at all.
So if you feel
like simply accepting your position without striving to be better, get better or have better circumstances sexually
thats fine by me. But if youre not , then shape up and transform, evolve.
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