Engineers

The engineering mind is different. (I intentionally did not say odd)





Understanding Engineers - Take One:

Two engineering students were walking across campus


when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"



The second engineer

replied, "Well, I was walking
along yesterday minding my own business

when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the


bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and


said,"Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice;


the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two:



To the optimist, the

glass is half full. To the
pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the

engineer,
the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.



Understanding Engineers

- Take Three:

A pastor,

a doctor and an engineer were waiting one
morning for a particularly

slow group of golfers. The
engineer fumed, "What's with these guys?

We must have
been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've

never
seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.


Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi


George, say, what's with that group ahead of us?


They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group


of blind firefighters lost their sight saving our


clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them


play for free anytime."



The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,


"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer


for them tonight."



The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact


my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything


he can do for them."



The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"



Understanding Engineers

- Take Four:

There was

an engineer who had an exceptional gift for
fixing all things

mechanical. After serving his
company loyally for over 30 years, he

happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him


regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were


having with one of their multimillion dollar


machines. They had tried everything and everyone else


to get the machine to work but to no avail. In


desperation, they called on the retired engineer who


had solved so many of their problems in the past.



The engineer

reluctantly took the challenge. He spent
a day studying the huge

machine. At the end of the
day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a

particular
component of the machine and stated, "This is

where
your problem is." The part was replaced and the


machine worked perfectly again.

The company received a bill for $50,000 from the


engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized


accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly: "One chalk mark,


$1.00. Knowing where to put it $49,999.00."



It was paid in full and

the engineer retired again in peace.



Understanding Engineers - Take Five:

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers


and Civil Engineers?



Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers


build targets.



Understanding Engineers - Take Six:

Three engineering students were gathered together


discussing the possible designers of the human body.


One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at


all the joints. "



Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The


nervous system has many thousands of electrical


connections."



The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who


else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a


recreational area?"



Understanding Engineers - Take Seven:

Normal people believe that ...if it ain't broke,

don't fix it."

Engineers believe that: "...if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
enough features yet."-Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle



Understanding Engineers - Take Eight:

An architect, an artist and an engineer were


discussing whether it was better to spend time with


the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed


time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an


enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed


time with his mistress,because of the passion and


mystery he found there.



The engineer said, "I like both."

The others: "Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,


they will each assume you are spending time with the


other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some


work done."



Understanding Engineers - Take Nine:

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog


called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn


into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up


the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up


again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into


a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one


week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,


smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog


then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into


a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you


want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at


it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog


asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a


beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week


and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"



The engineer said,

"Look I'm an engineer. I don't
have time for a girlfriend, but a

talking frog, now
that's cool."

I love this one Belgareth. I'm

sending it to my Dad, a retired Engineer. He'll be all over this.

Yours about pheromones was

pretty good too.

Actually, those were all true stories except the one about the talking frog. He only imagined

it after 47 hours straight playing some video game.