Get Together vs. Date - What's the Difference?

[camusflage]

I considered putting this in the open discussion, but since the board description says this is for

"topics related to the science of attraction", I put it here. Mods feel free to move as appropriate.

I'm

finding myself in a situation I've never been in before. I'm getting together tomorrow with an old co-worker I

haven't seen in several months. During the time we worked together, it was pretty obvious through body language

that she was attracted to me (eye contact, personal space invasion, 'leg positioning', and even shoe dangling),

and I made sure to signal the same back to her. At the time, both of us were otherwise involved, so nothing ever

came of it.

After she left the company, we stayed in touch sporadically, then fell out of contact for six

months. Two weeks ago, out of the blue, she emailed me to see how I was doing. In a subsequent email she even asked

if there was anyone I was seeing now. I mentioned wanting to try out a new restaurant, and she was interested as

well. Other financial commitments prevented her from going however. I asked if she'd accept me picking this one up

if she picks up the check next time. She admitted it may be a while before she's able to do that, but

(surprisingly, considering her independent spirit) accepted my offer nonetheless. As we were working out the details

of transportation, activities afterwards, etc, I said either we could meet there or I could pick her up, to which

she said there's no sense in paying for parking of two cars.

So then, my question is this: What is it that

make a date a date, in the opinion of the teeming millions? When does a get together cross over into being a date?

To me, this one seems to be moving from the former into the latter.

[Friendly1]

A date is a date. People

sometimes dress it down, the way you did. A date can be a fun date, a romantic date, a sex date, or a boring date.

The fact you're agonizing over it shows you are too anxious. When two people want to spend time together, it

doesn't matter if they are dating (except when the women gossip).

[Whitehall]

A "get-together" is a

purely social meeting.

A "date" has the potential for sex.

You don't date your sister or your school

teacher.

Sounds like this is a date.

[koolking1]

I would relax more about

this. Does dating her make you happy? If so, act like it is a date. I think you are being overly cautious, after

all, what do you have to lose.

[Friendly1]

I have planned plenty of dates

without the intention of having sex. A date is not about sex, but about romance. Romance can be about sex or a

relationship or both. But a date is a date is a date in my book. If you arrange in advance to get together with

someone, it's a date. No need to make a fuss about it. Other people will do that enough for you.

[Pancho1188]

I take the Seinfeld approach

to dating:

A date is like a job interview. The only difference between a date and an interview is that if

things go well, you end up naked at the end of it.

Seriously, though...

I've never been on what I would

call a 'date', which to me is a 'relationship interview'. You know that the reason for going out is that you

see potential in starting something in the form of romance, relationship, sex, etc. I have never been on a 'date'

using that definition. I just hang out with people I like, whether in groups or alone, and if I like them more and

they like me more, we end up doing something more later. Anytime after that, my partner and I would usually have

the understanding that we were bf/gf, and therefore subsequent activities were going out with your bf or gf. Now,

it's still a date, but not according to the definition that seems to be insinuated every time you use the word.



I'd say if you were going out together with some intention of romance being involved, then I would say it's a

date. However, an event where two people just go out...for instance, when I went out with this girl a couple of

weeks ago knowing that I was not going to do anything but go out and enjoy time with a friend (despite the fact that

I did find her attractive, I didn't expect anything at all and didn't think about the potential)...then you're

just getting together. I'm sure, however, that anyone reading the amount of thought you both put into this would

just scream, "DATE!"

[Friendly1]

Early dates may be for

interviewing potential partners, but in an extended relationship, dating is supposed to be scheduled fun-time. We

probably use the word "date" in a lot of subtly different ways without realizing it.

[camusflage]

Early dates

may be for interviewing potential partners, but in an extended relationship, dating is supposed to be scheduled

fun-time. We probably use the word "date" in a lot of subtly different ways without realizing it.

Which

is exactly why I asked the question. I was just looking for how other pedantics applied semantics (bonus points for

using that pair in a poem!) to the term date. When proposed, it was simply getting together. Now, it's looking more

like a date.

[koolking1]

when she said "are you

romantically involved?" would have been my clue that she's interested in a romance with you and that you should

treat this meeting as a date.

[Pancho1188]

I called up this girl that I

knew for a while
I knew that she was always diggin' my style
We started talking about getting something to eat
I

started getting anxious about when we would meet

I went to my friends and said, "Call me pedantic...
But what

I'm about to ask will get us into semantics."
I asked about the friend and if it's considered a date
And should

I make a move when it starts getting late

My friends told me that this was indeed a date
And only my actions

could determine my fate
Whether we'll be friends or we'll go home and mate
The uncertainty of it all is the one

thing I hate

[camusflage]

<clap clap clap> Bravo

Pancho!

[camusflage]

To me, this one seems to be moving from the former into the latter.

As usual, the

peanut gallery was right again.. Twas a date, as I'd figured.

I thought for awhile about what to do

phero-wise. I chose a drop each of PI/m+f (my usual) in the morning, followed up with four inches of SOE/u in the

evening prior to the date, along with a few spritzes of YSL's M7 (boys, if you want something that stands out for

evening wear that DOESN'T need to be dressed to the nines like Envy or Boucheron, check M7 out [but don't even

bother with M7 fresh--it's like M7 after the neutering]).

It started out with my picking her up. She had

been a bit perturbed about me coming into her house. She needed to do dishes and claimed the place was a wreck. I

let he know that I'm sure it was alright (compared to mine, her place is immaculate). She gave me the grand tour,

where I made fast friends with her cat, after which we left for dinner.

Throughout dinner there was a fair

degree of eye contact. Since this was a Brazillian steakhouse with a large salad bar, there were a few joint trips

to the salad bar where some light touching took place. After returning to the table one time, she said "You smell

really nice!" After two and a half hours spent over dinner, it was off to dance.

At the club, we met her

friends (one of whom is also a current co-worker of mine). None of the three have danced before, so it took some

effort after the intro lesson to get them up to speed. The friend/co-worker has (non-verbally) expressed an interest

in me, but she's not really my type (it's a bible thing..), so I did need to be somewhat diplomatic in my

relations.

After about two hours and several dances, she was ready to go. We said our goodbyes to everyone

and ducked out. We drove to her place and talked for a few minutes in the car before she gave me a hug (and a neck

sniff, where the PI and SoE were applied), a kiss, and said goodnight. She said she enjoyed herself and would love

to do it again sometime.

Ten minutes after leaving, I realized I still had her ID. I called her while turning

around. Shortly thereafter, she came to the door in a robe. I handed her back her ID, and said "I hope you didn't

see through my ruse to see you again," which earned a good laugh.

[Friendly1]

Ten minutes

after leaving, I realized I still had her ID. I called her while turning around. Shortly thereafter, she came to the

door in a robe. I handed her back her ID, and said "I hope you didn't see through my ruse to see you again," which

earned a good laugh.

Good story. But you desperately need to watch "How to lose a guy in 10 days".