Unwanted hits

[Silver]

I really don't think that women

think guys hit on them all the time. I mean, heck, half the time I'm at a party with my girls we're whispering

back and forth 'Do you think he's looking at me? I think he's looking at me. No, he's not looking at me.'



I agree with you, belgareth, in that holding the door for a woman is very gentlemanly, and should never be

responded to with rudeness. I also agree with you, tongue, in that if an older man hit on a woman respectfully,

then they should still be treated with courtesy, although I personally find hitting on a woman who could be your

granddaughter kind of gross no matter the sophistication of your approach.

However, the women in this particular

article that I was talking about are not responding to polite compliments and flirtation, but rather guys that

won't take a hint, or are crude and lewd, men who "still believe that a woman enjoys hearing comments about the

size of certain regions of her body, so that everyone in earshot can turn around and examine her merits, too" and

say things such as "Baby, let me work on you and that hot little body."

Now, I consider myself a very polite

person, and I would never even think about being rude to a guy who held a door open for me, but when hear comments

like those, and I have before, by all that is good and right in the world, I reserve my right to yell at him to my

heart's desire.

~Silver

[belgareth]

...when hear

comments like those, and I have before, by all that is good and right in the world, I reserve my right to yell at

him to my heart's desire.

~Silver

And you would be well within your rights to do so. There is no excuse

for some man (or woman) of any age being a crude ass to anybody.

[Gegogi]

Silver writes, "when a guy hitting on you is clearly twice your age or more, you have the right to a dose of

bitchiness. But most of the time you just have to take the good with the bad."

I don't feel or

consider myself old but, alas, I just turned 50. Inside I have the same feelings and desires I did 25 years ago, and

that applies to women. I can still fall in love, be a total fool and hurt just as bad as I did 30 years ago. When I

was in high school and college I was mainly attracted to "older" women. i.e., mid-20s. Over the years that

preference hasn't changed much. I figured by age 50 I'd be done for but lots of younger women are attracted to me

and let me know in no uncertain terms. I rarely comeon to women--shy & don't want the image of a dirty old man--but

women are much bolder than they were 20 years ago. They're usually surprised when they learn my age--they think

I'm in my 30s--but it doesn't deter them. Once in the relationship the trappings of age quickly melt away. I'm

not a sugar daddy--I'm a college professor & professional musician--but women 20-30 are strangely attracted to me

(younger women usually leave me alone). Perhaps it's part of the vintage craze but I can't complain.

[belgareth]

I'm a couple years younger

than Gegogi and completely understand his point of view. The biggest advantage of age is that it opens more

opportunity. It's really strange but in the last few years I have had more hits from women in their late 20's to

early 30's than I ever did when I was that age. As a businessman I can't afford to be seen as a dirty old man who

hits on youngsters either. It isn't necesary to hit on them, they make their opinions very plain. Not all, of

course but a surprising number of them and they are usually some of the best lookers.

[DCW]

I think the reason is

because people who are as naturally polite as you are a rarity. I assume you are one of those guys who even holds

doors for other guys and lets them go first. I always thought that is a pretty classy thing, though I can tell the

act is out of respect not incentive easier than a woman could, especially an attactive one.

I was

talking to a lady online today (we spoke once or twice in the past). I told her I was heading to Starbucks and if

she would join me, she immediately became defensive and suspicious, so I assured her that I just wanted to chat and

nothing more.
She told me that it was a rarity, which to me was kinda sad.

Well to make a long story short

we met at Starbucks and chatted, she told me that she was getting an early start on preparing her Christmas meal. I

told her that I was going to brew some ginger beer but wasn’t planning on a formal Christmas dinner (unless the ex

makes one), at this point she invited me to her home for Christmas dinner and thanked her for the consideration

(undecided).

We parted eventually but I couldn’t help remembering how she carried with suspicious. It seems

that they are those who for some strange reason can’t see men and women as just being friends.

BTW I was

looking at her ass when we walked to her car, but that’s beside the point.



DCW

[BassMan]

I'm a couple

years younger than Gegogi and completely understand his point of view. The biggest advantage of age is that it opens

more opportunity. It's really strange but in the last few years I have had more hits from women in their late 20's

to early 30's than I ever did when I was that age. As a businessman I can't afford to be seen as a dirty old man

who hits on youngsters either. It isn't necesary to hit on them, they make their opinions very plain. Not all, of

course but a surprising number of them and they are usually some of the best lookers.

I'm a couple of

years older than both of you.

There seems to be a serious shift in attitude about sex that occurs when a female

hits her mid to late 20's.

It doesn't at all surprise me that Silver (at 19) finds being hit on by men 20

years her senior "gross." It also doesn't surprise me that females 25-35 find you and Gegogi (and me, for that

matter) "interesting."

I noticed the shift when I was 30, and rather suddenly the females I was with started

playing with their sexual urges, rather than fighting them. I had completely forgotten that dynamic, only to be

reminded of it in the past few years since my divorce.

My best friend for some years now has been a

20-something. If she had been her current age (25) instead of 20 when we met, we would have been lovers rather than

best friends - we've had more than one convo on that topic. Ah, well.

-Bass

[belgareth]

DCW,

That is sad but it

illistrates my point nicely. One of the things I like about meeting people places like this forum is that we can be

friends without them either thinking I am hitting on them or making judgments about their appearance or any other

trait beside who they are.

Bassman,
My middle daughter just turned 18. She once asked my SO who is 28 what she

saw in a man my age, she thought it was kind of gross too. Jessica, on the other hand, finds men her own age to be

almost intolerable because of their attitudes towards women. If I was a fat old buzzard who didn't care for hmself

it might be different though. She doesn't think much of that type either.

[bjf]

I was talking to a lady

online today (we spoke once or twice in the past). I told her I was heading to Starbucks and if she would join me,

she immediately became defensive and suspicious, so I assured her that I just wanted to chat and nothing

more.
She told me that it was a rarity, which to me was kinda sad.

Well to make a long story short we met

at Starbucks and chatted, she told me that she was getting an early start on preparing her Christmas meal. I told

her that I was going to brew some ginger beer but wasn’t planning on a formal Christmas dinner (unless the ex makes

one), at this point she invited me to her home for Christmas dinner and thanked her for the consideration

(undecided).

We parted eventually but I couldn’t help remembering how she carried with suspicious. It seems

that there are those who some strange reason can’t see men and women just being friends.

BTW I was looking at

her ass when we walked to her car, but that’s beside the point.



DCW

haha, funny

ending.

re: friends

Because some women realize how complicated it is to just be friends with guys

considering most guys just want to be friends as a way to become lovers. When they try friendships and reject the

guys eventual advances, it leads to an upset male, and ultimately an upset female.

Too much confusion. And

it is not as easy as everybody stating what we want from the beginning, because nobody knows that all the

time.

Friendships with the same sex are simpler. Nobodies feelings get hurt, nobody gets burned.

[bjf]

I'm a couple of years

older than both of you.

There seems to be a serious shift in attitude about sex that occurs when a female

hits her mid to late 20's.

It doesn't at all surprise me that Silver (at 19) finds being hit on by men 20

years her senior "gross." It also doesn't surprise me that females 25-35 find you and Gegogi (and me, for that

matter) "interesting."

I noticed the shift when I was 30, and rather suddenly the females I was with

started playing with their sexual urges, rather than fighting them. I had completely forgotten that dynamic, only to

be reminded of it in the past few years since my divorce.

My best friend for some years now has been a

20-something. If she had been her current age (25) instead of 20 when we met, we would have been lovers rather than

best friends - we've had more than one convo on that topic. Ah, well.

-Bass

The shift in

attitude has to do with a shift in biology more than anything else. As we all know, men's sexual peak comes at

what, 19? Women's at 30? Not to say just life experience doesn't play a role, but biology is what ultimately

controls the attitudes of both sexes.

And once women get hornier, they don't just get interested in the

older guys if you know what I mean.

[DCW]

DCW,

That is

sad but it illistrates my point nicely. One of the things I like about meeting people places like this forum is that

we can be friends without them either thinking I am hitting on them or making judgments about their appearance or

any other trait beside who they are.

True, most of my friends are women and yes some were past lovers

but we value the friendship and continue to talk and relate life's experience.
You'll be surprised that in a

city as big as Houston just how many lonely people they are, in my opinion people don't value relationships and

frienships like they use to.


DCW

[belgareth]

haha, funny

ending.

re: friends

Because some women realize how complicated it is to just be friends with guys

considering most guys just want to be friends as a way to become lovers. When they try friendships and reject the

guys eventual advances, it leads to an upset male, and ultimately an upset female.

Too much confusion. And it is

not as easy as everybody stating what we want from the beginning, because nobody knows that all the time.



Friendships with the same sex are simpler. Nobodies feelings get hurt, nobody gets burned.

It sounds

like the guy wasn't very honest about what he wanted in the first place. If he wasn't misleading the lady, he

certainly was misleading himself.

[belgareth]

True, most of my

friends are women and yes some were past lovers but we value the friendship and continue to talk and relate life's

experience.
You'll be surprised that in a city as big as Houston just how many lonely people they are, in my

opinion people don't value relationships and frienships like they use to.


DCW

Same here, many of

my friends are women. It's refreshing at times because men seem to want to compete with each other where a man and

woman can relate without that nonsense. I think you're right about how people don't value relationships as much

anymore. It so often comes down to "what can they do for me?" That's a terrible way to live.

[BassMan]

Bassman,
My

middle daughter just turned 18. She once asked my SO who is 28 what she saw in a man my age, she thought it was kind

of gross too. Jessica, on the other hand, finds men her own age to be almost intolerable because of their attitudes

towards women. If I was a fat old buzzard who didn't care for hmself it might be different though. She doesn't

think much of that type either.

I no longer "work out", but I do yoga and walk constantly. I've gotton more

than one woman half my age exasperated trying to keep up with my energy level...

As I suspect Gegogi can testify

- being a performing musician covers a multitude of sins... It won't make _every_ young woman hot for you, but it

certainly improves the odds.

-Bass

[BassMan]

True, most of my

friends are women and yes some were past lovers but we value the friendship and continue to talk and relate life's

experience.
You'll be surprised that in a city as big as Houston just how many lonely people they are, in my

opinion people don't value relationships and frienships like they use to.


DCW

DCW and Bel -



Same here - I have many female friends. The relationships tend to be more intimate than those I have with males -

with the exception of one close male friend who has a very well developed female side.

A lot of males,

including some I've known and played music with for years, seem to be afraid of developing closeness with another

male, unless it's in a very structured way, such as sports (I played soccer in an earlier incarnation), or music.

I've always supposed it's cultural...

-Bass

[Silver]

Hmm, I don't know, I guess I

don't see it as a physical thing. The physical aspect is a PART of why I think dating a much older man would be

kind of weird, but it's not the be all end all. Like, I wouldn't consider physical attractiveness to be THE

reason I find a guy who could be my grandfather undateable. Physical attractiveness is always a factor, but if t

here is chemistry there then there's chemistry, no matter the age.

The way I look at it, it's about where you

are in life. I mean, how old is pierce brosnan? Hotter than most guys my age, that's for sure. But he's still

over 50, and there are still the problems that arise from such an age difference. Which is not to say I wouldn't

shag pierce brosnan, I mean every girl's got to make an exception for bond, but this is just to illustrate that

it's not the physical attractiveness that's the main issue here. A guy at 50 is looking for vastly different

things, from a relationship, from other people, and from life in general. The gulf between a 25-30 woman, who is

probably already working out in the real world, worrying about a rent a utility bill and the groceries, and a man in

his 50s, is most definitely significantly smaller than the gulf between an 18-25 year old, most likely in school or

just recently out of it, looking for freedom, experimentation, and excitement, and the same man, or even a 40 year

old. I don't think the younger women are less mature, or just not sexually come into themselves yet, but rather

just looking for such different things.

Maybe I could see myself dating a 50 year old when I'm 30. Who knows,

I don't think so, but it's within the realm of possibility. But I just REALLY can't see myself dating even a 40

year old now, or within the next 5 years, if that makes any sense.

Cheers,
~Silver

p.s. Bassman and Gegogi,

being a musician ALWAYS helps

[Gegogi]

"Friendships with the same

sex are simpler. Nobodies feelings get hurt, nobody gets burned."

True, male to male friendships are

usually simpler. Most of my guy friends tend to confine themselves to one activity--e.g., smokin' buddies,

drinkin' buddies, jammin' buddies--and are uncomfortable if you stray to far afield or get too personal. On the

other hand, relationships with my female friends--the majority of my friends--tend to be more personal and

multifaceted. That isn't to say I haven't hurt or been hurt by male friends, you merely have less oportunity due

to the narrower relationship. And, man, male egos are the most fragile of all...

"As I suspect Gegogi

can testify - being a performing musician covers a multitude of sins... It won't make _every_ young woman hot for

you, but it certainly improves the odds."

Yeah, for some reason you look a lot better under

stagelights compared to daylight! However, many women I meet after performances tire of me quickly once they see the

music thing going on all day.

[belgareth]

Silver,

You're voicing

concerns I had when Jessica started letting me know she was interested in me. She's still a student, will get

hooded soon. I couldn't imagine what we would have in common outside the bedroom. It took a long time of my

treating her as a friend for me to see that she was serious and could be a good companion to me. The last thing I

wanted was to get into a relationship that was going to get either of us hurt.

She surprises me all the time

with her insights and maturity. We can go to the ballet or a play together, afterwards go get ice creams and walk

along eating them and giggling like children. Or take a bottle of wine for a moonlit walk along the seashore and

just enjoy one another. It's a strange thing. I guess it helps that she's about three times smarter than me, I

have to respect her.

[Gegogi]

"It's a strange thing. I guess it helps that she's about three times smarter than me,

I have to respect her."

I have to say, intelligent and well educated women are a massive turn on for

me. Such women have said the very thing that I find attractive scares many men. In fact, the mere mention of

graduate degrees sends most guys reeling. Plus the more accomlished a woman, the more competive she tends to be in a

relationship. The downside is you can't pull the wool over their eyes so easily. They'll nail your butt to the

door everytime.

Silver you're unusually smart and thoughtful for a 19 year old. Most guys your age are way

behind you. I wouldn't be surprised if you finish college in 4 years, unlike most students, and enter the real

world at the tender age of 22 or 23. So beware of scaring off potential BFs! My sister--a lawyer--used to play dumb

in order to get dates. She even lost to guys at tennis and downhill skiing on purpose. Otherwise, once they caught

wind she was smarter and faster, their egos were too limp to show their face again.

Incidentally, Belgareth,

Bassman and I are only old enough to be your father, not grandfather (unless we were gettin' busy in junior high!).

[BassMan]

I have to say,

intelligent and well educated women are a massive turn on for me. Such women have said the very thing that I find

attractive scares many men. In fact, the mere mention of graduate degrees sends most guys reeling. Plus the more

accomlished a woman, the more competive she tends to be in a relationship. The downside is you can't pull the wool

over their eyes so easily. They'll nail your butt to the door everytime.

I've been married twice.

Both had graduate degrees. Actually, both were my age - well, the first was three years older.

You say they get

tired of you when they see the musical discipline... I almost always date creative types. My first lover became a

very successful commercial artist. I've dated actresses, sculpters, painters. Both wives were therapists - creative

souls in their own way. I'm finally dating a performing musician - the first, actually. I can't imagine a woman

who wasn't a slave to her own creative impulses tolerating me for long...

Bel -
One of the big attractions of

a younger woman for an older man is his appreciation of the finer things. It is so lacking in most younger men.

Theatre, ballet, opera. I date women who are already involved in the arts - but it would be great fun to share these

with someone for their first time.

-Bass

[Gegogi]

Actually my former wife is a

performig musician and music teacher. Female artists and musicians are really tough to meet, let alone someone that

shares a mutual attraction.

[Felstorm]

The fake wedding ring story

goes right along with this one;

http://www.conjecture.com/bitch.htm

The Bitch Theory.



Keep in mind that the women that were questioned about their fake engagement band were from New York City. There are

lots of women there and they just so happened to interview the snobs. I'm sure they didn't bother to talk to any

of the women that weren't into playing games or acting stuck-up.

And with the Bitch Theory, seems like the

snobbish "My pussy is made of gold and diamonds" mentality really turns around to bite them when they get older. It

goes from; "I'm so hot all men want to get me into bed." to "I'm 50 and I'm lonely and miserable and nobody will

sleep with me. Oh woe is me!"

Men's powers of attraction can stay well into middle-age.

[belgareth]

I've been

married twice. Both had graduate degrees. Actually, both were my age - well, the first was three years older.



Bel -
One of the big attractions of a younger woman for an older man is his appreciation of the finer things. It

is so lacking in most younger men. Theatre, ballet, opera. I date women who are already involved in the arts - but

it would be great fun to share these with someone for their first time.

-Bass

Married twice myself,

once was horrible the other great. Both were my age. You're probably right about that, Jess enjoys the plays and

Ballet. Although she is no stranger to the arts, her parents are patrons of the arts. She was surprised to learn

that I don't watch TV, much less sports.

Gegogi,

The few ladies I've dated who weren't pretty bright and

well educated bored me quickly. If a woman can't hold her own in a conversation or doesn't have other interests,

she's not very interesting for long. I won't play the "who's the boss" or any other competitve games in a

relationship. There's no point to them. Jess tried it a couple times and found that I just didn't respond, she

gave up. I don't ever bother to try to fool her or lie about things, if she doesn't like something about me, she

can learn to deal with it. It tends to make things easier in the long run.

Silver,

I would have loved to

have met a woman like you when I was in college! You've got a lot of good attributes but most important is that you

are smart and have your own opinions. Don't ever let that change.

[bjf]

Shouldn't this thread be moved?

[belgareth]

Shouldn't this

thread be moved?

Why? It qualifies under the science of attraction, doesn't it?

[bjf]

I'd say no, but you're the mod, and

I respect that it is your role to evaluate that.

[belgareth]

We're discussing relationships

between disparate age groups and what does or does not attract people of different ages. It seems to me that has a

lot to do with attraction but if you differ, please send me a PM and we can discuss it.

[tounge]

Silver,

I would have loved to have met a woman like you when I was in college! You've got a lot of good

attributes but most important is that you are smart and have your own opinions. Don't ever let that

change.

Why on earth couldn't you meet a women like Silver in College. They are all over

campus.

My goodness, I live right next to a small private college, and spend a bit of time at the bigger

State University.

In my experience many of the young women have the same traits of Silver, almost to the

point of fault. I chat with them in coffee shops, bars near campus and have dated of few of the more open minded

ones who wern't imtimdated by an older gentleman.

Most people I know, have their own opinions and are

reasonably smart. They have no intention of changing until their mode of thinking changes. Which correlates with the

terrific article posted by Felstrom.

[belgareth]

Why on earth

couldn't you meet a women like Silver in College. They are all over campus.

My goodness, I live right next to a

small private college, and spend a bit of time at the bigger State University.

In my experience many of the

young women have the same traits of Silver, almost to the point of fault. I chat with them in coffee shops, bars

near campus and have dated of few of the more open minded ones who wern't imtimdated by an older gentleman.



Most people I know, have their own opinions and are reasonably smart. They have no intention of changing until

their mode of thinking changes. Which correlates with the terrific article posted by Felstrom.

First, keep

in mind that I'm talking about the mid-seventies, things have changed a bit since then. Most of my first time

through college was at a small state college in the middle of nowhere. The science curriculum was limited and there

were few of the really top flight students. Also, there was almost no asian population there, the few I met were not

all that bright or outspoken.

[tounge]

Fair Point. I'm sure that there is

a difference between now and the seventies. Also the science field then was pretty much filled with males. And going

to a school in the middle of nowhere didn't help. But were you specificaly looking for an Asain women?

[belgareth]

Asian women have always

fascinated me, they can be incredibly lovely.