HUMPING DAY FUNNIES

[MOBLEYC57]

Hoping you have a

good Humping Day (Wednesday)....

UGLINESS HAS ITS PLACE

An extremely ugly man was sitting in a bar having a

drink with his friend, who is his polar opposite. In fact, he may be the most handsome man in town. The two of them

are discussing a beautiful blonde girl sitting at the bar. The handsome man said, \"Boy, I sure would like to get

some of that.\" The ugly man said, \"Go ahead, go for it.\" The handsome man said, \"There\'s no way, she

won\'t go with anybody, I\'ve tried many times.\" The ugly man said, \"I think I could go out with her if I

wanted to.\" The handsome man laughed and said, \"If she won\'t go out with me, she sure as hell won\'t go out

with your ugly as$!!.\" Ugly said, \"I\'ll bet you a hundred bucks she\'ll go with me.\" Handsome says,

\"You\'re on!!!!\" Ugly says, \"OK, just leave the money with the bartender and I\'ll pick it up later.\" He

walks up to the girl, starts talking and then turned around and walked out of the bar, with the girl right behind

him. The handsome man couldn\'t believe it. He went up to the bar and asked the bartender, \"What in the f#ck

happened!!? What in the hell did he say to her!!?\" The bartender told him, \"Well, he didn\'t say much. He just

said it\'s a nice night for a walk. And then he licked his eyebrows very slowly, and left.\"

TATTOO

ANYONE?

A man wanted a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his penis. So he goes to a Tattoo Shop and makes the

request. The Tattoo designer tells him that it would cost him $1000.00 to do the special bizarre request. The guy

thinks for a while and decides that it’’s a fair price. The designer starts the tattooing and in the middle of the

job asks the man, \"Why are you doing this?\" The man replies, \"That\'s personal.\" With that, the designer

continues to do the tattoo. The designer is still intrigued by such a bizarre request, so he tells the customer,

\"I tell you what...I\'ll waive the $1000.00 if you tell me why in the hell, you are doing this.\" The man

thinks again and replies, \"Okay, that\'s reasonable.\" The man continues, \"There are three reasons...
# 1) I

like to play with money.
# 2) I like to watch money grow.
At last # 3) and the most important reason is.....the

next time my wife wants to blow a hundred, well, her as$ can do it right at home.

THE SNACK OF

CHAMPIONS!

During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on

how to treat his increasing baldness. After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing

he\'d come across was, er, female juices. \"But you\'re balder than I am,\" protested the customer.

\"True,\" admitted the barber, \"but you\'ve gotta admit...I\'ve got one hell of a mustache!\"



VIAGRA...THAT OUTSTANDING BLUE PILL!!

There was this guy who went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. First

off the dentist said, \"I\'ll give you a shot to numb your jaw.\" The guy said, \"No, please don\'t do that,

I\'m afraid of needles.\" The dentist said, \"OK, I\'ll get out the gas to put you to sleep.\" However the

guy said, \"Nope, I\'m allergic to the gas.\" So the dentist said, \"Just a minute, I\'ll go look for

something else.\" After awhile he came back with a couple of pills. The guy asked, \"What kind of pills are

those?\" The dentist said, \"Viagra.\" The guy said, \"WHAT! Why these?\" The dentist said, \"They won\'t

help the pain, but they\'ll give you something to hang on to while I pull your damn tooth.

BAR MASTER

A guy

walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, \"\"Quick pour me twelve drinks.\"\"
So the bartender

pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to

the guy, \"\"Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast.\"\"
The guys says, \"\"Well, you would be

drinking really fast too if you had what I\'ve got.\"\"
The bartender says, \"\"What\'ve you got?\"\"


The guy says, \"\"75 cents.\"\"

TIS BLONDE TIME!

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road

and approaches a \'blonde lady\' driver. \"Mam, is there a reason that you\'re weaving all over the road\"?

The woman replied, \"Oh officer, thank goodness you\'re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there

was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the

right and there was another tree in front of me!\" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the

officer replied, \"Ma\'am...it\'s your air freshener!!!\"

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.

The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, \"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang -

but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.\"
\"Oh Dear!\" the

doctor exclaimed in disbelief. \"But, what happened to your other ear?\"
\"The jerk called

back!\"

------------------------------------------------------------
FOR MEN ONLY...LADIES, “”“DO NOT”“

READ
------------------------------------------------------------

DIRTY TUNES

While auditioning for a job, a

pianist played one of his own compositions. \"That\'s beautiful\", the lounge owner said, \"What do you call

it?\"

\"Rip Her Clothes Off and Screw Her Doggie Style\", the pianist replied. The owner asked him to play

another piece, which was equally beautiful. When asked the title, the pianist replied, \"Shove Your Dick in Her

Mouth and Whistle a Happy Tune.\"

\"Look, I love your music\", the owner said, \"but I\'ll hire you only

if you keep your song titles to yourself.\"
The pianist agreed and began work that night. After his first set, he

got up to go to the men\'s room. On his way back, a customer stopped him.

\"Excuse me, do you know your

fly\'s unzipped and your cock is hanging out?\"

\"Know it?\" the pianist replied. \"I wrote it!!!\"




Gotta tune I can borrow? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

[Gossamer_2701]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] Great way to start my day!!!

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]