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  1. #1
    Kodachrome Forever! Gegogi's Avatar
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    Default Mones, Cheating & Apologies

    visit-red-300x50PNG
    Here’s

    the deal. Should I let sleeping dogs lie?
    Last edited by Gegogi; 12-13-2005 at 12:47 PM.
    "I'm just a dirty hornytoad" -Gegogi

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    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Who's the apology for, you or

    him? Do you think it is going to make him feel better or just re-open an already painful wound? If you think it will

    make him feel better, which I doubt, go apologize to him. If it's to assuage your guilt make yourself a sign

    describing what a cad you think you are, hang it around your neck and go stand downtown during lunch time for the

    next week. Why add to his misery?
    To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.

    Thomas Jefferson

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    Kodachrome Forever! Gegogi's Avatar
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    Thanks

    belgareth, you're probably right.
    "I'm just a dirty hornytoad" -Gegogi

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    One should never cry over milk

    spilt, that have been wiped up, G. Let it be. Tis amazing how things were fine while things were a secret, but once

    she confessed, your thoughts changed ... guilt. A guilty conscious is a veeeeeeery unfriendly ghost ... it'll haunt

    you, and wake you, and make you frown, and it seems to have a firm grip on you.

    Bel said it as best as it can be

    said ... tomorrows another day, and believe me you, it will come, and there's nothing you can do about it ... just

    like your mental situation. Let that dog sleep, or he may bite!
    Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!

  5. #5
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    Move on - if she was really

    faithful to him mones or no mones from yorue end she wouldnt have cheated on him - if she has done it once it could

    very well happen again.

    If he sticks with her well he is the one that (if no kids involved) then he is just

    plain stupid. He will trust her until she gets the urge for someone else (once you have moved on) of course mones

    are a powerful weapon i have married women come onto me all the time - i have made it a personal rule if i know they

    are involved elsewhere with a steady boyfriend husband i simply tell them when they try to take things further that

    i want someone who is unattached without any baggage and who is willing to be faithful to me - they very quickly

    realise that they have to much to lose in most cases and it goes no further.

  6. #6
    Sadhu bjf's Avatar
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    If you try to apologize to the

    husband, he'll just say "why didn't you realize you shouldn't have slept with my wife before you screwed

    her?"

    There's really no apology you could give that he will accept; maybe he can take one from her, but only

    because he has to if he wants his marriage to continue.

    Also, some universities have actual rules against

    professor-student relationships (I know mine did), and if yours does, it is probably best that you deny everything

    and admit nothing.

  7. #7
    Phero Enthusiast platinumfox's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gegogi
    Here’s the

    deal. I decided to experiement with ‘mones and wore TE and SOE covered by Burberry Weekend or Realm everyday to

    class. Mones can be danergous in the hands of the untrained as a beautiful 23 year old student started visiting my

    office nearly everyday to talk. I’m reasonably good looking, workout and dress well, but I’m a 50 year old professor

    of Asian descent (she’s also Asian). So I’m pretty sure the ‘mones fanned her fire. After about a week she

    basically attacked me and could never get enough (nearly broke it off).

    Unfortunately, all good things must

    come to an end: she confessed everything to her 45 year old husband last week. They’ve only been married for a

    little over a year. Once I quit focusing on my hurt feelings after the breakup, I realized what a dirtbag and piss

    ant I was. So I’m filled with guilt and remorse but can’t do anything to fix matters. He was very hurt but “trusts”

    her not to see me anymore. My first wife cheated on me with her ex-husband so I can imagine how he must feel now.



    She’s still in one of my classes with a month left in the semester, so things are awkward. I’m thinking of

    apologizing to her husband. I’m not a coward--I’m willing to go through with it--but do you think an apology is a

    good idea or should I let sleeping dogs lie?
    Why were you wearing the mones if you thought it had an affect

    on her?Sounds like you wanted her in the first place?You brought it all on yourself.

  8. #8
    Full Member culturalblonde's Avatar
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    Unhappy

    Maybe it's the way you

    worded your post, but I was left with distaste after reading it. It sounds like to me that you want to rationalize

    your immoral act by blaming the mones. And then, you want to feel sorry for yourself because YOU have “hurt

    feelings.” It wasn’t until the wife confessed (or after the fact) that you even considered the husband’s feelings.

    Why didn’t you learn from your wife cheating on you?

    It takes years to build up trust, but only

    seconds to destroy it. I guess the same could be said about respect and character.

  9. #9
    Administrator Bruce's Avatar
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    Gegogi,

    I think we have all

    been in your shoes to some extent or another. Whether you should talk to the guy or not is a "case by case"

    decision I think. I would normally "leave well enough alone", but in a situation I was in (not a marriage, but an

    engaged situation) the other guy made a peace-making overture towards me after the dust had settled, and I wrote a

    heartfelt letter back (we were in different countries at the time). It seemed to help with the "healing" for me

    anyway. Nobody actually enjoys feeling hatred towards another human being. I think we do it because we think we

    need to for some defense purpose. If somebody makes a move toward peace, it might just defuse years of nagging

    fear/anger. Ya never know.

    My 2 cents anyway. Good luck,
    Bruce
    To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.

    - Buddha


    Yoga in Eugene
    Fair Trade crafts from Peru

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    Fox, I use to wear mixes knowing

    what it is doing just to see how far it will go, or will they become aggressive. Most people test, not really

    knowing what would be their action, once the fire is blazing. Some fall, some back off ... kind of like flirting.

    You can flirt for years, knowing that YOU will never allow it to go further, but then comes that ONE day, and KAPOW!

    Playing with fire doesn't mean you know how to control it once it blazes up into a big flame.

    CB, sometimes a

    lesson has to be taught over and over, for one to catch on. Maybe G, is aware, and just wanted to hear what others

    thought. I often want to hear others thoughts, but stuck with my decision(s).

    On two kind of similiar situations

    ...

    1) I was in the 10th grade, my doorbell rung, and it was one of my best friend's girl. We ended up in my

    room, and I did her. Guilty as charged! She came back the next day, and I didn't let her in. That was the

    lesson that showed me that there's no woman beautiful enough, or sexy enough to risk a friendship!

    Now get

    this ... I went into the military, retired, door bell rung, and it was him. I was glad to see him, but got a knot in

    my stomach from the thought of over 25 years ago ... The ghost of guilt.

    2) I was

    stationed in Virginia, and there was this lady that was married that I thought was perfect ... 6 feet, beautiful

    eyes, beautiful & thick muscular legs, and an outstanding set of toilet grippers! Definitely Mobley's grade of

    woman - 9! Out of the blue, she asked me when I was going to take her to lunch. <SLAP!> No mones needed/used/heard

    of. Anywho, we did lunch, and she kissed me! I kissed her back! She was mine, and the permission was given

    verbally, I just had to decide the when and where. Anyway, before I got to feast upon such nutritious-looking

    beauty, I was out partying one night, and she was there with her husband. The lady introduced me to him, I shook his

    hand, and it killed my hunger for her. I could no longer go through with it, stayed my distance, and dodged all her

    calls. Had I not met him ... she would have been Mobleytized! Conscious -- It's powerful, it can be painful, and it

    is a good teacher for a lot of people, BUT! there are A loooooooot of people that don't have one.

    THE

    END
    Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!

  11. #11
    Kodachrome Forever! Gegogi's Avatar
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    Thanks for your thoughts.
    Last edited by Gegogi; 12-13-2005 at 12:48 PM.
    "I'm just a dirty hornytoad" -Gegogi

  12. #12
    Sadhu bjf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gegogi

    Incidentally,

    mones seem to drawn a lot of attention from women at work, i.e., students, faculty and staff. Elsewhere, bars,

    shopping malls, etc., they don't seem to enhance my presence much.
    That's interesting. I've

    noticed that a lot of times, people don't smell the pheromones and look for the source, but rather, if the source

    comes into their focus, they smell the pheromones.

    Obviously you are always at the center of attention in the

    classroom, and in your interactions with co-workers.

    In shopping malls, bars, you aren't going to be in the

    focus of most.

    So maybe it is the nature of your mix. Try boosting up the none when you aren't in focus.

    It seems to catch people's attention the most; perhaps as a defensive mechanism against potential threats (ie males

    in fight or flight situations).

  13. #13
    Man of La Pancha
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    Everyone gave you the correct

    response. Apologizing would only benefit your conscience in this situation. That's the nature of the beast of

    cheating. While you're a John Doe, that man is allowed to hate you and think you're the scum of the earth despite

    the fact that it was his wife's fault. If he's logical like me and realizes that you're not to blame but his

    wife is, then he'll have nothing against you and accosting him will only create anger instead of relieving it. In

    the first case, he either hates you and putting a face to it will either hurt him more, piss him off more, or make

    you human and maybe less capable of hating you (after all, you are there to apologize...how bad is that) therefore

    screwing with his mind. Either way, his beef is with his wife, not you...and your involvement would only escalate a

    situation instead of resolving it.

    I actually was playing Baldur's Gate II and just saw this situation played

    out in the game. This paladin's wife was cheating on him, and he accosted the man. The man told him that he knew

    he couldn't apologize because it wouldn't change anything. The rest of what happened doesn't really apply here

    (the woman cheated because the man was never around), but I think that first part holds true. If you really care

    about that man, you'll do what's best for him, which is what you're doing: staying away from the husband and

    wife.

  14. #14
    Sadhu bjf's Avatar
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    what pancho meant to say was "Stay

    away from the husband and wife."

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    Man of La Pancha
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    Thanks bjf...or should I call

    you 'PanchNotes' from now on?

    (reference to "Cliff's Notes", affectionately---or just accidentally---known

    as "CliffNotes")

  16. #16
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    It is not exclusively the

    wife's fault. She didn't hold him down and force herself on him. It takes two, assigning all the blame to her is

    just dodging the issue. I was pretty unsympathetic because Gegogi made a concious choice to play around with another

    man's wife. He has free will and could have refused. Now he feels guilty about it.
    To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.

    Thomas Jefferson

  17. #17
    Kodachrome Forever! Gegogi's Avatar
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    "While you're a John Doe,

    that man is allowed to hate you and think you're the scum of the earth despite the fact that it was his wife's

    fault. If he's logical like me and realizes that you're not to blame but his wife is, then he'll have nothing

    against you and accosting him will only create anger instead of relieving it."
    Thanks Pancho your

    comments. I pretty much agree with everything you wrote. My main struggle is, unfortunately, I fell in love with her

    and have difficultly staying away. I know we're both dirtbags, but obviously she's decided to stay married and I

    need to steer clear before I fall any deeper into the abyss.
    Last edited by Gegogi; 12-14-2005 at 01:21 AM.
    "I'm just a dirty hornytoad" -Gegogi

  18. #18
    Man of La Pancha
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    Quote Originally Posted by belgareth
    It is not

    exclusively the wife's fault. She didn't hold him down and force herself on him. It takes two, assigning all the

    blame to her is just dodging the issue. I was pretty unsympathetic because Gegogi made a concious choice to play

    around with another man's wife. He has free will and could have refused. Now he feels guilty about

    it.
    BJF Version: The married individual is ultimately responsible for being faithful to his/her

    wife/husband.


    Long-Winded Version:

    As good of a point as you make...I'm going to disagree with you

    100%. It is her fault. Married women (or men, for that matter) get hit on all of the time. If they do something

    about it, it's their fault. That's it. In this case, she pursued him...which means she would've

    pursued someone else if he didn't take. G-dog has no responsibility to ensure the sanctity of her

    marriage...that's her responsibility. He's just reaping the benefits of an obviously bad marriage (if she's such

    a horndog)...I would say that that probably makes him a bad person and morally wrong (You're going to hell,

    adulterer!!! Sorry, I couldn't resist As in Seinfeld when George sleeps with a married

    woman, "You didn't commit adultery; I did." I guess it's a matter of interpretation), but it's not his fault she

    cheated. She must be responsible for her own actions. Unless he kidnapped her, put her in a basement, and raped her,

    she had all the power she needed to stop it. The word "no" or the equivalent non-verbal message would've

    sufficed.

  19. #19
    Man of La Pancha
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gegogi
    Thanks Pancho

    your comments. I pretty much agree with everything you wrote. She intitally came on to me and teased the hell out of

    me until I broke (didn't take long). I mean graphic no holds barred teasing. If she shaved that day, she always

    showed me how smooth it was or played with herself in front of me. Nevertheless, I fanned the flames and responded

    in kind so I deserve at least half the blame. After all, it takes two to tango.

    My main struggle is,

    unfortunately, I fell in love with her and have difficultly staying away. I know we're both dirtbags and deserve

    one another, but obviously she's decided to stay married and I need to steer clear before I fall any deeper into

    the abyss.
    Where the (*#% do you teach!?!?!? I need to find one of these places, dammit...I'm missing

    out!

  20. #20
    Kodachrome Forever! Gegogi's Avatar
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    "Where the (*#% do you

    teach!?!?!? I need to find one of these places, dammit...I'm missing out!"
    Incidentally, most college

    enrollments are 54-60% female. My school is 60%. Grad school is even more skewed towards females. That says a lot

    about the declining status of men and the increasing status and power of women in the near future. Women will hold

    more positions of power and under educated men may increasingly find themselves treated as sex objects and toys for

    female enjoyment.
    Last edited by Gegogi; 12-13-2005 at 12:48 PM.
    "I'm just a dirty hornytoad" -Gegogi

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    Such is life ... falling for

    what's not good for you, Ge. You had some wild, naughty , and unforgetable moments,

    and now you have some regrets , but guess what ... In 100 years, it all won't matter none.



    And this too, shall pass.
    Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!

  22. #22
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pancho1188
    BJF

    Version: The married individual is ultimately responsible for being faithful to his/her wife/husband.




    Long-Winded Version:

    As good of a point as you make...I'm going to disagree with you 100%. It is her fault.

    Married women (or men, for that matter) get hit on all of the time. If they do something about it, it's their

    fault. That's it. In this case, she pursued him...which means she would've pursued someone else if

    he didn't take. G-dog has no responsibility to ensure the sanctity of her marriage...that's her responsibility.

    He's just reaping the benefits of an obviously bad marriage (if she's such a horndog)...I would say that that

    probably makes him a bad person and morally wrong (You're going to hell, adulterer!!! Sorry, I couldn't

    resist As in Seinfeld when George sleeps with a married woman, "You didn't commit adultery; I

    did." I guess it's a matter of interpretation), but it's not his fault she cheated. She must be responsible for

    her own actions. Unless he kidnapped her, put her in a basement, and raped her, she had all the power she needed to

    stop it. The word "no" or the equivalent non-verbal message would've sufficed.
    Since he knew she was

    married he made the choice, it was his decision to make. Just because somebody else would have done it if he hadn't

    does not make it the right thing to do. "Oh, gee. They were going to steal that anyhow so I didn't figure it

    wouldn't be any more wrong if I helped. Somebody else would have if I hadn't!" Same 'logic'.

    I don't watch

    TV so am not inflicted with their value system and I don't consider popular TV shows as a guide to my values.
    To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.

    Thomas Jefferson

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gegogi
    Although

    students hit on me regularly, few can dent my resolve and break me. But she was no ordinary woman or student. She's

    smart as a whip, a "9," a total horndog, perv deluxe and a real pro. A couples weeks ago, after taking her out to

    lunch, she got so horny on the drive home she had to pull off the road to beat off--with all sorts of cars zooming

    by (she was driving). My kind of woman.

    Incidentally, most college enrollments are 54-60% female. My school is

    60%. Grad school is even more skewed towards females. That says a lot about the declining status of men and the

    increasing status and power of women in the near future. Women will hold more positions of power and under educated

    men may increasingly find themselves treated as sex objects and toys for female enjoyment.
    Yeah, no one

    believes me when I say that women are taking over the world (well, the US at least)...but I guess it's only fair

    since men had it so good for so many years...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gegogi
    Women will hold

    more positions of power and under educated men may increasingly find themselves treated as sex objects and toys for

    female enjoyment.
    And this is different from right now...how?

    *muahaha!*

    ~Silver

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    Quote Originally Posted by Silver
    And this is

    different from right now...how?

    *muahaha!*

    ~Silver
    Female Presidents getting eaten out in the

    oval office...

    That's the difference.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pancho1188
    Yeah, no one

    believes me when I say that women are taking over the world (well, the US at least)...but I guess it's only fair

    since men had it so good for so many years...
    Correction, Pancho ... women have been running this

    world since Eve propt herself against a tree, butt naked, swinging an apple, and said, "Adam! Come her boy! Bite

    this apple, 'cause I got something good for you!"

    It's taking this long for people to start understanding or

    seeing it. It's kind of like men bragging about how they have 2 or more women, and saying they're

    running things. Please! If you have to shuffle your time/days/calendar to accommodate them, you ain't

    running jack!
    Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!

  27. #27
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    I meant running as in being in

    the high-level positions of power...not the well-known subtle position of telling other people what to do and having

    them unquestionably do it like when a woman asks a man to do something... Like I mentioned in another

    thread...power is an illusion in relationships and such...but finally women have "the buck stops here" type of power

    instead of just running things while pretending to be trophy-wife first ladies (obvious joke about Hilary running

    the country) or whatever.

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pancho1188
    I meant

    running as in being in the high-level positions of power...not the well-known subtle position of telling other

    people what to do and having them unquestionably do it like when a woman asks a man to do something... Like I

    mentioned in another thread...power is an illusion in relationships and such...but finally women have "the buck

    stops here" type of power instead of just running things while pretending to be trophy-wife first ladies (obvious

    joke about Hilary running the country) or whatever.
    Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by belgareth
    Since he knew

    she was married he made the choice, it was his decision to make. Just because somebody else would have done it if he

    hadn't does not make it the right thing to do. "Oh, gee. They were going to steal that anyhow so I didn't figure

    it wouldn't be any more wrong if I helped. Somebody else would have if I hadn't!" Same 'logic'.

    I don't

    watch TV so am not inflicted with their value system and I don't consider popular TV shows as a guide to my

    values.
    I'll consider your last comment a sarcastic joke at my joke since you are aware of my inserting

    of Seinfeld lines as humor and not to make a point. I would be offended if you actually believed or were

    inferring that I got my values from a TV show. Seeing as I don't own a working television set and haven't watched

    TV in months, I guess I have no values at the moment.

    Are you okay, Bel? I sense hostility, and I just said I

    disagreed with you, man...I didn't take any cheap shots at you. I still won't...I respect you and I even

    apologize if somehow my random jokes within somehow displayed otherwise. Hell, I'll edit the post if that's

    true.


    Anyway, back to the debate at hand...

    I never said he was right, moral, or decent. In fact, I said

    it was wrong, immoral, and just plain bad. I said it's her fault she cheated. You said she didn't force him

    down...well, he didn't force her down. The responsibility to maintain a healthy marriage lies within the

    participants of the marriage. You cannot put blame on someone else for your own mistake.

    What G did was

    obviously wrong...but he didn't force her, so it was her fault she cheated.

    I have not cheated in any of my

    relationships. I don't care if a naked girl jumped on me and tried to tear off my clothes. I don't break my

    promises. If I broke that promise, it would be my fault, and my fault alone. That naked girl who jumped on me

    represents temptation. It's my duty to resist if I am to fulfill a promise I gave. To pass the buck on to that

    other person...that's wrong. Just because it's there doesn't mean you have to take it.

    In the same respect,

    any woman who cheats on me will receive the full blame on my part. I upheld my part of the bargin, so it's her

    responsibility to uphold hers. I'm not going to blame some dude who's just trying to get laid for my wife's

    stupidity, weakness, etc. That's her responsibility. He could be the scum that I wipe off my shoes, but I can't

    blame him for doing it because it's her decision to sleep with him.

    Yes, it takes two to tango. That makes

    them both wrong, immoral, scum of the earth, whatever you want to call it. As for who's to blame for being

    unfaithful, it lies solely on the one who made the vow to be faithful in the first place. That other man is not

    responsible for her marriage...although it would be nice if he was considerate enough to respect that everlasting

    bond...

  30. #30
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    We are all flawed and imperfect.

    Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

    Gegogi is obviously filled with remorse. Having realized that,

    we should no longer be focusing on casting blame. I'm not even going to mention my personal beliefs on this

    matter, because I feel like at this point they have no place. Does it matter if it is ultimately his fault or hers?

    Gegogi came here with his story because he feels guilty and would like advice. Would more guilt, deserved or

    underserved, be right here? Isn't this forum about support and friendship?

    Gegogi, I think you need to consider

    not only the needs of this woman's husband but your own as well. Telling him would make you feel better, but has

    the possibility of either helping or hurting him. I would advise you to write him a letter...and then don't mail

    it. Write it, read it a few times, and put it somewhere safe. After she is no longer in your class, take it out

    again and consider it. Look back on this time in your life. Then decide if you want to mail it. However, I should

    warn you, that if you do, type it and make it completely anonymous as best you can...I would hate to see you fired

    or something over this, which is why I would advise you not to mail it. But at that point, looking back, do what

    you feel is right.

    Hope everything works out for you.

    ~Silver

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