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  1. #1
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Default Because I'm A Man

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    Because

    I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a

    wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has

    set in. AAA is not an

    option. I will win.

    __________________________________________________ ___

    Because

    I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the

    hood and stare at the engine as if I know what

    I'm looking at. If

    another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be

    able to fix these

    things, but now with all these computers and

    everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink

    beer and

    break wind as a form of Holy Communion.

    __________________________________________

    Because I'm a

    man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup

    and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.

    You're a woman. You

    never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a

    problem.

    __________________________________________________ ___

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to

    purchase basic groceries at

    the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items

    like

    "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And

    never, under any circumstances, expect me to

    pick up anything for which

    "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice

    and not a

    bodily

    function)

    __________________________________________________ ___

    Because I'm a man, when one of our

    appliances stops

    working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this

    will just cost me twice

    as much, once the repair person gets here and

    has to put it back

    together.

    __________________________________________________ ___

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television

    remote control in my hand

    while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole

    show looking

    for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a

    calculator) ...applies to engineers

    mainly.

    __________________________________________________ ___

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me

    what I'm

    thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I

    have to make up something else

    when you ask, so don't ask.

    __________________________________________________ ___

    Because I'm a man, I do

    not want to visit your mother, or have your

    mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about

    her

    any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay;

    I don't need to see it. And

    don't forget to pick up something for my

    mother too.

    __________________________________________________ ___

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked

    the movie.

    Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you

    are feeling amorous

    afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember

    the name and recommend it to

    others.

    __________________________________________________ ___

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing

    is fine. I thought what

    you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is

    fine. With

    the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You

    look fine. Can we just go

    now?

    __________________________________________________ ___

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the

    year 2005, I will share

    equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the

    cleaning, the

    vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like

    looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the

    garden with a beer

    wondering what to do.

    __________________________________________________ ___

    This has

    been a public service message for Women to better understand

    the Male. Have a great day!!!

    To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.

    Thomas Jefferson

  2. #2
    Phero Dude Marlboro_man's Avatar
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    Default

    Because I'm a man.... I

    can certainly relate. Good stuff Bel!

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