Here are some

actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance

crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced

left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland

not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Solution: "IT DOES

NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in

cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence

removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable

level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem:

"Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on

ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem:

"Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there

for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief

search."