An Insane Situation
Hi,
I'm a newbie
to the 'mones thing, and I'm seeking a little advice on an interesting situation. I suspect I'm going to get
flamed for the apparent stupidity of this situation, but here goes...
Around two months ago my girlfriend of six
years split up with me and moved in with another man. It was something that had been coming for a while, as I was
working nightshift and she was working long days, so we never saw much of each other. However, I thought that as
this was only going to carry on for a few months more we would be able to make it through. Other things like my (at
the time) mild depression/social insecurity contributed too, but I never expected the two of us to split.
Directly after the break up, I was distraught, and my depression went full blown, as all my dreams had just been
ripped away from me. Two months in, I still feel a lot of pain, but Citalopram (similar to Prozac) and time have
made the situation easier to deal with.
This, however, is where it gets complicated...
In a couple of weeks,
my ex will be moving back in, but still maintaining her relationship with the new man. This is because all three of
us are travelling together to New Zealand in three months. Basically, this is a arrangement of convenience, as she
needs the money from my house to live in NZ, and I need the money from her car to get us out there while I wait for
the funds from the house to clear. The boyfriend coming was a unexpected and unpleasent addition, but she's grown
attatched to him, and refused to go without him.
Anyways, I'm interested in trying a few products to change the
situation for a number of reasons. I am interested in getting my ex back, but I'm no longer at the 'I
can't live without her' situation. I'm also interested in just trying to be more sucessful in social situations,
so if she ever does have any doubts about her current partner, I seem like a good option. Remember I have time on my
side here, over a year to impliment any kind of strategy.
I know a lot of people will tell me to walk away and
give her some space, but the whole New Zealand situation makes that difficult, and I really need to go through with
that because I hate the place I live, and desperately need to escape it for my own mental wellbeing.
Anyways,
the two products I have my eye on at the moment are SOE and AE/m, for both social situations and hopefully appearing
more desirable to my ex. Is this a good choice, or should I be looking at other products?
NB: I am aware that
the success of these products depends on the person using them, and I'm also aware that they are not a miracle
potion. I'm just after some basic succestions to start working from and testing.
I'd tell her he can't come,
and if she doesn't want to come either, that's fine. It's not good for you or your depression to be put in the
role of unwanted third wheel and left out of everything unless you want to sit and watch them be happy together
knowing that another guy has your girl.
"I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it's great to be male!"
--Calvin & Hobbes
Trouble is that if she's forced to
make that desicion, she will choose to stay with him. That means I won't be able to go either, and I'll be stuck
in a mundane job in a dead end town full of smack addicts. (Trust me, the U.K. isn't all it's made out to be.)
I can cope with dealing with seeing them together, as he is a pretty nice bloke who I get on with well, and I am
still very good mates with her. For six years we were 40% lovers and 60% bloody good mates. Obviously the lovers
part is gone but the 60% remains. I'm prepared to wait and do other things by myself, but I'd also like to present
a viable alternative as a lover, not just a friend, if things should ever go sour between them.
Obviously if I
belived 'mones could manipulate the situation further than that, I would go for it, but from reading your forum,
that seems unlikely.
It's just like you putOriginally Posted by Sam
in, the begining of your thread, it's defanantly an insane situation. But looking at too what your trying to
accomplish. it's a bit hard for anyone here too tell you, since she known you for along time like you put it.
But Speaking from my own experiance, mones itself did not help me much with people i have known for a long time, i
actually see greater results with people who i didn't known at all. The most the mone can do for you, in this
situation, is to make people more friendly towards you. Like you put it you want to buy SOE, that will only make
people more friendly towards you. If your trying to get sexual hits however you would be better off trying something
like TE/m, NPA/m or like you said AE/m, but if your thinking that mones is some magical potion, it is not. It's
still you who's going to make a diffrents.
I'm not trying to come down hard on you, but your also said that
you had some trouble with depression ??
But putting yourself out like that, and if it's goes out badly, will
probebly make your depression even worse then it is now, are ready to take the heat when it comes out to that ?? The
only real advice i can give you right now , is give yourself more time. I think it is too soon to put yourself on
the line like that.
But that's just my opnion, so it should not count for anything, it's still you who's
gonna have to make that dicision.
DZorro,
If it ain't broken don't fix it.
Sam,
If it were me, I'd have
to go with SRH's advice, but from your response, it does sound like you might have a better time for the moment
getting out of the UK for a while. Who knows, you might meet Ms. Right or Ms. Right-now anyway, while you are over
there. NZ is supposed to be a beautiful place. See if you can find a job while you are over there and let your
would be GF and her new BF go home without you. Long-term of course, move on; find someone new.
SOE and AE
are both good products; probably numbers 1 and 2 in terms of sales; the difference being, the aNONE. Age is often
the deciding factor. Young guys are usually better off with SOE. AE gives you a little extra shot of
alpha.
Good luck,
Bruce
Sorry, should have mentioned age -
I'm 23, but probably low on hormones/pheramones as I've always been non-aggressive and somewhat feminine. (Jesus
that sounds bad.)
Cheers for the advice. Pretty much as Bruce said, NZ for me is the lesser of two evils,
despite the complications. I'm definitely not ruling out the possibility of meeting Ms. Right out there - hell,
it'd be the easiest way to gain residency after my year Visa runs out. I'm just keeping my options open on my ex,
and seeing how things pan out.
Sounds like SOE and AE are my purchases then!
I think you
just found your answer, try and keep a positive outlook by looking ahead to a fresh start in New Zealand.
DCW
Well in that
case TE/m NPA/m or even AE/m would do you a world of good. Excersise alot too would help give you a positive view of
life.
If you are going to use SOE, use very little of it.
It won't help you much, if you used too much of
it.
[always been non-aggressive and somewhat feminine.]
Since your somewhat non-aggressive. Using too much
nol, will probebly backfire in your situation.
DZorro,
If it ain't broken don't fix it.
I'm interested in knowing a little more of your
thinking here. As a more laid back person, I wass worried about the effects of -none on other men around, and my
ability to deal with that. Thinking about it though, I guess the -none will also boost my ability to deal with any
situation like that.
Out of interest, can -nol actually backfire in any destructive way. (Similar to the
-none/menstral cycle thing) I always got the impression it's main effect was to make people friendly?
Last edited by Sam; 06-25-2004 at 08:00 AM. Reason: Spelling Errors
Actually nol's effect is to make people more friendly. But it works diffrently for
everybody.Well nol will not be as destructive as none would. I can only tell what has happend to me. But everbody
will tell it diffrently. But you can tell to whom noll will be better suited. If you are a lonewolf like some people
here at the forum would tell you, then you will bennifit from nol, but if you are not a lonewolf you might benefit
from none.
It's kind of difficult to explane. But a lonewolf is someone who is inapproachable. But in your case
you are already approachable. So you are defanatly not a lonewolf. But i think i leave it to someone who can
explaine it better then me.
People who are sociable would benefit more from none, in my opinion.
DZorro,
If it ain't broken don't fix it.
none
You are 23 and have been
with her for 6 years, you started with her when you were 17? You need to get your pride back first. Just get a
part-time job, forget your current situation and just work your ass off till you save up a bunch of money and get
the proceeds from the house sale too (why on earth would you give her some of the proceeds so she can live in NZ
anyways??). Then go where you please without her. Sure, a tough suggestion but in the end you'll be better for
it, everyone suffers sometimes and it makes them stronger. And, don't let her move back in with you, she'll only
be in the way after you meet someone else at your part-time job cause you'll have bought some mones and will
succeed!!!
I'm paying some money out to help
her in NZ because under UK law, she could quite easily sting me for half of everything I own, even though we never
married. That would cost me to the tune of £20,000 ($37,000) plus legal fees. As she's a good friend, she wouldn't
do that, and has made it quite clear she wouldn't. Basically I'm paying for her as I would owe her that money (she
payed as much into the morgage as me) and I feel it's the right thing to do for a friend.
I'm not going to fall
into the trap of resenting her because she left me. There were a lot of surrounding circumstances, and the break up
was at least 50% my fault.
Ultimately, the point of my original post was to get some advice on pheramones that
may help me appear more attractive to her, but also that would help me move on in my life in general.
none
you didn't say it was half
her house to begin with so I made a logical assumption. Ok - so you wanna win her back, use some mones as suggested
by others, don't use them till you are all on the plane though. Or, better yet, send me the proceeds of the house
sale, it'll be easier on your psyche in the long run, honest!!!
Sam, you need to get this girl
out of your life and move on with your own. Young guys never figure out that they cannot change a woman's mind.
If you have a chance at getting her back at all, it is only by moving on with your life and letting her see that you
are happy and content with that. She MIGHT, if the other boyfriend is an obnoxious bore, decide she made a
mistake.
Right now, in her eyes, you're just a needy desperate guy with no backbone who will compromise on
anything just to be near her. She is not feeling any attraction for you and continuing in this situation won't
make her feel more attracted to you, but less.
You ALREADY resent her. You are clearly going through some
major hurt .And there is no shame in admitting that -- we all feel that way when a long-term relationship ends. I
was devastated when a 10-year relationship came to a grinding halt. I got emotionally whomped, like all men do when
they don't want the relationship to end.
In my case, she DID try to come back a year-and-a-half later. And I
think I exercised good sense in staying away from her. That was one of the hardest things I ever had to do as an
adult, because my feelings for her were still strong.
But we were just not meant to be together, and I moved
on.
You need to find the strength to do that, too.
Half of everything you own is a small price to pay for
getting this girl out of your life. Neither of you will be happy as long as you keep trying to cling to this hope
for a return to the past. There is no going back.
dude listen to friendly there
.. he's on the ball ... what you need to do is move on with your live - but i suggest not to get anyother chick and
anything show her you can live a good lonely live ... if she means nothing to you then it shouldn't be hard to get
a chick but if she does mean something to you then don't get one .. just let her space and let her be with her guy
-- Trust me noone can forget someone they have been with (especially when it's 6yrs known person ... ) it might be
hard bro but life is tuff besides there are lot more fishes out there .. and uk it's pretty crowd so your bond to
find one.
Last edited by kossBass; 06-25-2004 at 01:15 PM.
Sam,
I'm going to agree
with KossBass here, friendly1 is right. To even have a chance at winner her back you have to move on and truly
change/improve yourself. You're really hurting right now and living with her again w/o being in that relationship
is going to remind you of all of this hurt, over, and over, and over . . . . (until you go insane)You need
space. It took a long time to get into this deep relationship, it's going to take an equal amount of time to climb
yourself out of it. This is a time for you to be selfish, i.e. be good to yourself, have some fun, etc . . .
.
Try to figure out an arrangement in which the two of you aren't around each other and still be able to go to
NZ. Otherwise, you are going to have to pick the lesser of two bad
situations.
_____________________
-SwingerMD
It Don't Mean a Thing if it ain't got that swing. . . . -Duke Ellington
I hate to be harsh but along
with agreeing with Swinger, Friendly and Koss, I think this woman is/has a real problem. She leaves you, and she has
to know it hurts, then demands that she bring her new boyfriend to live with you and her? At the least it's a
callous disregard for you and your feelings.
Run...fast and far! You don't need that in your life and I doubt
you want it either.
On the other hand, if you can
survive this, you can survive (almost) anything....
Sure let them come and use their money (as you stated you
needed it) but then do your own thing when you get to NZ (great place, really friendly, better than OZ in my
opinion) leave them to their own devices.
I call this kinda stuff 'character building', but then that's
what people say to kids when they want them to do a difficult task that they dont personally want to do.
Use it as an opportunity to prove to her and yourself that you are over her.
Cheers, and I hope
it goes well for ya.
Steve
"...and from that egg, hatched a stone monkey!" (Newton)
ooohh.. or alternatively, go to
somewhere within Europe.
You need no visa (cuz you're a member of the EU) and life is good, and the flights
wont cost so much etc etc etc....
And to think many in britain want out of Europe. Bad call, I
think.
Steve
"...and from that egg, hatched a stone monkey!" (Newton)
I'm gonna side with the posse
on this one.
If you go, though, maybe wear a massive OD of -none and -rone everyday to make everyone else
miserable and start a few fights with the new beau!
DrSmellThis (creator of P H E R O S)
hah (blah i need 10
chars)
Sam,
I really think
it's a bad idea to actively chase this girl. You will just end up looking desperate, which will make her push you
further away and just make you feel worse. From your posts you seem like a very decent guy, but learning that the
most important person in your life is you is a very important person. Disregarding the whole money NZ issue, you
need to start laying down the law and sticking up for yourself. I can only imagine what it is like to be in your
position, but I think it's a safe bet to say that finding your self respect and doing only what's good for number
one for a change will improve things greatly.
You say you are in a dead end job. Well for chrissakes man do
something about it
Whatever it takes, be it in NZ or the UK, get some direction and get motivated, perhaps get
some extra qualifications/training. I guarantee that people (including your ex) will respect you much more if
you grab your life by the balls and take it somewhere you want to go.
I doubt you really needed to hear that
and would prefer some advice regarding your girl, but I think the problem is deeper than that. In general I
wouldn't advise going back to an ex, but I don't know anything about her or your relationship, and ultimately the
decision is in your hands, it's just that it seems as though she is causing you problems. Either way, I think it
would be a good idea for you to mix with some new women, if only to give yourself some perspective.
Regarding
the 'mones (Sam:"finally!"), I would recommend getting TE with AE and SOE. It's only £15 or so pounds more, and it
lasts a long time if you dab it on, and it's really good for adding a little more "animal" to both of those
products.
Good luck
none
I don't think mones apply
at all in this situation. The only way that I know works to get a woman back is to let her see you, happily, with
another woman, preferably more attractive than her. If that doesn't get her back, nothing will. Women are
attracted to strength, not weakness. Be strong.
I personally think she is
using you because it seems your a softy. How is it going to end? They move in your house start bumping ugly and you
have to listen to that going on. If your depressed now wait till you go through that. Your emotions are going to go
out of control and you will feel worse in the long run. It is not easy to let go but this is like committing
emotional suicide. Don't do it, there are plenty of fine women out there that would love to be with you. you just
have to actively seek them out. Don't let this gal play you for a sucker. She knows you have feelings for her and
she knows you will do anything for her therefore make sure she is absoulutely being honest with you before you
accept this deal.
none
Yep, Burgerama is 100%
correct - how you gonna feel when they get all lovey-dovey in your 1/2 house? They'll probably start plotting how
to get all that money from you seeing that you won't stand up and be proud. If you think these suggestions/ideas
are mean, believe once that there might be older/wiser guys on here that know what the hell they are talking
about.
Yes, the only difference between us old farts and you young guys is we've
made the stupid mistakes you haven't had time to.
Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.
--Lazarus Long
Sam, right now I´m not even gonna make
comments about your situation as you seem to know what you´re doing and it sounds like you´re okay with it. Sounds
like going out and about is what you need and it ought to be a good thing for you I hope you enjoy the experience.
It is actually possibleOut of interest, can -nol actually backfire in any destructive way.
to OD on nol so don´t use too much at once.
SOE and AE are good choices imo. As for socializing I love the effect
AFA has so (as usual) I recommend it too
CJ
You are setting yourself up
for disaster, Sam. Like others have said, this girl is completely indifferent to how you feel, maybe bordering on
trying to hurt you. Going to NZ sounds awesome, but...think about all those hours of feeling like the 5th
wheel. You are going to have to watch the girl you love(d) being romantic with another guy - almost every day. Even
worse maybe, if you are living together, you are going to have to hear them getting it on as well. That will
tear you apart I'm afraid. Definitely not healthy for you.
I had a gf similar to you - we were together for so
long, and it was SO hard to break away from that. Change is hard. She is part of you now, your personalities are a
perfect match etc. But you have to go forward and find yourself again. By finding the right person, job, city,
mindset - Life can turn around in an instant.
Sam, i'l have to aggree withI'm gonna side
with the posse on this one.
If you go, though, maybe wear a massive OD of -none and -rone everyday to make
everyone else miserable and start a few fights with the new beau!
the good docter on this one, wear lot's of none, and let's rumble.
DZorro,
If it ain't broken don't fix it.
Good points all, and well
made.
Two people made points that well illustrate what I'm thinking:
"On the other hand, if you can
survive this, you can survive (almost) anything..."
I believe I can survive this, and most
importantly it adds to a belief I've had through life that you should never regret anything because
everything is an experience that adds to your life, even if it's a bad experience. I also appreciate that
there are people on this board who are offering me sound advice, based on life experience, and I respect that. There
are times in life though, when you have to make your own mistakes and learn by them, and even though I may well be
making a mistake, I feel it's something that it's better for me to do.
"...right now I´m not even gonna
make comments about your situation as you seem to know what you´re doing and it sounds like you´re okay with
it..."
Absolutely, as I've kinda said above. It may sound strange, but I would be able to cope quite easily
with seeing/hearing them together, and as I stated before, I get on well with both as friends. My expression of
interest in pheremones was not just related to my past relationship, but also as a tool for future ventures. Perhaps
I should have made that clearer in the beginning.
Anyway, thanks to everyone who replied with advice. Hopefully
when my order gets here I will be posting on here to let you know how I get along with the 'mones.
Ta.
S.
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks