Body Language

[Friendly1]

Every time this

topic comes up, people ask for references. So here is a thread where we can post references and reviews. I will

only mention titles. You will have to see if you can buy these books or not. I found many of the books by browsing

the \"Sales and Marketing\", \"Self Help\", and \"Relationships\" sections at local book stores. There seems

to be no rhyme or reason to where they are placed.

Body Language by Julius Fast. Not very detailed.

This book is good for people who want to learn more about marking turf than anything else. He spends a lot of the

book talking about personal space and other kinds of space. You can learn about dominating the regions around

you.

How to read a person like a book by Gerald I. Neirenberg and Henrey H. Calero. Extensively

illustrated, this book covers basic gestures, posturing, and how to identify roles within relationships (friends,

lovers, bosses and subordinates, etc.). This book has some useful guidelines for negatioting with other people,

including tips for men on how to read women\'s receptiveness.

Body Language Secrets by Susan

Quilliam. Includes a lot of pointless or goofy illustrations, but it is broken up into a lot of How-To sections

which explain how you can work your way into new groups, new situations, etc. by employing skillful body

language.

Reading People by Jo-Ellen Dimitrius and Mark Mazzarella. Very good introduction to reading

people. She is a Ph.D. with extensive research experience. He is a successful trial attorney. She consults on

jury selection. She is a very detail oriented person and her perspective helps you realize how to look beyond the

usual signs people try to broadcast. It IS possible to lie through body language, but she holds that there are

usually tell-tale signs which contradict the lies.

Body Language Secrets by Don Steele. He is a

retired psychologist of some sort who worked with families and studied body language. This book is not nearly as

good as it is hyped up to be by Steele and his followers. But it is still a good introduction to the body language

of meeting, courting, and seducing people. He gives tips to both men and women. Includes many pictures of Steele

and his wife. Steele has a preachy, amateurish writing style. He claims to have had affairs with dozens of women

many years younger than him. He exudes confidence and is a dominant male. About half this book seems to be devoted

to selling you his other books. But he does go into details on how to send certain signals and provides many lists

and anecdotes on things to do, not to do in social situations.

Freeway of Love by Jan Latiolais

Hargrave. This is a dumbed-down, \"What colour is your parachute\" kind of book for people who want to learn

about body language and how to use it to meet and court other people. She relies on illustrations which are not

quite as goofy as Quilliam\'s book. She also has a lot of self-tests with scores. Many women writers like this

sort of thing, and the book may be more appealing to men. Nonetheless, it IS a woman\'s perspective on body

language and men need to take that into consideration. She provides chapters on palm reading and kissing (complete

with statistics and anecdotes).

I know what you\'re thinking by Lillian Glass. She is a practicing,

clinical psychologist who has had to rely on body language in many situations. Her book is, in my opinion, by far

the best one out there that I have found. She is not concerned with preaching \"how to get into anyone\'s

pants\" or \"how to find true love\". She takes you on a guided tour of the basic human psyche and how we reveal

our inner feelings through the way we physically express ourselves.

None of these books, by themselves, will

teach you enough about body language to make up for a lifetime of ignoring it. Several of them, on their own, are

very good introductions to body language. Several of them give really good information on how to use body language

at work, in friendly social situations, and when dealing with strangers.

They will show you how other people

evaluate you, and why they reach the conclusions they do about what kind of person you are. If you decide to change

your body language, you are in effect changing your attitude about yourself. So, for anyone who feels a lack of

confidence or low self-esteem, I think reading books on body language would be very, very helpful.

It reveals

an entirely different world to you.

Today, for example, after I got out of dance class, I went to have lunch

at a local bistro. I was seated in a section where I could look out the window (the hostess knows I like that

section). But they were short on servers so my server had to handle five or six tables.

At the booth in

front of me, there was a couple, an older man and younger woman. Their body language told me that A) they are very

much in love B) they are going through a happy period in their life C) they only have eyes for each

other.

How did I know that? First of all, they were sitting on the same side of the booth. Secondly, one or

both of them would usually put a hand between his or her face and me. They made frequent, intense eye contact.

They leaned in toward each other. They mirrored each other\'s expressions and postures. I observed all this as

discretely as I could out of the corner of my eye. I made sure I changed the direction of my gaze frequently, but I

had plenty of people to watch.

At a table directly across from the booth with the age-gap couple, a young man

and woman walked in. He sat down on her left. She crossed her legs and leaned back. His legs were wide open. She

crossed her arms. She stole occasional looks at me (she had to turn and look over her shoulder to do this). He let

his gaze wander around. They did not talk much. His feet figdeted (bounced up and down like he was doing a pee-pee

dance in his chair).

What I learned from that couple was that she is not very interested in him, he is not

nearly as confident with her as he may once have been. They could have been brother and sister, or cousins, but I

don\'t think so. Relatives usually have a lot to say when they sit down to lunch. She made occasional efforts to

talk to him, but at one point I noticed that both of her feet were pointing toward me. That had to be a very

uncomfortable posture, as one foot was still wrapped behind the other leg.

She was not nearly as attracted to

her companion as she was to me. I was wearing scent of Eros but was also a bit sweaty after two hours of vigorous

dancing. I was probably screaming pheromonically.

At a table behind this couple, a woman and her teenage or

early twenties daughter came in. Mom sat in a chair facing me, the daughter sat with her right shoulder pointing

toward me (same as the girl at the other table). Mom cast occasional glances my way in a fairly protective way. I

knew she didn\'t want me to make eye contact with her daughter.

The daughter crossed her left leg over her

right leg and let her sandle dangle on the edge of her toe. She kept looking at me when Mom was looking away. When

she saw me looking back, she immediately turned away. She turned her shoulders slightly so that I could see her

breasts better (she was simply wearing a t-shirt, but she was still obviously developed).

Mom looked relieved

when I pulled a $20 bill out of my wallet and asked the server for my check. Not that I was going to move in on the

daughter or anything. But I was the only single male within speaking distance and it was obvious that the daughter

was interested in me. I was a threat, however remote, to Mom\'s little girl.


Let\'s back up to

dance class. The second class for was beginners. Lots of cute girls showed up. I and several other advanced

students stayed around to help. I flirted with the girls a little but there was no way I could really come on to

them openly.

But I could show them I was a powerful, confident male. I did this in several ways, including

telling them they could dance with their eyes closed. I ordered three of them to close their eyes as I led them

through the routine. This was an act of submission, because they were trusting me NOT to make them look stupid and

NOT to trip them or lose them.

One of the girls, the oldest one (she is in her mid-twenties) came to me in

one rotation and locked eyes with me. She said, \"Let\'s see who blinks first.\" She did. I was supposed to

turn my gaze away as I led her through a certain basic move, but for her I just kept staring into her eyes. Her

pupils began widening (I am sure mine did, too -- or maybe they were already huge).

We kept dancing and as I

whirled her around I brought her in closer to me, very close, much closer than the other girls. I was marking my

turf and the other girls knew it. Did anything happen? No. I made no other move on her. I may or may not see her

again. Doesn\'t matter. I let her know I was a sexual creature willing to take things further.

After the

class, she asked the teacher why a continuation course was not being offered at the same time next month. The

teacher said she didn\'t have enough students for that level on Saturday. This girl offered to bring in enough

friends in July to make up a class. As she was doing so, she was looking at the teacher but her body was facing

mine squarely. Her shoulders were pulled back and she was mirroring my posture.

I literally said, \"I could

have you if I wanted to,\" with my body, and then I ignored her. She responded by saying, \"I am interested.\"

I let her walk out of the class by herself without looking her in the eye again.

Like I said, I may never see

her again. But she WANTED to see ME again as she left that class.

THAT is what reading body language is all

about, gentlemen.

[Friendly1]

I thought a little update on

this discussion would be interesting. I am visiting family right now and one of my nieces took me to a local mall. I

read the body language of some of the sales girls in the stores to figure out which ones were open to conversations

with me. My niece got a little disgusted with her "dirty old man" of an uncle because I kept striking up flirty

conversations with cute girls.

It may have helped that she was with me and we were joking around. Seeing me in

the company of someone their own age may have helped put the girls at ease. But not every woman/girl I made eye

contact with expressed interest in me. I only came on to the ones who directed their full attention at me.

My

niece said something interesting to me. She asked me if I check out every woman. I said, "I try to make eye contact

with all women by habit. Is it so obvious?" She said, "Yes." I said, "Is there a problem with that?" She said,

"No."

We then had a discussion about how I select women to approach by seeing how they respond to my eye

contact. She said that seemed like a good way to do it. She was a little uncomfortable talking about this. I think

it was because we have never had this kind of discussion before. She is not used to talking with me about

relationships and meeting people.

Throughout the day, I flirted with women of all ages and appearance. The only

girl I did not flirt with (much) was one my niece said could not have been older than 16. I cannot tell how old the

young girls are. Most of the ones I think are teenagers turn out to be in their early twenties. But this girl was

just a bit too shy even though she told her co-worker to take care of my niece so she could give me personal

attention.

For the record, I had not applied pheromones that day. So, maybe I was benefitting from long-term

buildup but I was definitely benefitting from being a relaxed, confident man. Besides which, I knew I couldn't

ditch my niece, so I had nothing to lose with any of those women and didn't worry about whether I would be

successful or not. Having that feeling is the easiest way to radiate your honest, natural confidence.

Women pick

up on that instantly and they find it VERY attractive.

[koolking1]

Hi Friendly, glad to see

the thread revived. I'm about 3/5 through the Lillian Glass book and learning.

[DrSmellThis]

Nice post....

[Friendly1]

Koolking1, what do you think of

Lillian's book so far? I think other people would appreciate your first impression. I have read the book several

times and my opinion is based on rereading it.

And I have to say that I would not have been able to flirt with

several girls in succession several years ago like I did at the mall the other day. I would not have known how to

recognize which ones were interested in me and which ones were not.

Learning to read body language has helped me

take a more active role in meeting and getting to know people.

[SweetBrenda]

Learning to read body language has helped me take a more active role in meeting and getting to know

people.

I never read any books on this but by reading some of the things in this thread got my curiosity..I

have some free time today so I'm going to swing by the Library & get me a book on this subject. Body language

sometimes says more than words.. I really would like to learn more about it. by the way very good posts

Friendly.

[koolking1]

Hi Friendly, well - am

about 4/5s thru it now and can't really comment much as I'm a fast reader and I'll have to read it all over again

to get anything "real" out of it. I have learned from it but not as much as I thought I would but but like I

said, I'll need to read it at least one more time to make any legitimate comments on it. I would recommend it

though already for anyone who has an interest in the subject matter.

[Friendly1]

I think the most important

thing I learned from that book was that the power of observation should not be underestimated. We learn by doing.

And opening ourself up to the things we normally overlook is an empowering experience.

I have had some

discussions about body language with a few women recently. One of them is a child psychologist who works with

autistic children. All the women agreed in general that we express ourselves through our body movements.

Don

Steele likes to say, "You cannot NOT communicate." Sometimes, I hear those words rolling through my mind when I

wish I could hide my thoughts and feelings from someone. I CANNOT hide the way I feel. If I try to clam up, I am

sending a clear signal of "I do not want you to know what I am thinking/feeling."

People who know you well can

detect the slightest oddity. This morning, both my sister-in-law and my mother asked me what was wrong. There

wasn't really anything bothering me, except maybe a mosquito bite on my arm and the fact my jeans were feeling a

little too tight. But I wasn't my usual jovial self, I guess. I was feeling a little irritated and two people who

have known me most or all of my life noticed the change immediately.

Steele is right about that much, at least.

You cannot NOT communicate to someone who observes what you do.

[koolking1]

Well, we're going to a

well-attended swapper's party on Sat night (we went for the first time two weeks ago to this particular party). I

spent most of the last evening there just observing and it was very interesting. One might think that everyone in

attendance is happy but that's hardly the case and being able to read the body language helps me make decisions,

especially about staying away from certain women based on what I can observe. If you've never been to one, it

almost resembles a high school dance with all the posturing that goes on and it's complicated by having to "make a

connection" with two people instead of the usual one, actually 4 people total when you include your own partner. My

main goal is to know which women (of those I am attracted to) will accept me by using body language knowledge and

then, keeping them hooked for the future, by being sexually adept and having them take in all the mones I'm wearing

and sort of falling in love with me. Just trying to live a bit for the future and the moment. And, by focusing in

on the ones I find attractive, if they hang around me it will get me other attractive ones as well - you know

women!!! I do need some edges as I'm older than most of the attendees.

At any rate, you (Friendly1) or

Dr Glass would have a blast if you could watch how things unfold at one of these events.

[camusflage]

At any rate,

you (Friendly1) or Dr Glass would have a blast if you could watch how things unfold at one of these

events.

Yes yes yes yes yes! I think the only thing more fun than people-watching at an on-premises club

is watching at an off-premises (ie, no sex rooms) club. Think back to your college days. Now, pretend EVERYONE is

there to hook up with someone(s). Being well-versed in body language both served me very well and provided much

enjoyable time when visiting such clubs.

[Friendly1]

This is becoming so habitual

with me, I even watch for body language in movies now. It's interesting to see how on-screen "chemistry" between

two actors is reflected in their body language. If the woman is stroking her hair when talking to a man she is

supposed to be attracted to, or if she preens suddenly before moving into his view, or if they make eye contact. It

is very natural and realistic, and that is hard to convey given all the changes in camera angles and multiple shots

for each scene. The continuity (or lack of it) with body language is sometimes very obvious.

I watched "50

First Dates" with a niece tonight and I couldn't help but notice Drew Barrymore's use of body language to show her

character's attraction to Adam Sandler's character.

[koolking1]

I won't write anything

comprehensive as I've just finished the book and will re-read it soon. It was a quick read. I guess the main

thing I got out of it was recognizing my own personality type and I'm happy with it. As Friendly and the good Dr

relate, practice makes perfect - you really do need to observe other people's body language and speech to get good

at this.

[Friendly1]

I stumbled across an

interesting site with articles on body language this morning. The articles appear to be promotional pieces intended

to help draw traffic into other sites. Nonetheless, I read several very good articles:

http://www.selfgrow

th.com/bodyl.html

One of the

sites mentioned there was this photo analysis site:

http://www.photo-analys

is.com/




Simply amazing stuff. My sister-in-law can look at people's

pictures and give a quick analysis of their personalities. She has been spot on in my experience. It just blows me

away how people can read photographs that way.

[Friendly1]

I decided to go back and edit

some of my imported messages, since the quoting changed. While reading the older messages, I remembered something

interesting which happened a few weeks ago.

I attended a conference over a weekend. On the second day, I sat in

on a small session where everyone sat around a conference table. At one point, I noticed the woman conducting the

session was looking at me and stroking her pen up and down.

That is supposedly a very strong indicator of sexual

interest. I decided to watch her a little more closely after that and noticed she was mirroring some of my body

language, which is also a good sign. Later on in the evening we sat together and joked around. I had good vibes.



Still later, we showed up at the same party (separately) and she looked like she wanted to talk to me but her

girlfriends got bored and made her leave. She waved good-bye to me and I waved back.

I ended up exchanging some

email with her and she was a little flirty.

I got those clues right out of the body language books.

[camusflage]

At one point,

I noticed the woman conducting the session was looking at me and stroking her pen up and down.

I know

most people who have never seen it (or more accurately, picked up on it) will probably think it's bs that women

will do this, but I've seen it. This same woman, that evening, stroked my arm in conversation, continually bounced

her leg, touseled her hair, and when it came time to do some dancing, pressed herself against me like white on rice.

She didn't really do it for me, but it was explicitly clear I did it for her!*

* Or at least my pheros did.

[Friendly1]

Okay, new anecdote.

I am

still visiting family in Florida, so I have cut way back on the pheromones and on dressing well. But yesterday I

decided to put on a nice shirt, nice slacks, nice shoes. I put on my usual low dose of pheromones in the morning.

I did not refresh them all day. Didn't even add the APC.

By late afternoon, one of my nieces and I go to a

local bookstore. We take her baby along. For a while, I am hanging around the niece and she is clearly a little

bugged. So, I offer to go sit with the baby while she browses.

Baby and I find a comfortable chair by a window

and I position the baby in my lap so she can look around at the people. Naturally, I see a young guy sitting with

two girls, both pretty cute, close by. I would put them in their late teens or early twenties, but I am a pretty

bad judge of age.

The guy had one girl sitting on his left. The other girl was sitting directly across a table

from him.

Both girls could see me but would have to turn to give me direct eye contact.

The guy was rambling

on in his own world. The girl sitting across from him was leaning back with her left leg across her knee. I don't

know when she stretched back like that but she was wearing tight khaki shorts and sandals and she had REALLY nice

legs. I never saw her look at me, but her body was turned just slightly away from the guy, a little to her right,

so as to be pointed toward the girl next to the guy.

The girl next to the guy kept looking away. Her feet were

crossed under her chair and on their toes. Every now and then I would catch her looking at me and she would quickly

look away. Or was she looking at the baby? I don't know.

Eventually, the girl in the khaki shorts said

good-bye to the dude and got up to leave. She came toward me, walked around the table to my right, and then came

back across my vision and walked out of the store. She made no attempt to make eye contact, so I would guess she

was just teasing the dirty old man with the baby in his lap.

The other girl immediately changed her position.

At first, she stuck her legs way out under the table, as if to stake out her territory. Think of how a small dog,

after having its turf invaded by a larger dog, immediately goes to remark the boundary. That was the impression I

got. She was wearing jeans so she was definitely not giving me an eye full of anything.

Then she started to

mirror the guy's body position. I watched them for a few minutes (not staring, mind you, but just glancing their

way every now and then) and they closed up on each other: faced each other, crossed their arms together, put their

feet out in front of them a little. She became more relaxed and more animated now that he was paying attention to

her. He also listened more.

I gathered from this that the guy was attracted to the girl in the khaki shorts

(she was definitely looking sexier than his girlfriend). The girlfriend was a bit POd because of his obvious

interest in the other girl but she was apparently used to this. He must be pretty popular. He is also into himself

when he tries to impress people. He would NOT shut up when the girl in khaki was sitting there with him, and he

could not see how closed her body language was to him.

On the other hand, the guy is legitimately still

interested in his girlfriend and she enjoys being with him when they are alone together. If she was paying any

attention to me at all, it was only out of boredom or loneliness, and given how easily babies are girl-magnets, I

would say she was probably more interested in the baby. Maybe she was wondering if the baby was mine. Maybe she

was just looking out the window over my shoulder.

When my niece was ready to leave, I decided to flirt with the

cashier. I joked with her about exchanging the baby for the book. Got a hair flip, warm smile, and strong eye

contact out of the conversation. She definitely changed her attitude after I started talking to her. I think that

was the pheromones. I could not tell if the people in the store thought the baby was mine. I was a bit curious

about whether they thought that. My gut feeling is that I probably did not act much like a father. Too little

experience (yet) holding babies like a daddy would.

[MOBLEYC57]

MORE BL THOUGHTS....

Because

women are more communicative in general (while men are more analytical), they use both verbal and nonverbal cues

more frequently in their communication with others. A study conducted on the way women and men enter a room

illuminates this. On average, women exhibited 27 distinctive
body movements while men only displayed 12 when

entering a room.

On the surface one might think this difference in initial expressive gestures relates only to

the fact that women are more outwardly expressive of their emotions. But there is actually a much more important

implication:

When observers are asked to rate the estimated power or status of a person entering a room, they

give higher ratings to people who make fewer physical gestures!

As an aside - here's a critical learning for

both men and women ... the less you move about when you enter a room, the more powerful you are perceived to be.

More movement = less status.

The reason for gender differences in expressive tendency can be traced all the way

back to infancy. It seems that baby boys are more likely to be put down early, and are less frequently touched than

are girls. Girls are taught from their earliest stages of development that public displays of affection are

acceptable, while boys are conditioned to keep their emotions and feelings to themselves. That's why women have no

problem hugging others in most any situation while men find it difficult to embrace and show empathy under even the

most private circumstances.

The above is perhaps the most glaring example and serves to highlight the importance

of considering gender in interpreting body language. Generally speaking, women are much more bodily expressive, and

as such, we require a greater intensity of movement in order to make a significant interpretation, as compared to

men.

* Cultural Differences:

If the differences between male and female body language are visible,

differences between diverse cultures are even more striking. In fact, the variations are so profound in cultural

differences that one must examine not only the subtle differences in such gestures as greeting and pointing, but

we'll also delve into behaviors you should adhere to or avoid when visiting particular parts of the world. For the

time being, suffice it to say … what is generally accepted in one culture can be taken as outright obscene in

another!

* Familiarity vs. More Formal Settings (Home vs. Work, etc)

When we are around someone we are

familiar with, our body language naturally becomes more relaxed. Whereas touching and embracing are commonplace

gestures in the presence of friends and family, such
demonstrations of affection and emotion are less acceptable

in the workplace. A normally demonstrative father may become downright stolid when placed in the more rigid

workplace environment.

In a PROFESSIONAL situation where a man and a woman are forced into close proximity, one

might create the appropriate distance by omitting an essential part of the normally seductive body language, or by

making it incomplete. For example, they may turn part of their bodies away from each other to eliminate the flirting

factor. If you were to observe the same body language in a clearly PERSONAL situation however, it might suggest that

the two were angry (or even disgusted) with one another.

* Summary of Contextual Factors:

- Women exhibit

about 2x as many non-verbal clues as do men, so look for more intensity and frequency before you reach your

conclusions.

- Body language varies greatly from culture to culture.

- The interpretation of body language

varies depending upon whether the situation is personal or professional.

To best interpret body language, you

must take into account the culture in which it takes place, the gender of the participants, and whether the

environment is personal or professional.

This wasn't a complete waste was it? I saw one or two

good points.

[bjf]

Using babies to pick up chicks!!!

Nice!

[Friendly1]

New anecdote.

Last night I

went to dinner with another of my nieces (to celebrate her upcoming birthday) and some of her friends. There were

two women, two boys, and four men in the group (counting me). Call the niece Angie, the niece's girlfriend Wendy.

Angie's boyfriend Tom came along, and Wendy's boyfriend Rupert came along with his two sons. A male friend,

Robbie, was also there.

I sat at the head of our table. Tom sat to my right, Angie (my niece) sat to his right,

Robbie sat on her right, and opposite from me was Older Son. On my left was Younger Son, on his left was Wendy, and

on her left was Rupert. All the names have been changed to keep me confused.

So, during the evening, I noticed

that Angie and Wendy kept mirroring each other. They were very comfortable with each other, having been friends for

years. Rupert occasionally leaned back in his chair and sometimes leaned toward Wendy. She occasionally leaned

toward him. Wendy occasionally leaned toward me as well (I was wearing pheromones and a good cologne).

Robbie

sat at an angle, with his body facing our table and occasionally leaning toward Angie (my niece). I decided that he

likes her, but I don't know if he is romantically interested or just very good friends with her. I have heard about

Robbie from all the family, who insist I should have met him already, but this was the first time he and I had ever

run into each other.

Tom did not lean toward Angie. He did not mirror her body language at all. She occasionally

leaned toward him. He stayed focused on the table and often led the conversation. Once in a while he put his arm out

to "claim" Angie and he occasionally kissed her. When Tom and Angie are together, they are very affectionate but it

is clear to everyone in the family that he is not committed to her. I noticed how his body language reflected that

last night. The whole clan is convinced she is heading for heartbreak.

Anyway, it was an interesting exercise in

reading body language of some strangers up close when they were not really interacting with me. And I did get to

read some body language of people at other tables.

There was a girl in a red dress sitting at a 45 degree angle

off to my right. I had to look over Tom's shoulder to see her, so I could easily act like I was looking at him and

still give her eye contact. She often looked back at me and I stared her down. Each time, she would lean to her

left. I noticed her male companion, probably her boyfriend, was leaning to HIS left, so the sequence would be: girl

glances at me, I notice girl looking at me, I stare back, she looks at boyfriend and mirrors his body language.



This happened at least four or five times. He eventually turned around and looked in my direction but he could

have been looking for a server. At some point in the evening, they left the restaurant.

To my left, behind the

Younger Son (who was seated on my immediate left), there was a table with several women. One of them got up an went

to the restroom a couple of times, preening as she walked by us. But no eye contact.

A family sat down behind

Older Son at the far end of the table. A father, mother, and two teenage daughters. The older teenage daughter

occasionally made eye contact with me and I was a bit amused, somewhat curious. She seemed to be mirroring her

father's body language, so I occasionally decided to mirror hers. It didn't seem to have any effect, so I am not

sure her eye contact was for real. She may simply have been staring off in my direction. But at one point I noticed

she was dipping her tea spoon into her tea (up and down, up and down) and looking in my general direction. That is

very similar to the classic stroking gesture. She repeated it with a straw a little while later.

Both times she

did the stroking gesture, she immediately turned to her father and mirrored his body language.

Mom had her back

to me and I never saw much movement from her. The younger sister seemed pretty quiet, too. Dad was the most

expressive one in the group. It was an odd study in body language.

I occasionally glanced around the restaurant

but none of the other patrons were in positions where I could watch them without blatently staring.

I would

consider the girl in red a hit. Our server, a guy, tended to conduct business with our table from my end. I would

say that was more because I was the man at the head of the table than for anything else. I don't think Wendy was

being anything other than friendly, although she occasionally caressed her hair. Since she is living with Rupert,

one would think she was doing that for him. But she could just as easily have been doing it for Tom or for our

server (a tall, good looking guy). She could also have just been stroking her hair. But she never stroked her hair

on Rupert's side. In fact, she rarely looked at him. Most of her attention was on the rest of the table.

[camusflage]

You brought up something very

interesting Friendly.. Namely the amazing opportunities that await an avid people-watcher in a restaurant that

attracts groups and families. I remember sitting in a Morton's about a year ago and watching what I considered a

VERY interesting family. From the seating and the shuffling that followed, I was able to infer that there was some

EXTREMELY bad blood between a 30-something woman and a man I assumed to be her father. While her brother was happy

to sit next to his father, she went to great lengths to keep not only herself, but her young daughter as well, away

from her father. Though not sloppily drunk, it quickly became apparent that dad liked to knock a few back from time

to time. His wife grew increasingly exasperated with the patriarch's drinking, but said nothing, only showing it

through growing increasingly closed to him and open to her daughter.

Once you are clued in about what to

watch, it almost becomes like a game to try to predict what will happen next. You can easily spot the guys who will

spend the night flitting from one woman to the next because they persist in communicating even when every sign from

a woman says "get the hell away from me." Similarly, you increase your own chances of a friendly response because

you've already been given non-verbal approval to approach.

[SweetBrenda]

You brought

up something very interesting Friendly.. Namely the amazing opportunities that await an avid people-watcher in a

restaurant that attracts groups and families. I remember sitting in a Morton's about a year ago and watching what I

considered a VERY interesting family. From the seating and the shuffling that followed, I was able to infer that

there was some EXTREMELY bad blood between a 30-something woman and a man I assumed to be her father. While her

brother was happy to sit next to his father, she went to great lengths to keep not only herself, but her young

daughter as well, away from her father. Though not sloppily drunk, it quickly became apparent that dad liked to

knock a few back from time to time. His wife grew increasingly exasperated with the patriarch's drinking, but said

nothing, only showing it through growing increasingly closed to him and open to her daughter.

Once you are clued

in about what to watch, it almost becomes like a game to try to predict what will happen next. You can easily spot

the guys who will spend the night flitting from one woman to the next because they persist in communicating even

when every sign from a woman says "get the hell away from me." Similarly, you increase your own chances of a

friendly response because you've already been given non-verbal approval to approach.

This was

good.

[belgareth]

You brought

up something very interesting Friendly.. Namely the amazing opportunities that await an avid people-watcher in a

restaurant that attracts groups and families. I remember sitting in a Morton's about a year ago and watching what I

considered a VERY interesting family. From the seating and the shuffling that followed, I was able to infer that

there was some EXTREMELY bad blood between a 30-something woman and a man I assumed to be her father. While her

brother was happy to sit next to his father, she went to great lengths to keep not only herself, but her young

daughter as well, away from her father. Though not sloppily drunk, it quickly became apparent that dad liked to

knock a few back from time to time. His wife grew increasingly exasperated with the patriarch's drinking, but said

nothing, only showing it through growing increasingly closed to him and open to her daughter.

Once you are clued

in about what to watch, it almost becomes like a game to try to predict what will happen next. You can easily spot

the guys who will spend the night flitting from one woman to the next because they persist in communicating even

when every sign from a woman says "get the hell away from me." Similarly, you increase your own chances of a

friendly response because you've already been given non-verbal approval to approach.

People watching can

be a blast. I used to hate go to the mall with most women because they always take so long. Now I go so I can sit in

the concourse and watch the people.

[Friendly1]

Another new anecdote. There is

too little information in this one for me to form a solid opinion. Maybe I got a hit. It sure felt like a hit.

Some people may disagree with me because of the situation (and that is okay).

When I went to get a haircut, I

freshened my APC with four new dabs. Had applied pheromones in late morning, got the haircut in late afternoon.

Wasn't expecting anything, really. Just needed the haircut.

Waited a long time and the place thinned out

considerably. Much to my surprise, a slim, extremely cute stylist called me up. She seemed a little chatty at

first. I sat down in the chair and she started running her fingers through my hair, almost massaging my scalp. I

was very glad I am down to just using dandruff shampoo for the last week (too cheap to buy regular shampoo while I

stay with my niece).

When she asked me how I wanted my hair cut, I said, "I want people to melt when I

approach." She seemed to like that.

During the session, I learned that this rather thin but otherwise extremely

sexy girl is engaged and apparently living with her fiance. She early on asked if I was married but did not

continue to ask the usual "are you available?" kinds of questions. As best I can tell, she was just being friendly.

But this was the friendliest scalp massage I have ever had from a complete stranger. It was really very relaxing.

And considering I have a couple of thin spots up on top, it was a real pleasure to have a beautiful young lady

digging her hands through my hair like that.

Anyway, after the scalp massage, the stylist asked if I wanted a

shampoo. I told her I wanted my hair to look good and she should do whatever she felt would work best. So, she

gave me a quick shampoo. The water was a little hot, and she asked if it was to hot, and all I could think was,

"Wow! Talk about the power of suggestion!" So, it felt tolerable and I told her the hot water was fine.

We

came back to the chair and she started snipping away. She kept digging the comb into my scalp. She wasn't doing

it painfully (it was not uncomfortable, but was just on the edge of uncomfortable -- it was extremely sensual

combing), but I've never had a stylist consistently comb my hair so vigorously.

Somewhere in the middle of the

session, she cut her finger with the scissors. It was bleeding badly enough she had to go treat it. Right after

that, another stylist came up and said something about her taking on some man's young son. So, she took off to the

front of the salon to get THAT detail redirected to someone else.

As she moved around me, she pressed into my

legs. Now, any guy who has had his hair cut by a voluptuous or very heavy-set woman knows that incidental contact

as she moves around you is pretty common. This girl is THIN. I am pretty sure she was pressing herself into my leg

(actually, onto my hand where it rested on my knee). I moved my hand off my knee and she kept pressing.

Since

she was working on the front of my hair, she didn't need to lean in that much (in my non-stylist's opinion).

I

would have to say that, overall, this was the most erotic haircut I've ever had in a public place. When she

finished, she said, "Don't go out into the sun because people will melt when they see you."

My scalp is still

on fire several hours later, just thinking about that haircut.

I was wearing Natural Attraction in additon to

the APC. I have a bottle I am trying to finish off. It is down far enough that the sprayer cannot get the last of

the liquid, so the last couple of days I have been tilting the opened bottle directly onto my skin. I could easily

be approaching OD range with this application. I am not getting dabs so much as dribbles: two on the chest, one on

each arm.

I supplemented the Natural Attraction with four dabs of APC on the base of my neck (front and back)

and behind the ears. So, after freshening up this afternoon, I had eight dabs of APC on me.

Although this is

more of a straightforward hit report, I included it in this discussion because her body language just seemed to

scream to me, "I want to jump your bones!" She was definitely NOT holding back.

Almost makes me wish I could get

another haircut tomorrow....

[Numanoid]

These are probably

the best posts I've read since joining the forum. Very informative.

[koolking1]

great post and I'll offer

up my own suggestion about haircuts. I put on my usual Chikara and AE/m and went to one of the local beauty

colleges. I was fawned over by the person doing the haircut and two of her instructors. The instructors were both

very nice looking women and I was also getting approving glances from some of the other nearby students. It was all

very enjoyable except the haircut took an awful long time - well over an hour with all the "consults" going on with

the instructors. The young lady told me that she was more comfortable and faster doing woman's hair - she was

extremely cautious with me, hence the slowness. But, I didn't mind at all. I think I'll go back there for my next

haircut. Beauty colleges are loaded with good looking women and cheap to boot.

[DrSmellThis]

Good idea, KK.

[Friendly1]

No new anecdotes today (except

I got a shopper's discount at a local grocery store without the card), but the women in my family all agreed the

hair stylist was blatantly hitting on me. I wasn't going to tell them the story, but one of my nieces asked me

about how my haircut went. Naturally, I had to dwell on the details. She, being 19 (and probably younger than the

stylist by a few years), was completely grossed out that her uncle is such a dirty old man. This is the same niece I

went to the mall with, so she is getting a little tired of all the girls coming on to me. Of course, she seems to

have a pack of boys buzzing around her like flies....

Funniest part of this whole episode was the fact that the

hair stylist is my niece's stylist. She totally freaked when I told her the girl's name. At first she started

saying, "I can't go back there! I have to find a new salon! Ohmigod!" When I told my sister-in-law about this, she

guessed correctly that would be her daughter's first reaction. But eventually the niece concluded she might just

have to go back and have a conversation with the stylist.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall that day....

[phinmone]

Friendly1, I just read you

thread about the bodylanguage and the differend books you have read (or just copied the introductions?). I have a

question about "I know what you're thinking by Lillian Glass". How much there is body language introduced? I have

read Body Language by J. Fast. But it did not really give me anything I was looking for. I am looking for a book

that really tells me the signs what to look for concerning interest and / or attraction. I can read some signs to

look for on some web-pages but I think I want to know more about it. Ok, I can read some basic signs, but I need

deeper ones! So what about "Body Language Secrets by Don Steele" - "good introduction to the body language of

meeting, courting, and seducing people" -- this would be something I would maybe be looking for. Does he give some

exact description how to read the body and how to make your bodylanguage interesting / showing the

signs?

Thank you,
phinmone

[Friendly1]

No one book is going to teach

you everything. Each author has his or her own style of presenting the information, and it helps me to see these

different perceptions. Glass' book is not intended for people trying to find relationship partners (or sex

partners). Her book tries to give you the fundamentals of what reading body language is all about. You can

determine a lot about a person's personality from body language, and she provides some great tips. If you are

interested in a girl, you should want to know more about her. Is she self-obsessed? Does she have low self-esteem?

Is she so stressed out she cannot be emotionally stable? Is she so insecure that she constantly picks on other

people?

Body language isn't just about how we sit or stand. It includes how we treat other people. Glass goes

over a lot of material.

Steele's book is okay. His writing style is very amateurish. He comes off like a high

school football coach trying to tell the boys to go out there and win the game because otherwise they'll look like

a bunch of snot-nosed losers. Sometimes, he makes his points dead on. Sometimes, I wonder why he repeats the same

superfluous stuff for the fifteenth time. Repetition is important, but he repeats fluff as well as facts.

If

you want a straight-forward guide to meeting, talking with, and getting to know girls through body language, you

won't find one. Steele's book tries to be that, but it runs off into so many tangents that the real meat could

probably be squeezed down to about a third of the book. A lot of the material in the back promotes his other

stuff.

All the authors agree on a few points, so anyone who wants to study body language can get started

there:

1) Be observant. You can Keep a diary of people you have observed and describe their actions and

behaviors in detail.

2) Don't draw immediate conclusions. In other words, no one gesture or behavior means

anything by itself. Steele advises people to look at three actions. If all three indicate interest, then there is

interest. If only two indicate interest, there MAY be interest. If only one indicates interest, then something

else is going on. All the books strongly suggest you look for multiple indications of the person's mood or state

of mind.

3) Practice expressing yourself as you want people to perceive you. Do you want to seem strong and

confident? Then make sure you compose yourself well. Don't allow yourself to do nervous or jittery things

(drumming fingers, foot tapping, etc.). Sit up straight. Always practice good posture.

4) Be courteous. This

point is not emphasized enough, in my opinion. But courtesy elicits favorable reactions from other people. You can

influence how people behave toward you through simple actions.

5) Avoid people who project the wrong body

language. If they are not friendly toward you, or not interested in you, leave them alone.

6) Practice building

rapport with the people around you. Rapport is key to seduction but it is also key to building a solid

relationship. If you make the people you work with feel comfortable, they will enjoy working with you and help you

more often (usually without your asking for help) when you need help. Rapport is not simply established by

mirroring body gestures. You have to understand that it also includes breathing, facial expressions, and speech.

Reflecting the attitudes of those people around you, without being facetious, is an important method of opening

their emotional doors.

The more you practice these basic skills, the better you will become at communicating

through body language. Most people won't even be aware of what you are doing. But you will be able to signal

confidence, reservation, interest, favor, and other things to people. They will simply "know" how you feel about

something. And when you negotiate, you'll be in better control over what you reveal about yourself.

The

benefits to be gained from learning body language extend to all aspects of your life. You can even improve your own

mood by changing the way you are sitting or breathing. If you are feeling down, you can immediately feel better by

sitting up, pulling your shoulders back, breathing deeply, holding your head up, etc. If you are feeling happy, you

can change your mood to something less jubilant by leaning forward, allowing your shoulders to drop/droop, and

breathing more shallowly.

Several of these books make the point that most of our communication is non-verbal.

If that is really true, then body language should be at the top of your list of skills to learn in life.

[camusflage]

I'm going to offer up another

book, which while not body language per se, is closely related. The book is called The Art of Speedreading People.

It helps if you have a bit of personality background (MBTI or Keirsey temperments esp.), but it's by no means

necessary. What the book gives you is the tools necessary to determine someone's MBTI without knowing them

intimately. It also provides some tips on communication between different types (facts and figures to an NT,

thoughts and feelings to an NF, etc). Once you know a bit about a person's personality, it becomes much easier to

interpret their body language. As an example, if you're dealing with an iNT (introverted intuitive thinker), don't

take a lack of expressiveness to mean that they're bored or not interested in you. That's just their natural

state. With an eSF (extroverted sensing feeler), pay special attention to their body language towards you vs

everyone else, as they're often extremely expressive and driven by how they're feeling at that moment.