Quote:
Originally Posted by Pancho1188
Don't be
judgemental, period. No one likes to be judged...this is a no-brainer.
Youre missing his point,
i'd rephrase it to 'display that youre secretive and nonjudgemental when it comes to sex'. Basically making HER
comfortable sexually with you. But yes nonjudgemental is a good lifephilosophy to strive for, but everybody IS
judgemental to some extent. And no i dont mean as in being a racist , I mean as in forming assumptions about other
people instantly based on visual stimuli, something EVERYBODY does.
Quote:
* DON'T TRY TO
IMPRESS HER IN ANY WAY.
More like: get over yourself! You're there to get to know her and share your
knowledge where relevant. Anyone who forces their greatness into a conversation is trying too hard. It's not very
attractive to flaunt yourself like that.
More like dont qualify yourself for her. The person who
is qualifying themselves are inferior to the other person(who becomes superior). This is applicable to any form of
social interaction. Perfect example, a job-interview. The interviewer asks all the questions, the employee-to-be is
the one qualifying him/herself massively. It comes down to the qualifying person volunteering information about
themselves, thus giving the superior person informational-power. It goes without saying however to reveal
information about yourself to the same level of depth is just good socialcompetence, it creates rapport and
connection. Another way to view it is that youre trying to be liked by 'impressing' the other person, as youre
worried youre not already liked, meaning youre insecure!
Ahwell, maybe im spending too much time by the
socialpsychology bookshelf(<-- look im qualifying myself ;) )
Quote:
If she says something like
this, she probably is flirting with you. Hello...if you get all serious or logical, that's misinterpreting
it...People ask questions they don't want real answers to all of the time, like, "Does this make me look fat?" "Do
you want the last piece?" or "What would you do if I shaved my head?" There's nothing crazy about it. The person
obviously just wants reassurance because they're loaded questions. In fact, maybe they're asking these questions
because they're so vulnerable and insecure after you just insulted them from your previous tip. Seriously, though,
this guy misinterpreted it the first time, not the second.
Agreed, its a sign of interest. She
wouldnt ask this to any random guy or 'friend'. She is however trying to observe what kind of reaction you'll
have. This is where a guy could say "oh no no no.." and then qualify himself. Will it confirm and even raise her
suspicions? yep. Personally I usually just buy into it and make it absurd, "hell yeah im a [whatever she says] why
would I otherwise be saying/doing that?" "oh yes im such a naughty boy, im just saying that to get you into bed". In
a sense that IS to not take them seriously. But it also displays self-irony and that you dont really care what they
think or what the outcome will be, KILLING their suspicions.
Quote:
* She will start asking you lots
of questions. This is what chicks do when they suddenly find themselves attracted to a man they know nothing about.
This is your chance to open up a little and also find out more about her and build a deeper connection. You have to
do this, or she will flake later (even if you've kissed her!) Women are the worst flakes in the world! Don't make
it too easy for her, make her work for it a bit. Then talk about connections and childhood memories and things you
have in common, etc. She needs to feel that this is genuine. This is usually the time when I throw in a few fake
vulnerabilities, like pretending I'm shy or insecure about something. I know it's fucked up but women need to see
that there are at least a few small holes where they can sink their hooks in you. They get uneasy if you are too
perfect.
...or you could just be yourself and be honest. That works, too. Normal people ask questions
about potential mates. Normal people look for connections and similarities. Normal people look for a way to relate
because that's how they become emotionally attached. You could lie about yourself or you could tell the truth and
it would lead to the same result.
Actually she's seeking rapport. So you need to calibrate your
answers. To be yourself will ONLY help you connect with girls who TRULY are on the same level as you with same type
of persona and interests. People feel most comfortable with themselves, thus being around people who are like
oneself are the people you/they'll feel most comfortable with/around. Basic principle in the field of hypnosis.
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* Make sure she gets the feeling that you have standards and that you are judging her based on
them. Ask her questions that show her you are checking her out to see if she is up to snuff. Women don't like to
feel like you are with them only because you can't do any better. They prefer to feel like you have high standards;
you can get any chick you want, but you chose HER because she is SOOOO special and SOOOO different from all the
others. Yeah, I know.
Everyone wants to feel special. This guy obviously thinks that the ability to get
women makes him special, yet he makes fun of women for thinking that the ability to be hit on by an eligible
bachelor makes them special. Nobody wants to feel like they're not important for more than just one thing, and
nobody wants to think that they could be replaced with another attractive girl and the person they were talking to
would even notice. It's called caring. Having standards shows self-esteem and self-respect, other attractive
qualities.
Actually this part confuses me, probably because he isnt on a low enough level. This
ties into qualification, make her qualify herself for you(by having standards) and then validating her for the
standards she meets. Sort of rewarding her for good behavior or traits she carries. I'd say this is most useful for
screening out psycho-chicks. Sure you might display self-esteem and self-respect as you say, but to me its more
important to find out what she is about so you wont wake up one morning with a chick completely nuts trashing your
place with an axe.
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* Move her to different locations. Take her next door for a drink. Take her
across the street to check out some art. The more locations the better.
New and interesting shows that
you can bring her new experiences. People like that in general. Hell, I would love it if a woman did that for me.
I like new things.
Aswell as physically leading her, this is applicable in microscale, moving her
around in a club for example. "lets go sit in a booth I cant hear you the music is loud", "lets go dance" "lets go
get a drink at the bar" etc.
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* Take responsibility for every escalation. A woman will do just
about anything as long as she doesn't have to feel like it was "her fault."
Taking responsibility for
your actions is always a good idea. Placing the blame on others makes you look cowardly. Show that you stand by
your actions, and you look attractive.
Youre talking about two completely different things. He
means that you should 'make the moves'. Not expect her to make any since she wouldnt want to take resposibility
for them as she fears her ego will be hurt. Simply cause she would be percieved as 'slutty' or 'easy to get' ,
atleast thats how she percieves it.
Quote:
* Keep the woman always swinging somewhere between
validation and rejection.
You don't have to turn her into a human pendulum. Like I said before, if she
feels like she's already won, she'll lose interest. If you push her away, she'll keep going in the direction you
pushed her: in the opposite direction. It's not rocket science, and it doesn't make anyone irrational. It's
normal to enjoy the "first date" feeling where you don't know what's going to happen but look forward to finding
out.
But then you ARE swinging her between validation and rejection. Youre not really making any
sense here. Youre not validating her enough to lose interest, nor are you pushing her away enough to make her lose
interest.
Quote:
* BELIEVE YOUR OWN BULLSHIT. Chicks do not look at your excuses and try to see if
they are bullshit or not... because that is the logical thing to do, and chicks are not
logical.
Ummm...or you could just be honest, and then you wouldn't have to believe a lie because you'd
be believing the truth. If you're congruent (body language with what you're saying), that's attractive. I like
how this guy makes a conscious effort to be deceptive when it is not required. Women are not irrational, people
just read body language to see if you're being honest because it's impolite to call someone you don't know out on
what they're saying. If you can either be honest or lie and look like you're being honest, you'll make it.
Apparently, we know which decision this guy made.
Women in westernsociety _are_ more socially
intelligent than men. Maybe because women are more oriented in other human beings and relationships. This book will
describe it in more detail;
Sex Differences in Human Communication; Barbara Westbrook Eakins
ISBN:
0395255104