'Rules of the South'

The 'Rules of

the South' are as follows!!!
(My apologies if this offends anybody. I never was very good at politically correct.

Bel)

The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."

I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus.

Drive it or get out of the way.

4 They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money
to us.

Get over it. Don't like it? I-40/I-10 go east and west,
I-65/I-75 go north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have

a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton
strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So

every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try
to understand the concept.

7. If that cell

phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't

have it up to
your ear at the time.

8 Yeah, we eat catfish &; crawfish. You really want sushi &

caviar?
It's
available at the corner bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's

a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is

applied to all women, regardless
of age.

11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak.

Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
turkey.

12. When we fill out a table,

there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup!
Oh,

yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff
you
eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You

bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she

better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is

as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf

courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
spooks the fish.

16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have

State Universities ,
Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus
a love for God and

country, and they still wave at everybody when they
come for the holidays.

17. We have more folks in the Army,

Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So
don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

18. Turn

down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than

we want to see
your boxers!
Refer back to #1!