Quote:
Originally Posted by esk6969
Ugh... I can't
resist. I have to respond.
Are we really positing, on a pheromone board, that the "science of attraction"
(where have I heard that phrase before), does not have behavioral elements that can be catalogued, and replicated,
in order to produce similar experiences amongst different people?
Of course not! But *empty*
replication of behaviors makes you ... a replicant! If you ARE an excellent dude with all the shiny behaviors to
match, the chicks will come (not the player chicks, so if you want one (or multiples) of those, stop reading now).
Quote:
Further, please know that, there is a specific reason most guys want to get laid, fast, beyond the
mere physical urge. It's a sad, and dreary place that we know as - "the friend zone". I'm not sure if there was
ever a Seinfeld episode on THAT, but I do know that every guy has experienced it. He's head over heels for a girl
that diplays all kinds of signs of interest, so, when he tries to escalate things to a more sexual level (which is a
normal and healthy thing to do in a romantic relationship, yes?), he here's those dreaded words - "let's just be
friends".
Right or wrong, it is a part of the modern dating ethos that - before you have sex, you're
"just friends". After that you're - something different. That could be any number of things, but at least there
are options - unlike the "friend zone" which, once entered into, there is no escape.
Silksand, guys have
figured out that "I really like you as a friend, I think you're a great friend", when coming from a woman they have
a romantic interest in, isn't a compliment.
You know, the "friend" thing IS a compliment, but if
you are looking for a lover, it's also a rejection of that quest. Just face it. It's not because you're not doing
the game right, you're just not doing it for her. She's not interested in you, move on!! Becoming a player is not
going to get you those girls. Sad but true.
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And really, can you blame most men for being
confused? How many guys, who are/were genuinely honest, nice guys, have "played therapist" to a woman they were
romantically interested in, who had a boyfriend who treated her like crap, that she complained about all the time?
Who said she "only wanted a nice guy", when one was sitting right in front of her? Who, when he tried to point that
out, got - you guessed it - "let's just be friends".
And they wonder why these guys become bitter?
So your implication seems to be that if he's good enough to be her friend, and she says she wants a
nice guy, she should lay him? Uh, maybe he just doesn't ring her chimes sexually (could be his looks, his smell,
his personality, any number of things that might not disqualify him as a friend but do put him out of the running as
a boyfriend).
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Silksand, I'm glad to have you as part of this discussion, you're certainly not
"unwelcome", on the contrary. But, you've engaged this discussion, so I think it's reasonable to ask an honest
question of you:
Have you ever, in your life, allowed a guy who you knew you were *not* romantically
interested in, to take you out, buy you dinners, gifts, pay for things, spend a somewhat signifigant amount of time
& money with you, who displayed clear signs of romantic intent? While all the while, knowing that your attraction
was not mutual? And if so, how did you handle the situation? Were you honest with him about it, and at what point?
Did you finally breech the discussion, or did he, and after how long?
I am genuinely interested to hear
your answer.
This is going to really disappoint you, but no. There is only one story that even
approaches this topic: One time when I was a freshman in college, and this geeky redhaired guy, very smart, very
funny, I really liked him, asked me to go with him to a (free) movie. I was really happy, hoping to have a friend in
him. Then we went back to his room and he got me extremely high (I'd never smoked anything in my life before that)
and made some rather sudden moves. Much more than I had in my mind with him. I was not attracted to him and did not
see this as a "date." At that point, in my Thai stick haze, I made it clear that I was very interested in friendship
with him, but he apparently wasn't because I never heard from him again, and that's cool. He wanted a lover and I
wasn't it; c'est la vie.
I don't tend to let men spend money on me in excess of what I spend on them. I
prefer to keep the power shared, and nobody owes anybody anything. I certainly don't lead anyone on, what for? If
someone makes it clear they have romantic intentions that I don't share, I find it very uncomfortable to perpetuate
the situation and move very quickly to clear it up. Otherwise people get more hurt than they would otherwise
be.
I have several times been seriously involved with 2 people at once, and staying emotionally clean (i.e.,
taking care of everybody's feelings and all the time & communication involved) in that kind of arena takes way more
energy than I care to give it anymore. At that point, it becomes almost a profession.