When you ask her if they're dating and...

When you ask her if she\'s dating the guy she is hanging out with and she says no, but you find out they are, how would you interpret that?

That girl I\'ve been running into a few times, was with a guy the last time I saw her (from my drunky post) turns out I was hanging out with a friend the other night & he said he saw them come out of or go to the movie theater as well as having breakfast together at a local diner, so I\'m suspecting they are dating each other, especially given the sharp shoulder he gave me when I saw the other night & started chatting with her (when he wedged his way between us rudely).

I don\'t intend to give up on her, just looking for input.

I assume every attractive lady has a boyfriend and proceed from there. It\'s very rare (at least in the circles I move in) that a hot looking gal doesn\'t have some guy in the wings so to play the \"game\" you just have to take this into account and deal with it :-)

I used to never ask, now I have to know within the first 5 minutes - only if I am interested in her & we are connecting. A lot of times I\'ll find out she does have a boyfriend & I\'ll shift gears & just chat, I\'m not the type that turns my back & goes running when I find out she\'s not available. I think if she is seeing someone & is not interested in me she will tell me she is seeing someone, otherwise she\'ll lie & say she is not seeing someone. I don\'t see the point in assuming she is single & wait until I ask for her number or when I ask her out for her to lay it on me. PLUS I find by asking her if she is single it\'s a direct hit from me on her so she is no longer wondering if I am interested in her or not, it becomes crystal clear.

I don\'t know what\'s in that guy\'s mind, but my read is, in her mind, they\'re just hanging out. They\'re not dating. He\'s in LJBF land so deep the paddle is just an urban legend. My read is, no matter what it looks like, (he may indeed be her \"boyfriend\") if she were entirely happy, she wouldn\'t be telling you she\'s NOT dating him.

And I would just be direct with her. Smiling, pleasant, not too intense a tone of voice, but ... \"Hey, didn\'t you tell me you and that guy were not dating. But then I find out you went to the movies and then had breakfast together the next day. So what\'s up with that?\"


And let her say \"You checking up on me?\" Yes. \"What\'s the matter, jealous?\" Yes. Looking her in the eyes. Yes I\'m looking at you, yes I\'m interested, yes, I expect you to answer me, yes, you will account for yourself.


That\'s my best shot at that.

Thanks FTR. She is a firecracker, I\'ll have to think about my approach on this one. She loves attention, so maybe I\'ll get her curiousity piqued & then hit her up with something similar. I remember when I first saw this tool protecting her I ignored her & she couldn\'t stand it to the point where she would say <bivonic> what did you want to tell me? & I told her I\'d tell her later after leering over at him (when he was standing next to her). And she persisted & I just continued to clam up, it was killing her. Yet when I pay too much attention to her she just gives me a hard time, games one must play with these youngsters.

I think it\'s a question of looking at it from a different standpoint. I used to do this all the time, wanting to know if she has a boyfriend - but some very astute friends of mine noted that if she doesn\'t have a wedding ring, then obviously even if she is with someone , he hasn\'t married her so she is still out there in the \"dating\" scene. And what exactly gives this guy she is dating the right to be with this guy and not me - if I want her I\'ll try to convince her I\'m better for her. If I fail, so be it, no harm done - but it is of no interest to me whatsoever anymore whether a gal has a boyfriend as who knows, maybe he got her when she was dating some other guy.

I\'m serious, here in NY for example, every attractive gal I know, even when she\'s single has so-called male \"just friends\" she hangs out with and since I have quite a few female friends some have even admitted to me that they were just playing around, even sleeping with these guys until they found the \"one\" .

So by asking her \"are you seeing someone?\" You kinda put her on the spot, and then if she is seeing someone semi-seriously she has to cut things off with you because if she doesn\'t, from her perspective it would make her a \"slut\". Don\'t put her in a corner - just lead her where you want to go. I know what you\'re saying, but I just find that if I care less about whether she is involved or not, I stand a better chance with her. And think about it, did you ever see James Bond (an extreme example and a fictional character I know) asking a lady he was interested in, if she had a boyfriend - it was completely irrelevant to him and I find this attitude works for me. Now at a certain point I may want to know what is going on with her, but only after I already have her [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

Ooo! If \"hard to get\" piques her interest so much, keep playing that card, and sneering a little at her boyfriend, like, interrogate her as above, but sort of laughing at her, and when she protests he\'s not her boyfriend say \"Yeah, right\" and turn your back, concentrate on your pool shot, go get another beer, visit the men\'s room, whatever. If ignoring her makes her come to you, then give her intermittant reinforcement schedule. A little attention, turn your back, make her come to you, give a little attention, turn your back, she comes to you, this time gets no attention. Trip, stumble, wait a minute. You have to play the smart ones like a fish on a line. You fish? Let out a little line, jerk it back, etc. Do you think she might just be eating up the attention and have no intention ever of doing anything with you or anyone else but Beavis the Boyfriend Boy? Can you get any history on her?And PS, I just saw Proteus\' post and I agree with him. \"Do you have a boyfriend?\" ... if you say no, you look pathetic. If you say yes, and it matters to the guy, you\'ve just lost your chance with him. Often you say yes to make it look like you\'re not a loser (besides the fact, as has been pointed out, there is always SOMEONE you go out with or could go out with if you made a phone call) - plus the fact it sets an obstacle for the guy, which a lot of guys need. It makes a woman feel too much like not so much a slut as an easy mark to just say \"Why, no. I\'m completely available to you and attached to no one.\"

Forgot to add she definitely knows I\'m interested in her, we had a nice exchange the last time. I think I called her out for when she went over to the bar I\'d told her I\'d be at the first night I met her & she said she didn\'t come to see me it was just a coincidence, but then she said I was hitting on her that first night, to which I told her, \"You\'re damn right I was!\" followed up by a nice smile.

I\'m not expecting anything big to come out of this, hopefully I\'ll be pleasantly surprised.

Which reminds me of this other waitress I was chatting with, I\'ve known her for a few months & she has a boyfriend, not too tall, shorter then me & bald, but good looking guy. We were talking about this upscale bar I go to & how I cannot stand the attitude in that place & she\'s agreeing with me (she\'s very girl-next-door). And I told her I like that about her & that how most women go for guys that are tall, she says, yeah girls like guys taller then them, & I tell her well, it\'s been my experience girls typically like guys 6\" or more taller then them, she said I\'m not like that & I tell her I know, \'cause I\'ve met your boyfriend & he\'s shorter then me, then I say, \"the really attractive ones can get guys much taller then them, take you for example you could probably get a guy 7\' tall\" She quickly said something else & then I made sure she caught what I said & she said yeah I heard you with a little slight smile. So I got the impression she wasn\'t interested or just embarrassed, so I tried to turn the tables a bit & when we were talking about some movie or TV show from back when I was in high school I make a comment something to the effect of oh yeah, you probably don\'t remember, but then she said \"yes I do! I was in middle-school when that came out - there\'s not much difference between middle-school & high school you know.\" So now I\'m thinking she is interested as she\'s saying our age difference is not that big of a deal to her. And I say you\'re 22 right? And she\'s like no I\'m 23! Again being assertive like you\'re not that much older then me, so as I\'m getting ready to leave at this point & she probably had to get back to work I say to her, \"Elaine\" our age difference never bothered me, hell if you didn\'t have a boyfriend I\'d date you in a heartbeat.

ATTENTION WHORE

Attention whore at work here, you are
* Being used as a 2nd source of attention and she has no intention of going out with u but wont tell u up front because that would break her attention whore game and u might go away and then she only has one guy giving her attention and will feel down because of it. Its a reward in itself to see if she can string some guy along along with her bf

I encounter these types all the time, my advice hit her full force with pheromones and see what happens. If it goes nowhere be direct or do what u aint and high tail and move away from it, she will find some poor other sucker to get a hold of. It could also to make her \"invisible boyfriend\" jealous which is also another reason.

Why not get a hold of her friend and start chasing her instead just to make the game interesting he he.

Seriuosly leave it alone. Id rather put energy into chasing something else than to waste energy chasing a dead end.
Think with brain instead of dick.

Hey Watcher I hear you bro. I think the best approach is find other dames as you suggest & give them the attention she desires & believe me I\'ll shower these other girls with praise & attention with my back turned to the AW, if this makes her jealous & bugs her, I\'ll listen to what she has to say & then say, \"Hmmm there\'s obviously something on your mind, we should get together tomorrow night & discuss this over dinner, can you be ready by 8?\"

If she doesnt u know shes not interested, i used to be like a lot of guys, but found pheromones and the RJ advice and thought about it long and hard and realised i was wasting so much energy and copied the approach a lot of women use, if a guy doesnt show them attention they move away very quickly ( the attention whore behaviour) and used it to my advantage - modified it for male behaviour. ( if i give attention and get stuffed or lead around) i walk just like them, this hasnt been male normal in the past, we are conditioned by women to keep trying - now this keeps the AW targets unaware that they can in fact just pull away and find something else. This would of course kill AW behaviour thats why the double standards. Oh well off to make myself a more attractive nice smelling target lol.

With this particular one suggest dinner and a movie when u think the other bf will be around and lay it out if she rejects, blow her off and move on.
FTR may or may not agree but oh well, elana should have an interesting comment on this.

I\'m all for not wasting time. The longer you stick around someone who doesn\'t want you, the less time you\'ve spent with someone who does, and you only get one life with so many minutes in it. Carpe diem.

very true - but so many folk seem almost addicted to pursuing the one they can\'t have, whilst all around them there are others just as good looking who are genuinely interested in them.

Very good advice... Thank you, FTR!! Sometimes that\'s a hard lesson to learn - to be able to move on & find somebody that DOES want to be with us. Fortunately, I have found somebody like that & she is a Sweetheart!!

Funlover

Its human nature to chase what we cant get, it presents a challanges but opens us up to being used. Using NLP or whatever if you realise that u are doing this u can take steps to make sure it doesnt happen again. The only reason why AWs do it is because they grow up getting attention and dont realise anything different or that they are hurting others and keeping the cycle going or it is just excitement. They can be negated by not playing their game.