What's the best way to meet new ppl after being in a long term relationship? Do you e

What's the best way to meet new ppl after being in a long term

relationship? Do you ever find it hard to "get back into the game" after a long term relationship ends?

I think

this is more less my biggest problem. I've noticed with other long term relationships I've been in, when they end

you get "rusty" so to speak. Mainly b/c you have been used to being with one person and you've already gone through

the courting process with them.

I've found that the longer the relationship is, the rustier you become in the

dating world for obvious reasons.

Do any of you find that as you get older it seems as though there are less

available ppl around? I'm noticing this. A girl I met online who actually turned out to go to my highschool. She

just turned 29 years old so she's almost 2 years older than me.

I met her on a dating site and she said she

broke up with ehr boyfriend of 4 years in the fall. He really hurt her and they were supposed to be married as he is

32 years old. He told her to never call him again or he'd never answer her calls and he was going to screw as many

other women as he could. He moved to Toronto for school and has already been with other women.

She's gone out

with a few other guys as well. She told me that he contacted her and wanted to come and see her. Now she's dating

him again after he hurt her.

Someone who's been with her for 4 years doesn't leave much room for a new

guy.

Since my ex and I mutually ended the relationship, I seem to meet women in this situation as the girl I met

online. I'd like to take her out, but she's into her X and I haven't heard from her or seen her online all week.

I guess with the Easter weekend she may have gone to Toronto to visit him.

Anyway what's the best way to get

your game back on and meet available ppl? I'm not really into the club/bar scene anymore as I've grown out of it.

I go once in awhile for a couple of drinks but not to pick up.

What do you guys think? & yes I'd like to hear a

woman's opinion, Silksand perhaps?

Thanks

There are many places to meet

women better than bars and clubs. I think you will have better luck in relationships if you avoid those places. Many

of my friends meet men on campus and in classes. Others meet men doing interesting things. One friend met a fine man

on a summer field trip with a geology class, they are to be married this summer. Friendly1 speaks of dance class.

That might be a good place to meet women if dance interests you. Last summer we went to some outside plays and

concerts. It is a relaxed, social thing to do. We met many fine people at those events.

We are active people who

like to meet other people like us that share common interest. Do you have a hobby or some activity you enjoy? If it

can be done socially it probably is and would be a good place to be to meet people. I tell you to meet people not

only women. You will find that many men can introduce you to women they know. Also that women feel more comfortable

getting to know a new person in a mixed crowd of people having fun.

wood elf

Quote:

---

There

are many places to meet women better than bars and clubs. I think you will have better luck in relationships if you

avoid those places. Many of my friends meet men on campus and in classes. Others meet men doing interesting things.

One friend met a fine man on a summer field trip with a geology class, they are to be married this summer. Friendly1

speaks of dance class. That might be a good place to meet women if dance interests you. Last summer we went to some

outside plays and concerts. It is a relaxed, social thing to do. We met many fine people at those events.

We are

active people who like to meet other people like us that share common interest. Do you have a hobby or some activity

you enjoy? If it can be done socially it probably is and would be a good place to be to meet people. I tell you to

meet people not only women. You will find that many men can introduce you to women they know. Also that women feel

more comfortable getting to know a new person in a mixed crowd of people having fun.

---

It's too bad this

forum doesn't have more local ppl. That would be a good idea, maybe the forum could also have a dating section for

ppl in different localities to meet. I agree that women would rather meet ppl in public places until they know

someone better as would I.

As far as school is concerned I'm returning to school for one year and I doubt there

will be many women in my computer course (not being sexist as the course I visited last summer there was not one

female in the class) but there are other females in other programs so that's a possiblity.

At work they are

mostly older women about 36 years old (which I've dated before) but they are married. And the women at my gym are

either taken already or conceited attention seeking snobs which I don't wish to associate with. The warm weather is

right around the corner so I guess that will also be a plus.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sigfreed

wood elf




It's too bad this forum doesn't have more local ppl. That would be a good idea, maybe the forum could also have

a dating section for ppl in different localities to meet. I agree that women would rather meet ppl in public places

until they know someone better as would I.

As far as school is concerned I'm returning to school for one year

and I doubt there will be many women in my computer course (not being sexist as the course I visited last summer

there was not one female in the class) but there are other females in other programs so that's a possiblity.

At

work they are mostly older women about 36 years old (which I've dated before) but they are married. And the women

at my gym are either taken already or conceited attention seeking snobs which I don't wish to associate with. The

warm weather is right around the corner so I guess that will also be a plus.

---

Believe me...this forum

isn't the best place to meet people, either. I'm trying to think of how many single, available women have come to

this site since I've been here. I've also been thinking of the number of men who have hit on them, single or not,

within five minutes of their initial posts. It would be pretty ugly (and probably scare some women away). I say

this despite the fact that I've had a connection with one or two people on here that might've developed had

distance not been a factor.

As far as women in computer courses...there's something interesting with women in

IT. When I went to school, I had a circle of friends of business majors and IT majors. All of the IT girls were

gorgeous. To this day, I don't get it. The stereotypical computer guy was a dork, but the typical IT girl in that

program was above average in attractiveness. The down side is that none of them really dated within their major...I

wonder why...

The problem with the gym is most people go there for a reason: to work out. Many women don't

want to get hit on while they're trying to focus on exercise. As far as the attention-seeking snobs part, it's

hard not to think that about someone who walks around in tight clothing in front of a large group of men, but

that's more the nature of the gym than the nature of the person at the gym. It's not their fault they go there to

work out and guys try and flirt with them. They do their best to remain friendly but not lead anyone on, so it

could come off badly. There are exceptions, of course...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pancho1188

As far as

women in computer courses...there's something interesting with women in IT. When I went to school, I had a circle

of friends of business majors and IT majors. All of the IT girls were gorgeous. To this day, I don't get it. The

stereotypical computer guy was a dork, but the typical IT girl in that program was above average in attractiveness.

The down side is that none of them really dated within their major...I wonder why...

---

Needless to say, I

have attended a lot of computer classes starting in high school and continuing to this day. Generally speaking, the

women attending them are a normal cross section of looks and personality. And us male computer geeks are about the

same although some do seem to go a little far off the deep end.

In the past few years I have had opportunity to

spend a lot of time around a university campus and associating with grad students. The women have been far more

interesting company than women I've met elsewhere and there are a few real treasures mixed among them, just like in

everyday society. 'Course I might be just a little biased as that is where I met Wood Elf.

She does have some

good points about meeting people through activities though. The dynamics are different, seemingly more relaxed. It

is easier to get to know somebody and make a good impression when you can spend some time with them doing something

you both enjoy without all the games you find in pick up spots.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pancho1188

As far as women in computer courses...there's something interesting with women in IT. When I went to school, I

had a circle of friends of business majors and IT majors. All of the IT girls were gorgeous. To this day, I don't

get it. The stereotypical computer guy was a dork, but the typical IT girl in that program was above average in

attractiveness. The down side is that none of them really dated within their major...I wonder why...

---

Speaking as a computer dork myself, I think you answered your own question in the sentence

above it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sigfreed

As far as school is concerned I'm returning to school for one year and I doubt

there will be many women in my computer course (not being sexist as the course I visited last summer there was not

one female in the class) but there are other females in other programs so that's a possiblity.

---

I can

identify with that. I once took an International Cooking class at the local community college to meet girls when I

was in my mid 20s. I *was* the only male in the class, but the rest of the students were women in their fifties and

sixties. The two women who were around my age were newlyweds trying to learn to cook to please their husbands. I

wondered if all the single women were in auto shop trying to meet guys. On the upside, I did eat well once a week

and came away with several good, unusual recipes.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by InternationalPlayboy

Speaking as a computer dork myself, I think you answered your own question in the

sentence above it.

---

I know, I was being sarcastic. I am, after all, a computer nerd in the American

Pie sense.

"I am a band geek. I just never joined the band."

I am a computer nerd. I just never went

into computer science.

In other words, no offense, Bel and IPB or I'd be offending myself, too. :trout:



That said, maybe my circle attracted all of the hot IT girls...come to think of it, all of the girls in the

computer classes I took for my IT minor were exactly as Bel described.

Being called a computer geek

doesn't hurt my feelings at all. I'm rather proud of it, to tell you the truth. It makes me a very popular person

in the circles I play. It also is making me a pretty good living without having to deal with the corporate BS so

many people have to deal with.

I met my girlfriend at a party

thrown by a mutual friend. Met my last girlfriend while rollerblading in the park.
I took a Tango class for a

while. Lots of fun. Met a lot of interesting women. Dated one a couple of times. It turned out real bad and I quit

going to class. (Which, I guess is the downside of mixing hobbies with romance.)
I’ve made some friends at my

dojo and, like Wood Elf says, this can be a good way to be introduced to women you might like to date.
I’ve

made some friends through the local Amnesty International chapter. And also some pen pals, which is really nice when

you’re traveling.

I think bars and clubs are still the best place to meet women that just want to fool

around. But I don’t think there’s any way to predict where you’ll meet a woman that really sparks your interest.

I’ve met women at bookstores, coffee shops, the supermarket... I met my ex wife at a 7-11 (the first 9 years were

actually quite good).

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by a.k.a.

But I don’t think

there’s any way to predict where you’ll meet a woman that really sparks your interest.

---

There isn't.

And it always seems to happen when you least expect it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sigfreed

Do you ever find it

hard to "get back into the game" after a long term relationship ends?

I've found that the longer the

relationship is, the rustier you become in the dating world for obvious reasons.

Do any of you find that as

you get older it seems as though there are less available ppl around?

---

I got divorced at 39 and

tried to “get back into the game” at 40. It was daunting. I wouldn’t call it being “rusty” so much as just being

old. All the “good ones” in my age group were taken, and trying to jump through hoops for bitter divorces was just

too self-destructive in my state of mind.

One good thing about pheromones is that they broaden the age

range of available women. The bad thing is you can get a little crazy if you haven’t fully recovered from the last

break up.

Pancho1188

Quote:

---

Believe

me...this forum isn't the best place to meet people, either. I'm trying to think of how many single, available

women have come to this site since I've been here. I've also been thinking of the number of men who have hit on

them, single or not, within five minutes of their initial posts. It would be pretty ugly (and probably scare some

women away). I say this despite the fact that I've had a connection with one or two people on here that might've

developed had distance not been a factor.

---

I guess I could see you're point. As I said if ppl were in the

same locality it would be easier.

Quote:

---

As far as women in computer courses...there's something interesting

with women in IT. When I went to school, I had a circle of friends of business majors and IT majors. All of the IT

girls were gorgeous. To this day, I don't get it. The stereotypical computer guy was a dork, but the typical IT

girl in that program was above average in attractiveness. The down side is that none of them really dated within

their major...I wonder why...

---

I shall just have to wait and see if there are any females in my course.

But why none of these females in the IT world choose to date within their domain I don't understand? I don't

consider myself a computer geek at all. It's taken me about 4 years to find my passion and something I'm good at

and working with computers for some reason just keeps me calm and happy.

Quote:

---

The problem with the gym is

most people go there for a reason: to work out. Many women don't want to get hit on while they're trying to focus

on exercise. As far as the attention-seeking snobs part, it's hard not to think that about someone who walks around

in tight clothing in front of a large group of men, but that's more the nature of the gym than the nature of the

person at the gym. It's not their fault they go there to work out and guys try and flirt with them. They do their

best to remain friendly but not lead anyone on, so it could come off badly. There are exceptions, of course...

---

You are right about this. The thing is when these women go to the gym basically in clubbing clothes and

make up and tight clothes what do they expect? They are dressing to impress at the gym so of course ppl will hit on

them.

belgareth

Quote:

---

Needless to say, I have attended a lot of computer classes starting in high school

and continuing to this day. Generally speaking, the women attending them are a normal cross section of looks and

personality. And us male computer geeks are about the same although some do seem to go a little far off the deep

end.

---

Well as I said I will have to wait and see. But if there are no females in my computer course which

I'm expecting, there are other females in other programs.

Quote:

---

In the past few years I have had opportunity

to spend a lot of time around a university campus and associating with grad students. The women have been far more

interesting company than women I've met elsewhere and there are a few real treasures mixed among them, just like in

everyday society. 'Course I might be just a little biased as that is where I met Wood Elf.

---

Well being on

a university campus leaves one with lots of fish in the sea to choose from. You are lucky you met Wood Elf from what

I've read.

Quote:

---

She does have some good points about meeting people through activities though. The dynamics

are different, seemingly more relaxed. It is easier to get to know somebody and make a good impression when you can

spend some time with them doing something you both enjoy without all the games you find in pick up spots.

---

I've thought about different activities as well, but it's weird in Montreal too many things going on with too

many different ppl around. Plus there's the language barrier. I speak french but it's not always enough as many

french girls prefer french guys.

Quote:

---

Being called a computer geek doesn't hurt my feelings at all. I'm

rather proud of it, to tell you the truth. It makes me a very popular person in the circles I play. It also is

making me a pretty good living without having to deal with the corporate BS so many people have to deal with.

---

Do you work for a company or freelance? I'm probably going to want to work for a company as I'd feel

better protected job wise.

InternationalPlayboy

Funny when you mention dorky looking computer geek's I look

nothing like this. When ppl ask me what I'm into and I tell them computers as it keeps me calm, they especially

women are surprised.

Quote:

---

I can identify with that. I once took an International Cooking class at the local

community college to meet girls when I was in my mid 20s. I *was* the only male in the class, but the rest of the

students were women in their fifties and sixties. The two women who were around my age were newlyweds trying to

learn to cook to please their husbands. I wondered if all the single women were in auto shop trying to meet guys. On

the upside, I did eat well once a week and came away with several good, unusual recipes.

---

I actually did

this once and I left after the first 2 classes b/c they were much older and/or married.


AKA

Quote:

---

I

met my girlfriend at a party thrown by a mutual friend. Met my last girlfriend while rollerblading in the park.
I

took a Tango class for a while. Lots of fun. Met a lot of interesting women. Dated one a couple of times. It turned

out real bad and I quit going to class. (Which, I guess is the downside of mixing hobbies with romance.)
I’ve made

some friends at my dojo and, like Wood Elf says, this can be a good way to be introduced to women you might like to

date.
I’ve made some friends through the local Amnesty International chapter. And also some pen pals, which is

really nice when you’re traveling.

I think bars and clubs are still the best place to meet women that just want

to fool around. But I don’t think there’s any way to predict where you’ll meet a woman that really sparks your

interest. I’ve met women at bookstores, coffee shops, the supermarket... I met my ex wife at a 7-11 (the first 9

years were actually quite good).

---

I've usually met ppl through friends. I've never really been fortunate

enough to just "bump into someone" and then start dating. Normally when I "bump into ppl" if the opportunity arrises

they say they have a boyfriend I guess to avoid being hit on.

I did grappling for 2 years and there were no

females in my class just males. The church I used to attend were either full of elderly ppl or ppl my age but

already had a family.

I am going out to a bar here with a couple of friends just for a drink to see what's

going on this week so who knows.

But I've seemed to have much luck at coffeshops or grocery stores etc....

Sometimes I don't always approach as I get concerned how they will react.
I guess you can't worry about that and

if they react strangely, all you can do is just move on to the next one.

Quote:

---

I got divorced at 39 and tried

to “get back into the game” at 40. It was daunting. I wouldn’t call it being “rusty” so much as just being old. All

the “good ones” in my age group were taken, and trying to jump through hoops for bitter divorces was just too

self-destructive in my state of mind.

One good thing about pheromones is that they broaden the age range of

available women. The bad thing is you can get a little crazy if you haven’t fully recovered from the last break up.

---

I feel for you and I'm in my late 20's. It seems as though many women in their mid-late 20's have

already found their man, their husband or future husband.

It must be harder at 35 or 40 years old.

I'm

really hoping the Chikara will enhance my sexuality. My age ranges from 20 to 40 years old. But if I had to choose a

life partner, I'd most likely prefer her to be around my own age.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sigfreed

It seems as though

many women in their mid-late 20's have already found their man, their husband or future

husband.

---

Wonderful.

And the bad news...?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Holmes

Wonderful.



And the bad news...?

---

Isn't 26 still the average age of a first marriage? If so, it'll probably increase

to 27-28 soon...

Isn't it funny how society has changed that I have to say 'first' marriage?



The

bad news is that it has a 50% failure rate. A second marriage has an 85% failure rate. If condoms were that

ineffective, nobody would use them. If cars were that unreliable, nobody would drive them. Then how come 90% of

people get married? Oh, wait...this isn't the "Things that make you go HMMM..." thread... :rofl:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sigfreed

Do you work

for a company or freelance? I'm probably going to want to work for a company as I'd feel better protected job

wise.

---

Neither, I own a small company and employ several people. I played the corporate game for more

than 20 years and grew to despise it. The higher I climbed in that world the less I liked what it was turning me

into.

Holmes

Quote:

---

Wonderful.



And the bad news...?

---

That doesn't do much good for the single guys. Why would you say that?
If ppl

are being less available it's bad news for single guys.

Pancho1188

Quote:

---

Isn't 26 still the average age

of a first marriage? If so, it'll probably increase to 27-28 soon...

Isn't it funny how society has changed

that I have to say 'first' marriage?



The bad news is that it has a 50% failure rate. A second marriage has

an 85% failure rate. If condoms were that ineffective, nobody would use them. If cars were that unreliable, nobody

would drive them. Then how come 90% of people get married? Oh, wait...this isn't the "Things that make you go

HMMM..." thread... :rofl:

---

Yeah between 26-28 years old is the average age of the first marriage. Although

some ppl aren't married until they are 30 years old.

Yes it is funny in today's society we are saying 1st,

2nd, and 3rd marriage by 50 LOL :D.

I agree, why get married if they aren't as close as ppl think they are? As

for rubbers I use them with new ppl until we get tested and know eachother better.

belgareth

Quote:

---

Neither, I own a small company and employ several people. I played the corporate game for more than 20 years and

grew to despise it. The higher I climbed in that world the less I liked what it was turning me into.

---

How

did you start that business up and how do you keep it going? Do you do networks for companies?

Wouldn't you

think that for someone just starting out it would be better to work for a company?

What is your opinion about

there being less available ppl around as you get older?

Here is one question I have always truly wondered about.

I have my opinion but I'd like to hear yours. Why some women say they have a boyfriend when they really

don't?

The best answer I can come up with is b/c they don't want to be bothered by men.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sigfreed

How did you

start that business up and how do you keep it going? Do you do networks for companies?

Wouldn't you think that

for someone just starting out it would be better to work for a company?

What is your opinion about there being

less available ppl around as you get older?

Here is one question I have always truly wondered about. I have my

opinion but I'd like to hear yours. Why some women say they have a boyfriend when they really don't?

The best

answer I can come up with is b/c they don't want to be bothered by men.

---

To start a small business? There

are probably as many ways to start a small business as there are people in business. Myself, I saw a need that was

not being addressed within the service industry that I felt I could fill. Once I decided to fill that need I made a

list of what I would need to have/do to fill that need. In other words: who will I serve, how big is the market, how

will I make contact with this market, What services do they need that you can provide and so on. It is a long

list.

Once I had my list fairly complete I set about finding ways to answer each of those questions. That gave

me the basis for a business structure and allowed me to create a plan. Planning is everything in a successful new

business, without it you have nothing and will go nowhere in the majority of cases.

Any good plan includes

capitol needs and no matter how well you do your homework you will be low by at least 50%, count on it!

After

you get all that set up you are ready to open a business. I went from a 1 man shop to ready to hire my 4th

technician in 3 years. We do everythign technology related from basic computers and hardware sales to consulting,

networking and phone system admin. But you have to have the skills to do the work or be able to hire the skills.



It is probably true that there are fewer available single people as you get older if you try to stay in a single

age range. Some are going to get married, some are going to die and a few may be abducted by aliens. You are in an

age group where a lot of women are married, in a few years many of them will be bitter divorcees. Personally, I

don't really care about age. What is inside a woman's head is a lot more important to me. That opens up a whole

range of women that I wouldn't have considered otherwise.

Why do women lie about having a boyfriend? Maybe they

aren't interested in you and think you are hitting on them. Well, you are, aren't you? It's usually seen as a

safer answer than "I don't like you, go away"

Belgareth

Quote:

---

To start a

small business? There are probably as many ways to start a small business as there are people in business. Myself, I

saw a need that was not being addressed within the service industry that I felt I could fill. Once I decided to fill

that need I made a list of what I would need to have/do to fill that need. In other words: who will I serve, how big

is the market, how will I make contact with this market, What services do they need that you can provide and so on.

It is a long list.

Once I had my list fairly complete I set about finding ways to answer each of those questions.

That gave me the basis for a business structure and allowed me to create a plan. Planning is everything in a

successful new business, without it you have nothing and will go nowhere in the majority of cases.

Any good plan

includes capitol needs and no matter how well you do your homework you will be low by at least 50%, count on

it!

After you get all that set up you are ready to open a business. I went from a 1 man shop to ready to hire my

4th technician in 3 years. We do everythign technology related from basic computers and hardware sales to

consulting, networking and phone system admin. But you have to have the skills to do the work or be able to hire the

skills.

---

Did you have to take business courses? Ppl tell me if I want to have my
own business, I will

need to get a business background? Or would it be enough to have been working in the field you're starting your

business in?

Do you think working for a company is probably the better choice for a young guy just starting out

to get the necessary working experience? That's JMO.

Quote:

---

It is probably true that there are fewer available

single people as you get older if you try to stay in a single age range. Some are going to get married, some are

going to die and a few may be abducted by aliens. You are in an age group where a lot of women are married, in a few

years many of them will be bitter divorcees. Personally, I don't really care about age. What is inside a woman's

head is a lot more important to me. That opens up a whole range of women that I wouldn't have considered

otherwise.

Why do women lie about having a boyfriend? Maybe they aren't interested in you and think you are

hitting on them. Well, you are, aren't you? It's usually seen as a safer answer than "I don't like you, go away"

---

Well I try to stay in my age range (27years old) give or take a few years, but it seems even the young

women in their early 20's many are taken already.

That's funny, though abducted by aliens LOL.

But being

in my age range sucks b/c many women are getting married
"for the 1st time" at my age so they've already been

with the same guy since they were 23 or 24 years old.
I don't care about age that much either as long as they have

a head on their shoulders, have goals, know what they want, and very important are mature.

As for women saying

"I have a boyfriend" you are probably right about trying to be nice about it.

But the thing is sometimes they

say it right away even after I've just said hello and not even hitting on them. These types of women are conceited

IMO as they think everyone is trying to hit on them.

But what really sucks is when they say they have a boyfriend

and you are a good looking, guy who's in shape with a good personality, well dressed and know's how to treat women

properly and they don't even give you a chance.

They don't know anything about you and they say they have a

boyfriend on the spot. To me that shows me that the woman is very conceited and has a big ego. Not someone I'd want

to be with anyway.

But I'm sure we've all heard the "I have a boyfriend line" a few times in our day haven't

we?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sigfreed

Belgareth




Did you have to take business courses? Ppl tell me if I want to have my
own business, I will need to get a

business background? Or would it be enough to have been working in the field you're starting your business in?



Do you think working for a company is probably the better choice for a young guy just starting out to get the

necessary working experience? That's JMO.

---

It all depends on you. I've seen young guys go out on their own a

become a raging success and I've seen many more others fall flat on their faces. The more you know about the

realities of business the more likely you are to be successful. I've been in business related technical work most

of my life and took some business classes in college.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sigfreed

Well I try to stay in my age range

(27years old) give or take a few years, but it seems even the young women in their early 20's many are taken

already.

That's funny, though abducted by aliens LOL.

But being in my age range sucks b/c many women are

getting married
"for the 1st time" at my age so they've already been with the same guy since they were 23 or 24

years old.
I don't care about age that much either as long as they have a head on their shoulders, have goals,

know what they want, and very important are mature.

As for women saying "I have a boyfriend" you are probably

right about trying to be nice about it.

But the thing is sometimes they say it right away even after I've just

said hello and not even hitting on them. These types of women are conceited IMO as they think everyone is trying to

hit on them.

But what really sucks is when they say they have a boyfriend and you are a good looking, guy who's

in shape with a good personality, well dressed and know's how to treat women properly and they don't even give you

a chance.

They don't know anything about you and they say they have a boyfriend on the spot. To me that shows

me that the woman is very conceited and has a big ego. Not someone I'd want to be with anyway.

But I'm sure

we've all heard the "I have a boyfriend line" a few times in our day haven't we?

---

Since I usually try to

see the best in people I am more inclined to think they are trying to be nice because their is no chemistry. For all

our vaunted sophistication, we really are animals under a very thin layer of civilization. If they do not like your

looks or demeanor or approach for any reason they will get rid of you. Same if there is no subconcious connection.

It doesn't mean they are conceated, you aren't their type. Forget it and move on. Obsessing over it is going to

hurt you.

"I'm not interested." =

direct rejection
"I have a boyfriend." = indirect rejection

We live in a non-confrontational society. It's a

social norm in the United States that in order to be polite, you must allow the other person to save face. In

addition, you are also saving face. On one hand, the other person isn't being rejected directly, so the person's

ego leaves intact because you're just not available...nothing against the person. On the other hand, you get to

save face because you don't have to turn someone down and look like a jerk.


Speaking of brutal honesty, I

don't get why you're asking questions to which you probably already know the answers but want to hear someone say

it's because the people you are asking out are jerks and good people aren't like that. I'm going to give you the

benefit of the doubt and assume that you're still hurting from the loss of your last relationship (mutual or not,

it still hurts losing that sense of partnership, safety, and reassurance after so long) and you're not having

self-confidence issues. I'd take your topics of conversation as a source of validation and support to keep your

mind occupied until you get things back together. I find it strange that someone who still maintains a healthy sex

life and obviously has the occasional romantic/intimate opportunity (emotionally speaking) would be focusing so much

on the girls he can't get, but to each his own.


Saying that was uncomfortable for me because social norms

and personal morals say I shouldn't be so blunt because I wouldn't want someone saying that to me. Now do you get

why these girls are saying "I have a boyfriend," instead of saying, "I don't want to go out with you."?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pancho1188

"I'm not

interested." = direct rejection
"I have a boyfriend." = indirect rejection

---

"I have herpes." =

creative indirect rejection

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Holmes

"I have herpes."

= creative indirect rejection

---

:rofl:

"I used to be a man." = Too Much Information

Maybe in

that scenario, a "no" would suffice...and help a person save face more than telling them they just hit on a guy...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Holmes

"I have herpes."

= creative indirect rejection

---

"I have hair piece" = ?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DrSmellThis

"I have hair

piece" = ?

---

Rejection by Kumi (or The Donald).

Belgareth

Quote:

---

It all

depends on you. I've seen young guys go out on their own a become a raging success and I've seen many more others

fall flat on their faces. The more you know about the realities of business the more likely you are to be

successful. I've been in business related technical work most of my life and took some business classes in college.

---

Well I have no business background so I'm not sure that would be good for me just starting out. I think

I'd be better off in a company to start. & maybe later taking some business courses.

Quote:

---

Since I usually

try to see the best in people I am more inclined to think they are trying to be nice because their is no chemistry.

For all our vaunted sophistication, we really are animals under a very thin layer of civilization. If they do not

like your looks or demeanor or approach for any reason they will get rid of you. Same if there is no subconcious

connection. It doesn't mean they are conceated, you aren't their type. Forget it and move on. Obsessing over it is

going to hurt you.

---

I agree, but to not even give someone a chance to get to know you, IMO is conceited.

Especially if you are good looking, well dressed, well groomed, and have descent approaches. It shows that you think

you're better than everyone else.

No I would not want to be with a woman who has this personality, but I just

think it stinks that these types of ppl exist.

I know I am an attractive person and I give ppl a chance.

Personally I don't go for the model type b/c I don't usually find them too physically appealing. They are too

skinny IMO.

Pancho1188

Quote:

---

"I'm not interested." = direct rejection
"I have a boyfriend." = indirect

rejection

We live in a non-confrontational society. It's a social norm in the United States that in order to be

polite, you must allow the other person to save face. In addition, you are also saving face. On one hand, the other

person isn't being rejected directly, so the person's ego leaves intact because you're just not

available...nothing against the person. On the other hand, you get to save face because you don't have to turn

someone down and look like a jerk.


Speaking of brutal honesty, I don't get why you're asking questions to

which you probably already know the answers but want to hear someone say it's because the people you are asking out

are jerks and good people aren't like that. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're

still hurting from the loss of your last relationship (mutual or not, it still hurts losing that sense of

partnership, safety, and reassurance after so long) and you're not having self-confidence issues. I'd take your

topics of conversation as a source of validation and support to keep your mind occupied until you get things back

together. I find it strange that someone who still maintains a healthy sex life and obviously has the occasional

romantic/intimate opportunity (emotionally speaking) would be focusing so much on the girls he can't get, but to

each his own.


Saying that was uncomfortable for me because social norms and personal morals say I shouldn't be

so blunt because I wouldn't want someone saying that to me. Now do you get why these girls are saying "I have a

boyfriend," instead of saying, "I don't want to go out with you."?

---

I agree with what you said about the

definitions at the top.

I guess you could say that I'm still a bit hung up on the last relationship, but I know

it was for the better. The last 8 months of the relationship there was not one bit of intimacy which was hard for me

b/c I did a lot for her and she was an attractive girl who had a good sex drive which is why I can't understand why

she turned out the way she did.

But I'm not so much focused on trying to get the girls I can't, I'm just

amazed at how some ppl treat other ppl. I actually haven't been rejected that much since I broke up with my ex.



I've been haning out with this dancer I met through a friend who starting working at a strip club when he had a

little party with myself her, 2 of our other friends and 3 other ladies.

But I'm getting to a point where I

need someone who's more stable than her. Don't get me wrong she is a hottie with tattoo's a couple of piercings,

tall, tanned, nicely done implants and great in bed, but I'm getting to a point where I need something else. I hang

out withe her about 3 times a week. But it's nothing more.

Quote:

---

"I used to be a man." = Too Much

Information

Maybe in that scenario, a "no" would suffice...and help a person save face more than telling them

they just hit on a guy...

---

Never heard that one.

Holmes

Quote:

---

"I have herpes." = creative

indirect rejection

---

I have a good looking buddy who just heard that one last week LOL.


The thing

that I don't understand is why is it that good looking women and men can even get turned down at times?

Good looking is subjective! You

don't like the model types because they are too skinny, others lovev that type (Why is beyond me). But saying you

are a good looking guy means next to nothing because it is only some people's opinion.

I don't go to bars or

clubs so I can't say anything about those places. In other places I am almost never rejected by women of any age. I

don't come on to anybody either. Just have fun and relax. If somebody is interested in you, she'll let you know.

For the rest, who cares? It isn't important or even worth the effort of being unhappy about it.

An older man with a history of

being successful with women once advised, "you don't need to stress out about it." Simple, but it says so much.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sigfreed

The thing

that I don't understand is why is it that good looking women and men can even get turned down at times?

---

You

seriously need to read my posting about how being good looking doesn't necessarily make you a better person.




Rejection has to happen. There are billions of people in the world, and you're only going to seek a small

percentage of those people to be with. To quote Seinfeld:

JERRY: Elaine, what percentage of people would you say

are good looking?

ELAINE: Twenty-five percent.

JERRY: Twenty-five percent, you say? No way! It's like 4 to

6 percent. It's a twenty to one shot.

ELAINE: You're way off.

JERRY: Way off? Have you been to the motor

vehicle bureau? It's like a leper colony down there.

ELAINE: So what you are saying is that 90 to 95 percent of

the population is undateable?

JERRY: UNDATEABLE!

ELAINE: Then how are all these people getting together?



JERRY: Alcohol.


In other words, you're only going to be interested in a fraction of the population.

Rejection is inevitable, whether your believe the hilarity of Seinfeld that it can be calculated to a 1/4 or 1/20

probability of actual success (which means that the other 3/4 or 19/20 times, you will be rejected).

"Dateable" is different than "attractive", as you take compatibility into account as well. Besides, isn't it

shallow to say, "How can an attractive person be turned down?" That's putting as much emphasis on looks as the

people who are turning others down based strictly on appearances.


People might think you're pulling a "pot

calling the kettle black" kind of thing when you call people conceited and then say things such as, "I know I am an

attractive person," and, "The thing that I don't understand is why is it that good looking women and men can even

get turned down at times?" How different is it to say things that infer, "I'm so attractive. I can't believe

people have the audacity to turn me down! Me...of all people! I mean, I could understand turning down ugly people,

but me!?!?!" than it is to say things that infer, "I'm too good to go out with him!"?