Memoirs of the Incredibly Stupid

[Pancho1188]

Ahhh, sitting in meetings and reminiscing about more innocent days when I was a shy, quiet kid who kept to

himself...well, as opposed to a friendly, dorky man who keeps to himself after 5:30...I remember the one time when

my dream of actually having a girl come up to me came true...

I was sitting in the cafeteria at lunch with my

best friend when these two girls...two very attractive girls...ask me to come over and talk for a minute. So I

follow them to their table, completely bewildered by the fact that women were actually talking to me, and I sit down

and listen to what they have to say. There I am, sitting with two attractive girls who have the assertiveness to

say, \"Pancho, we just wanted to tell you that we thought you were cute.\" Now, the younger Pancho was the young,

quiet, shy, awkward type who was too amazed by what was happening to him...so taken by the whole new experience that

had never even crossed his mind, and so bad at thinking of anything relatively interesting to say...that he did not

really say anything at all. Now, the Pancho of today would never even think of passing up such an opportunity, but

shyness truly is a paralyzing quality. Alas, nothing was ever mentioned about this situation until today. No other

real conversations, and no \"Man, I should\'ve...\" with my friends afterwards. Just a missed

opportunity.

One could say it was my lack of transportation, \"coolness\", or self-esteem that got in the

way...we were from different crowds, we were totally different people with different lives...one could ponder many

different reasons for keeping someone like young Pancho from living it up in ol\' HS. Nobody can say for certain,

but one can only imagine that some things aren\'t meant to be and some people take much longer to realize things

than others. Maybe one day old Pancho will get hit in the face again with such a great compliment that he does

something about it. Maybe that day will never come. All I know is that you live and learn, and then get

love...

...hopefully...

[franki]

Pancho, you are nothing special.. We all went through these kind of situations and most of us learned from it. It

is just part of getting experiences in life.

[bundyburger]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Maybe one day old Pancho will get hit in the face

again with such a great compliment that he does something about it.

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">



One day old Pancho wouldn\'t have the capability to even understand the compliment. Would he??

[SwingerMD]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Pancho, you are nothing special.. We all went

through these kind of situations and most of us learned from it.

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">



Some of us still do. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif Check out my post in the Big News

thread.

--------------------
<font color=\"blue\"> -SwingerMD </font>

[Pancho1188]

Past

Experiences in the Endless Struggle of the Low Emotional IQ

By Pancho Rivera

I get to the bus stop.

First one there. Man, I just missed the last bus. I stand there knowing I\'ll be waiting a while before the next

one.

\"Been waiting here long?\"

Wow, I\'m glad I missed the last bus.

The lady who uttered these words

had to be the most gorgeous girl I\'ve seen in my area so far...boy, am I glad I missed that bus...here goes

nothing.

\"No, I just got here. When I saw no one here, I thought, \'Man, I just missed it.\'\"

I give

my best boyish smile. Hey, that\'s all I\'ve got, right?

\"So where are you headed?\" I asked. This is my

only shot at trying to act like a normal human being who regularly engages in small talk. Might as well make the

most of it.

\"Downtown. You?\"

\"The same...downtown for work,\" as I try to hide my \'charming\'

(aka disgusting) Pittsburgh accent...dantan is not about to make you look good...not that I\'ve ever said

that thanks to a brilliant education, but you never know when it\'ll slip.

Hmmm, that seems like the end of the

conversation. No response, not enough information to really inquire about her business downtown without

prying...oh, well.

The bus arrives. I get on and she\'s standing right behind me/in front of me when I turn

around. I enjoy the laugh when I think of what would happen if the bus suddenly flew forward and she fell into my

enormous gym bag that looks like it\'s about to give birth to twins. I\'d regret keeping my bag on that side

of me if that ever happened..., I thought with a smirk.

She finds a seat, and I put on my headphones to go

about my business and get mentally prepared for work. Almost ten minutes later, the person next to her leaves, and

I take the seat. Well, what the hell. One more shot. Think, think, think. Damn, the social part of the brain

doesn\'t work this early in the morning. Of the millions of people who ride public transportation daily, probably

a small percentage actually strike up a conversation while the rest keep to themselves and maybe even hope no one

says anything to them. What antisocial behavior for a species that thrives on social interaction.

I think about

it. There\'s nothing really to say. She\'s reading a magazine. I\'d ask if this bus time was part of her

routine or something to see if I\'d have a regular shot at talking to her, but the way I say things...it\'ll be

taken as shady...so I say nothing. My stop is next, anyway.

I get up and say, \"Have a good day.\" No reason

for my aloofness to all things normal to get in the way of having good manners.

I don\'t think I hear a

response, but maybe she didn\'t think I was talking to her. Maybe she smiled and I didn\'t turn back to see. I

don\'t know.

As I walk to work, I wonder about how this will affect my day and whether I could\'ve done

something different. No, probably not. After all, I\'ll forget about this tomorrow and so will she (if not

earlier). Maybe there won\'t be a tomorrow. Maybe there will be millions. I don\'t care, I\'m tired and

have to get to work.

[Pancho1188]

The \"Boyfriend\"

By Pancho Rivera

I\'m sitting at my desk during a normal day at work. The

attractive woman a few desks over has been coming over to my area often in the past couple of days for training

purposes. I get a few nice conversations in while I have the chance, and it\'s nice to have a normal chat for

once with someone without getting all weird about it. She comes over again today.

I\'m doing some research and

overhear the occasional out-of-the-ordinary comment or raising of the voice due to a funny joke or anecdote...until

the dreaded word comes: \"Boyfriend\".

It\'s like an axe that sticks in my side. It can completely change

the way I view a person at least from a \"potential\" standpoint. There\'s something about the evil switch from

perceiving someone as \"available\" to \"unavailable\" that suddenly changes how I act/react towards them. In

fact, nothing good has ever come from anyone saying the word...so much that it should be considered foul language

and should be treated as such. Stupid (*&amp;$@%(*#s...

\"...sometimes I come in wearing a sweatshirt that my

*%$&amp;#@*$&amp;\'s mom gave me. I wear it to be nice...\" Whoa, whoa, whoa...hold up. *@$#(%(@#???

*Shudders* Oh, well. So much for that idea. It\'s a good thing I keep my ears open...or something.

Maybe they

should just ban the word. I mean, if an attractive girl refers to a (*&amp;@%*@#, people get disappointed. If a

friend or someone you\'re not attracted to mentions it, it\'s usually in the context of either complaining or

bragging, which nobody wants to hear, anyway. Even in the case that you happen to be the person being referred to

by the woman (or man), you either a. didn\'t know that\'s what you were (that\'s a whole other story) b. dread

the thought of hearing it or c. don\'t need to be reminded what you are.

But I digress...

As I sit there and

actually feel the transformation from being interested in this person to losing the \"potential\" feeling, I

wonder how horrible of a person I must be for having such a shallow way of thinking. Maybe it\'s my mindset. I

could have hopes of the \"wait out\", but I\'m too impatient for that and don\'t like the idea of thinking

about someone else\'s significant other. Maybe there\'s nothing wrong with my mindset. Although I\'ve lost

that \"interest\" in a prospective date sense, I still respect and like the person... Who knows what\'s going

on?


Whoa, there goes that girl from the department down the hall from me. I wonder if she\'s taken...

PR

[Pancho1188]

The Homeless Man

By Pancho Rivera

I\'m sitting on the bus. It must be a low point to be commuting

because almost nobody is on here. I walk to the back of the bus where the seats are arranged sideways. I like the

back of the bus because it\'s usually the last place people sit and there\'s something kind of cozy about

sitting in a place where the seats face each other. It\'s like sitting in a little moving room.

Unfortunately,

you can tell it\'s a bus because nobody talks to each other. It\'s funny how that works from a sociological

standpoint. A dozen people sitting in a room just the same would eventually lead to many engaging in

conversation...but put the same room on wheels and have it headed to a destination and you have total silence. The

concept of buses is for another conversation, though, because as I sit there reading my book on the mind and

pondering such aspects of the human psyche I am interrupted by an indecipherable question. \"Dwe yasdfo asdfowe

okwer ojwer jowre?\" I have no idea what he\'s saying. I watched him dump a bag containing an alcoholic

container out the window, so I\'m not too thrilled with the whole littering thing. From the looks of him, though,

I can\'t hold something like that against him because I guess littering is a problem for well-off people and the

obsessive-compulsive. It probably goes Food-&gt;Shelter-&gt;Love-&gt;Littering. Something like that. Reminds me

of Maslow\'s hierarchy of needs.

But I digress...

I ask him what he said. It takes 4 \"What\"s to figure

out that he\'s asking me who won the NCAA tournament. I have no idea.

\"I\'m sorry, man, I\'m not a big

basketball fan.\"
\"I know Maryland was in it...\"
\"Maybe Duke?\"
\"I think Duke lost to

Maryland...\"
\"Well, I\'m not sure, sir.\"
\"Do you go to school around here?\"

He must think I\'m a

student because of my looks and psychology book.

\"Oh, no...I work downtown. I went to Penn State. Now if Penn

State went to the final four, I\'d know. I\'d probably be out celebrating.\"
\"Yeah, you would know.

You\'d be elated.\"

He asks me something, and again it\'s so hard to hear on the bus. I\'m thinking he

also doesn\'t want to talk too loud because he might bother other people.

\"Do you think you might be able to

spare some change?\"
\"Yeah, sure.\"

I bought Chinese food earlier that day and decided to pay cash. I never

really carry around too much cash because of debit cards, but who knew that my $5.78 lunch would leave me with $.22

in my pocket. I think about what I\'d do with that 22 cents if I didn\'t give it to him. I\'d throw it in my

change dish and let it sit there for months...maybe years...as it loses its value. This guy would spend it as soon

as he could and get whatever pleasure now. Maybe it\'ll be alcohol. What do I care? It\'s 22 cents. I get

the money and hand it to him...

\"Peace, my brother.\"

Again, I didn\'t hear him. He held out his fist.

I thought I heard him wrong the first time and he was giving me back the money.

\"No, no... Peace.\" He

motions with his fist. I press mine to his.

\"You study. You\'re going to do well.\" I thought he still

didn\'t get that I graduated, but maybe what I was doing was studying...even if not for a school or a

test...

A frustrated woman gets out of her seat and storms by us, muttering \"Bitch\" as she walks back. I

didn\'t see what happened. God knows what someone could possibly do on a bus that would arise such anger from

another.

\"See, people don\'t realize. People don\'t realize that we\'re all human. We\'re both

human.\"

I get his point. It is sad. I could throw out the psychological terms that point the blame at ego

defense-mechanisms, but I think the way he put it was better.

He goes on and on. I can\'t hear most of what he

says. I wish I could. I smile and try show I\'m making an effort to follow, but it doesn\'t work. I finally

say, \"I\'m sorry, I can\'t hear you too well.\" I get up and sit next to him.

\"Yeah, young one, sit

with me. I don\'t get to talk to people too often.\"

He talks about lost love, life, and how he is going to

sleep outside tonight.

\"It\'s a nice night to sleep outside, at least,\" I say. It was a beautiful

night.

\"Do you have a girlfriend in college?\"
\"Yeah.\"
\"Does she write to you? Do you talk to her

often?\"
\"No, man, she broke up with me a while ago.\"
\"It\'s because you were leaving, wasn\'t

it?\"
\"Yeah, basically.\"
\"See, that\'s what they do, man. My woman...\" and he talks about his last

girlfriend and how she was upset with him about something...again, I still can\'t make everything out, but he\'s

almost at the verge of tears when he thinks back about it. He raises his voice a little in the emotion of talking

about the moment, and people start to look at us. There are about 6 women around me, and a few give these

\"disapproving\" stares. I wouldn\'t say disgust or outright dirty looks, but they weren\'t the kind you get

when you\'re trying to pick someone up.

I ponder this for a moment. These people...everyone going about their

daily lives like nothing\'s going on, and they look down upon people like this just because he has it bad. People

have their stances on the war and terrorism and sending troops/spending money on other countries, and then they feel

this...I\'ll be nice and say \"uncomfort\"...with a person within our own country just because he isn\'t the

standard \"suit\" or \"college kid\" that usually rides the bus to get to work or class. I don\'t

know.

The man tells me that the next time I write to my parents, to tell them that he loves them for being good

people and having someone like myself. He gives me his full name, and wishes me well. Here comes his stop.

He\'s off to the \"booty club\"...yeah, I wouldn\'t call it respectable but I figure he\'s just trying to

find a little fun in the hard life he\'s living. As long as he \"behaves\", I wish him the best.

I tell him

to take care of himself. He wishes me the same. He tells me not to forget him. I tell him I won\'t.

He

leaves, and the bus keeps moving. Silence fills the bus once again as the women around me continue whatever they

were doing...I don\'t know what they are thinking. I\'m not quite sure what I am thinking. My stop is next,

and I move towards the door. Many of those other women get up as well. I let them depart first...maybe the last

chivalry left in this society...I\'m not sure. We all cross the street in the same direction, no one saying a

word. Some walk fast, some walk slow. I am second in the pack, and I again wonder what they are thinking. What

they have to get home to, what they are looking forward to/dreading tomorrow, what is troubling them at this very

moment. I don\'t know, and I probably never will.

All I know is that nothing can possibly bother me at this

moment, for I know I am truly lucky to be where I am right now...even if it\'s home-&gt;work-&gt;gym-&gt;home

every day...and I am truly proud of myself for treating other people with the respect that every human being

deserves.

My mom would be proud.

PR

[Icarus]

One

day, we\'re gonna get a three liner.....

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr

/>
Got laid.

Off to see her just now.

Cya later!

<hr /></blockquote><font

class=\"post\">

Go get \'em, Tiger.

Steve

[Sacogoo]

You

know Panch, I think it\'s great that you are doing your part to help with the environment and taking public

transportation. Kudos.

[Pancho1188]

The Feeling

By Pancho Rivera

I\'ve had three serious girlfriends in the past three years. I say

serious meaning a. girlfriends because I\'ve only had three and want them to sound meaningful at least and b.

serious relationships because those are the only kind I seem capable of since I\'m incapable of \"hit it and quit

it\" relationships since you work so hard to get there just to leave the next day... I never understood it.

Anyway, three relationships: two of around three months or so, the other about six months.

Yeah, so I\'m not

James Bond or Pimp Daddy Pancho as much as I\'d like to be. However, the most interesting thing of note in these

relationships is how I knew they were going to happen before they actually did. I mean, I knew I was going to sleep

with these women. How did I know? I don\'t know. I just did.

I knew this girl through a friend-of-a-friend,

and I\'m in State College talking to her through Instant Messenger about this, that, and the other thing. We get

along well, and I ask her if she\'s doing anything next weekend since I\'m coming back home for whatever reason.

We decide to hang out on Saturday and see what we can do around town when I get there. I get there, and after five

minutes I know I\'m going to sleep with this woman. How do I know? I have no idea. I just do. Maybe it\'s in

the conversation. When I\'m \'on\', I can hold my own. Maybe it\'s the tension in the air...or how she

melts when I give her the look I give that makes a woman feel like the only thing that matters in the universe...I

don\'t know what I\'m doing, it must be a \'vibe\' or something. I don\'t know anything about vibes, but

I guess they exist. An hour later, we\'re on the bed and I\'m putting the moves on like Barry Sanders.

Flash

to the following year. I\'m trying to Instant Message my fraternity brother to shoot the breeze or something when

I get a smiley face and a hello from his friend of the female persuasion. She\'s a sweet girl, and when I get a

picture of her, my jaw drops. Wow. We flirt, and I never flirt. Once again, I know I\'m going to sleep with

this woman. We agree to hang out sometime, and she gives me her screenname. I\'m not feeling in the party mood

on a Friday night, so I ask her what\'s up and see what she\'s up to. She comes over to watch a movie...and

once again, I find myself deep in tongue action and rounding the bases like Barry Bonds...like I\'m already there

but trotting along is just a formality...I eventually lose my best friend over this and break up with her because

she was supposed to be leaving next semester---she ended up staying another year, but she found her future husband

in less than a month so maybe it was fate---lucky me.

Fast forward another six months. I\'m drinking.

That\'s a new one. Apparently no one can resist the mixing of college and alcohol. It\'ll get you in the end

when you go to the #1 party school in the nation (or #4 if you believe those Princeton Review preppies...but I trust

Bacardi). Anyway, she\'s telling me how hot I look on Pimps and Hoes night where I\'m wearing baggy pants with

my boxers showing and a large, unbuttoned (nothing but skin underneath) loud shirt that

screams

[]D[][]V[][]D

with authority. I flirt with her over the course of the night, and I try to get her to

dance for my birthday because she refuses to dance due to insecurities or whatever. Well, she wouldn\'t do it.

Not even as a birthday present. Until this other guy gets her to dance for like 10 seconds. I come down and she

tells me about it, and I act all furious and walk away...boy, am I a bad but believable actor. Like a $5 hooker,

it\'s not pretty, but it gets the job done. I\'ve always hated the game, but I guess I have to play it once in

a while to get the girls.

She pursues. I know I am going to sleep with this woman. Later on, we\'re in my

room (thank God I live in the House...), and I\'m in a drunken state telling her that I like her a lot but

don\'t want to hurt a great friendship, a big brother opportunity (didn\'t happen), or her chances of becoming a

member. Well, needless to say, 10 minutes later I get the guts to kiss her and the rest is history...

Happy

Birthday, Pancho...

Sure, this led to 6 months of torture, followed by...6 months of torture (separation and fear

thereof on both sides)...followed by another 6 months of torture. (Note: exaggeration for story-telling

purposes...well, not by much...)

So I sit and ponder what it was that made me know I had something with these

people. After all, if I knew it then, how hard would it be to reproduce it...I could never be alone again (if

you\'re into that sort of thing)!!! Then again, I don\'t know what it was. Maybe I should just keep my eyes

open. Hmm...that one girl said I was funny, I wonder if she likes me...

PR

[bundyburger]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
I mean, I knew I was going to sleep with these

women.

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
That\'s held true for every time I\'ve thought that too.

So far.

I don\'t know if it\'s our pheromones doing that when you find the perfect match (that\'s the

COMPLETE signature not just the ones we play with on here), or when you see that twinkle in their eyes that says

you\'ve connected in a big way.
There are two girls that I can think of right now that I\'ve had that feeling

with and it hasn\'t happened. No big deal, coz they are very much works in progress. Based on that feeling and the

current circumstances that play a part in pausing the situation. This has been over two years in the making in one

case and a little longer in the other. One other successful prediction didn\'t happen for 3 years, another for 18

months.

Attraction is a mysterious and amazing part of life. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif

[pico]

but

could it be that you feel this feeling, therefore giving you the extra confidence to go through with it?

[bundyburger]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
but could it be that you feel this feeling,

therefore giving you the extra confidence to go through with it?

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">



No doubt! Can\'t really argue with that. lol /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Pancho1188]

The Dive

By Pancho Rivera

Life is weird. I wake up this morning after having the most vivid

dreams of my ex-gf. This came out of nowhere. She broke up with him and they were hanging out or something. I

thought they were still together, so I walked away...but she chased after me to tell me that they were broken up.

In another segment of the dream, she\'s driving by, we stop, and she kisses her hand and touches my

lips.

This really shakes me up today. I can\'t concentrate. I can\'t do much. I can shake the feeling.

I don\'t know what it is. This is the most vivid dream I\'ve had in forever. I start to wonder if this was

actually going on and if the events in my dream actually happened, but I haven\'t talked to her in months or

thought about her (in a missing fashion) in at least a month.

I can\'t shake it. This starts to piss me

off. Thanks to a little venting to a friend, I shook off the feeling and decided that maybe this was just holding

me back. I decide that this will not mess with me anymore. I go to speak with the girl I\'ve had my eye on for a

while. She\'s with friends, and I\'m not about to embarrass myself in front of a bunch of my coworkers if I say

something stupid, so I veer out the door and head for the elevator.

I see a fellow recent hiree. We talk for

a while. She has this accent that I couldn\'t pinpoint where she\'s from if you paid me. Anyway, we have a

great conversation on the way out until we part ways a block down the street. She\'s attractive in an

unconventional way, but since I don\'t get that \"whoa\", \"school boy\" feeling around her I can carry on a

conversation. Don\'t you love the irony of life?

I meet another coworker on the way to the gym as soon as

I part with the first. We talk for another 8 minutes or so and split up. \"Wow,\" I\'m thinking, \"two decent

conversations in 15 minutes. Must be my lucky day.\"

You\'re probably wondering why I\'m so

surprised. I usually can\'t carry a non-professional conversation with someone I don\'t know well further than

I can throw them. If I get past:

---Hey, what\'s up?
---Not much. How are you

doing?
---Great.

...then I consider the conversation a success. Two in a row? You\'ve gotta be

kidding...

Anyway, I hit the gym and am feeling pretty good. I\'m squatting 225 like it was part of me

thanks to my recent weight gain, so I\'m feeling like the friggin\' Hulk. An older, slightly attractive woman

asks how many sets I have left. I tell her I have one left, and she goes to get some water.

She comes back

in time to see my last lift. I finish up with authority and she even helps me take off the four 45-lb. weights.

Nice. \"Thank you,\" I say because it was awfully nice of her to do such a thing. \"No, thank you,\"

she says in a tone that hasn\'t been heard since Howard Dean tried to rally his troops after losing the first

primary.

What the hell? I\'m in a state of complete confusion after that one. I mean, I didn\'t do

anything for her besides be the reason she had to wait 3 extra minutes for the squat rack... I try to think of

something, but nothing really comes to mind. The only thing I could do was think about how my clothes are very

\"form fitting\" and you get a nice view of my butt while doing squats...I don\'t know. Hey, it could happen,

right?!?!?!

By this point, I think I must be on crack or something. Everyone smiles at me when I look at

them...people are super-nice with the machines and apologize for being in my way...I even had guys rather wait than

ask me to move so they can get to their lockers (to which I say, \"Am I in your way?\" and promptly move out of

courtesy).

Note: I am wearing a little SOE, TE, and AE, but I don\'t know what this is doing. Just let me

pretend it was me. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Anyway, I finish my workout, and as I

walk up to the counter the girl smiles and I hand her my keys.

---How was your

workout?
---Great.
(you\'re in the zone, go for it. What the hell?)
How\'s life on the other side of

the desk? (referring to the counter that divides us)
---Oh, you know. Chillin\' and (man, I can\'t remember

the rest so I\'ll try to paraphrase) takin\' it easy.
(simultaneously)---Have a good night!

I walk out

and process the interaction that just occurred. I just realize: she thinks I\'m attractive. I believe that was

some sort of flirtatious occurrance...the smiles, the tone, the body language...wow, I\'m not used to such

things.

I head to the bus stop before my head explodes. Wow, what a new concept. People are attracted to

me. I sit at the bus stop between four people and think about what\'s going on. I sit there with a big grin on

my face and think about randomly talking to one of them to break this \"code of silence\" that surrounds the bus

phenomenon...I\'m too happy to risk making a fool of myself just yet, though, so I get on the bus and sit in the

back.

I have the biggest smirk on my face for the first few minutes. Everyone\'s sitting there, minding

their own business. I shut my eyes and sit in contentment. Then the bus starts to fill, and on walks a girl that

you\'d probably see in a magazine flaunting the new line for some major designer...and she has the clothes to

fit.

She\'s wearing this hat like the kind men are required to wear once they reach the age of 75...only

the more stylish ones that women and people like my brother wear. She has it at the perfect angle to make it

stylish, sexy, and fashionable...and I know nothing about clothing. Anyway, I like the hat. I really do. She

looks fantastic in it.

I notice that I keep returning my sights to her after pretending to look elsewhere. I

notice that she actually looks at me a couple of times. Wow, what the hell is happening to me today?

The guy

next to me starts to get ready as if his stop was next. I look out the window and notice that it is my stop, too.

I knew I was going to leave, even though I thought about taking the bus all the way to my house instead of the store

so I could...and that\'s when I realized that I wouldn\'t do anything, anyway, so I should just get off now.

That\'s when it hits me.

I decide to take a dive. What the hell does that mean in this context? It means

that I am going to throw everything that bugs me about situations like this out the window and am going for it. If

I tried to talk to her, I\'d have everyone around me overhearing my conversation, knowing I\'m hitting on her,

and judging me or something. I could risk sounding like an idiot. She could think I\'m a tool and ignore me or

think I\'m hitting on her and tell me she has a @#$%&amp;#@&amp;@. This is what always holds me back. This is

what freaks me out.

Well, I\'ll show myself today. So what about all of that stuff? I like that hat, and

it looks damn good on her, and I\'m going to tell her that. What if she never wears the damn thing again because

no one ever complimented her on it? Who cares if people think I\'m hitting on her because they\'ll know I\'m

not since I\'m getting right off the bus without so much as waiting for a response from her. I have no chance of

getting this girl\'s number or being rejected since I\'m not asking anything and everyone else can just go to

hell. That\'s \"taking a dive\". I\'m about to put myself out there where I\'m uncomfortable because I

like the damn hat. Jihad, jigga what?!?!?

I get up. My stop arrives. This guy won\'t get out of my way

because he\'s holding onto the bar until the bus comes to a complete stop. He finally moves. I walk up.

She\'s standing about 2 feet from the back door, so I have about 2 seconds to think of and say something

witty.

I walk up with the body language that I\'m going to talk to her. She looks at me almost as if she

was expecting me to talk to her. Like she wanted me to talk to her. Sh*tdog, I\'ve never seen that one before.

Welcome, Pancho, to \"unmarked territory\".

---That\'s a nice hat.
---*blushes* Thank you.
---It

looks great on you. *walks off the bus*

I fly off the bus before I even know what happened.

Did I just

make a girl blush???

Taking a dive is cool...maybe next time I\'ll see if I can withstand all of that

imaginary pressure I feel and actually make an attempt at conversation.

Have I learned something today? I

don\'t know, but I hope this wasn\'t a freak accident that this all fell on me at once...

PR

[Holmes]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Don\'t you love the irony of life?

<hr

/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

Yeah, it\'s a real hoot.

(Good post, though.)


Holmes

[Pancho1188]

The Embarassing Moment

By Pancho Rivera

I go to get some water. I get an itch in my nose and go to

the restroom to get a paper towel and check to make sure I\'m decent. I open the door that goes to the hall

that\'s 5 feet away from the bathroom door, and the most gorgeous girl in the world just happens to be walking by

at that exact moment while my head is down and I\'m trying to cover my face because I might have something on my

face...and of course I\'m giving this strange look while doing it...

She says, \"Hi,\" with an amazing

smile...

Say something! Sh*t!!! Say something!!! Anything!!! Get your head up!!! Smile!!! Quit looking

stupid!!!

F***! F***!! F***!!! F***!!!! F***!!!!! F***!!!!!! F***!!!!!!!

*Smile* *Mumble*

\"Hey...\"

I bolt to the door...I get in and take a few steps while the door shuts...

\"Gaaaaaaaawwwwwwdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!!!!\"

I look in the mirror. Nothing. The sudden mixture

of relief and regret fill my veins as I am glad I didn\'t have stuff hanging out of my nose but feel completely

dumb that I missed a huge opportunity...

Nice.

PR

[Holmes]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
I open the door that goes to the hall that\'s 5

feet away from the bathroom door, and the most gorgeous girl in the world just happens to be walking by

<hr

/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

Did you happen to ask what she\'s doing after The D.A.?

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif


Holmes

[tallmacky]

Pancho I got to get out of here now (school) and leave, but I would just like to say quickly, Why is this not a

Sticky Thread? Pancho yoru writtings have touched me deeply, keep it up in the face of challenge. Fight and fight

some more....and write more!!! Lots more.

ok see ya\'

[Pancho1188]

\"On the Way Out\"

By Pancho Rivera

The \"on-the-way-in\" and \"on-the-way-out\" conversations

are classic. I\'m walking by her desk on the way out and just happen to see her still working while it\'s about

15 minutes or so after the end of a beautiful Friday afternoon. This is what I resort to when I\'m trying to

start a conversation with someone. This is when I know I have absolutely nothing to contribute to a conversation

except...

\"Still here?\"
\"Yeah, I\'m just about to leave. You?\"

At this point, I have lost

complete use of my faculties. I cannot feel a single part of my body, my memory of this time period is to become

blurred, I have no idea what is going on, and my brain is on auto-pilot because I have lost the ability to think.

For a species that has spent millions of years evolving to culminate to this one advanced set of neuroprocesses, the

human response system really does suck.

\"Yeah, I\'m just about to go to the gym as always.\"

I smile.

That\'s about the only response that I can accomplish...and I use that particular word because it is, in fact, an

accomplishment to perform such a feat.

Then, silence. How long was it? I have no idea. It could\'ve been a

fraction of a second or 100 years for all I know. In fact, my memory of those few seconds has all but disintegrated

as fast as it actually occurred.

\"Have a good weekend!\" she says with a smile.

I barely possess the

strength to form a response, but I push on through. No use blowing everything because you can\'t function,

right?

\"You, too,\" I say with another smile.

I must bank on my smile. I know I\'ve made a woman or two

swoon in my day with this $3,500 grin (the approx. amount spent on braces in 21 months I\'d rather forget), so

maybe my stupidity will be overlooked because, damn, I\'ve got a glow about me that could send a Goddess to her

knees...or so I hope beyond hope might be the case one day.

\"Don\'t work too hard.\" This is quite possibly

the dumbest thing I have ever said.

What the hell kind of response was that??? She\'s leaving in 2 minutes.

In fact, she might be gone already if your blubbering mouth hadn\'t interrupted. It\'s Friday, and she won\'t

be working for another two days. What the hell possessed you to say such a stupid thing?!?!?

I turn and walk

away.

Wow, what just happened? Wait, wasn\'t I supposed to say something while I was talking to her?

Wasn\'t I going to ask her out or something?

Or something...

PR

[Icarus]

Take

a deep breath.

Now relax.

[tallmacky]

The latest story is your best yet Pancho. Keep churning them out like Aunt mamma\'s sweet home made buttah.

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif

[Bottle]

Pancho I\'m gonna get rich from you mate, one way or another...its either a book or a film.

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[Pancho1188]

The Down-Cycle

By Pancho Rivera

It was bound to happen. A day that seemed out-of-the-ordinary and

wonderful, a good mood almost every day, life was good. Here it comes...

It\'s 2 a.m. Sure, it\'s not late

for a college student or night owl, but for someone who needs to get up at 7 for work and needs to get to sleep or

he\'ll be a wreck in the morning, this was not good. I\'ve been lying awake for a couple of hours in this 90+

degree sauna I call an apartment, and I can\'t sleep. I finally fall asleep after exhaustion must\'ve overtaken

the heat that could only be comparable to lying in an oven...

I get up. I feel okay for being tired, and the day

wasn\'t bad. My head starts spinning later that day. I almost stumble into a wall while walking because of my

dizziness. Great. The Tylenol takes care of that enough to think somewhat straight, but this is not good. I was

planning on asking the girl down the hall today, but it\'s not going to happen if I can\'t think or form a

coherent sentence. Maybe tomorrow will be better for that sort of thing. The dizziness is gone, so I actually go

to the gym. I\'m insane...or addicted, I\'m not sure which.

I walk out later to find a voicemail on my cell

phone. I check the message: \"Hi, Nate...\" a girl starts...it must be Kari (pseudonym to protect the

innocent...not the L-S Kari /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif)...I called her before and she might

be calling back to ask why I called. I wanted to find out how the weekend went at ol\' State because it was a big

one for my frat. \"...it\'s )*@$%*).\" I can\'t even write the name anymore. It\'s become taboo. F*ck.

I thought I was done. I figured she\'d never call me again and I finally was done thinking about and trying to

contact her because the previous fiascos were over and I had no contact with anyone to hear anything new. I listen

to the message again because I had no idea why the hell she called, and then deleted it immediately hoping to forget

about it.

This depresses me. I have no idea why. There\'s a term in psychology where you forget about the

reason why something makes you feel a certain way but it does, anyway. I don\'t know why this made me feel so

horrible, but it did. I guess I was just used to being depressed every time I heard her voice, it became a

conditioned response.

It\'s so hot...I still can\'t sleep. It takes me over two hours to get to sleep again.

Oh, well.

I wake up again, and I\'m still feeling sick. I go for the DayQuil. I\'m bouncing off of the

walls for half of the day. You\'ve never seen anyone so goofy...\"high as a kite\", I referred to my state as

today. I don\'t think I\'m in the condition again to be asking anyone out...but after yesterday\'s debacle

that sent me into feeling crappy, I was determined to fight it by talking with an attractive girl.

What a big

mistake. I get a body language read like I was interrupting something and being a bother by even standing there. I

haven\'t felt this horrible in a long time. I crawl out of there with my tail between my legs and sleep it

off...

I feel better Wednesday. I\'m going to ask her out today. I walk up to her cube on my way to lunch,

and she\'s on the phone. Damn...I go down the elevator...and turn around and go back up like I\'m determined to

do it this time. I pass her to go back to my desk pretending to get something and come back, but I stop at a

co-worker\'s desk and have a nice conversation as a warm-up. It was nice, and he seemed to be brightened by my

very presence. This was good. I was wearing TE and SOE, maybe that helped. She gets up and walks out while

we\'re talking.

\"Well, have a great vacation! Good luck finishing that up...\"

I bolt out of there

almost before he replies. I try to catch up, but she practically disappeared. Damn.

Today is it. I can feel

it. I\'m running a little late in the morning, so she may beat me to work for once and I can give the

\"On-the-way-in\" hello that makes for a good excuse to have a conversation...as you may already know.

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif I\'m psyched. I\'m ready. I come up the elevator ready to

rock. I come up to the cube...not there. Damn!

Oh, well. This is the day. It\'s going to happen. Lunch

time comes around. We start talking about getting a group to go outside. Perfect!!! This is it!!! Yes!!! We get

ready to go, and I dart for the cube. Here\'s my chance. I can\'t blow this one.

\"Hey, what are you doing

for lunch?\"
\"Actually, I might work through lunch. I stepped out earlier.\"
F*ck. Well, that explains her

absence earlier.
\"How\'s that (aka work) going?\"
\"Oh, I have...\" long response I couldn\'t quote

exactly, but I paraphrase with my response.
\"So translation: you have a lot of stuff.\"
\"Yeah...\" again,

long and hard to quote exactly.
\"What are you doing this weekend?\" I try to implement my little plan to think

of a way to ask her out later...
\"Hanging out with some friends.\"
Come on, give me something...
I\'m out of

time.
She says, \"Where are you guys going?\"
\"I\'m not exactly sure, so I\'ve probably better catch up so

I don\'t lose them...Good luck with that. Maybe next time.\"

I catch up with my co-workers. Damn.

You

know, I can honestly say that I know nothing about the game. If someone was interested, wouldn\'t they know that

I was asking a question for a reason? Wouldn\'t they help me out by giving me a hint that I should keep going

with my attempted request? This is why I never ask people out...if they wanted to do something with me, they would

ask, right? Ha, ha...that kind of logic will only leave you cold and lonely...even in this disgusting

heat...

It\'s not over yet. I have one more excuse to talk to another girl. I\'m down, but not

out...let\'s do it again.

I walk up with my \'excuse\' in hand...funny thing is, I pass by the first girl

while going to the second...I don\'t even notice until she\'s smiling and my head is down again. Man, can I

ever pass this woman without having my head down looking at papers or covering my face?!?!? Geez...

Anyway, I

hand her my \'excuse\'.

\"Oh, awesome. I\'ll take a look at it. I\'m sorry, though, I have to

run.\"
\"Oh, I\'m sorry. I didn\'t mean to bother you. Have a good night.\"
\"Oh, I\'ll be back, I

just have to run now.\"
\"Oh, okay.\"

Can I be any dumber? I just assumed \"run\" meant leave for the

day...that\'s what it usually means, right? It was about a half an hour before the end of the day; she could have

been leaving. Why do I have to say these stupid things? Screw this, I\'m going home.

Today will be different.

I\'m done with this. I\'m tired and beaten. I just want to get through this day.

I walk to my bosses.

They\'re talking together, so I jokingly say, \"If it isn\'t my favorite managers?\" to be friendly, thinking

\"and they\'ll think, \'...and your only/main managers.\'\" I hear an upset remark from a manager across

the way...crap. I figured they\'d know I meant my managers, not just my favorite people in

management.

And I keep digging my own grave...

My two co-workers are talking about this march coming up over

the weekend.

\"Oh, what march is it?\"
\"I\'m sorry, I\'m uncomfortable talking about this at

work.\"

These are the worst words you could ever hear come out of anyone\'s mouth at work...

It turns out

it was a march based on a sensitive subject that wasn\'t suitable for work...man, how was I supposed to

know?!?!?

I\'m just waiting to feel this heat months down the road when something big happens.

I\'m

beaten, I\'m tired, I just want to go home for the weekend and forget that this week even existed.

I won\'t

let this get me down.



I won\'t call her back.
I won\'t give up on being more \"relationship

assertive\"...aka trying to ask someone out more straight-forwardly than in the past.
I won\'t get really

sick...I\'ve \"cut it off at the pass\", so to speak with, with some preventative medicine.


I\'m waiting

for the day when I actually become successful at this debacle I call my life...

PR

[Icarus]

I

know you won\'t reply to any post on this thread (as you seem to have vowed not to) but please stop pretending

that you have it hard.

From your words, you would think that had been born without arms, legs or motor

control.

I\'m not attacking you, or insulting you (at least, this is not my intention).

Life ain\'t a

faerytale, and the girl ain\'t gonna do the work for ya. Ask her out. How much will it really change the

situation you\'re in now? (other than deleting that portion of thought you devote to \'how it could be if we

were together\' - only if she says no, of course)

To be blunt, the pros outweight the cons.

I just wanna see

ya happy. Chin up.

Steve

[metroman]

Pancho you are an excellent writer!...I feel as if I\'ve gotten to know you a little bit from your writings.

Thanks for sharing the angst all of us men go through in one way or another when it comes to the opposite sex.

Anyone who is brave enough to take the time to describe how they\'re feeling, as personally as you have is not

lacking for /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gifconfidence. You\'re just the kind of guy a lot of

attractive women are looking for: Intelligent, articulate, thoughtful, kind, courteous...Need I say more...All I can

say is if they dont go out with you they\'re passing up a great opportunity.

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif

[CptKipling]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Pancho you are an excellent writer!...I feel as if

I\'ve gotten to know you a little bit from your writings. Thanks for sharing the angst all of us men go through

in one way or another when it comes to the opposite sex. Anyone who is brave enough to take the time to describe how

they\'re feeling, as personally as you have is not lacking for

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gifconfidence. You\'re just the kind of guy a lot of attractive

women are looking for: Intelligent, articulate, thoughtful, kind, courteous...Need I say more...All I can say is if

they dont go out with you they\'re passing up a great opportunity.

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

Pancho: \"Ok,

but can you tell them that?\"

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Pancho1188]

Always be Prepared

By Pancho Rivera

\"What are you preparing? You\'re always preparing. Just go!\"

--- Spaceballs

I always need to prepare for things...

It takes me ten minutes to get up in the morning.

Why? I\'m preparing for my day...I\'m like Windows booting up...\"Loading...Loading...Date...Time...Where am

I...How do I feel...What am I doing today...What was I dreaming about...What things are coming up...I\'m tired and

want to go back to sleep\"

It takes me 2 minutes to leave my house. Why? I\'m double-checking my

preparations...aka making sure I have everything. I always forget something.

I take up to 5 minutes before I

jump into an ice-cold pool...I can\'t help it, it\'s friggin\' FREEZING when you jump in, man!!!

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif

I take 10 seconds to mentally prepare myself for a solid set at

the gym. \"We\'re gonna take it up a notch. It\'s go time!\" --- Lloyd Bridges, Seinfeld

I take a

few seconds to make sure I have everything ready for when I get on the bus (flash pass or money), order a meal (know

what I want and what I\'m going to say), and talk to someone (what did I need to ask them again?).

I get up

before my stop on the bus and walk towards the door to make sure I can get out as soon as the door opens.

I

prepare a list of possible situations/outcomes for when I talk to a girl I like. God knows I won\'t have much

ability to think during the conversation...

I prepare my lunches for the week on Sunday so I don\'t have to do

it during the week when I\'ll get too lazy and just go out instead.

Some of those things everyone does, some of

those things are probably a little on the side of insane. Honestly, I wouldn\'t know which are which because, of

course, I am the one who does them. Why would I pick such a boring subject to talk about today? Well, my friends,

I would like to let you in on what happens when I do not think and am not prepared...

Things I have

said without thinking them through first:

-How old are you?
-How much do you weigh?
-How much do you make? (I

was ~8-10 at the time, I guess I had an excuse of innocence, but I embarrassed my dad)
-That is quite possibly the

worst sex I\'ve ever had.
-So what you\'re saying is that he\'s just a good replacement for a

vibrator?
-Come on, you know you\'re Ms. Beautiful and everybody loves you and blah, blah, blah...half the place

thinks you\'re hot...

I\'ve said many more dumb things, but I guess they\'re just not coming to mind right

now.

Dumb things I do when I\'m not prepared:

-Stand there standing with a dumb look on my face forever

trying to figure out what the hell is going on, to which I drive myself insane with stress and freak

out
-Apparently miss such simple tasks that I get made fun of for it
-The above makes me say stupid things (see

above list)

Again, I\'ve done dumber things, but I can\'t remember them now. I try to forget them, of

course.

The drawback of having this necessity is the inability to do anything unless I am ready for it to happen.

I can think on my feet, but I can\'t \'do\' on my feet. This brings me to today\'s debacle.

It\'s the

end of the day, and I\'m walking toward the elevator. I pass one girl\'s desk, but I\'m not prepared to say

anything so I don\'t. I come up to this other girl\'s desk. She\'s there, and I remember that I wanted to

thank her for helping me with a project. I had it in my head before that I was going to thank her, so I guess the

previous preparations made it easy to go with it now that it\'s possible to carry out. I stop and knock on the

cubicle.

\"Hey, I just wanted to thank you for your help.\"
\"Yeah, congratulations. It\'s good that he

liked the project.\"
Okay, that\'s all I had. I\'m going to have to wing it from here...
\"Yeah, it turned

out great, but it couldn\'t have been done without your help. He talked to (my manager) for a half an hour saying

how great it was.\"
\"Well, congratulations!\"
Silence for a moment. She goes on.
\"So how are you

doing?\"
\"I\'m doing well. I miss the sun, though.\"
A little more small talk ensues. She asks if I\'m

going to the gym, and I say that I\'m going home.
\"So what are you up to tonight?\" I don\'t know how that

came out. I must be desperate for something to say if I accidentally say something that could be taken in a certain

way...
\"Actually, I\'m not doing anything. Going home, resting...\"

My personality splits in half. I have

the half of me that keeps professionalism for the office and the half that is trying to become Mr. Personality and

friggin\' ask someone out without hesitation. The second half goes nuts.

Ask her out!!! Ask her out!!!

This is your chance!!! Ask her out!!! You can do it, come on...here we

go...\'Do--you--want--to--go--out--with--me?\' How hard is that?!?!?

The first just listens. It calls

the shots, apparently, and it can\'t do it. What if she really needs to rest? You didn\'t come here to ask her

out, you came here to thank her. This is out of your designated line of thinking. I need at least a minute or two

to mentally psych myself up to get into the zone of asking someone out...just like I need 10-20 seconds to psych

myself up for a strong lift...who knows what kind of weak-ass sh*t I would bring if I picked up the weight I lift

without being mentally ready? Who knows what could go wrong because I\'m at work and could get into huge trouble.

Who knows what stupid thing you could say? You don\'t have an hour or two\'s worth of conversation ready to be

unleashed...

*cough*bullshit*cough* If you don\'t do this, Pancho, I will officially lose all respect for

you. This is as good as it\'s going to get. You forget that her saying that is not her saying that but really

the closest sign that any woman seems to be willing to give a guy that she\'s available to do something. When

will you get that through your thick skull?

\"Yeah, you have to rest up from that wild weekend you had,

huh?\"
\"*laughs* Yeah.\"
\"Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for your help.\"
\"You\'re

welcome!\"
\"Well, I\'ll talk to you tomorrow...well, maybe.\" (I don\'t talk to her every day, so what do I

know? However, I\'m sure that could\'ve easily been taken in such a horrible way. Thank God she started

talking before I said that last word)

I can\'t really remember what happens after that. I know I say goodbye

and walk away, and I know she said something in between there, but I can\'t remember. My second half was too busy

cursing me out for being an idiot.

You are the biggest motherf*cking tool who ever lived. I have lost all

respect for you. Go kill yourself.

*sigh*

\"Always be prepared, son...always be prepared.\" --- The

Last Boy Scout

PR

[Pancho1188]

One Small Step for Man...One Giant Leap for Pancho

By Pancho Rivera

Michael: ...I don’t

consider myself a p*ssy, ok?
Samir: Yes, I am also not a p*ssy.\"
--- Office Space

I\'ve had

delusions that somehow my stupidity could help others by making them realize that such irrational thoughts and acts

are useless. I\'ve also been told that writing things down puts perspective on things and makes \"horrible\"

situations look more realistic and workable. When you articulate something well, you understand it. You own it.

You control it. Knowledge is power, and you can overcome anything with understanding.

That\'s all well and

good, but writing about my misfortunes will not inspire people. Writing about my misfortunes and then overcoming

the obstacles to become \"normal\" might...

I finish writing my post for the day. I\'m sitting at my

desk and thinking about what I just wrote. I\'m glad I wrote that down. It makes a lot of sense to me, and now

that I notice a little quirk I have, maybe I can do something about it. We\'ll see about that...

I get

ready to leave. Of course, I pat myself down and look around as final \"preparation\" to make sure I have

everything. I grab my lunch mini-cooler pack that I almost forgot. See, my routines serve me well. I may be

insane, but I didn\'t forget my lunch pack.

I\'m thinking about what I said and what I did. I can do

this...if she\'s there today, I can do it. I walk down the hall...it\'s on. I didn\'t need to think twice

about it. There\'s something new.

She\'s there today. I don\'t waste any time. I\'m as ready as

I\'ll ever be.

\"Working late again?\"
\"It\'s only been a little while. What are you up

to?\"
\"Oh, just going to the gym, I guess.\"
\"That\'s good.\"
\"What are you doing

tonight?\"
\"Probably just going home.\"
\"When are you out of here?\"
\"I\'ll probably be here for

another 30 minutes.\"
I pause. I take a deep breath. Here goes nothing.
\"...Would you want to do

something after?\"
She bites her lip. I have my answer. Can I disappear into oblivion now? I\'m about to be

rejected like a single, white male with a C average and no extra-curricular activities applying to any college worth

going to...
\"Actually, I\'m probably just going to go home.\"

Apparently, \"just going home\" is

not a signal. Then again, I don\'t understand signals. I hate signals. All little body language signs

women think they use aren\'t getting through to me.

I take another breath and keep going without breaking

stride. Apparently, I\'ve been prepared for rejection for years...

Pancho...ready for rejection since

1988!!!

If you know anything about me, you can do the math and guess the significance of that

year...

Anyway, I keep going like there\'s nothing to it.

\"So what are you working on right

now?\"
\"Oh, just some...\" She talks about the project.
\"Cool, cool. Well, good luck with that.

I\'ll see you tomorrow!\" I try to put this smile on my face and in my voice, but I\'m not sure how that

went...She said thanks and goodbye or something, but I\'ve noticed a pattern that once I disengage my attention

turns completely internal, and everything outside fades from memory quickly. Obviously if someone said, \"Wait,

Pancho, I\'m just playing hard to get. Let\'s go do something...I was just messing with you!\" I would

remember that. Oh, well.

It\'s been one week since my ex called. Yes, it becomes fresh in your mind when

the feeling you have reminds you of the last time you were rejected. I\'d say I took it well...if you consider

hyperventilating between jump squat sets and on the verge of tears for a few minutes taking it well... I don\'t

take rejection very well...especially when it brings forth the feeling of the worst rejection you\'ve ever felt in

your life...hence the slight overreaction. I\'ll live, but I still think that, \"Well, at least you tried.

Don\'t you feel better than had you not asked her out at all?\" is full of sh*t. No, I\'d rather not have,

actually. Oh, well. I\'m still breathing, and I still have to wake up tomorrow and go to work. I can do it. I

feel better. At least I didn\'t hear \"Swarm, swarm!\" and get fired or anything. Nice! My life is still

intact, even if my confidence isn\'t.

Well, I proved it. I am not a p*ssy. I was, however, rejected. I

guess you could say I just regained my pride in my manhood in exchange for any self-confidence I had in my

attractiveness. I guess that\'s an even trade-off, right?

I took a chance. I asked someone out. I

didn\'t freak out or lose my senses. I was under control. I took it well and initially rolled it off long enough

to complete the conversation without going nuts or acting like a schmuck or sore loser or whatever. I lived to see

another day. I\'m growing as a person. I\'m better today than I was yesterday. That has to be good, right?

Then why do I still feel bad? Oh, I remember...

PR

[bjf]

Way to

go Pancho. I\'ll agree with you the \"nothing to lose\" thing is kinda BS.

Still, a man\'s got to do what

a man\'s got to do. Don\'t take it personally and know that it happens to everyone.

[Icarus]

It\'s not BS.

People take their own emotions WAAAAAAAY too seriously.

Congrats on having the cojones to ask

her out, and it sucks that she turned you down, but look on it this way.... is life ANY different now?

Screw

it, if anything it\'s better. You now don\'t have to worry about that girl anymore. (unless you get a

chance to get it on at the office christmas party - always a good \'un if you were only a temp, perhaps not for

the career oriented)

To cut a long babble short: can you honestly say that you\'ve never rejected someone else?

Even on something less major than a \'reelayshonchip\'? And haven\'t you maybe also looked at that very girl

that you rejected and said \'that\'s a pretty girl, and I like her, but she\'s not my cup of

tea.\'?

Even if it wasn\'t an outright rejection from her asking you out... we subconsciously reject

or accept people on different levels every day. Just by looking at them.

Just right
too

tall
beautiful
slender
not my type
not my type
perfect
not my type
etc
etc
etc....

Whether we want

to or not, we all do it (in some small way) Just because we are not always put in an express position to communicate

these tiny judgements, doesn\'t mean they aren\'t happening.

Again.

YOU\'VE NOTHING TO

LOSE.

YOU\'VE NOTHING TO LOSE.

YOU

HAVE

NOTHING

TO

LOSE.

Steve

P.S. How much is

pride/self-esteem really worth anyways? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[bjf]

Steve:

I don\'t agree with the nothing to lose thing because some people will inevitably end up \"feeling

bad.\" Those who can avoid this have adequete confidence to do so or have learned not to take rejection

personally.

The other thing that one has to lose is their fantasy of them and that person. By not

asking someone out and getting a definitive answer, that fantasy gets to stay alive. Ask them out and you risk

erasing that fantasy. You can\'t dream about something you know can\'t come true. This is one of the big

reasons why people may not take chances or even feel bad after rejection - because the fantasy is gone.

I\'m

not advocating nor judging any of this stuff. Just highlighting on some very real things that happen to people.

Some people have something to lose. In my opinion, the loses don\'t outway the gains.

[Icarus]

dude, what\'s a fantasy worth?

If we\'re talking quality weighting (gains vs. losses) I still can\'t

fathom how the loss of a (i\'ll call it destructive, though I\'m aware that I sound somewhat harsh when I do so)

fantasy surrounding an \'unattainable\' as they become in your head regardless if they actually reject you in

real life, or the loss of your personal \'feel-good\' factor for a day (or even a week) could possibly compare

to living your life. For every 50 times that it\'s as sh&amp;t as it can possibly be (or however you feel after

you put your heart on the line and get it trampled) that 1 time that it works out gives you more than all the

fetishistic fantasies of unrequited love you could collect in your days upon this planet.

But maybe that is

just me? I\'m currently riding the most beautiful wave of my life, merely around the fact that I saw

opportunities present themselves, so I put myself in the firing line. I\'d gladly be shot to tatters and cast out

to sea X10 the pains I\'ve already suffered just for the opportunity to live the way I\'m living now.

My

career (both academic and literal) is taking me away from the woman of my dreams (albeit, not forever) and I almost

made the mistake of \'living for the fantasy\' and I broke up with her - justifying it to myself that it was for

the best. I have since salvaged aforementioned wrong and put myself back on the line. In the name of living an

authentic life.

I\'m feeling trite now, so I\'ll be trite. Listen to WARNING by Incubus (on the album

\'Morning View\')

Not what changed my life, but expresses this view in very nice terms. Good chune,

too.

Steve

[Holmes]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
\"Actually, I\'m probably just going to go

home.\"

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

I\'ve used that one a few times. Hope \"she\"

wasn\'t using it for the same reason. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif



Holmes

[bjf]

Steve:

I don\'t disagree with anything your saying. I\'m also not trying to put a value on fantasies either

way just as I am not saying you\'ll only feel bad for a week or you\'ll feel bad for ever.

Just

pointing out why some people ultimately feel they have made a mistake by going after what they wanted, only to get

rejected. Hopefully Pancho will get to the point where this no longer happens to him. Even if he can\'t,

that\'s okay. Risk and reward usually go hand-and-hand.

[CptKipling]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
I\'m feeling trite now, so I\'ll be trite.

Listen to WARNING by Incubus (on the album \'Morning View\')

Not what changed my life, but expresses this

view in very nice terms. Good chune, too.

Steve

<hr /></blockquote><font

class=\"post\">
--------------------------------------------------------------
Warning

Bat your eyes girl
Be

otherworldly
Count your blessings
Seduce a stranger
What\'s so wrong with being happy
Kudos to those who see

through sickness

When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a

warning
Don\'t ever let life pass you by

I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it\'s made

illegal
When will we learn?
When will we change?
Just in time to see it all fall down

Those left standing will

make millions
Writing books on the way it should have been

When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life

had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don\'t ever let life pass you by

Floating in this cosmic

jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious
To the water
Starting to boil
No one flinches
We all float face

down

When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a

warning
Don\'t ever let life pass you by

--------------------------------------------------------------



/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif

[xxxPantero]

Pancho

1.) Your writing is [censored] amazing. Clear and honest, and I can put myself in your shoes. Publish a

diary, write a [censored] book. You\'d be great.

2.) [censored] \'em. Either they\'re interested or not,

big deal. Sometimes it develops over time, sometimes it\'s instant, sometimes it never happens. Just take it as it

goes.

3.) I\'ve been rejected by far more women than I\'ve actually picked up. So what? Edison failed about

some 100 times before he succeeded at inventing the light bulb. Big fuckin\' deal! [censored], at least you\'re

out there, doing something about your situation. Oh well, one of your coworkers doesn\'t dig you a certain way.

There are billions of other women out there, half of which will be more interested in you than you are in

them.

4.) I could give you a 2-page reading list, a big load of advice, quote David DeAngelo, Ross Jerries and

others, but [censored] it - from what I\'ve seen, I like who you already ARE. Don\'t change because some woman

isn\'t into you. She has her own reasons. If you want some basic understanding of this crap, the simplest and

cheapest and least extreme thing I could think of you to get is:

THIS (\"http://www.getgirls.com/manguide.htm\"). Every other \"Seduction Guide\" or crap like that is

like a Bible, with their \"this way is the only way\" mentality - even the ones I like. But this one\'s nice,

short, and to-the-point. Looks like a scam, but is nice and returnable if you don\'t like it.

By the way,

that\'s the only good thing I\'ve seen on that site, everything else was, in my not-so-humble-opinion, crap. The

pheromones had a nice musk smell, but don\'t compare to Bruce\'s products or service. So don\'t waste your

money on anything else.

[Icarus]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Man is the hunter; woman the game

<hr

/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

you gotta be kidding me.

[xxxPantero]

No, I\'m not.

[Icarus]

I

mean, you can\'t seriously believe that reflects reality?

[xxxPantero]

It\'s part of a poem, Icarus.
It\'s also congruent with my personality.

You can tell me all about females

being the ones that \"choose\" their mate, while the male is just looking to copulate. I don\'t care. I like the

quote, and it is how I feel sometimes.

What\'s your version of reality?

[Icarus]

I

believe the quote is \'Women is his Game\', but regardless:

I am not questioning your views, merely wondering

why you would choose it as your signature.

Taken out of the context of the poem it seems to devalue women.

[xxxPantero]

Is it now? I must have copied it down wrong.

I chose it as my signature because I like it. I don\'t see it as

devaluing women, or even that strong a quote, Why does it bother you that much?

[Icarus]

Long

answer short?

meh.

Steve

[xxxPantero]

lol, /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif whatever

[Bottle]

I

think...

&gt;Ding! Dong! the Witch is Dead (\"http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/\")

[Pancho1188]

The Daily Grind

By Pancho Rivera

\"I don\'t see nothin\' wrong...with a little bump and

grind...\" --- R. Kelly

Pheromones: A few drops of TE and a couple of inches of SOE.


It\'s another normal

morning of a normal day in a normal month of a normal year. I\'m just off to the daily grind...or am

I?

It\'s crowded on the bus, and I have to stand. I don\'t really mind, seeing as I sit all day at work.

I\'m checking out the people, as always, seeing the new and old faces...apparently, I\'m in a different

timeframe than usual because all the faces seem relatively new. I must be a few minutes late. People get up and

off, and I have to do my little dance to let people through with my gym bag that takes up more space than I

do...

A seat opens up. Nobody looks at it, and nobody who seems to need a seat more than I do is in my direct

vicinity. I wait a few more seconds and take the seat since nobody claimed it. I want to read this book I\'ve

been captivated by for days now. The bus lets a few more people on, and \"standing room only\" takes into effect,

leaving a bunch of people standing crunched together. I wonder how much they love having their personal space

indruded upon like that.

Speaking of personal space...

This lady stops in front of me and turns to the side

facing me. I almost don\'t even notice as this is happening because I\'m sucked into my book, but then things

start to get weird. Someone is trying to get off the bus, so the lady leans to my side and brushes up against

me.

\"No big deal,\" I think. \"It\'s nice to give someone space to get off.\"

Speaking about giving

someone space to get off...

The woman doesn\'t move back when the person exits. She\'s about a half an inch

from me, and she has plenty of room on the other side to move back. The bus starts forward, and the little shake

pushes her up against me and back again.

The bus is a bumpy ride down this rough road covered with steel plates

at areas...

Bump, bump, bump...

More and more...

At first it\'s a brush, but it becomes more of a

press...

I stop reading my book. I look slightly to the left, not trying to show any unpleasant reaction or stir

any unpleasant reaction. Her leg is bumping into my arm, and then her crotch starts bumping into my

shoulder...

What the hell?!?!?

I freeze to think this over. There is a girl rubbing up against me on a

bus...what are my options.

1. Look up and smile to show that I don\'t mind one bit.
2. Pretend I\'m still

paying attention to my book but show no signs whatsoever of pulling away.

I think about what would happen if I

look up. This is a dangerous situation. If I look up and give even the slightest hint that I\'m wondering what

the hell she\'s doing, she\'ll back off and this interesting moment will be over...or I could give the right

signal and something good will happen. I think about how many times the latter has ever happened in my entire

life.

As I\'m processing this, the bus continues its bumpiness. She\'s rubbing up against me, and my whole

body is going nuts. I suddenly remember how long it\'s been since I\'ve actually had physical contact other

than the handshake, pat on the back, and the like in a loooooooooooooong time...let alone intimate contact of this

nature. I also remember how long it\'s been since I\'ve felt any sort of sexual gratification...in any

manner...let\'s just say it\'s been too long...

It\'s nice to have physical contact with people. Society

today prevents such things and leaves many people starved of that important kind of communication. A lot of the

healing power of massages are simply in the basis of the power of human-to-human, skin-to-skin contact...

Anyway,

I try to go back to reading. I notice that I\'ve read the same three lines about six times now. Seven. Oh,

hell, I\'m not going to be able to process any information like this.

Bump, bump, bump...even between bumps I

can feel the presence of closeness, like when you play the game of \"Not touching (Pancho)\" and run your fingers

over someone without actually touching them but they can still feel it...

The bus makes a turn...this contact

lasts a good five seconds.

I\'m dying over here, but in a good way. I jokingly think about how funny it would

be if I tried to play the game and leaned to her side to get more contact when she shifted.

I think how this

could all be a coincidence. I mean, just because I\'m a raging lump of hormones that can literally feel his skin

releasing pheromones from this event...well, it certainly doesn\'t mean that she knows what\'s going on. This

could all be in my head.

The next stop leaves the bus a little emptier in the back and a little fuller in the

front...this obviously means that the people have to shift back. I figured that this was it. Oh, well, it was nice

while it lasted. I look up to see it happening.

\"Go ahead around me.\"

What?!?!?! She just told the

people in front of her to move around her...she won\'t leave this spot.



/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif

Okay, this can\'t all be a coincidence. Maybe I\'m John

Nash and my \"Beautiful Mind\" can find ways to connect everything, but this is just too much for even me to

believe.

Bump, bump, bump...

I\'m really enjoying this. I don\'t know if the pheromones are making her

unconsciously do this or what, but I obviously don\'t care at this point in time.

My earlier joking thought

turns to seriousness as I process this information. I start to lean my head over. I\'m only human, you

know...

I slowly make my way to seem like I\'m unconsciously starting to lean to the left...I think you can

guess what \"accidental\" contact I was looking for with that motion...

She looks around. Her stop is next.

She moves to the back of the bus and gets off. Nuts.

For all I know, she was getting off the whole time she was

on the bus...hey, you don\'t see me complaining...

PR

[Gossamer_2701]

P... A... N... C... H...

O..........................


Hey P... A...N... C... H... O....................



We're

waiting.......... :( ;) :D

[Pancho1188]

The

Instant Messenger Phase

By Pancho Rivera

I used to be an Instant Messenger guru.

Oh, I was a

suave one, alright. I was the man in my day. I've got an 'Instant Messenger personality', you could say. I

used to wish the world consisted of people walking around typing on little IM windows...and that's how we'd

communicate. I'd rule that world.

I've seduced a few women through Instant Messenger. The beautiful thing

about Instant Messenger is that...well, there are so many great things for a guy like me. I can think of exactly

how to word what I want to say. I can 'speak' perfectly. I am "in the zone". I can entertain for hours. I know

that the person on the other end of that IM screen is bored. That, of course, is what Instant Messenger was

designed for. Oh, yeah, like the phone, mail, and e-mail, it helps you to communicate and transact information

quickly...but let's get real.

Instant Messenger was made for spoiled (I use the term as if I were an elderly

man looking back on today's "automated" society) teenagers (+or- 6 years) who are bored. Nobody who had something

better to do would be sitting on Instant Messenger. Honestly...the minute something good would come up, you'd see

"gtg bye" pop up on the screen, and that'd be it.

Anyway, this was my specialty. People on Instant Messenger

want to chat with you. People on Instant Messenger judge you by personality, not looks. This has got

to be the greatest thing ever. The only thing that used to worry me back in the day when talking to people was that

I was bothering them. When you try to talk to someone at a party, on the street, at a restaurant, etc., they're

always doing those important things that keep them away from Instant Messenger. They're busy. They don't

want to be bothered, and if they do, I couldn't tell the difference.

Instant Messenger makes this obvious. "I

want to talk. I am bored. Please, some hot person talk to me."

Oh, I was the man in my day. I'd start up

conversations with girls relatively close to me just trying to meet someone nice I could talk to. Yeah, it was a

lonely time. I needed someone. The wonders of technology gave me exactly what I needed. I'd keep girls

enthralled with my witty banter and quick humor...I've conducted entire conversations by IMing movie sound clips

from my computer.

"Hello, hello," says Austin Powers...
"Hasta la vista, baby!" says the Terminator.
"I would

like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body," says George Costanza...

Oh, I had skills...

I've done some wild stuff over the Internet. Apparently, I'm a helluva romance writer... ;) ;) Now, I'm not

about to go into details with that, but let's just say that I don't argue, "Women like fantasy" without personal

experience to back it up... :D

I've even gotten girlfriends thanks to Instant Messenger. I've also gained

and lost friends. I recall the time that my friend's friend was screwing around on his computer while he was

primping, and I got to be flirty through Instant Messenger when she told me that he said she should say hi to me.

Now, I couldn't see myself doing that in person at the time...but good ol' Instant Messenger got me in the door,

and a scheduled time to hang out let me transition IM flirting to real-life sexual tension that I capitalized on

with moves that got me rounding the bases in no time.

I've had a letdown or two along the way. For instance,

the above relationship destroyed my friendship with the guy. As most people know, I'm an honest person, but not

everyone is like that, of course. I've been lied to and messed with, but I've also had a few one-night stands and

made a few friends along the way. I've had a lot of women fall for me, and you may make your own judgments as to

whether you believe such a thing is possible.

Let me add that the screenname "Pancho1188" is actually in the

Virginia state court system somewhere for one of my antics...that story is too long to post now and has a tragic

ending to it, actually...that was the turning point to my reign as super-awesome IM guy to the women of the world.

Although it wasn't my fault and I wasn't directly involved, someone was harmed...you wouldn't believe me if I

said the extent...because of me...and so Pancho hung up his screenname and called it quits with the IM world outside

of people he knew...

Yes, it was a good time and a bad time. I was addicted to IM, I flirted with so many girls

you'd think I wasn't the quirky, awkward guy I seem to present myself on here as my interaction with the opposite

sex.

I can't remember the last time I was on Instant Messenger. It seems like forever, and I don't feel a

need to go back. Apparently, I found a new place to vent my antics...

PR


This

post is dedicated to the construction of the new forum.

[Gossamer_2701]

Now that's what I'm

talk'in bout:cool:


I laughed .... I cried....

Great post Pancho!!!:D

[franki]

Yeah, don't take IM too serious..

;) :D

[Pancho1188]

McWhat?

By Pancho

Rivera

I hate when people try to make me look like a tool.

To give a little background on my story, I

eat relatively healthy, although I need to eat more than most people to keep my weight up for the amount of exercise

I do. I have cereal for breakfast, many times Total for the 100% of vitamins and minerals. I pack my lunch

with a sandwich, salad, fruit cup, and small but adequate dessert of cookies or wafers. I balance my dinner with

grains, meat and veggies to go with the dairy, fruit, and other things I had throughout the day. I eat well. I

exercise 5 days per week.

This might mean absolutely nothing to people watching a possible documentary.

I

didn't pack my lunch for the week on Sunday, so I usually get lazy and just buy for most of the week. I was

feeling a little guilty about the $$$ I was spending, so I decided to try to think of the best deal. Subway? ABP?

Chipotle? Hmmm...McDonald's? I haven't been there in a couple of months...I can buy off the dollar menu and save

some money. It's a few blocks, so I can take a walk in the balmy 90+ degree weather we're having. Sounds good.



I walk over. I don't like this McDonald's because there's always a guy workin' the door like a bouncer...only

trying to get money. Do I need this kind of stuff when I'm walking into McDonald's? Why does this guy think I'm

going into McDonald's...because the food's great? Hell, no. It's cheap. I'm trying to save money...if

I were to go to McDonald's and give the difference up, I'd be defeating the purpose of even going here. I don't

mean to sound frustrated with beggars, I'm just frustrated in general.

I check my order to find the cheapest

possible option. The Dollar Menu. What do they have? I want to feel full, so let's mix it up. Double

cheeseburger. McChicken. McValue Fries ("McValue Fries"??? What the---I mean, why don't you just call it,

"You're a cheap bastard, so here's the smallest possible size we offer"). Side Salad. Good combo. I'll go with

that.

$4.40 is my total bill. That's not bad...my usual bill buying lunch is ~$6-$7...and these are all

without buying beverages because I drink water...and seriously, I'm not paying $2 for ice...but my frugle nature

isn't the point of this story...sad as it is... Packing my lunch probably comes to around $3.00 or so, so if you

count the time it takes to make it and buy the stuff and everything, it's almost even.

(Per meal: lunch

meat...~$0.95... bread...~$0.10... salad...$0.75... dressing...$.25 (not sure)... 6 wafers or 4 cookies...$0.10 or

$.30... fruit cup...$.60-$.90 depending on type, size, etc...containers, etc...$.02...that's about $3.00 give or

take...plus prep time, washing the containers, etc.)

Yeah, I'm a little crazy about prices. I'm the guy who

goes 60% generic brand and 40% "whatever's on sale".

But I digress...

I walk out with my meal. I was going

to give the guy at the door a dime, but two girls were walking by and his attention was on them...so I keep walking.

Then, a camera crew accosts me about a 30-second interview regarding nutrition. Awesome! I'm so excited because

I'm all about nutrition and health and exercise. I can actually give intelligent feedback on the subject.



Unfortunately, I realize that they are there to catch people walking out of McDonald's. They don't give a crap

about me, they want to show how dumb people are to go and eat all of that fattening crap without regard to their

health. I am suddenly remembering every street quiz I've ever seen trying to make people look stupid.

I hate

when people try to make me look like a tool.

They ask me if I know anything about the food pyramid. I give an

answer like I was reading a textbook. I know about the "little fats", the 2-3 milk and meat, the 4-6 fruit and

veggies, the 9-11 grains (yeah, they might've changed it since I was in HS, but that's the way it was "back in the

day"). They ask me about my nutritional values. I try to express what I wrote in the first paragraph, but I am

very disoriented by the camera and the on-the-spot feeling I have...and then it happens. As I'm talking, the

camera man moves from my face, down to the McDonald's bag, and back to my face. I'm in a trap. F*ck.

I

suddenly have a vision of the end result of this. I see myself through the camera. I see the documentary now.

American's don't know jack or don't care about what they're eating, by some guy trying to spite fast food

chains. Not that I disagree with their stance, but I am becoming a pawn in the war on unhealthy food. I see them

talking about how Americans eat unhealthy...I see them talking about people who say they eat healthy and know about

health but eat bad food anyway. I see my face reciting the food pyramid and how I eat healthy while the camera

"innocently" moves just to show that I'm preaching health with a McDonald's bag in my hand. Yes, it is a

beautiful documentary piece...and I look like a dumb, ignorant American. I'm in a catch-22. I either look like an

unhealthy, ignorant freak or an intelligent person who doesn't practice what he preaches. They have me. Damn them

all to hell. I switch from realistic vision to the unrealistic one of me taking out the camera man by punching him

so hard that he doesn't know what his name is...

...but I must remain focused. It's time for "Damage

Control". I won't only look like an idiot, but I'll try to paint a better picture of myself and hope they don't

edit it out to the only one part where I say I eat healthy and know the food pyramid off by heart but am holding a

McDonald's bag in my hand. I should just pull out the side salad I ordered and show them what I actually bought.

Anyone who sees those bags...yes, bags, I needed two because side salads always get their own bags...will see

a Big Mac and Super-Sized Fries with enough calories to replace Jared's hundreds of pounds from the Subway diet.



I list what I can about what I eat. I notice I say, "ummm..." a lot because I can't think of the right words.

Damn my introverted self that I lose my verbal prowess on-the-spot compared to when I write or have time to

think...I talk about my Total and a banana for breakfast...my balanced dinner...the fact that I came here

because it's cheap. I should've made a stand by saying that if they came out with "Healthy Fast Food" where you

could get a fruit cup, veggies and fat-free dip, and a sandwich for $4, I'd eat that every day.

The interview

ended by asking me how important a healthy diet was. I am smarter than they're trying to make me look with my

McDonald's bag in my hand. Who is this guy to try to get people to judge me, anyway? This guy has me by about 60

lbs. of...well, we'll just say that it wasn't muscle. I can tell he hasn't seen the gym in a while. That's

it...

"Well, a healthy diet isn't the only part you should be focusing on. You need to mix diet and exercise

to really be a healthy person. I work out 5 days a week."

Yeah, stick it to the man, b!tch. If any part that

makes me look intelligent stays in that interview, I can guarantee you that it will be that. I may be proving their

point that people need diet and exercise in their lives while avoiding crap like McDonald's. Well, at least this

wasn't a total hit to my pride.

The interview is over. The lady there thanks me a lot for a great interview.

They all thought it was good, apparently.

"You had to catch me the one day I go to McDonald's," I

said...

"Oh, that's okay..." she said.

Yeah, it's okay so you'll make me look like an idiot. I walk

away, running the slug in the face again through my mind to get my mind off of the potential bad ways they could

edit that to make me look dumb. I noticed that I never even asked them what it was for or anything...

I hate

when people try to make me look like a tool.

I just hope I'm wrong...but I still want to break that camera

man's face.

Look for me in the upcoming documentary, The Stupid People who Think They Know about Health but

Eat at McDonald's...

PR

[franki]

:D See it like this: slim people can

afford to go to McD's. :D

[nonscents]

The McD's piece was too good!

It's so far out it must be true.

[Elana]

(Per meal: lunch

meat...~$0.95... bread...~$0.10... salad...$0.75... dressing...$.25 (not sure)... 6 wafers or 4 cookies...$0.10 or

$.30... fruit cup...$.60-$.90 depending on type, size, etc...containers, etc...$.02...that's about $3.00 give or

take...plus prep time, washing the containers, etc.)



What are you, six years old? :D
Wafer cookies

and a fruit cup? :D :D :D

[KittyClair]

What are you, six

years old? :D
Wafer cookies and a fruit cup? :D :D :D


WTF is a fruit cup, :D ...is that like

for lazy people who cant peel their own fruit? I dont even notice stuff like that when I shop, my mind dosnt

register useless things.

[Elana]

It's a little treat for kids

:D
Fruit salad in a cute little plastic cup

[Sexyredhead]

I happen to like fruit cups!

Especially the little pineapple tidbit ones. :D


(Pineapple is another thing that doesn't mix well with

latex paint. :D )

[KittyClair]

McWhat?



By Pancho Rivera

I hate when people try to make me look like a tool.

To give a little

background on my story, I eat relatively healthy, although I need to eat more than most people to keep my weight up

for the amount of exercise I do. I have cereal for breakfast, many times Total for the 100% of vitamins and

minerals. I pack my lunch with a sandwich, salad, fruit cup, and small but adequate dessert of cookies or wafers.

I balance my dinner with grains, meat and veggies to go with the dairy, fruit, and other things I had throughout the

day. I eat well. I exercise 5 days per week.

This might mean absolutely nothing to people watching a

possible documentary.

I didn't pack my lunch for the week on Sunday, so I usually get lazy and just buy for

most of the week. I was feeling a little guilty about the $$$ I was spending, so I decided to try to think of the

best deal. Subway? ABP? Chipotle? Hmmm...McDonald's? I haven't been there in a couple of months...I can buy

off the dollar menu and save some money. It's a few blocks, so I can take a walk in the balmy 90+ degree weather

we're having. Sounds good.

I walk over. I don't like this McDonald's because there's always a guy

workin' the door like a bouncer...only trying to get money. Do I need this kind of stuff when I'm walking into

McDonald's? Why does this guy think I'm going into McDonald's...because the food's great? Hell, no. It's

cheap. I'm trying to save money...if I were to go to McDonald's and give the difference up, I'd be

defeating the purpose of even going here. I don't mean to sound frustrated with beggars, I'm just frustrated in

general.

I check my order to find the cheapest possible option. The Dollar Menu. What do they have? I

want to feel full, so let's mix it up. Double cheeseburger. McChicken. McValue Fries ("McValue Fries"??? What

the---I mean, why don't you just call it, "You're a cheap bastard, so here's the smallest possible size we

offer"). Side Salad. Good combo. I'll go with that.

$4.40 is my total bill. That's not bad...my usual

bill buying lunch is ~$6-$7...and these are all without buying beverages because I drink water...and seriously, I'm

not paying $2 for ice...but my frugle nature isn't the point of this story...sad as it is... Packing my lunch

probably comes to around $3.00 or so, so if you count the time it takes to make it and buy the stuff and everything,

it's almost even.

(Per meal: lunch meat...~$0.95... bread...~$0.10... salad...$0.75... dressing...$.25 (not

sure)... 6 wafers or 4 cookies...$0.10 or $.30... fruit cup...$.60-$.90 depending on type, size, etc...containers,

etc...$.02...that's about $3.00 give or take...plus prep time, washing the containers, etc.)

Yeah, I'm a

little crazy about prices. I'm the guy who goes 60% generic brand and 40% "whatever's on sale".

But I

digress...

I walk out with my meal. I was going to give the guy at the door a dime, but two girls were

walking by and his attention was on them...so I keep walking. Then, a camera crew accosts me about a 30-second

interview regarding nutrition. Awesome! I'm so excited because I'm all about nutrition and health and exercise.

I can actually give intelligent feedback on the subject.

Unfortunately, I realize that they are there to

catch people walking out of McDonald's. They don't give a crap about me, they want to show how dumb people are to

go and eat all of that fattening crap without regard to their health. I am suddenly remembering every street quiz

I've ever seen trying to make people look stupid.

I hate when people try to make me look like a tool.



They ask me if I know anything about the food pyramid. I give an answer like I was reading a textbook. I know

about the "little fats", the 2-3 milk and meat, the 4-6 fruit and veggies, the 9-11 grains (yeah, they might've

changed it since I was in HS, but that's the way it was "back in the day"). They ask me about my nutritional

values. I try to express what I wrote in the first paragraph, but I am very disoriented by the camera and the

on-the-spot feeling I have...and then it happens. As I'm talking, the camera man moves from my face, down to the

McDonald's bag, and back to my face. I'm in a trap. F*ck.

I suddenly have a vision of the end result of

this. I see myself through the camera. I see the documentary now. American's don't know jack or don't care

about what they're eating, by some guy trying to spite fast food chains. Not that I disagree with their

stance, but I am becoming a pawn in the war on unhealthy food. I see them talking about how Americans eat

unhealthy...I see them talking about people who say they eat healthy and know about health but eat bad food anyway.

I see my face reciting the food pyramid and how I eat healthy while the camera "innocently" moves just to show that

I'm preaching health with a McDonald's bag in my hand. Yes, it is a beautiful documentary piece...and I look like

a dumb, ignorant American. I'm in a catch-22. I either look like an unhealthy, ignorant freak or an intelligent

person who doesn't practice what he preaches. They have me. Damn them all to hell. I switch from realistic

vision to the unrealistic one of me taking out the camera man by punching him so hard that he doesn't know what his

name is...

...but I must remain focused. It's time for "Damage Control". I won't only look like an

idiot, but I'll try to paint a better picture of myself and hope they don't edit it out to the only one part where

I say I eat healthy and know the food pyramid off by heart but am holding a McDonald's bag in my hand. I should

just pull out the side salad I ordered and show them what I actually bought. Anyone who sees those bags...yes,

bags, I needed two because side salads always get their own bags...will see a Big Mac and Super-Sized Fries

with enough calories to replace Jared's hundreds of pounds from the Subway diet.

I list what I can about

what I eat. I notice I say, "ummm..." a lot because I can't think of the right words. Damn my introverted self

that I lose my verbal prowess on-the-spot compared to when I write or have time to think...I talk about my

Total and a banana for breakfast...my balanced dinner...the fact that I came here because it's cheap. I

should've made a stand by saying that if they came out with "Healthy Fast Food" where you could get a fruit cup,

veggies and fat-free dip, and a sandwich for $4, I'd eat that every day.

The interview ended by asking me

how important a healthy diet was. I am smarter than they're trying to make me look with my McDonald's bag in my

hand. Who is this guy to try to get people to judge me, anyway? This guy has me by about 60 lbs. of...well, we'll

just say that it wasn't muscle. I can tell he hasn't seen the gym in a while. That's it...

"Well, a

healthy diet isn't the only part you should be focusing on. You need to mix diet and exercise to really be a

healthy person. I work out 5 days a week."

Yeah, stick it to the man, b!tch. If any part that makes me

look intelligent stays in that interview, I can guarantee you that it will be that. I may be proving their point

that people need diet and exercise in their lives while avoiding crap like McDonald's. Well, at least this wasn't

a total hit to my pride.

The interview is over. The lady there thanks me a lot for a great interview. They

all thought it was good, apparently.

"You had to catch me the one day I go to McDonald's," I

said...

"Oh, that's okay..." she said.

Yeah, it's okay so you'll make me look like an idiot. I

walk away, running the slug in the face again through my mind to get my mind off of the potential bad ways they

could edit that to make me look dumb. I noticed that I never even asked them what it was for or anything...



I hate when people try to make me look like a tool.

I just hope I'm wrong...but I still want to break

that camera man's face.

Look for me in the upcoming documentary, The Stupid People who Think They Know

about Health but Eat at McDonald's...

PR

ohh Pancho, you are so cute.


a big

strapping lad like you with his lil' fruity Cupy....arrrr weeee weeee cutie pie....let me give you a big huggy

woOoOo

[Pancho1188]

A

Little Bit of Subtlety
A Pheromone Post

By Pancho Rivera

I have been constantly reminded of

my lack of pheromone-related posts, so here we go:

I've been using ~4 drops of TE and ~4" of SOE (more or less

on both, I think I use less than that because I may not be using full drops or full inches due to how I apply) for a

while now, and it seems to get me more "presence". If you're looking to improve your status in society, this is a

decent combo.

Now, I can't account for the fact that I've been trying to wear clothes that accentuate my

figure, but I've gotten the occasional look and receive smiles from people at work. I've noticed that my boss will

stop by just to say hi and mention something and then have an awkward goodbye because there's nothing else to say.

Now, maybe I'm just awkward, I don't know. I don't really use cover scents because the SOE has a nice fragrance

to it, and I spread the TE to a point where it's too subtle to even notice. When I do cover, I usually use one

spray of cologne (don't ask me what kind because I really don't know and don't care...although one is Tommy

Hilfiger, the other is "NFL Cologne" with the 49ers on it I got like 7 years ago or so as a gift...). I personally

don't like too much if any cologne because it's just powerful stuff and eminates around you. I don't want to be a

walking perfume department...maybe I should change my tune. I don't know.

That all being said, I have noticed

people looking my way here and there. I notice that when I don't wear it, I can become almost invisible and left

out of conversations. That can happen, anyway, if I'm tired and have nothing to provide in way of interesting

banter, but what an old friend called the "sidewalk effect", where three people will always lead to two people and a

third doing a dance to keep up with the group, I was always that third guy until I wore -mones. I remember the last

time this gorgeous girl was talking to me and there was a third guy, someone she seemed to know better than me...I

was thinking, "Oh, no...now with this third guy here, I'm screwed..." Somehow, though, we came out of that

elevator, and I was the #1 man next to her carrying on the conversation. I remember a split attention as I was

talking to her and thinking about how I was the man by actually being the guy to keep the conversation going

with her while the #2 guy was falling behind and leaving the conversation.

Yeah, bitch. :)

In conclusion, TE

and SOE make a good combination.

PR

[Pancho1188]

The Birth

of the Mack
A little bit of everything...

By Pancho Rivera


Dear Tallmacky,

Hey, big

guy! :wave: So, I was surfing the forum :type: and heard it through the grapevine (or the long thread dedicated to

you...and a post before that...and the Love-Scent announcement...you get what I mean :rasp: ) that it was...of all

things...your birthday. I thought,

"Wow...Welcomehttp://66.45.239.2

27/forum/images/smilies/ls/welcome.gif (http://66.45.239.227/forum/misc.php?do=getsmilies&wysiwyg=1&forumid=17#) to the world of being 19. It's a trip. Cheers. :cheers:"

I

was thinking, "Good post. :goodpost:" I was all proud of myself...but no! :nono: That's not good

enough for Tallmacky!!! What was I thinking?!?!? :trout: I had to think of the post beyond posts... :think: One that

could top everything... :rant: What could that possibly be?!?!? Think, Pancho, think!!!

http://66.45.239.227/forum/image

s/smilies/ls/frustrated.gif (http://66.45.239.227/forum/misc.php?do=getsmilies&wysiwyg=1&forumid=17#)

What do you get for the man who worships :box: the star female of this

forum? Who's absolutely infatuated...

http://66.45.239.227/forum/image

s/smilies/ls/lovestruck.gif (http://66.45.239.227/forum/misc.php?do=getsmilies&wysiwyg=1&forumid=17#) You'd be totally whipped if they were actually together... :whip: ...but

I'm sure that sounds perfectly fine to both of you... :rofl:

I'm thinking so hard, it's making me sick...

http://66.45.239.227/forum/image

s/smilies/ls/sick.gif (http://66.45.239.227/forum/misc.php?do=getsmilies&wysiwyg=1&forumid=17#) I can't do what everyone else has done... Elana probably gave you a kiss...

:kiss: Aww, how sweet for the Big Mack... :wub:

I thought of something...it's at the tip of my tongue...it's

poking at me... :POKE: I know! 19 konks on the head! :hammer: ...and one to grow on!!!

:twisted: ...and then we

throw him off a 19-story building into a pool filled with jello! Then the members of the forum will get dead drunk

:drunk: and dance around the pool singing, "I'm Henry VIII, I am" over and over again...with the words changed like

this:

I'm Macky the Great, I am
Macky the Great, I am, I am
I got married to Elana last night
She didn't

even try to run :run: or fight
And everyone yells, "Macky!" ("Macky!")
Macky the Great, I am, I am
Macky

the Great, I am...

Second verse...same as the first!!!

Wait a second... :blink: I'm not mean enough :smite:

to throw Tallmacky off of a 19-story building... He's been nothing but good to me. :angel: What kind of friend

would I be??? :sad:

Wait a second...by debating my thoughts, I just gave Tallmacky one nice present. I dedicated

an entire posting to him using all of the new smilies. Alright! :thumbsup: Happy birthday, buddy! :lol:

PR

[SweetBrenda]

*Waitng on

UpDate*:blink:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[einstein]

I'd love to see another chapter

too. But it seems Pancho has gone silent for a few weeks. :(

[SweetBrenda]

I'd love to

see another chapter too. But it seems Pancho has gone silent for a few weeks. :( am with you einstein

I'd love to read an update. Pancho come out come out where ever you are. Hope you're doing

fine.

Brenda

[Pancho1188]

Scientific Proof of Pheromones

By Pancho Rivera

The following question raises the concept of

attraction that I am so compelled to answer that I may just enlighten a few minds with the wonders of human

behavior:


Is there any scientific proof of pheromone product increasing the

perceived attractiveness of the wearer?
If pheromone products really

worked then such a study would easily increase sales tremendously.
All

I see here is anecdotic evidence, and anecdotic evidence is almost no evidence at all.
I am looking for scientific proof for the beneficial effect of specific pheromone

products.The subject of pheromone products is an issue that begs an even larger question: How

do I attract the opposite sex?

I'll tell you that, historically speaking, this has been the most important

question to ever arise in human thought. You may think I am exaggerating, and maybe I am...but the number one goal

that we can 'scientifically prove' exists for the human race or any other life forms containing two sexes that

must mate in order to carry on the species is that humans, as a species, try to attract the opposite sex in order to

mate and produce offspring. After all, religion, civilization, and a slight genetic modification that leads one to

become attracted to the same sex aside, the basic life drive in every species is to live, mate, procreate, and

protect the next generation.

Now, why am I bothering you with historical theories as to the origin of the

species, human psychology, and the very question of the purpose of our existence? Let's scale this down a little.



Basically, you're at this site and forum to learn more about pheromones, right? The question is, "Do they work?"

You're thinking it. I'm thinking it. We're all thinking it if we're at this site. Well, I'll tell you flat out

that there is no way you're going to be able to 'scientifically prove' that pheromones will absolutely and

without a doubt make you more attractive to the opposite sex. How can I make such a bold statement? Easy...and I'll

support it with a proverb:

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

This quite possibly sums up everything you

can say about what will get you laid.

I will compare pheromones to every other product known to man---or just

four, whichever comes first---that will make you more likely to get laid.

Clothes - Will they get you laid?

Maybe. If you clean yourself up and flaunt around in your new Armani suit, FUBU/A&F/Hilfiger/Old Navy/Banana

Republic (this is surely dating this post if this becomes the new explanation of pheromones) outfit, some lucky man

or woman may just like your style. They may think it's a show. They may think you're an idiot for spending $200 on

a shirt. They may think that means you'll spend $200 on one of his or hers. The best thing I can say is to get

something that fits your personality and style. Go with it, and if a man or woman doesn't like you for who you are,

then that's their problem because there are so many people out there.

Makeup - Will it get you laid? I've seen

so many women wear tons of makeup and look incredibly disgusting. I've seen women wear just the right combination

to be knockouts. I personally love natural beauties who look fine without any and are comfortable with that. In

other words, makeup won't make you any more likely to get laid with me, but it'll certainly give you a shot with a

lot of guys out there. If it makes you feel better about yourself, more power to you.

Money, a Fancy Car,

Jewelery, 'Bling Bling' - Will this get you laid? Maybe. It certainly doesn't hurt, but don't let it go to your

head. "Money can't buy me love." But it could get you a night with someone...if you're into that sort of thing.



Perfume/Cologne - Will this get you laid? Maybe. Wearing too much cheap cologne will repel people faster than two

electromagnets set at the same polarity---or wearing a leisure suit, talking like Gilbert Godfrey, and having an

unhealthy obsession with Gary Coleman. On the other hand, just the right scent can send a person into a heavenly

state of bliss that will have them melting into your hands. As unlikely as either two of those situations are, the

most likely outcome is some people will like the scent and others won't. Obviously, you may be targeting one

person, in that case you try to find out what he or she likes through experimentation. "I wonder if (s)he'll

compliment me on this scent? Hmmm..."

Is there scientific fact that money, clothes, makeup, perfume, or anything

else will guarantee an increase in your sexual activity over the course of the year? Unless you're paying for 365

sexual encounters and 366 on a leap year, I don't think so. I do, however, believe that they wouldn't hurt and to

try them if it does the following things that I've touched on in these humorous analyses:

1. Get something that

fits your personality and style.
2. If it makes you feel better about yourself, more power to you.
3. It certainly

doesn't hurt, but don't let it go to your head.
4. The most likely outcome is some people will like it and others

won't.

Wow, those four points somehow align with things you should consider with pheromone usage.

And now,

without further ado, I will answer the eternal question:

Pheromones - Will they get you laid? Maybe. A nice

subtle bodily signal that sends friendly, sensual messages to those around you saying, "Hey, I'm interesting," will

get you noticed. People not looking for anything probably won't notice you in a sexual manner, but maybe with a

hint of something that stirs their primative urges, they'll take a second look. They'll think. They'll

wonder...and that, my friend, is just the edge that you get. Sometimes, that's all the edge a person requires to

make a successful social or sexual encounter.

Go with something that suits you. Go with what you think that

person would like. If it makes you feel good about yourself, or causes the infamous placebo effect, what's the

difference? Confidence is sexy, and if confidence came in a small bottle, I'd buy it. Some people buy expensive

stuff or get plastic surgery to feel like better people. This costs a lot less than a nose job, and it'll certainly

be less painful. Don't let it go to your head, though, because you'll either be expecting a magical transition to

'super stud' and be disappointed or be acting like you're 'super stud' and get passed off as full of yourself.

The most likely outcome is that some people will like it and some won't. You shouldn't care about those who

aren't interested, and those that are...well, go get 'em, tiger.

Will they work for you? I don't know. You

could always try...after all, people have done dumber and crazier things to attract the opposite sex.

Men have

fought wars, risen to positions of greatness, killed, been killed, lied, cheated, stolen, and millions of other

things to get women.

Women have worn corsets...enough said.

PR

[TopDawg2050]

What you wear can completely

change you, i agree. You've seen movie stars without theyre makeup, movie crews can take the worst of people and,

quite literally, make them movies stars

[Holmes]

Gilbert

Godfrey

The whiney little black guy in those 7-uP commercials? :D

[SweetBrenda]

:wave: Hello

*~Pancho~*
Is nice to have you back from time to time. I really enjoy reading your long

& nice posts. Definately someone I would love to get to know a lot more...You are very interesting & not forgetting

lovable & pretty sincere from what I read.. Were you using phermones while you were writting this?

:lovestruc

[Pancho1188]

Back in the

Game

By Pancho Rivera

"I'm back, baby!" --- George Costanza

It's been a long time. A long time.

I remember the last time I flirted with my ex. We met for the first time at a party. I was a little tipsy, and that

was not the norm for me. I remember watching her play beer pong, and she was on a roll. I walked up like I was all

cool and complimented her on her shot.

"What a good shot. Look at that arc! What a release!"

I mimic her

hand motion as I pretend to take a shot. I'm not sure what the hell I was doing, but apparently, she liked it. I

had her Instant Messenger screenname by the end of the night, and I was super excited. I had no idea what would

become of this, but like G-Unit, "I wanna get to know you." Those were some good times. I couldn't wait until the

next time we hung out together.

It's been 22 months since then. It's also one year since I made love to her

and almost ten months since I could call her my girlfriend (the last two months I was away, and then she broke up

with me a few days after I returned). I have had a girl that really liked me since then, but I didn't really want

her in that way. It's been a long time since I've been in the game. That time may be coming to an end.

This

girl walks by my cubicle. She just started working here recently, and I ask her how she's doing. She tells me that

she needs me to help her with something, and I do so. Her desk is being moved close to mine, and I welcome her as a

future neighbor.

She moves in today, and I help her configure her monitor settings to fit her computer. I

receive an e-mail shortly after thanking me for helping her twice. I'm very glad this nice person moved close to me

because my friend was moving to another place shortly. My friend mentions to her to find an 'e-mail buddy' to

exchange witty banter with to keep spirits high. I don't know if he was doing me a favor, but it crossed my mind

that he was hooking me up. We e-mail each other...I e-mail her with witty comments such as my changing popular song

lyrics to fit random events and quoting movies, and she replies with something cheerful here and there.

We talk

occasionally, and I find myself trying too hard as always. I finally just lay back and let things happen. I see a

person or two pass by and talk to her. She tells me she likes it over where I am because people are actually social.

I know, I have the cool area...designated as such ever since my friend and I started here.

This one guy starts

talking to her frequently...I find myself getting jealous once or twice. I'm not sure why, but you can guess. I get

over it, however, and go about my business.

The talking continues, and I offer such things as to help her move

her things and go take a walk sometime. She smiles and says she might take me up on my offers. Is this a good sign?

I hope so...

It has been a good day today...productive and social. I have my SOE on, and I have no doubt that

this is contributing to the well-being around me. I ask her what she's doing this weekend. We talk about the game

I'm going to Saturday, my relaxing Sunday, and her plans. She has to finish something, so I retreat back to my

desk.

I'm sitting here trying to finish something before I leave for the weekend. I think about helping her

next weekend. I was going to ask about this weekend, but she sounded busy. Suddenly, she gets up and looks at me. I

smile and look at her. The next thing suprises me to no end:

"If I have free time this weekend, I might be going

to a museum if you want to go."

What?!?!?!? I can't believe my ears. It only took two seconds for my

whole world to change. Then again, nothing really changed. It's all perspective, I guess. This whole process feels

very familiar...

"Sure, that sounds fun. Do you want me to give you my number?"

She has a piece of paper in

her hands. I guess that answers my question.

"No, here's mine. Just give me a call, and I'll figure out if I

have time to go do something."
"Okay, and then you can applaud me."
"Why's that?"
"Well, I told you before that

my philosophy is, 'Well, if they want to talk to me, they'll call me.'"

She tells me just to call her and we

can see what's up. I'm looking at the paper with her number on it. Wow, this is a big development. It suddenly

becomes a whole lot hotter in this office. That fuzzy feeling overcomes me.

I realize the office 'dance' that

one has to undergo when in these situations. I take this as a signal that office = subtle, but outside of this I

have to be a man and take action. I can live with that.

Now, I can't promise anything. I'd like to just hang

out and have a work and activity buddy...but I guess that feeling I get is like a signal of what stuff like this

does to me...

Wow, I am suddenly back in the game. When the hell did that happen?

PR

[Pancho1188]

A

Temporary Inconvenience

By Pancho Rivera

I was supposed to go hang out with this girl on Sunday. I

had been psyched since Friday when she made the suggestion. On Saturday, I went to a soccer game. I was in the sun

all day with no sun screen. Sometimes you just forget these things. I came home looking like a raddish. I was so

red that I could've convinced people that a new skin color existed. I could've started a new form of

discrimination: "Hey, red. Hey, reddie red-red. Hey, red-face. Hey, you stupid rosa. Yeah, that's right...you

red bastard!"

I was fried. Man, it looked pretty bad. I was freaked out that I looked dumb and she would be

embarrassed to be seen with me. What did I do? I called her up, left a message saying that I was wondering if she

was still going out and if I would be accompanying her, and then jokingly told her that I had a fun time yesterday

but got completely sunburned so I hoped she wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen with me.

We ended up going out,

and we had a great time. I even forgot that I was sunburned. That allowed me to be natural, and everything turned

out fine. I could only imagine what I'd have done had I cancelled out. If I see a chance, I take it. The only

one obsessed with my own shortcomings is me.

I've gotten the, "Looks like you've got some sun," and, "Wow, you

got sunburned," but nobody ever gave me anymore of a hard time than that. I don't even care. In fact, that

particular ailment makes for a good conversation starter.

I get pimples/zits/whatever a lot. I don't even

worry about it. That stuff comes and goes, and I don't even notice anymore except for when it hurts. I have

freckles, so I guess that helps because my face is full of dots, anyway.

In other words, I would rather seize an

opportunity to be with someone and have a good time than to let something stupid like that get in the way. If I

felt bad, I would apologize for it, get the, "Oh, it's no big deal," reassurance from the person I was with, and

forget about it. Otherwise, I would just go on without even mentioning it. There's only so many times someone

will go out of their way to talk to you and get rejected...

Obstacles, problems, and ailments go away, but

you'll always be there.

PR

[Pancho1188]

Experience

is the Key
A post of realization for the generation gap

By Pancho Rivera

With age

comes experience. It is the natural progression of things. You can tell people to do something, but until they

actually do it they will never understand what the hell you are talking about. My major is a perfect example of

this. I was a finance major, and they didn't teach me jack about making money in the stock market. Hell, they

didn't teach me much of anything. The first thing they admit is that they couldn't tell you how to win in the

stock market game, they could only teach you the principles of the stock market and hope that you learn how to do

the best you can with the knowledge of the fundamentals. Life works by the same rules.

You can teach children

how to live. You can tell boys how to pick up girls. They won't know what the hell you are talking about. They

won't be able to do it without experience. All you can do is lay out the principles of relationships and hope that

by understanding the fundamentals they can learn how to maximize the benefits of this knowledge by applying it to

their lives in combination with their experiences.

People are listening. They just don't have the experience

to apply the principles. One day, they will. When the time comes, they will become wise and try to pass on that

knowledge to the next generation, wondering why the hell the kids don't understand or listen to what they're

talking about. After all, now that you have the experience, the method seems easy. Remember, it's not. It only

seems that way when you've had so much experience that you can't remember life any other way.

Instead of

giving them a verbal smackdown and telling them how easy it is, which only makes people mad and resentful, maybe

it's easier to sympathize and tell them how it's hard until you get experience with it, and the key is to

encourage them to keep trying until it becomes easier. It's almost as hard watching others struggle as it was to

struggle yourself with the same problem only a short time ago.

Life is hard. If it wasn't hard, everybody

would succeed. The hard is what makes all of the hell you went through to get there worth it.

PR

[Mtnjim]

Ya' know, the difference between an

old person and a young 'un is:

The old person has had the time to make the stupid mistakes a young 'un

hasn't gotten around to yet!! :hammer: :rofl:

[Pancho1188]

The Keys
Proof

that life is sometimes a series of strange coincidences

By Pancho Rivera



I went to the gym, gave my keys to the lady, and noticed that she gave me my

locker key and didn’t replace my house keys on the hook. I went to my locker, and in the confusion of having to

find a place to put my stuff to change, I proceeded to put my stuff in another locker that was open because someone

apparently took the key back to the front desk without shutting

it.



The person who got that locker's key next came up from behind me, looked at

me and asked if I had the right locker, to which I shamefully started moving my stuff from his locker to mine. He

offered to just switch locker keys, but I declined because I knew that we’d get our keys mixed up at the front desk

and then it’d be a huge mess. I go to the front desk at the end of my workout, and my keys were not on the hook for

my locker number.



I couldn’t remember who took my key, but I specifically remembered that event

of her not replacing the locker key for my keys before she started servicing someone else. After almost ten minutes

of confusion, I finally noticed the one defining quality of my keys from the hundred others: my work cardkey. I got

my keys and went home.



After getting home, I almost set my keys somewhere else other than the place

that I usually put them, and I instinctively stopped myself because I didn’t want to lose my keys like the gym did.

I was going to watch a movie, but I remembered that my computer was screwed up and it wouldn’t play the DVD

properly. I therefore decided to watch an episode of Seinfeld that I hadn’t seen in a while, and after watching it

for a few minutes remembered today’s event. The episode I chose without realizing the connection: The Keys, where

Kramer abuses his key privileges, everyone switches spare key buddies, and Jerry loses his

keys.



Sometimes strange themes arise in different parts of your life. None of

these events would've happened on any other day, but they all happened at once on that particular day. Go

figure.



PR

[Snoopy]

"A Temporary

Inconvenience"

Pancho, to me, this is your greatest story yet. I'm 19 and ravaged by pimples. Since highschool,

I used to lock myself up at home and get depressed often because of my acne. I even thought about suicide. But after

years of missing out, I realized that there were some things that were just out of my control, and that I had to

live with. Now, I try my best to grab every opportunity I can. I admit, I still have my ups and downs, but they

aren't nearly as severe as before. Reading that story has only strengthened my confidence. Thank you!!

[Pancho1188]

Deja Vu

By Pancho

Rivera

Deja Vu

By Pancho Rivera

Rita: Have you ever had deja

vu?
Phil Connors: Didn't you just ask me that?

--- Groundhog Day




My whole life has come full circle. I have made many mistakes in my day, and they seem to have come back to haunt

me again. In fact, my very reason for being here...for writing this...it's all found a way to repeat itself. What

is going on here?

There are three people of interest to me between the past year and the year before that...a

big brother of sorts, a serious girlfriend, and another girl that played a major role yet didn't have the

importance she should have due to one reason or another...ironically, the last person's importance is in that

mixture of importance and lack of importance...or something like that.

My 'big brother'/best friend was the

closest relationship I had at the time. Something happened, and from then on we grew apart despite the fact that we

were still near enough to each other to hang out and do the things we did before. I guess life is funny like that

sometimes.

My girlfriend was part of a long story. We were instantly friends because we made a connection, and

we really liked each other. Developing a relationship would've been dangerous as to the circumstances we were in

at the time making it hard to be in a relationship being in the same organization.

Something happened, and we

hooked up. She went home and talked to her friends, and from then on we were strictly friends and she completely

avoided anything else. She barely wanted to even speak of it. We were friends for a while, and I eventually grew

tired as I knew I liked her more than that and I could tell by her actions that she liked me more and was just

afraid because both the organizational problem and the fact that she had been cheated on before and didn't want to

get hurt. I pushed and pushed. I even stopped talking to her for a while when she went out with this other guy

when I thought she'd finally go out with me. Almost six months of best friendship, and I somehow convinced her she

did actually like me and it was worth a shot.

We went out for six months, but when graduation approached, she

bolted. I was crushed, but I eventually got over it. Shortly after this, she developed an eating disorder, and I

gave whatever support I could to help her get better...I swallowed every ounce of pain and anger to help my best

friend...

During my horrible breakup, I met someone who was very much like myself and on the opposite side of

the spectrum as my ex. She had some of the same personal problems I had (not including this recent breakup thing).

She was there for me more than anyone could've asked for...and we were close occasionally (as in we hooked up), but

I continually apologized for my inability to get emotionally attached because of my recent breakup and approaching

graduation. She didn't trust or get emotionally attached to men, so it actually kind of worked out in some twisted

way. On a side note, I wished I could've helped her trust people but ironically was just another one of those

people who come and go in her life since I had to graduate and move on...

My TV broke. My bed (futon) broke,

but fortunately I was able to fix that. I had a slow start in my major, but eventually I came on strong and moved

up to the top of the class...straight A's after the disasterous first semester in Finance. I was lonely for a

period, but then activity started picking up and I had stuff to do every weekend...

Fast forward to job...



My start group partner/best friend was the closest relationship I had at the time. Something happened, and from

then on we grew apart despite the fact that we were still near enough to each other to hang out and do the things we

did before. I guess life is funny like that sometimes.

Two weeks after I started, a new person moves into the

desk close to me. She has 75% resemblance to my friend who I left just months before...like a haunting memory of

things past...

My good friend is part of a long story. We were instantly friends because we were new neighbors

at work and really liked each other. Developing a relationship would've been dangerous as to the circumstances we

were in at the time making it hard to be in a relationship being in the same office...same area even.

Something

happened, and there was a moment of awkwardness...even sexual tension. I went home and she talked to her friends,

and from then on we were strictly friends, from a 'preemptive rejection', if you will, and she completely avoided

anything else. She barely wanted to even speak of it. We have been friends for a while, and I eventually grew

tired as I knew I liked her more than that and I could tell by her actions that she liked me more and was just

afraid because both the organizational problem and the fact that she has other issues I am not aware of at the

moment. I stopped talking to her for a while when she tried to get me to go out with this other girl when I thought

she liked me.

My bed broke. My TV broke, but I can get that fixed. I'm having a slow start in my career, but

eventually I hope that I'll figure out where I should really be and flourish. I was lonely for a period, but then

activity started picking up and I had stuff to do every weekend...

My whole life is repeating itself. I'm

watching it before my very eyes. I don't know what to do. I'm looking at this girl, I know that this is the same

situation I was before, but I don't know how to handle it differently. Should I handle it differently? Will I

repeat the same mistakes I've made before? Am I a better man now or is this just another bump in the road of life?

What will happen?

I didn't kiss her when I had the chance this time. The same thing still happened. At least

last time I saw a little action before the girl freaked out. As always, I'm going to tell the truth about the

whole thing and lay it flat out for her. This time, I know the game. I've been there. I know exactly what

happened...even with the parts I wasn't there to witness. I'm going to call her on it. Am I right? Can I trust

myself that I know all that I know? What will happen? Will it even change anything? Am I going to really get to

liking this girl like before? I've been holding back because I noticed the same pattern.

All I know is that

this is really freaking me out. I don't know how to change things. I almost feel helpless, but at the same time I

feel like I have the chance to make different choices this time around...to learn, to grow. What would you do with

a second chance?

I sit staring at the wall. I ponder my place in life. I think about the psychological

significance of all of this information. This is too much for a mortal to process at once. What does it mean?

I'm not sure, but I guess I'm about to find out in due time...

You only live once...or do you?

PR

[Holmes]

Hmmm.

Karma? Blizzard,

perhaps?

Either way, I know what you mean.

[Pancho1188]

Memoirs of a Shaky Relationship

By Pancho Rivera

I'm sitting at my desk at the end of the day
I'm

staring at my e-mail and the words on display
I don't know the way, don't know what to say
I just keep thinking

maybe she's just quiet today

I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do
I read the message three

times and still don't have a clue
Is she mad? Is she sad? Is it bad?
I keep on hoping maybe she would tell me

she's glad

To hear from me about my plans for the weekend
And that I'd like to do something with her as a

friend
I don't think she gets it...I don't think she'd let it
Get to the point where we don't talk and then

just forget it

I think about how she's over it now I think and I frown
Don't see a way out I'm truly in

doubt
I wish I could think of a way to get me out of this pout

I think of my ex...I wonder what's next
I keep

on thinking how long it's been since I've had sex
I'm over it now...We've been through this now
I push it to

the back of my mind just for now

And then I stop and I wonder just how this whole blunder
Could shock through

my heart, bolt of lightning and thunder
I only had it for a second and I got the wrong signal
But the words chant

in my mind like on Christmas Eve vigil

I've seen it dwindle...been back in the game
Only to rekindle...what

used to be an old flame
Could you relight it...try to fight it...but despite it
You try to move on, get through

the day undecided

Your head is cloudy, eyes are pouty, smile's lousy
You can't go to sleep even though you

are drowsy
And then you get it, it comes to you in dreamland
You won't regret it, your decision is at hand



You make the final choice and you take a deep breath
You hope your resolution will hold 'til your death
Swallow

your pride, don't try to hide what you will find
Is that your will to do the right thing is lying deep inside



I wake up, shake my head, think I'm dead
'Til I look around and realize that another day's ahead
I think to

myself, "What a dream...could it be?"
Is that the only thing that stands between you and me?

I sigh 'til I

die, never told her a lie
But that's the kind of thing you have to learn how to try
You don't wanna cry, you

keep your face dry
I only think that people like you when you don't ask them why

I think to myself, "What

happened to me?"
When did I become full of sorrow...feel this eternally
I get up to leave, I roll up my

sleeve
And then I get myself going...what a wicked web we weave


PR

[Pancho1188]

The

Rationale
Logic for Living...Logic for Living Well

By Pancho Rivera

An

excerpt from 25th Hour:

*Looking in the Mirror*

"Heh, $%#* you too. $%#* me? $%#* you.

$%#* you and this whole city and everyone in it. $%#* the panhandlers grubbing for money and smiling at me behind my

back. $%#* the squeegee men dirtying up the clean winshield of my car, Get a $%#*in job. $%#* the *$%#@* and the

Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out of their pores, stinkin' up my day.

Terrorists in $%#*ing training --SLOW THE $%#* DOWN! $%#* the Chelsea Boys with their waxed chests and pumped up

biceps, going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jiggling their $%#*s on my Channel 35! $%#* the Korean

Grocers with their pyramids of over-priced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic, ten years in the

country still ‘no speaka English.’ $%#* the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafes, sipping tea

in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and scheming, go back where you $%#*ing

came from. $%#* the black Haddam in Hasidim strolling up and down 47th Street in their dirty gabardine with their

dandruff, selling South African Apartite Diamonds. $%#* the Wall Street Brokers, self-stout masters of the universe.

Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe $%#!#$%*@ figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those

Enron $%#$%#s to jail for $%#*ing life! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that $%#*? Give me a $%#*ing

break. Tyco, Inclone, Adelphia, Worldcom. $%#* the Puerto Ricans, twenty to a car swelling up the welfare, world's

worst $%#*in' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dumb-inicans, cause they make the Puerto

Ricans look good *wink*. $%#* the Benson Hearst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warmup suits, their

St. Anthony medallions, swinging like Jason Giambi, Louisville Slugger baseball bats, trying to audition for The

Sopranos. $%#* the Upper East Side wives with their hand made scarves, and their fifty dollar Gucci artichokes.

Over-fed faces, getting pulled and lifted and stretched all taut and shiny, You're not foolin' anybody,

sweetheart! $%#* the Uptown Brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take 5 steps

on every layup to the hoop, and then they wanna turn around and blame everything on the White man. Slavery ended One

Hundred and Thirty Seven years ago, move the $%#* on! $%#* the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and

their 41-shots, standing behind the Blue Wall of Silence, You betray our trust! $%#* the priests who put their

hands down some innocent child's pants. $%#* the church that protects them while delivering us to evil, and while

you're at it, $%#* J.C. He got off easy, a day on the cross, a weekend in Hell, and all the halleluias of the

leigoned angels for eternity. Try seven years in $%#*in' Otisville, J. $%#* Osama bin Laden, Al Quaeda, and

backward-$%#, cave dwelling fundamentalist $%#*%^&@ everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray

you spend the rest of eternity with your 72 whores, roasting in a Jet-Fueled fire in hell. You towel-headed Camel

Jockeys can kiss my royal Irish @$$! $%#* Jacob Elinski, whining, malcontent. $%#* Francis Xavier Slaughtery, my

best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend's @$$. $%#* Naturelle Rivera, I gave her my trust and she

stabbed me in the back, sold me up the river, $%#*in' bitch. $%#* my father, with his endless greed, standing

behind that bar, sipping on club soda, selling whiskey to firemen, and cheering the Bronx Bombers. $%#* this whole

city and everyone in it. From the rowhouses in Astoria to the Penthouses on Park Avenue. From the projects in the

Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenaments in Alphabet City to the brownstones in park to the split-levels on

Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it. Let the fires rage, let it burn to $%#*in ash, and let the waters rise

and submerge this whole rat infested place.

No.....No, $%#* you

Montgomery Brogan. You had it all and you threw it away, you dumb $%#*!"


I look in the mirror.

Look at that face. I haven't seen such mature youth...such pleasant sadness...such calm fury. I stand back...the

scrawny body of a muscular physique...I'd be the sexiest man alive if I wasn't this ugly. At the same time, I

don't know what people are missing because that guy I'm staring at is a hottie...he could be on the cover of a

magazine...so why is he looking in the mirror wondering what an ugly mug he has...

My life is horrible. I hate

my job, I hate my life, I hate who I am, how I think, what I do, where I'm from, what I don't have, what I take

for granted, what I prevent myself from doing out of fear, how I hesitate from indecision, how nothing that comes

out of my mouth makes sense and nothing I plan ever comes to fruition. I watch the man approaching behind me...he

puts the gun to my head and pulls the trigger. I watch myself fall to the floor, knowing my life is over. What

would happen then? Anything? Would anyone care? Would it even matter? Why does everything bad always happen to

me? When is my big break? When am I going to get mine? Why am I always going to be stuck like this? What the

hell is going on? Why can't I ever change anything and why can't anything ever work out for me? Why can't I

find a girl? Why am I so alone? Why can't this just be over already? Who is doing this to me? Why can't the

powers that be just give me what I want so I can be happy?

My life is great. I have a good job, I make enough

money to live comfortably, I like the people I work with, I like my friends and acquaintances, I am healthy, I have

a body that pretty much requires no maintenance besides food, water, and sleep, and I never have to worry about

where I'm going to sleep at night or how I'm going to live through until tomorrow. I eat well and have the luxury

of time to ponder things like how the Steelers did or who might win the election come November. I don't have a

girl right now, but I currently need to focus on other areas of my life right now and probably shouldn't have one,

anyway. I'm feeling well and I know I am both physically and mentally capable of anything I set my mind to do. I

am not sure what I want to do with my life, but most people don't. It's okay, I'll just find what makes me happy

and continue on the path to self-realization. Bad things will hinder my progress along the way, but that's okay

because I wouldn't appreciate the good things in life if they came too easily...I can do this, and nobody is going

to tell me otherwise. Hell, I can't wait to get up tomorrow so I can get that much further towards my goals in

life. The only one who has the power to shape my destiny is me. No one else is to blame for my situation in this

world anymore. I'll be damned if I'm going to hold myself back...


I ponder these two attitudes. One

extremely negative, the other extremely positive. I look at these thought processes. Both could apply to my life

at the same time. I could see things either way. Like my first thoughts, I could even think them at the same time,

creating oxymorons and hyperbole. What has changed? Nothing. Everything is the same, and yet I could have these

two (or three) extremely different viewpoints about my situation.


Who's to blame for your problems? Who has

the power to solve them? What will be your choice when it comes down to it? Choosing to do nothing is still a

choice. Choosing to give up is still a choice.

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

PR

[Pancho1188]

The Run

By

Pancho Rivera

"They can because they think they can."

---Virgil


I've been reading about the

power of the mind. I'm a big psychology buff, and I know there's always room for improvement in the realm of

mental health. Being a recovering advocate of the 'worst-case scenario' thought process, I've lived my life

mostly on the basis of my own limitations. It's interesting to think about limitations, as the only limitations

are the ones you place on yourself. I still have a hard time believing this, but I know that thinking you can't do

something surely isn't going to get you actually doing it.

It's a Saturday, and I'm reading Tony Robbins'

book, Unlimited Power. It's a very interesting read on how to maximize your own effectiveness. It's

pretty much all about learning that your potential is a result of your own limitations, and your success is as

simple as modeling success (i.e. the successful). Sounds easy, right? As my pessimistic side kicks in, I'd say

no...but then my logical side kicks in and laughs by saying that by saying, "No," I'm effectively proving his

point. Wow, talk about an impossible argument...you either believe it's easy and do it, thus accomplishing what

you want and proving his point, or don't believe it and do nothing, also proving his point.

Okay, as a diligent

student of the psychological field...I guess it would benefit to test this theory. I read the chapter on beliefs

and get psyched up. Yes, I can do that! If I couldn't fail, I would do this! I would do that! I could do

anything! What the hell is stopping me? I know...I am! The only reason I'm not doing it is because I don't

think it can be done!

I'm psyched up and ready to roll. Where's my test? Hmmm...I'm going to the gym.

Perfect! I'm motivated, I'm psyched, and I am in perfect condition to get ready to run. In fact, one of the

examples in the book was that by modeling success and having the proper beliefs, a marathon runner cut his time by 9

minutes and qualified for the Boston Marathon for the first time ever.

I drink a sports drink to ensure

hydration, and I haven't eaten for a while...enough to run comfortably. I'm ready to roll. What's a good goal

for this run? My average time getting to the gym is about 26 1/2 minutes...my best to date was 24 1/2. My worst

days showed anywhere from 30-32 minutes when I started this route (I think I got lost the first time...so I guess

that doesn't count). We'll say 30 minutes.

I bet you I can make it in 23 minutes. Hell, today...I'm

going to make it in 23 minutes. Failure was not an option at this point. I am so excited that I almost bolt

out the door. Normally, my, "Are you insane? 23 minutes? Do you realize that this time would be over a minute and

a half faster than your best time? Let's face it...you're not about to win any marathons here. You're nuts.

Maybe 24 minutes...but not 23," would kick in and I'd lose hope that this was possible.

I perform my stretches

to make sure I don't hurt myself despite the fact that I'm ready to fly out of here. Just when I think I'm done,

I do a couple of more stretches to ensure that I'm perfect. I'm ready to roll.

I turn on my music, have my

hand on the timer...*Beep* The timer starts, and I start running.

I think about how I'm going to achieve this.

Good posture. Consistent breathing. Don't go too hard at first and wear yourself out. Keep your head up. Keep a

smooth, steady stride. Don't waste too much movement.

I get almost every light. I don't have to stop for

traffic, and I'm rolling. I see people's walking patterns (I'm on a sidewalk...you know how that is...people

walking in the middle aimlessly without leaving you any room whatsoever...then my favorite where they move from side

to side as they go forward...it's like a video game where you're trying to get around Thwomps and moving obstacles

and fiery pits to save the princess within the allotted time) before and make my moves accordingly. I shake and

move like Barry Sanders around the pedestrians and keep up the pace.

I take on the hills. Inclines are a

runner's nightmare when it comes to time...you try to keep the same pace and end up burning out. I slow down to a

comfortable pace that keeps my breathing steady. I can do this. I don't need to stop.

Doubt almost crosses my

mind for a second. Maybe 23 minutes was too bold of a goal...maybe 23:30 would be okay...I instantly cast this

thought aside and go with my original plan.

Then, I hit a light. I can run, or I can stop. I slow down and

hesitate. I have to stop. This could ruin everything. No, I'm going to make it. In fact, use these seconds as

time to recover so you can go harder when you get the walk sign! 10...15 seconds go by...I'd normally get worried,

but I just relax my body and get ready to roll. Green light...I start on again.

I come up on the end. I'm

tired. It's the final stretch. I wonder what time it is? Hmmm...I guess I'll find out in a second. I turn it

up at the end. I give myself just enough juice to hit the finish line. I'm tearing it up, flying down the road

and feeling the last few seconds tick by...I pass my mark and stop the watch. I am not sure what to expect. I

wasn't keeping a mental note or anything. This is the moment of truth. I look down...

22:56:85



...................not only did I make my time, but I beat it by 3.15 seconds! I still don't believe it. I

crack this skeptical smile and laugh like it's a joke or something. In fact, as I try to catch my breath and

recover, I don't even bend over or need a second. I stand up straight, take a few recovering breaths, and get my

key card out for the gym. I walk in and do my workout, which was also strong, then run home at a leisurely pace.



I ran 14 percent faster than average and 6 percent faster than my best just because I thought it was possible and

put myself into the mindset (or 'resourceful state') to do so.

Hmmm...what are my limitations? Maybe they're

only the ones I place on myself...maybe it's time to learn the guitar, improve my Spanish, write a book, improve my

voice/communication skills, learn to read people's body language and belief structures, take the GRE or GMAT, get a

master's degree or doctorate, woo a female, work harder and be happier...

What would you do if you knew you

couldn't fail?

PR

[Pancho1188]

I Know

What Happened

By Pancho Rivera

I'm sitting at my desk, wondering what just happened. How did

this happen? I was just supposed to sit at my desk and shut up...then all hell broke loose.

I pushed it too

far. I had to go there, didn't I? Mr. Psycho-Wannabe had to try to analyze everything to a point where he pushed

someone back. What an intelligent idea.

What goes on through my head? "Well, things are on the fence right

now...kind of ambiguous...I'm a little impatient...let's just rock the boat and get this over with." Yeah, I

guess I subconsciously push the envelope on purpose to get out of a blurry situation that puts everyone into

"What's going on?" mode...

Actually, that's not entirely accurate. She wanted to clear things up...in the

negative fashion. "It's never going to happen." Wow, that's a shitty thing to say, especially when I never

asked. Maybe I should have just let it go...no, I couldn't do that. Why?

I know why. She liked me. I know

this. I know when someone likes me. I seem to know even more acutely when someone likes me but has problems

getting close to the people they like. Hell, that's my specialty. After all, I've been through that before. Six

months of, "I like you as a friend and don't want to mess things up," turned suddenly into, "I realized that I do

love you." No shit. I could've told you that six months ago. I'm psychic. I'm a genius. Whatever. Don't

mess with what goes on under my umbrella...Pancho know's what's going on under his poncho, dammit. You can slip

one past this guy. Now it happens again. I know she likes me, but this time she's afraid to get close because she

doesn't like---no, that's not right---she just doesn't get attached to people...what a dumb way to think. Ugh.



Why do I get involved with these kind of people? I know why...they're positive, happy, energetic, friendly, and

lighthearted. You know what I've discovered at the same time? It's a cover for something dark deep down inside,

and they use that positivity to cover their own weakness...they don't like to talk about it. I come along...the

"relationship accelerator", the "drill", the deep guy who connects with people on an intimate level...and blow right

through their blockade and hit straight to the heart. I get through. What happens? They go nuts. Alarms go

off...They reach Defcon 1...it's on...WWIII...

The defenses go up...I get completely bombarded or evaded with

defensive maneuvers...and these people are the best. They can change the subject or shoot you down in 100 different

ways without you even noticing...

...I usually keep coming. In the past, I persisted to get into the heart of

someone for six months until I won. But did I really win? It didn't work out in the end...to my own detriment.



This time, I took a shot to myself. I gave her the reason to get pissed off, and she had just the opportunity to

push me out. I don't have the strength I once had...or maybe I'm too proud or trying to do something different to

make things better than before only to make them turn out the opposite. I don't know...but now I'm sitting at my

desk wondering what just happened.

----------------------------------------

I hit it off with this girl, and

we talked all of the time. When things got awkward, she would push me back. I didn't let it get to me, I just

kept doing what I do...and we got close.

She admits to getting emotionally attached and that that's not what

she does. I say it's dumb to push people away because you're afraid of getting close. She keeps her guard up,

and then it comes. I was supposed to be quiet and pretend I was Mr. Laid Back and see what

happened...instead...well...

She asks me to talk to her friend, and I go ballistic. I tell her what a great

idea that was because it got her friend telling her problems to me and me identifying and talking to her so I

wouldn't push any more deep, thoughtful, emotional psychological questions onto her. After all, it'd be a great

idea if she did it for that reason. She tells me it's not like that...I've heard that before...maybe I'm just

always wrong...or maybe I'm always right and it gets to these people so they deny it. Either way, I'm gullible

and could never stick to my guns...

I tell her that she's just mad because I'm right. Well, that didn't

work.

She gets mad and tells me not to talk to any of her friends and to forget everything. Hmmm...I wonder

where I went wrong? Now I'm sitting at my desk wondering what just happened.

I e-mail her a few days later.

She responds with one word answers to my comments. I stop talking to her unless she asks me a work-related

question...which were the only questions asked of me, anyway.

It's like this for a week. I am unsure about the

whole thing...like if she's mad...so I finally ask her.

"Am I in the midst of a situation that needs

reconciling?" How eloquent.

"No." How eloquent.

Well, I guess that solves that whole puzzle. They're

going to hire me as a detective if I keep this record up.

We decide to take a walk later to talk. This turns

out to be an even worse idea.

We usually take the stairs, but I forget as always and hit the elevator button. I

apologize and go for the stairs, and she says no and goes for the elevator. I take the stairs down, and she takes

the elevator. This is not good.

I beat her down...leaping flights of steps in one bound as I take over a

half-dozen floors in seconds. What an awkward situation when we reunite at the bottom. This pretty much sets the

tone for the whole conversation.

She says that there's nothing wrong and that I only mumble good morning when

she comes in. I only didn't do that once because I thought she wasn't talking to me so I was just pretending I

didn't care or whatever. Anyway, I said that she got short with me on e-mails, and she said she was busy. I said

I stopped talking to her because she stopped saying anything on e-mails so I figured she didn't want to talk to me.

Okay, so neither of us is mad and neither of us doesn't want to stop talking to the other, so what the hell is

going on?

She speaks again, "Well, it put a stop to the 'relationship accelerator'." Oh, so that's

what this is about...

Sure, she'd deny that, but I know that I gave her the ammunition to push me away. Now,

I'm way too uncomfortable around her to even think of anything interesting to say. I don't want to talk to her

anymore, and yet I miss my friend. Now I'm sitting at my desk wondering what just happened.

I pull out a piece

of paper with some information relevant to my last girlfriend. I've been witholding it for months because I

couldn't take the thought of talking to her again. I type an e-mail like I was writing something for work...the

same format and everything. Completely emotionless with regards to a year and a half of the most insane learning

experience in the realm of relationships I've ever had. I am courteous and professional, do not ask a single

question about her life nor reveal a single thing about my life. I send her the information in a mature,

thoughtful, and professional manner. I don't think twice about any of its implications or anything about that

relationship. Apparently, I've been burdened with new problems that bury the old...and I haven't even had another

girlfriend since this person. Now I'm sitting at my desk wondering what just happened.



----------------------------------------------------------------

Am I completely wrong? Is it what she says?

Can I believe all of this?

We're close, she keeps me at arm's length, I naturally push through due to my way

of interacting, she doesn't like getting emotionally attached so she keeps me back, she gets mad but is now busy

and can't talk as much and figures that I don't want to talk to her because I do not say good morning with such

enthusiasm when I greet her...

Am I completely right? Is it what I say? Can I believe it?

We're close,

she keeps me away, I push through, she doesn't like getting emotionally attached, she get mad and uses it as an

excuse to keep me away. After all, better far and awkward than close and awkward...She likes me and is full of

shit. Now, however, I just want to get away from this because I don't want to go through this again. Since I'm

keeping myself back, this will die just like anything else you quit feeding.

I just wanted a friend. I

wouldn't have minded a girlfriend, but I always get mixed up with the wrong people. Now I have an awkward

acquaintance.

Now I'm sitting at my desk wondering what just happened.

PR

[Pancho1188]

The Crush

(Part I)

By Pancho Rivera

I hate crushes. I've had a numerous amount of crushes in my life (I

believe the record stands at 7...but maybe as many as 9). In fact, I seem to have so much experience in being

attracted to girls I would never see the time of day with that I have categories for them, listed in chronological

order as sort of an 'evolution' of the crush:*

-The Secret Admirer
-The Perfect Girl
-The 'Hit It Off'

Girl

*Please note that crushes do not always coincide with girlfriends. I have had girlfriends that were never

crushes and, obviously, crushes that were never girlfriends. Therefore, girlfriends are not mentioned here unless

they were crushes.

The Secret Admirer

This is a girl that you know you have no shot with and

couldn't even approach. This is more for younger age groups when you hang out in different social circles, but it

may very well apply to older people as well. This is the one that is also most like the "boyhood crush" where you

act retarded around them. Basically, the secret admiree becomes the object of temporary obsession. You can't stop

thinking about this person, you can't talk to them because you would die (as you get older this becomes more along

the lines of just losing your ability to carry on a conversation), and you constantly think of ways in which you

could get that person. It's a borderline obsession at times. You know you can't have them because there's

something that will always keep you from becoming more than acquaintances (if you even reach that point).

Nevertheless, your brain will not stop running scenarios and thoughts about the person, and you cannot get that

person out of your mind. The person is perfect and can do no wrong in your eyes. Everything they do is like magic.

This can drive a person to the brink of insanity. This goes on for weeks or even a few months.

How does it end?

Well, from my experience, distance is the best cure. If you never see them, the crush will die. Naturally, the fact

that you see the person frequently is why you have the crush in the first place. Seriously, how many times have you

heard of someone having a crush for more than a few days on someone they've only seen once and may never see again?

I'm sure it's happened, but we're pushing the envelope on crush and looking more towards obsession/insanity if we

go down that road.

The three main ways I've overcome a "secret admirer" crush:

1. Get them to not like you

(or get it through your head as such)
2. Distance/Time
3. Get rejected/dumped or publically humiliated by them



One of my personal experiences on ending a crush was not a very healthy or kind one. I carefully studied why I

felt the way I did, and logic determined that hope was the source of my passion. Therefore, to kill my hope would be

to kill the crush. This has been my savior and also one of the things I'm least proud of. Why did I have hope? How

did this come to be? Well, as long as I never really knew the person, they didn't really have a negative opinion of

me and therefore I always had hope of somehow getting that person to like me. As this was impossible due to the

above restraints, I knew I had only one way to kill this hope: get the person to not like me.

I'll never forget

the time when I sent this somewhat mean letter to the girl I liked (after a few made-up secret admirer notes that a

friend made to play a trick on her and she thought it was me), and when I gave it to someone to deliver to her,

everyone in the class that hated her wrote nasty things on the paper. To top it off, one of them drew hearts on it

to make it look like a love letter. Wow, that cured things real fast. She freaked out, and I heard about what

happened with the mean comments later. Well, on a positive note...knowing she didn't like me killed the crush.

Actually, I think I almost got in trouble for that but the teacher liked me (don't ask what I mean by that because

I'm not sure...I still to this day don't know what was with that man...)

Again, I am reminded of another time

when I had another crush and sat a seat behind and to the left of this one girl. I made sarcastic comments all of

the time to her, which got a, "That's not very nice," response from her once. It's funny because the sarcastic

comments weren't really that mean, and I think she even thought I was a decent guy (I was a smart, nice guy but

just tried that to get rid of my crush)...I can't remember whether it was that or distance that cured that one...I

think time and eventually distance fixed that one. I don't have the heart to be mean...notice that even the first

example wasn't my doing (all I wrote was that she was full of herself if she thought I liked her...but that

wasn't the only thing written on the paper) and this one wasn't even mean...just three or four wise cracks.



The one crush I remember distance/time being the deciding moment was with a girl I liked at my second job. She was

everything I hated in a person, and yet I had the worst crush on her. How is this possible? Well, she was stuck up

and into herself. There's nothing I hate more...but she was also sooooo nice to me. She also thanked me when I did

nice things for her. Whether it be real appreciation and kindness or fake comments to use me...I think it was both.

She was nice to me, but she knew she could get me to do whatever she wanted if she asked nicely. Man, she hypnotized

me. Yes, I could say more than two words to her, but I was never going to have her (she had a bf, I was younger than

her, you name it). I still to this day don't understand why I liked her in the first place because she represented

what I hated in a woman. She was beautiful and nice to me, though, and I guess that's all it took. I couldn't shut

up about her, I couldn't wait to work with her...hell, I'd even work extra days just to see if I could work with

her...and always volunteered when they needed someone to work when she was going to be there.

The worst

part of this was that my best female friend had a crush on me at the same time. Oh, I would go on and on about this

girl and have my friend kindly put up with it forever because she liked me. I hate myself for doing that to

her...but I was seriously under a spell for those few months. If I ever speak to my friend again (we lost contact

after a while), I would apologize for putting her through hell and thank her for being such a good friend.

The

beauty of this sad story is the ending. My crush ended up leaving, and I'll never forget the goodbye. We were

sitting in my boss's office, she gave me a, "Goodbye, Pancho," and after the little pleasantries that was that. As

soon as she walked out that door and I knew I'd never see her again, I snapped out of it instantly. Two seconds

later, I was crush-free. I still have no idea how an uncontrollable crush ended so easily.

The final type is

represented by the worst rejection I think I've ever received. At my cousin's recommendation (I was in 6th grade,

my cousin was in high school), I wrote her a note saying I liked her and left it in her desk at lunch when everyone

left. When I came back, the room was full of people talking about the note. Everyone wanted in on this event.

Everyone was circled around the girl and the note. As I walk in, people turn and approach me, encircling me and

bombarding me with all kinds of questions. As the shy, introverted kid I was in school, I'd never seen anything

like it. I didn't know what to say or do. I looked down and blushed...but I looked down most of my childhood out of

shyness and low self-esteem, so I guess that's not saying much. Anyway, everyone kept asking me if I was going to

ask her out and if she was going to say yes and what was going to happen. There was a couple of minutes before the

next class, so the tension increased. Everyone told me to ask her, and they slowly guided me to where she was

sitting. I paced back and forth a little, mustering the strength it'd take for someone like me to ask this girl

out. I take a deep breath, they open a spot for me, I put my hands on the desk and look down at her and ask, "Will

you go out with me?" All eyes turn toward her. She says, "Yes."

I am not sure what to do at this moment. I

can't really talk to this person, I'm shy, and it's time to go to the next class. I can't remember the next

exact moment, but I believe it resulted in large commotion and half the people going for their books and the other

half congratulating me or something. I got my stuff for the next class, my head was spinning, I was light-headed,

and I walked to the door. As this was going on, she was talking to two of her close friends. As I walked to the

exit, she approached me and said, "You're dumped." That, of course, sent my head into more spinning and

light-headedness, which either counter-acted or added on to the previous symptoms. I remember it being a horrible

moment but somehow this strange thing that came over me prevented me from having an external emotional response. I

remember feeling completely rejected, but I was too out of it to let it hit too hard. I felt bad for a while after

that, but I got over it and the crush was gone as soon as the rejection was made. In fact, shortly afterwards (days

maybe) I had no idea what I even saw in her in the first place.


I had one or two other "Secret Admirer"

crushes in my time, but there's not much to mention there. My first crush, in which the girl actually liked me a

little, had nothing come of it because I was ~8 years old at the time, we only saw each other at school, and peer

pressure (embarrassment, etc.) prevented anything substantial.

In summary, the secret admirer crush can be the

most brutal and yet the most fickle. Distance seems to be the key, but it is impossible to avoid if you are

frequently stuck in the same location for any period of time. Age is the greatest weapon against the "Secret

Admirer", and I wonder if I will have any more in the future as it's been about 5 years since I've had this

crush...

PR

[Pancho1188]

The Bar

By

Pancho Rivera

I walk into the room. People's heads turn. I can feel dozens of eyes on me. I have never

felt this kind of sexual attention from so many people at once. I suddenly feel very exposed as they look me up and

down, checking me out. I'm wearing a form-fitting shirt that's tucked in and a pair of jeans that fit well enough

to get a good luck at my butt if that's your thing. Apparently with this crowd, it is. The only way I'd get this

much attention in any other venue is if I jumped on the bar and pulled my pants down.

I look around, though, and

all of these people have one thing in common: they're men. I'm in a gay bar.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let me start from the beginning...

My co-worker's last day is today. They're having a happy hour for him

after work. I'm working late, but I manage to leave around 7:30 to get to this thing while people are still there.

I was thinking about going home, but after almost getting hit by a car that decided it wasn't going to stop at the

crosswalk I decided I needed a drink. Everyone's having a good time at the happy hour, and after a drink or two to

get my mind off of work, I'm joining in on the fun. We have some good laughs and take a lot of funny photos of the

women getting cute with him. The most fascinating thing about homosexuality is that women have no problem with a

gay man doing whatever they want, whether it's kissing them, touching them, or saying, "I love you." Why is this?

There is no chance of there being any sexual reason for the man doing it. It doesn't seem fair at first, but then

reality hits.

A few of us went to get some food and talked about going out to another bar after the late dinner.

They talked about going to a certain bar...

"Oh, where's that?" I asked.
"It's a few blocks northeast of

here. Did you want to come with us? There's one thing..."
"What's that?"
"It's a gay bar."
"Yeah, that's

cool."
"Have you ever been to one?"
"No, but I hear things from my gay friends."

I agree to go out, and we

finish our meals. Interested in this strange turn of events from a quiet night at home, I decide to capitalize on

this great opportunity to learn and expand my knowledge in the field of psychology. I know that social norms can be

completely twisted when the situation changes, so I am actually looking forward to this event. I joke about whether

anyone would buy me a drink.

"Well, it wouldn't hurt if you flexed your muscles. Maybe you should roll up your

sleeves."
"Like this?" I roll up my right sleeve and flex my bicep.
"Yeah, that might work."

I put my sleeve

back down and keep pondering the possible situations.

"I don't want to ruin your flow, man," I say to my

friend. "How do I make sure I don't cock-block you?"
"Oh, I don't think I'll be picking anyone up

tonight."
"Hey, you never know. I'll try to stay out of your way if I see anything."

We go to the bar and

check our coats upstairs. This is it...my first experience in a gay bar. I wonder what's going to happen

tonight...

As I walk into the room, I find out. I can feel everyone's eyes on me. Unlike women, men have no

reservations about making it obvious that they're checking you out...especially in the bar environment where

you're expected to do such things. I'm not sure if this is a place where many people know or at least recognize

each other well or not, so maybe I'm just 'fresh meat' or a new face in the place. At any rate, I am being

checked out.

"Wow, I've never been checked out like this before. This is weird."

We get our drinks, and I

find the need to have a game plan in this atmosphere. I go down the list of situations:

"If you see someone you

don't like who's interested or someone becomes interested in me, can you pose as my boyfriend or vice-versa?"
"If

that happens, yes."

"How do I know when to pretend to be your boyfriend instead of backing off?"
"Where

they're fucking ugly!" I guess that makes sense.

"If someone offers to buy me a drink and I accept, does that

make me a tease?"
"Think about it if a girl accepted a drink from you who had no interest in you."
"Yeah, that'd

make me a tease."
"Who cares? Be a tease!"

"So how do I let a guy know I'm straight? Is there like a signal

or something?"
"It's best just to be upfront about it. If he offers you a drink, just tell him so you're not

leading him on."
"I guess there's no easy way to get that message across. I mean, maybe I could just clear my

throat and go, '*ahem* Did you see the football game last night? Man, I was eating a 12-oz. steak, working with

power tools, and wearing a plaid jacket when we won that game!' I mean, it just seems kind of rude to say,

'Sorry, but I'm straight.'"

"You know, this is the first room full of men I've ever been in without someone

complaining, 'This is a sausage fest! Where are the girls?'"
"That's because they don't want them!"

"Where

are the girls? I mean, I know that this is a gay bar and everything, but don't lesbians come, too?"
"No, they

have their own bars. Gays and lesbians don't get along. They have different cultures." Hey, I learned something

new today.

I watch the crowd as I take in the cultural and social differences. Interactions are fascinating

when they're out of the norm. After a few minutes, we decide to go upstairs to the dance floor where the music

is.

As much as I am not looking forward to going from a smoke-free area to the smoking area, I am very

interested in what's going to happen in the next hour. I am not disappointed in the shock value, that's for

sure.

We go upstairs and walk to the drinking/sitting area on the side. Shirtless bartenders take our drink

orders. I must say, they hire well-built, aesthetically pleasing men to take their shirts off and serve their

homosexual customer base. I wonder if I could get good tips if I worked here. Hey, the employer would probably

like me because it knows I wouldn't hook up with the customers.

We talk for a little bit, and I know the time

is going to come when my friends are going to start dancing. As a straight man with a few gay men and one female, I

figure my odds are pretty bad of actually dancing with the female. How did I come to this, you might ask? Well, I

don't know her as well as the others do, and as I described before, women who are friends with gay men are happy to

be very comfortable with them, whereas the sexual tension with a straight man would be cause for alarm even in a

completely safe environment where no one else would dare hit on her. The moment does come, and she leads my

soon-to-be ex-coworker to the dance floor. I can feel my comfort level slowly fading as I don't want to be

standing here alone like an idiot and there are no females in my direct vicinity to dance with.

As I look

around, though, I come to one interesting conclusion: gay men have hot female friends. "Fag hags", as my friends

affectionately called the female groupies, were in attendance, and many were pretty fine. There was this pole on a

platform that people were standing and dancing on, and a girl or two would be up there with five or six guys

grinding with them. I'm gauging how difficult it would be to hit on someone in this environment.

In fact,

hundreds of calculations are running through my head. Would a girl be more likely to randomly start getting up in

my face if I was up there (after all, she'd think I was gay)? What would happen if I hit on her and gave away my

heterosexuality? What if I waited until after getting some body-on-body action to admit that I'm straight? Well,

I'd definitely experience the change from a woman being completely comfortable with a person to being completely on

the defensive since I suddenly brought the reality of potential sexual desire into the equation. I'd probably get

smacked, too...even though it doesn't make much sense when with one guy you're perfectly comfortable getting

freaky with on the dance floor and another you were up until the time you found out he could possible have the

desire to have sex with you. I would understand the "grinding under false pretenses" argument, though...

That

all said, I still don't have the nerve to do it, though. Imagine, I have absolutely no competition here, and I

still couldn't do it. I would face the possibility that girls are here for a reason and want to dance and not get

hit on by guys, but I also have the knowledge that most of these girls do want to meet guys but just somehow go out

with their gay friends instead. It's not a risk I'm willing to take during my first gay bar experience...



...as I'm pondering all of this, I suddenly realize that I am very alone. My other two friends went to dance,

and now I'm standing here by myself. Hmmm...this is strange. I keep looking around and taking the experience in,

thankful that two friends do come back shortly after. I ask my one friend if he's feelin' anyone right now. He

points to a guy on the dance floor he says is cute. Unfortunately, he catches the guy making out with someone 10

minutes later. Oh, well. I guess it wasn't meant to be.

He points to another guy and says, "I've slept with

that guy."
I asked, "How was it?"
"Amazing."

The guy he pointed to took off his shirt along with a couple of

other guys dancing on the platform/pole area. This is some wild stuff.

I have to say that the most interesting

thing is that because I had bad eyesight, there were some guys that looked very much like women there. I squint

really hard while looking at this one guy and say, "That's a guy?" I need my glasses, apparently...but I'm

sure even then it'd be hard to tell sometimes.

As if this wasn't all interesting enough, it's about to get

even more incredible.

This one person who I didn't know but came with one of my friends begins to talk to me.

He's a good guy, but he seems like something in his life is bothering him as he's being critical. I enjoy the

sarcastic humor and witty banter, though. He asks me why I came (after all, I'm straight).

I said, "Well, they

asked me if I wanted to come, so I thought it'd be fun."
"Are you glad you came?"
"Yeah, actually. I find this

all fascinating. I'm learning a lot."
"I'm not glad I came."
"Why's that?"
"I don't like this whole

thing."

He explains why he doesn't like it and asks if I get it.

"Yeah, I get it. It's like me. I'm an

introvert, but I don't want to be around introverts because I think, 'They're boring.' Then I think, 'Does

that make me boring?' It's very confusing, but it messes with your insecurities."

He looked like he couldn't

believe I gave a response that rang true to what he was thinking. Well, I'm the master of perception tonight, and

that conversation was no exception.

He asks me if I liked to dance. I told him I wanted to dance but didn't

want to go out there by myself and look like an idiot.

He said, "Yeah, but would you dance with a boy?"
"I

don't care." He says something and kind of shrugs it off, giving me a way out. Instead, I take the road less

traveled...
"No, seriously. I want to dance."

I guess he figured that's all he needed to hear after giving me

a way to get out of it while he saved face, so he grabbed my hand and took me to the dance floor.

I have never

been so comfortable dancing in front of other people my whole life. I wasn't trying to impress any straight girls,

and I wasn't going to be made fun of by any straight guys. The word self-conscious meant absolutely nothing to me

at that moment because there was nobody who cared---myself included.

We danced to a couple of songs and then

walked back to the group when we saw that they were back. They seemed a little surprised that I was dancing, but I

just smiled because I felt very empowered knowing that I was secure enough with both my sexuality and myself to do

whatever the hell I wanted without feeling awkward or insecure about doing something that most people would find

strange for someone of my sexual orientation to be doing.

After my stunning rendition of "Baby Got Back" (no,

not karaoke, I just know all of the words and showed up everyone who tried to recite as much as they could along

with me), the female and my one friend went back out on the dance floor while the other left...leaving me to sit

down with the guy I was dancing with.

I'm not sure how the topic turned to this, but eventually I heard the

following things: "You're hot, you know you're hot, and I'm actually drunk enough to tell you that."

As you

could imagine, that took me by surprise. It's been a long time since anyone has told me I was hot to my face.

Again, the transitions are fuzzy, but somehow I ended up telling him a story where one of my gay friends got a

straight friend off while he was drunk because he said he was horny.

The straight friend said, "If you shut your

eyes, it's all the same."

Apparently, my new friend loved this story. I love telling it because it's so

funny. Anyway, he says, "He's right! It's all the same! You should try it sometime!"

Well, here's where my

line is drawn in the sand, but I am still not even fazed by the comment and am happy to explain why I am not capable

of doing such a thing.

"You see, it's like purple ketchup. I know it tastes the same as regular ketchup, but I

just can't eat it. Ketchup isn't purple, it's red! I can't have it any other way!"
"Yeah, but you should try

it, anyway."

I tell him the story of how many of my gay friends have tried to turn me over the years. I even

say that I almost wished I was gay because I get so many more men than I do women. After all, I made a pact with my

friend earlier that night that we were going to switch sexual orientations because he attracted all of the women and

I attracted all of the men. If we switched, we'd be unstoppable! That said, I could never do it. I can

confidently say I'd never want to do it because unlike a homophobe, I have no insecurities to hide. I looked at

that option and realized that I just don't like men and could never like them in that way ever.

Obviously, that

response didn't go over well with my new friend, so he took what he could get and got me back on the dance floor

again. After a second, I finally remembered an argument that would win.

"If it's all the same when you shut

your eyes, then how come you don't want women?"

My reply came in the form of two middle fingers shoved

less than a foot away from my face...to which I responded, "Oh, come on...you liked that as much as you hated it."



After another dance and a second where I watched my friend talk to someone he had apparently hooked up with (it's

a small world in this club, isn't it?), we go back where our friends are back from dancing. The ex-coworker was

talking to an ex of his (again with the exes!). I'm standing there, and all of the sudden I look over and see

these pair of eyes staring at me intently. I quickly turn my head back and lean to my friend.

"Is that guy back

there looking at me?"
"*Looks* Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, yeah. Definitely. He's watching you."
"Oh, shit," I grab my

cock-blocking buddy and put my arm around him. "You're my boyfriend."

He's out of it and probably doesn't

even know what's going on since he wasn't in on what just happened, but I say, "That dude is checking me out. You

have to save me!"
My friend, obviously drunk, replies, "I think you'll be okay," and then lets me go.

Bastard.

He's hanging me out to dry. I try not to make any sudden moves and hope the guy loses interest. Fortunately,

nothing came of it.

As the night winds down, we go upstairs to get our coats. There's a long line for the

coat-check, and this situation gives me a joke with too many funny meanings for those in a drunken stupor to

comprehend.

"They should put up a big sign and call this, 'The Pick-Up Line'. You can try to pick up your

coat, you can try to pick up a guy, and it's what you'd try to use in the line to get that guy to go home with

you!"

PR

[CptKipling]

Nice to see you back Mr Rivera

[Pancho1188]

The Crush

(Part 2)

By Pancho Rivera

-The Secret Admirer
-The Perfect Girl
-The 'Hit It Off' Girl



The Perfect Girl

I have to admit that this is the hardest crush to describe. Unlike the Secret Admirer

crush and the Hit It Off crush, the Perfect Girl crush is more subtle. I've only had one major instance of this

type, and any others I may have had probably didn't have the time to develop like this one did.

The Perfect

Girl describes someone who truly captures everything a person could want in someone. It's interesting how your

brain and your heart interact in this situation. Your logic calculates what you know of this person and realizes

that this person has every trait you could find desirable. However, your heart is kind in the fact that you don't

necessarily become infatuated faster than you can pick your jaw up off of the floor. I think the best way to

describe this crush is to differentiate it from the others. The Perfect Girl crush is less intense than the Secret

Admirer crush and not conversationally-based as the Hit It Off crush.

You know someone at a place you frequent

such as school, work, or extracurricular activities. Because you're around them a lot, you get a good feel for who

they are as a person and decide that they would be the perfect girl. The strange thing is that you may not be

compatible, but you could tell that the person has all of the traits you'd like in someone. You may be able to

become friends with that person, or you may never really have a chance to meet her or get to know her personally.

Either way, whenever you see her, you think, "I would really love to have someone like that as my wife." It gets

interesting because you don't fall head over heels right away. Even though they are attractive and wonderful, you

seem to be able to remain calm around the person. You will, however, always feel something subtle because you know

that you would like to have someone like that.


Unfortunately, I don't have much to say in my personal

experience with this crush. I met this girl somewhere between 7th and 9th grade. Notice how I don't remember

everything because it took a while to become familiar with the person before I actually realized she had the traits

I liked in someone. Anyway, once I thought about it for a while, I realized that she had everything I could ask for:

she was intelligent, athletic, healthy, funny, happy, successful, sweet, ambitious, kind, and attractive. I thought,

"Wow, I would love to do out with someone like that." I knew from that moment on that I would one day like to be

with someone like that.

Notice how strange this crush can be. Unlike the Secret Admirer crush where I became

fixated on one person, I found my ideal type of person. She was the basis of what I'd like to find in someone, and

something I could strive for. I wanted to become a better person to be able to get someone like that. To this day, I

still have no idea why I didn't develop a major crush on her...but she was almost like a dream I would like to

realize eventually.

I talked to her every once in a while, but you know how different crowds in high school can

keep you from developing friendships. The interesting thing about my high school was that there wasn't a "most

popular" crowd in my school. There were different groups, but if we would have a popularity contest, I couldn't

tell you who would have won...it was that diverse (you'll see later why I mention this fact).

I went through

high school, trying to get through those brutal times (I didn't like high school). Whenever I saw her, though,

something always warmed up inside because of how great of a person she was. I'll never forget, though, what

happened my senior year.

It's Homecoming, and I run out on to the football field with the team to practice.

They're doing all of the Homecoming events while we're getting ready for the game. All of the sudden, they bring

out an archway, and a bunch of women in dresses and their parents line up on the field. I didn't care about any of

these festivities, so I forgot that just the other day we voted for Homecoming King and Queen. As I mentioned

before, we had many different groups of equal popularity, so the competition was fierce. Their were about six or so

people for each title, and they were all equally capable of winning. I'm not even sure if I remembered who was

running, so I went along with my drills with the team. Anyway, you should've seen the surprise on my face when she

was named Homecoming Queen. Boy, I can sure pick them, can't I? After four years, I guess everyone saw what I saw

after a short time. Go figure.


In summary, the Perfect Girl crush can be the most interesting and yet the

least intense. The key to this crush is to learn all you can about why you like the person because it may help you

in the future when you have an actual opportunity to meet someone like this again in the future and make it work for

you. I have no secrets to getting rid of this one because there's no need to when it's controllable. You should

learn a lot from this crush so maybe one day you will be prepared to get the perfect girl.

PR

[Pancho1188]

The Crush

(Part 3)

By Pancho Rivera

-The Secret Admirer
-The Perfect Girl
-The 'Hit It Off'

Girl

The 'Hit It Off' Girl

This is the most rational of the crushes, if you can call infatuation

rational. Actually, the 'Hit It Off' crush is close to being in love or having a solid relationship...there's

just one problem: for one reason or another, the transition just doesn't happen.

You meet a girl at a social

gathering. You begin talking, and you quickly realize that you two get along very well...almost too well.

Everything's going great. You become great friends easily. In fact, you find yourself wanting to progess things

as soon as possible. You feel the chemistry, and everything seems to be working out judging by your interactions.

It just seems natural that you should be going out together. Why doesn't something happen? Well, at this point

things can move in one of two directions: you end up going out with her or acquiring the 'Hit It Off' crush.



Now, you're probably wondering, "Why isn't this just called 'falling in love'? After all, isn't that what

falling in love is?" Obviously, the line between infatuation and in love not perfectly defined, so I will base the

differences in definition on time, perceived willingness to commit, and expression/reciprocation (e.g. shorter,

uncertain, and not communicated/reciprocated for infatuation and longer, certain of devotion, and

communicated/reciprocated feelings for in love). In addition, I would say that in this instance you hit it off so

well that you become infatuated and therefore unable to see any flaws. Being in love would mean that you see things

for what they are and still love them for everything she is.

I've had these circumstances go both ways. I've

hit it off with girls and quickly gone from friends to relationships. This transition was sealed by hanging out

leading to making out leading to making love. In my cases, this sealed a relationship since our shared views were

that if things progressed to that point, it would be with someone with whom you had a relationship. The

relationship thus ends any possibility of considering my feelings a 'crush'. On the other hand, sometimes things

don't progress to that. There are many obstacles that can prevent this transition, including: a boyfriend, a bad

romantic history, fear of the type of relationship (I'll explain that one later), a need to be/feel independent, a

fear of getting too close to someone, or simply a fear of taking the steps toward that transition (aka "making a

move").

When this roadblock occurs, the 'Hit It Off' crush begins. The insanity that one may derive from this

crush rivals the Secret Admirer crush, and the feelings you have for this person are a mix of the previous two types

of crushes. Therefore, it causes a combination that can overwhelm you. The mix is very complicated, so I'll use

excerpts from the previous sections to describe the combination.

Aspects of the Perfect Girl crush:

The

'Hit It Off' girl describes someone who has qualities that you would want in someone. It's interesting how your

brain and your heart interact in this situation. Your logic calculates what you know of this person and realizes

that you get along well with this person. However, your heart is kind in the fact that you don't necessarily

become infatuated faster than you can pick your jaw up off of the floor.

Aspects from the Secret Admirer

crush:

Basically, the 'Hit It Off' girl becomes the object of temporary obsession. You can't stop thinking

about this person and constantly think of ways in which you could get that person. It's a borderline obsession at

times. You know you can't have them because there's something that is keeping you from becoming more than

good/best friends. Nevertheless, your brain will not stop running scenarios and thoughts about the person, and you

cannot get that person out of your mind. Everything they do is like magic. This can drive a person to the brink of

insanity. This goes on for weeks or even a few months.

How the 'Hit It Off' crush ties them together:

You

see how many positive traits the person has...but since you are hitting it off, your chemistry emphasizes the

positives, and your interaction can spot potential negatives. Therefore, she's no longer 'perfect' but 'perfect

for you'. Once this sinks in (the longer you remain friends, the stronger it gets), you become more and more

infatuated until it gains the strength of the Secret Admirer crush. Once this happens, you can either let your

feelings go or let the friendship go (as in relationship or nothing at all). Those are your only two options, and

it becomes a difficult decision when your feelings build.


I have two examples of this type and a few

instances of averting this type. Averting this type of crush is very easy: if the other person liked me back,

showed interest, and was willing to follow my lead, I could just make it happen. Case closed. In fact, in all

instances I can think of, I've been able to avert this type of crush in a day...yes, a day. In other words, I met

the person, we hit it off, and I didn't waste any time. However, there were a couple of challenges, and those led

me into the hell that is known as the 'Hit It Off' crush...

I'll never forget the time I introduced myself to

this girl. I've never met anyone with so much positivity and youthful charisma. I was drinking at the time,

something I hadn't done very much at that point but decided to occasionally use to counter my introversion. At any

rate, I was watching a game of beer pong, and this girl was making almost all of her shots at the time. I'm still

not sure what I was thinking at the time, but I remember saying something stupid when she hit her shots...



"Oh!!!!!! Did you see that?!?!? That was a perfect shot! Did you see the arc you had on that?"

I walk over

next to her and mimic her throwing motion, emphasizing how her form created the perfect trajectory.

Looking back

on that moment, I think that has to rank as one of the dumbest things I've ever said or done (beer, making people

stupid since 1862!), but she loved it. I goofed off and cheered her on for a while, and then we went upstairs to my

room to chat. She gave me her IM screen name that night. Just the day before, I stopped my IM program from

automatically starting and removed all shortcuts to it (I couldn't remove the whole program, as it was a way to

communicate with my fraternity brothers and sisters, but I was only going to use it when I had to) because I wasted

too much time checking people's info and away messages. That night, I put it back on and added her screen

name...

...and so we hit it off. We hung out a couple of times for the next week or so, but then comes the

turning point: my birthday. It just happened to fall on a party night with some risque costumes, so I had my shirt

unbuttoned with nothing under it, and she was rather lewd, lascivious, salacious, and outrageous herself. She told

me how hot I looked. Oh, yeah. It's on.

Cutting out the pretty details, I thought I consummated our

relationship...apparently not. Thus, the 'hit it off' crush began. She practically pretended like nothing

happened when we spoke again except for acting very nervous around me. I found out later that she had been cheated

on and was afraid of getting hurt because she knew the relationship she'd have with me would be serious (remember

"fear of type of relationship"?). I don't know how that issue resolved itself, but we were best friends for six

months. It was heaven...and it was hell. I couldn't get her out of my head, and I was addicted to her like

nicotine. Still, no matter what I did, I couldn't have her. It drove me insane. I came to the point where I had

to let go of my feelings or let go of our friendship. I chose to let go of the friendship. That was a big gamble,

but it worked. She realized she cared too much for me, and we became a couple. Thus endeth the 'Hit It Off'

crush...although you could argue the transition to falling in love much earlier than that because we had gotten so

close as best friends.

The other example took me in the other direction. This was a girl who was enjoying total

independence for the first time, and to make things worse, I worked with her. That is a recipe for disaster.

We

started talking and hit it off quickly. She wanted to explore, and I wanted to go out and do things with someone.

It worked great because at first I played tag-along and then suggested things myself. Then came the wall that just

couldn't be scaled. I just couldn't get close enough when the person didn't want me getting any closer...not

because she didn't like me but because she "doesn't get close to people". Yes, she actually tried to explain this

concept to me. I tried to convince her to just let her guard down because I'm the most trustworthy person you'll

ever meet, but I guess it doesn't work like that. We ended that strange conversation to end all strange

conversations, and somehow we were cool on Monday, described best by her comment to me:

"I thought after our

conversation that things would get awkard. I'm glad to know that you're above that."

Ironically, things began

to get awkward a few weeks later. What happened? We had our first heated exchange. I use heated exchange because

'argument' and 'conflict' wouldn't work (since we were obviously arguing and in conflict before, though it was

friendly), and it was over e-mail so we kept enough composure to keep it from being a fight. It was only when I was

mad and tried to stop talking to her that I realized how much I liked her.

The less I talked to her, the worse

it got. It started getting worse when I did talk to her...and then when I didn't talk to her. In other words, it

was snowballing out of control. I had to see her every day, too, so that didn't help...but even on weekends it

killed me because I couldn't get her out of my head.

This time, however, I knew I couldn't win. There's just

no way I could overcome the odds against me because you can't change a stubborn woman's mindset...at least not

with the short timeframe and limited opportunities I had. I had to let it go...my feelings this time.

It took

forever, but finally we moved desks so that I wouldn't have to be in close contact with her for most of the day.

That gave me just enough strength to get over it. It still hibernated within the depths of my heart and resurfaced

with prolonged contact that resembled the 'hit it off' period, but it was good enough to survive until we went our

separate ways.


In summary, it is hardest to let go of the 'Hit It Off' crush. I have no advice for this

one, as in the one case I fell in love (part of me will always still love her), and in the other I let my feelings

go...but I know they're still there deep down inside. There are four universal remedies to lost loves: time,

distance, acceptance, someone else, or getting them back. Of course, in the case of a crush, you can't get

something you never had to begin with.

PR

[silksand]

Wow, I'm just catching this

thread now and have to say I've really enjoyed your stories, Pancho. Very nice writing, so true, so well-told and

so funny! Early on I was reminded of the Charlie Kaufman film "Adaptation" - the same kind of pointed portrait of

the crazy way we over-think our most primal drives for love and acceptance... but your take is much gentler and more

subtle, though just as funny. Bravo!

[Pancho1188]

Love is Blind...and so Am I

By Pancho Rivera

It's not hard to figure out where the saying,

"You're so blind that you can't even see what's right in front of you," came from. We often use metaphors like

this one to describe how people do not comprehend the fact that someone may or may not be interested in them,

flirting with them, or trying to get their attention. It's not every day the meaning can be taken figuratively and

literally at the same time. This, of coure, is where I come in.

I'm looking into laser eye surgery. Instead

of wearing glasses or contacts, I've chosen the worst option of walking around and squinting when necessary after

two instances of getting hit in the face: one where I scratched my glasses and the other that almost blinded me from

getting slapped in the face. I am finally financially and chronologically sound enough to undergo this precedure,

so I schedule my eye exam. I get up in the morning and decide that I haven't been wearing enough SOE when I use it

because I've heard that 6" is better than the 4" I normally use. Of course I find the perfect amount of -mones to

use when I can't see a thing.

I go to the doctor's office, get my eyes dilated, have the exam, and get back to

the office. I only took 12 steps into the building before an attractive woman starts talking to me. I'm wearing

sunglasses inside because my pupils are the size of dimes, and my sight is so messed up from the eyedrops that I

can't see well with or without them. Needless to say, I had no idea that this attractive woman was talking to me

as I walk inside the elevator. Seeing as we're the only two people in the elevator and she's looking at me when

she speaks, I finally get the hint.

I can't believe what is happening. In my whole life, I probably have more

fingers than I have memories of attractive women starting a conversation with me. I'm wearing SOE that is

apparently working, my most form-fitting outfit that accentuates my thin, muscular physique in all the right places,

and sunglasses inside an elevator. This woman is talking to me, she's going to the same floor as me, and she's

looking at me with what I perceived with my horrible vision to be one of the most sincere and playful smiles I've

seen in a long time given in my direction. It's only when I'm completely discombobulated and in the most

uncomfortable of circumstances that an attractive woman flirts with me. I have two words for Fate, and they're

not, "How ironic..."

As I walk up to the elevator, she starts talking about how much noise her shoes are making.

She makes a comment or two that I don't remember because I didn't know she was talking to me before we went

inside the elevator. As we got in together, I see her talking directly to me with the tone of voice like she just

made a couple of jokes about them to me in a friendly, almost flirty way. When she looks at me with a big smile on

her face, I suddenly become very aware that I'm still wearing my sunglasses, and although I know I'm still wearing

them because my eyes are dilated, anyone else would just think me a fool trying to be cool. Between the look on my

face from feeling uncomfortable because of my lack of regular eyesight, dilation, and wearing sunglasses in an

elevator, I couldn't help but think she must think I'm crazy. It reminded me of the small part of Scooby-Doo

I watched the other day where the nerdy girl tries to be attractive and the guy asks if she needs to use the

restroom. I'm sure I was pretty close to that.

Somehow, though, she keeps going with a big smile on her face

and being friendly with me. I'm trying to get my act together so I can pay attention to what she's saying despite

the fact that I'm still trying to focus on getting used to my hindered sight. She looks at the bottom of her heel

and notices that the rubber or whatever that was at the bottom wasn't there anymore, so the heels were making

noise. Without saying a word, I manage to keep my eyes on her (even though I couldn't see well) enough to give the

impression I was with her on what she was talking about even though I'm completely out of my element. I snap out

of my daze and get myself together, but all I can come up with is what I would naturally say as almost instinct in

response to what she said: "Well, I guess you'll have to walk on carpeting for the rest of the day."

Okay, so

that's pretty good for the situation I was in, but it's pretty sad that it took me a good 30 seconds for what

should've taken 3. She apparently likes my joke, as she laughs and keeps talking about it as we walk out of the

elevator. I start going in the other direction as she keeps talking. Now, I could have gone the other way and

walked with her to get where I was going, but I went the other way.

That's all I said, by the way. That one

sentence. I don't forget things, either, and I barely remember much of that incident. I'm not sure it's

forgetting as much as it is not being able to capture it in the first place because I couldn't see.

I walk to

my cube and sit down. The rest of the day was similar, as I had abnormally attractive women walking past me all

day. I don't know where they came from, but I don't remember them being there before. You may insert your joke

about me not being able to see so they appeared more attractive here, by the way...

Of course, I make the best

of every encounter by---what else?---keeping a strained look on my face because I'm trying to keep my eyes

protected from their extreme dilation. I haven't seen so many attractive women give me looks looks like this all

in one day, and yet I can't see well enough to appreciate it or keep an attractive look on my face to capitalize on

it.

I don't fully comprehend everything until I get on the elevator to go home with two attractive women I've

never seen on my floor before. Both of them look at me, and one of them looks at me three times...all with a hint

of trying to size me up. When this happens, I walk outside realizing everything I missed that day. I smack my

forehead and think to myself, "Oh, man...I can't believe that."

They say that love is blind...it must be true

because the women are really feeling me when I am. It figures.

PR

[silksand]

I wonder if your dilated eyes

had some subliminal effect on the women ... you know how our pupils dilate when we see something desirable? Maybe

you were looking very aroused in your discombobulated state... ;)

How interesting that without perfect

vision, you didn't hear very well ... are you visual-dominant?

[Mtnjim]

" I'm looking into laser eye

surgery. Instead of wearing glasses or contacts,"

No matter what happened that day, you are lucky. I too was

looking into laser eye surgery. During the exam, they discovered they couldn't do it because I have cataracts (like

I keep telling people, geting old isn't for wimps!). The good news is that right now they are still controllable

with glasses, but when time for surgery comes, it'll be like getting Laser Surgery, except it'll be covered by

insurance.

[Pancho1188]

Introverts and the People who (Don't) Love Them
By Pancho Rivera



(Readers: Please note the dual storyline - a story and commentary. If not, the writing will seem to jump

off topic too frequently. The font colors are different, but in the event that you cannot see the different colors,

dividers have been provided.)

I'm exhausted. I spent all day with a large group of people

and then entered into a large social gathering and didn't even have the energy to carry on a

conversation.

I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the

beginning.


*****************

I'm an introvert. Introversion is very misunderstood

concept, as many mistake it for shyness or social anxiety disorder. Both are inaccurate descriptions. It's about

time that I define it for the misinformed, as I am tired of people telling me that my behavior is somehow wrong or

curable.

There are two types of people: Introverts and Extroverts. Although they differ greatly in many

respects, there is one fundamental difference in the way the body charges its psychological/emotional battery. You

either charge your battery by being alone and taking time to think or mentally rest (Introvert) or become energized

through large gatherings and feed off of the life of a crowd (Extrovert). What does this mean? Well, it means that

an extrovert can only spend so much time by himself before he goes crazy, while an introvert can only spend so much

time in a large group or crowd before he goes crazy.

Another example is how one becomes stimulated. Introverts

are stimulated internally through thoughts, feelings, and ideas, so too much external activity/chaose will

overstimulate them and create the need for time alone. Extroverts can only receive stimulation externally, so they

must attend social functions and large gatherings in order to gain a satisfactory amount of stimulation.

An

extreme extrovert is a person who is on the phone 24/7 because they can never spend a quiet moment by themselves,

and an extreme introvert is someone you will never see at a party because they cannot take the chaotic, crowded

environment. If you have ever seen a wallflower at a party who just wants to go home, you have seen an introvert

(or someone being introverted) who does not have the energy to be social at that party. If you see someone at a

bus/subway station or airport not able to sit for more than 5 seconds before they have to talk to a stranger or call

500 people, you have seen an extrovert (or someone being extroverted).

Once you understand this concept, you can

understand the following situation...


*****************

I'm walking into a

restaurant where almost 40 of my colleagues are getting drinks and making small talk. As I look through the window

and see the socializing, I feel the culmination of my dread. Why would I be dreading this moment? Well, I just

spent all day in a [corporate] classroom with these people, and I have a sinking feeling that I'm not going to be

able to do this.


*****************

Why wouldn't I be able to do this? I am asking

several questions...but I already know the answers. The questions are the result of over two decades of

brainwashing that going out and socializing with a bunch of people is the greatest thing in the world and what every

person should love to do. From that perspective, this is a great opportunity to meet new people, make small talk,

network with colleagues, and maybe even learn a thing or two about something or someone. That would be true if that

sort of thing excited me...if somehow holding a dozen or so conversations over the course of the night with twenty

different people would get my spirit up and energize me...but id doesn't. Instead, it sucks the life out of me.



Don't get me wrong...I can handle large social gatherings if the need arises. With proper preparation (and,

for my sake, a buffer in the form of a friend that I can lean on to get me started), I can mingle and carry a

conversation as long as it needs to go. It is just an exhausting task. If I do not conserve energy as best as

possible, I will be miserable and speechless in a shorter time than it takes to decide to tear apart an envelope

that says "Important Information Enclosed" (Nothing sent via mail that was actually important has ever had that on

the front).


*****************

I look back at the week so far. Two complete days

engaged in a large discussion with a group of 50 people. A swarm of conversations ensue between presentations. I

know I used to do this for school a lot, but even in high school it was mostly lectures you could space out during

and college was only 3-4 classes per day. I have been around a lot of people for a long period of time, and all I

can think about is how I just want to go home. Now, as I walk to the door, I know this is just not going to happen.

I enter the restaurant to accept my fate. As I walk in, I pull classic introvert moves. I move to where I can do

something other than talk: the food and drink tables (Note: The bathroom is usually the sanctuary for introverts

trying to escape a crowd). I swear I ate like there was no tomorrow, and I kept my mouth chewing at all times. I

realized that I was just going to be here to say I was here and get out as soon as

possible.

For the first time in my life, I did not even try to pretend

that I was anything other than an introvert who had no energy for a social gathering. I made no attempt to engage

other people or do anything. I came, I ate, I departed [well, I at least hoped to leave ASAP]. Then, of course, as

I stick a large piece of food in my mouth and try to make my way over to the beverages, I am intercepted and brought

into a conversation. Dammit...

Then, I thought: wait a second.

This is the perfect time for a social experiment on introversion. I just made a huge connection today. My

interactions have been less than fulfilling all day, and I wonder if this has something to do with it.




*****************



I have been in a slump recently. Just as most people's lives ebb and flow, my social

life/ability/interactions fluctuate greatly, containing trends of weeks to months in duration and quick jumps within

a day (conversations in the morning could be fantastic, another two later in the day could be horrid, and the tone

of my interactions will return and maintain that relatively great level).



In the mid to late summer, things were going great. I had a crew from work to have lunch with and go

out with after work if the mood struck us, and I found myself being a key part of this group. I had the witty

comments, the Seinfeld references, the interesting facts and stories all flowing perfectly. I haven't been

part of a solid group like this for almost a year now, and the time before that was the end of my college career. I

thought maybe the tide had turned in my favor, and I was looking to keep it that way.

Things change,

however, and I had found myself losing my important role in the group. I felt like I was quickly becoming an

outcast, whether is was because I missed a few gatherings or because I was running out of material.

"Running out

of material"...it is funny how change can make you think that maybe you're just putting on a facade and it suddenly

went away. I don't believe that for a second, but you know things are starting to get bad when every other thing

that comes out of your mouth is either not understood by anyone or practically ignored when the subject is changed

immediately. It comes to the point where you think you are either boring or having nothing interesting to say to

people.

I don't claim to understand it, but I go from conversational guru to socially disfunctional from one

time period to the next. Go figure.


*****************


I look back at my

day. For the past 36 hours, I have felt either ignored or socially ineffective. It has been a part of a recent

stretch of relatively frequent social debacles, and both cases have involved high people engagement. Things like

body language, attitude, appearance, and pheromones could all be factors in this, but I have just realized that

there might be more. When I am socially exhausted, people become completely turned off by conversations with me. I

can do anything, but my efforts would be as futile as trying to stop making Rocky movies or bad reality TV shows.

Here is my chance to test it.

After chewing the enormous bite I

took, I make my attempt at solving this riddle that has puzzled me for my whole life. I make sure that my body

language and conversation content is practically identical to any other time or situation. I take my best shot at

salvaging this potential disaster. This conversation lasts a couple of minutes before it dissolves. Fortunately,

they put some new food on the table for me to go sample. When I return, I get one more shot at this. A person I

have not met before walks by, and I introduce myself and my colleague. After a few minutes, my colleague goes away,

and I am left alone to battle the inevitable boredom and tedious conversation that would typically arise in my

state. I pay attention to body language, and I can see that this guy is looking for an out. Granted, he decided to

leave the event, but I think I can just tell that this was not one of my best

moments.

I leave the party feeling miserable. I hit the gym and

start running. For the first few minutes, I listen to the music while cursing in my head and venting overall

aggrevation. Then, I realize, that this was all caused by my energy being drained. I realize the irony of

understanding that my energy was drained and running helped recharge it (charging one battery while draining

another, I guess), but it all makes sense now. When my battery is dead, people do not respond to me at all, and I

begin to feel miserable. Just as pheromones cause people to act differently, my body's psychological energy level

can affect how people react to me and even how I feel. What a fascinating

realization.


*****************


I

am introverted. I interact with the world on a much different level that 75% of the United States. For the first

time in my life, I do not represent the majority. While the single, white, male, 20's demographic (alias John Q.

Public, alias Joe Schmoe, alias will fit the basic profile of most serial killers when he reaches an older age

group) was my previous locale, I now fit in a minority of people that have a difficult time assimilating to the

culture because I am different.



They say the hardest part of life is finding out who you are. What about

the part where you have to accept the difference between who you are and who you have to be to fit in? I've spent

my whole life making excuses, and when I first told the truth, people think I am shy/reserved/quiet or I have an

anxiety disorder.



I would continue this pondering, but I have another class soon and have to recover so as

to be prepared for my next social marathon. It could be worse...I could require partying hard, taking drugs, and

seeking cheap thrills to get the external stimulation I would need as an extrovert.

I think that for once in my

life I'm content being alone with nothing to do but relax. Apparently, I need it to retain my sanity.



PR

[Visionary7903]

Excellent stuff Pancho I

learned something from that! :thumbsup:
I am an introvert too and proud of it. I think there are a lot of

intoverted-type of people on this forum looking to improve their lives and who need the 'edge' that mones

provide.

Visionary

[Pancho1188]

Panch Drunk

Love
By Pancho Rivera

I'm in love.

Not really, but the thought pops into my head a lot. I

guess I really want to be in love, or maybe I just never differentiated between being attracted to someone and

having feelings for them. Either way, I seem to like to think about that a lot in my interactions with women. In

fact, I do it so much that I no longer trust myself to know how to tell when I actually do love someone because of

my inability to clearly differentiate attraction, affection, infatuation, loneliness, and love.

Maybe I took one

too many psychology courses and confused love with positive regard (for those non-psych people, when patients had an

unloving childhood, psychologists use "unconditional positive regard", the professional equivalent of a parent's

unconditional love, to get them to feel comfortable talking and sharing their inner thoughts and feelings). After

all, I can't get a smile from a girl I'm attracted to without turning into a bumbling idiot and losing the ability

to form a coherent sentence. When I can, it's usually because I am so focused on something else that I can never

do anything about it, anyway. Finally, when somehow things do seem to click, it is usually because it is impossible

for anything to happen. That is something I never fully understood, but it is something that is very real.




************************

Fortunately, I have grown past the point of loneliness being my only

motivation for trying to be with someone. I had an opportunity to go out with someone a while ago. Although she

was an attractive girl, I wasn't attracted to her at all. My friend kept asking me if I liked her and telling me

to ask her out. I can take a hint...no matter how dense I make myself out to be, I could see that one. It seems to

be that you can always tell when someone you don't like likes you. I won't say it is never the case the other way

around (after all, that would go against one of my other stories), but I would say that I have yet to have it happen

for someone who made me forget my own name when I saw her (I guess you have to have a name before someone can like

you, right? ;)).

This woman happened to live near me, so I told her that we should hang out sometime. She came

over my place, and we watched some movies after I made dinner. I made a pretty good meal, and it was a good time

all around. I popped in another movie, and I even switched the futon into the bed position so we could lie down. I

know how bad that sounds, but I have this natural inclination to lie down when I'm watching a movie at home, and I

was already slowly tilting over more and more on the futon as it was until I was curled up in a ball, trying to stop

from stretching my legs and kicking her. So, of course I was lying with her with some blankets watching a movie,

and I stepped back for a moment to assess the situation. It had been a while since I had been in this situation,

and I found it strange and funny that I had no intentions other than to watch this movie. I flashed back to my

ex-girlfriend, with whom I shared many movies and many moves on this same futon, always hoping to cuddle up and make

out at some point during or afterwards (usually afterwards on the making out - hey, I watch movies from beginning to

end).

I was close enough to feel her body close to mine, and I was tempted beyond Adam and Eve to do something

while I was there, but I didn't. I did not like her more than a friend, and although I knew I could have done

something about it, I didn't. I think I finally decided that I should learn how to be friends with women and leave

it at that. This is not because I can't, the way I thought about it in the past, but because I don't want to deal

with it. I am taking control, and I do not want anything right now.

The movie ended, and we lied there for a

while, not wanting to get up. The pressure was rising, as it was obvious that it was an easy move to make. After

all, I've done this several times before and could do it again. When I know something like I did then, I could

just do it. This time, however, it was just not right. "I wish I knew what you were thinking," she said. Be

careful what you wish for...I don't think she wanted to know the answer. I didn't even want to know the answer.

Finally, we got up, and she got ready to go home. I walked her out and asked her how she left it with this guy at

work who likes her but she didn't like him. She looked directly at me and said, "I told him that I was interested

in someone else." I tried not to physically mimic the whincing that was going on in my head. I pretended like I

thought she was insinuating that she lied to the guy and started laughing that laugh I do at random times in the

conversation that makes people wonder what is so funny. It wasn't the same after that. The next morning, we met

on the way to the bus to work without me saying much. I don't usually talk in the morning and made no effort to

pretend that I did during that trip, which basically made her uncomfortable. We tried to do something again later,

but I was busy and nothing ever really happened since.


************************


This

was not my only moment of personal growth. The friend who actually was trying to get me to go out with that girl

was actually the first step in this new development.

Shortly prior to the above incident, I meet the newest

addition to our team. We became friends quickly, as we connected with some great witty banter and interesting

conversations. What is funny is that, looking at her for the first time, I do not find her attractive. In fact, I

notice that she has almost a lisp (not quite, but the closest analogy I could make), which I could not determine

whether it what her manner of speaking English as a second language (even though she speaks it as well as I do) or

because of the structure of her teeth, which I noticed to be slightly different than what I would consider perfect,

although there is nothing inherently wrong with them.

As it turns out, she is gorgeous. Guys hit on her all of

the time, and she even has the attitude of someone who is gorgeous sometimes. I don't know how I missed that one.

Maybe it was because she stopped by my cube on her first day like I was supposed to know her, so I thought she was

someone else I knew for a short time and waited to get more information as to what she was doing at my cube before I

was comfortable making a final guess. Obviously, it was her first day.

She is the first woman of that caliber

that I have ever been friends with. I obviously have to attribute this to the fact that I didn't notice her beauty

at first and that I am not and was never attracted to her. Therefore, I did not act like it and did not go into my

goofy character that seems to emerge in the presence of the attractive. This was possibly the greatest breakthrough

in recent memory. Why? With an attractive female friend comes...well...more attractive female friends.

My life

turned on its head after that. I was introduced to several other attractive women and now have a group of

attractive female friends that I hang out with on a regular basis. Like George Costanza in the Seinfeld

episode where he uses a picture of an attractive woman to get him into the circle of attractive women, I raised

my game and probably my perceived attractiveness to a whole level.


************************




By controlling my feelings, preventing loneliness from imparing my judgment, and deciding that I am

not going out with anyone right now and will actually try to befriend women I am attracted to rather than acting

like an idiot with a crush, I finally felt alright about things. I kept myself out of trouble (i.e. keeping my mind

out of the attraction mindset) for a while, but something had to happen. There is a woman that collects trinkets

from different cities, and I sent an email about two months ago to my family as a joke that if they ever found a

cheap trinket with the city's name on it to get it and send it to me for a free drink (the offer from the woman to

anyone who finds one for her). Of course, my family steps up to the plate and asks me about this request. I told

them I was joking around (I mentioned to the woman that I had family everywhere around the US and could probably

fill her collection quickly), but of course I get one from my grandmother the next time that I see her.

How am I

going to sell this story? "Hello, I emailed my whole family so I could get a trinket to add to your collection.

Now you have to hang out with me long enough for me to seduce you." Men have said and done worse, but I of course

have no intention of that. As I said, I am not going out with anyone anytime soon, and I would like for once to

befriend women I find attractive. Unfortunately, as the difference between a straight male-straight woman

friendship and gay male-straight woman friendship, if you have a penis and you are not gay, women naturally think

you are hitting on them if you do anything...anything at all. Seriously, you could be Superman saving a woman from

falling to her death, and when you set her down, someone somewhere would walk up to you and say, "Nice...so what, do

you like her? Why didn't you ask her out?" One day, I would like to just ask someone out as a friend, have them

reject me thinking I'm asking them out for a date, and say, "What, because I have a penis, I can't be your friend?

Whatever..."

I walk down the hall to her cube ready to tell my little story. I ask her if she has a moment,

and I sit down and tell it to the best of my ability, saying that I sent an email to my geographically dispersed

family as a joke thinking that nobody sells the things she was collecting and got a call and an email from family

members asking me about this and telling me they'll buy one for me while they are in Seattle, Austria, or other

places. I tell her about my grandmother and how she gave me the trinket to give to her and how she said, "Enjoy

your free drink."

As I say this, she smiles and set her hand on my knee, which catches me by surprise. I swear,

I must be autistic because people touching me always makes me jump and then freeze until the contact is completed.

I think I handled it better than in the past, though, and despite my blushing and obvious embarrassment upon her

telling her colleague and probably being overheard by two or three more people, I get through my story. She tells

me how much she understands because she is close to her grandparents and would even like to send my grandmother a

thank-you note. I tell her I'll email her the contact information and wait for her to let me know when she was

available to take me out for that free drink (it's Q4, so people in her area probably have tight schedules, and

besides, if she's supposed to take me out, she should extend the offer, I guess). I sent the information, but I

have yet to hear back in a couple of weeks. Oh, well. I guess you can't get past your gender in these situations.

I was all excited, too, because she is gorgeous and would be a great new addition to my list of attractive

friends.


************************


I thought that would be the last little

excitement in the female arena for a while. In fact, I thought that my new philosophy was working so well that I

would be done with any romantic fantasies until I decided I was ready to actually pursue, acquire, and follow

through with something real. Apparently, I thought too soon. I had it so easy for a while that I underestimated

the power of a woman that could melt my heart at the sight of her face.

There's this girl that works in the

same department as I do, but fortunately for my sanity I do not interact with her much. As you can guess, it was

during one of these periods in which I had several interactions that I broke down, and it just got worse from

there.

I don't know what it is about this woman, but she is the kind of girl that could make me forget my own

name. After a good conversation with her, I will walk around with a pleasant feeling for hours. I am not the same

person after it, and I walk around in a daze forever until I finally come down from the high and go back to normal.

I think it has to be quite obvious, and I tell everyone how I am just completely infatuated with this woman when I

am in her vicinity.

I walk by her cube late one night to set something on a colleague's desk, and she asks me

what I am still doing here. I tell her I had to get something on someone's desk before I left, and then I ask what

she is doing here because she is usually gone much earlier than this. She tells me she is travelling to the big

meeting we have tomorrow and has to be ready for her 7 a.m. flight. I ask her if there is anything I could do to

help, and I hang around while she is getting copies of some projects ready to take with her. I ask why I don't see

her at the gym anymore, and she said she quit 'donating' to the gym a while ago. I walk her outside and ask her

if she forgot her purse. She tells me that her friend is waiting for her outside and it's in there already. I say

goodbye and go home, but the feeling lingers. It takes about an hour or so to snap out of it.

A little over a

week later, she stops by my desk and hounds us for not signing up for the 5K charity event that she is the main

contact for in our area. Of course, I made a bunch of signs last year for the event and was going to do this one

but never heard anything about it. While I had the opportunity, I figured I would go and pick a fight (the kind you

pick with people you like). I printed out my signs and went over to put one on her cube. She said that the person

organizing it for the department probably wouldn't like it, but I could hang it up inside her cube. I told her

that I wasn't going to hang it up if she didn't want it, but then she insisted so I taped it to the wall. I asked

her how to sign up, and she said just to email her. I, of course, go back to my desk and write one of my signature

emails with a serious part and a joking part, saying how I just ran a marathon so I should be able to handle a 5K

and that I don't get why everyone is so uptight about me posting fun signs for the charity walk (I took 50 Cent, P.

Diddy, etc. from their "Vote or Die" campaign and altered the pictures to say, "Walk or Die"; I also took the "Rock

the Vote" sign and changed it to "Rock the Walk"). I guess you can't mix business with pleasure or

something...which brings me to the part where she never replied, as she almost never replies via email. She must

get a million emails per day like a lot of people I work with.

Shortly after this encounter, I have a

conversation with my friend (my attractive colleague I'm not attracted to) about having a surprise party for the

woman's recent promotion. While we were on the subject, she tells me that the woman has a boyfriend.

"I know,"

I reply. "She has two pictures of him on her desk."
She asks, "How did you know it was her boyfriend?"
"It was a

picture of just the two of them and the only one in a frame. Besides, he was doing the boyfriend pose - you know,

he was turned slightly in her direction and had his arm behind her, and they were standing rather formally."
"Oh,

so you already knew she has been with this guy for four years?"
"No, actually, but I was working late one night and

noticed how everyone's lights are always left on. Her lamp was still on, so I went to turn it off and noticed the

pictures."
"But you still like her?" She asked this because she knows my policy.
"Hey, usually my mind snaps out

of it the minute I hear the word 'boyfriend', but it just never clicked for me in a way that kept me from acting

stupid around her. I told you, though, I was never planning on asking her out. Look, I know how you are when you

know someone likes someone else. You mention them a lot and ask questions." I was referring to the fact that I

knew she was insinuating I go out with the girl I mentioned earlier. "Please don't mention me to her; I don't

need her figuring out from you that I have this stupid infatuation that I am never going to act on, anyway."

Of

course, later that day, we have cake for her and my friend just has to go and mention that I was the one who bought

the cake. She thanked me, but of course I was too busy trying to put the box to the cake with the last piece back

together to give to her before she left to give a better response than, "Of course."

Once again, I figure that

this was it for a while. I seriously need to get back to the way it was recently where I somehow forgot that I was

a human with the need for some sort of deep emotional connection with someone. Instead of going to sit down, I was

on deck and stepping up to the plate shortly.

This week is over 45 hours of intense training for my job. On top

of that, I need to keep up with the preparations for the meeting we have coming up, so I need to check email and do

some extra work after hours. Even worse, the training is with over 50 people, and spending that much time every day

in the same room with engaging conversation is testing my energy level as an introvert. To add to this situation,

there are a couple of girls in this room that could draw my attention away from the speakers for half of this

program. I figure I will be okay, but time and events can have an effect on people.

The first pitch is

delivered while I am not looking. I am running to my desk to check email, and then I run back to the room. While

running down the staircase, I am of course watching the steps and not paying attention to anything else until I

hear, "Hi, Pancho. How are you doing?" As I am flying down the stairs, I look up in just enough time to see my

trinket girl passing right next to me. I, not looking and still running to get back in time, think just enough to

release a, "Hi, I'm doing well. Thanks for asking!" before I clear the stairs and bolt into the room. Of course,

I missed my opportunity to flirt and secure that coffee date in the near future or at least build rapport and ask

how she is doing, making it a called strike for a 0-1 count.

I am two days into the session, and I think the

intensity of the training, the people, and the time is getting to me. Since I am in the presence of so many pretty

faces, I take plenty of long glances to the girls that strike my fancy. I guess it keeps me awake and motivated,

since beautiful surroundings create pleasant feelings. I can feel it starting to get to me, though, in the sense

that I am starting to feel like I want to be with someone.

The second pitch comes the next day when we are at

lunch. This cute girl who I've known for a while and have talked to a couple of times sits next to me in our

group. I mention the Northwestern joke I made about her since Penn State beat them a few weeks before and I rubbed

it in her face for no reason but to get a laugh. While eating my pizza, I look down and notice that my hands are

covered in black from part of the pizza being overcooked. I am having an obsessive-compulsive fit because I can't

get it off, and she talks to me while I say, "Look at this! This black stuff is all over my hands! I can't get it

off! Ahhhh!" When I finally realize that she was talking to me, I apologize and ask her what she said. "Oh,

nevermind. It was nothing important." I haven't heard that from someone in years...in fact, I say that a lot but

am not used to hearing it. To show that I wasn't not paying attention to her because I didn't care what she was

saying, I said, "No, go ahead. It was something about my program..." I finally got her talking about it, and we

had a decent conversation. I noticed a hint of something that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I think it was

interest, but I probably couldn't recognize it because I haven't seen it in a while. That was a ball, bringing

the count to 1-1.

The next day, a similar event occurred. I arrive at the meeting last, as usual, and the first

seat I find is right next to the girl I sat with at lunch the previous day. Besides having a great seat, at the end

of the day, she had her presentation sitting on the floor next to a bottle of lotion. I take the lotion bottle and

start fake-pounding on it with my fist, pretending to squirt it all over her presentation. "Sabotage!" I whisper

to her. I am not sure she gets it at first, and I am not even thinking about the possible miscommunication that I

am doing something else. Once she sees that I am facing the nozzle at her presentation, she laughs, picks up the

bottle, and puts it out of my reach like a mother keeping a trouble-making toy away from a mischievous boy. Ball 2,

2-1. I get a replay shortly later of this when I enter the copy room and she enters behind me to copy her

presentation to give to her team. I was about to scan a large document, so I suggested that she go first. As she

was copying, I made a joke:

"It would be a shame if you had an extra copy and I stole it from you to use in our

final presentation tomorrow."
"But you already saw this presentation today."
"True, but I didn't get a chance to

copy all of your ideas down."
"You seem set on sabotaging our presentation."

I give an evil grin and wonder if

she knows I am just playing with her. She wishes me a good night, and I go to do my scanning.

It is a little

late at the office, and I pass by the woman that makes me swoon. She is still there, so I decide to stop by and

give her a hard time as an excuse to bother her. As I walk up, I notice a huge vase of roses, and I instantly know

who sent them. This serves as a reminder of that long relationship, so reality sinks in and this just becomes a

moment to talk and make a quick joke.

"Wow, those are nice. What's the occasion?"
"Anniversary."
"Ahhh.

Which one is it? How long has it been?"
"A long time..."

Whoa, does she know how she just sounded? Now, by

this time in the week, I have to admit that I am way too out of it to make a judgment call, but that sounded almost

sad. Maybe it was just wishful interpretation and she was just saying that to emphasize that it had been a while,

but, honestly, how many satisfied women do you know who answer like that? At this point, I just keep going.

"4

years?"
"How did you know?" She never told me that. Remember, I heard that from my friend when she was giving me

all of that information about her relationship status. I didn't expect her to think anything of it, so I scrambled

to make my usual wisecracks.

"Well, you said, 'A long time...' That's a long time. Actually, I found out

about it on the internet. There is a whole website devoted to your relationship with pictures and everything."

Wow, I am one step from having my foot in my mouth, but I guess that was alright.

"Anyway, I wanted to know

where my card was. You came all the way over to bug me about it, I sign up, and you don't even give me a card to

put on my cube to show I'm participating."
"We ran out. David isn't here today, and I didn't want to raid his

office to find them."
"Oh, okay."
"Here, you can have mine."
"No, I don't want to take yours, I am just giving

you a hard time about it." I am just here to talk to you because the love chemical in my brain goes crazy when I

look at you and I will bother you with any legitimate excuse I get. Don't you see that? Don't you?!?!? I hope

not, because I'd like to keep that to myself, anyway.

"No, really. Here, take mine. Everyone knows I'm

walking."

I protest while she talks, but she hands it to me and I hold it while I finish talking about it.



"You never got anyone else to sign up." Every usual comeback to that statement comes into my head and is quickly

destroyed because it would usually be self-deprecating or mean-spirited humor like, "That's because I'm a loser,"

or, "I'm not going to bother anyone with that," or whatever. My thought goes to my friend, who isn't walking as

far as I know and would be the only person I would bother asking if she was going. That is the only reason on earth

I can think of for why I said what I said next.

"I know. Maybe I should have done something like this." I

point to the vase of roses. I have been looking at them as much as I've been looking at her.

"What, given them

flowers?"
"Uhhh...yeah." What the hell was I thinking?!?!?! That doesn't make any sense at all. At this point,

I am so out of it that I don't know whether I either said or thought, "Well, one rose." I don't know what the

hell I was thinking, so I quickly change the subject.

"I really feel bad taking this sign. I am going to put it

back on your cube."

Again, she tells me to take it, and I say that I'll go put it up right away. I go to leave

and then remember the other reason I stopped by. I ask her about this project I set up, and she says that she heard

it went well. I tell her I'd give her a copy for her team when I was done in case she wants to use it for another

project. I finish talking to her and go back to my cube. A little time goes by, and I decide that now that I am

out from under her spell, I should actually say something nice about her anniversary. I was so out of it that I

didn't even wish her a happy anniversary. I decided to write something heartfelt instead.

"Subject: Beautiful

Flowers

Someone must be really lucky. :) Then again, maybe two people are really lucky."

Obviously, I was

ambiguous in the first one as to whether I was talking about her (for the flowers) or him (for being so lucky that

he sends flowers in appreciation). That, of course, might be enough to insinuate something, but the second sentence

left no doubt that I was just trying to pay a compliment and make her feel special with what she had. I did not get

a reply, as I knew I wouldn't, but I hope it did something to brighten her day. She is still there almost an hour

later.

"Why are you still here?"
"Why are you still here?"
"I'm not the one with a dozen roses on my

desk," insinuating that she shouldn't be here anymore because there is somewhere else she should be. I still

don't get why she is still here, but it is not my business to press. I still have this feeling that she likes me

despite some evidence that suggests otherwise. Ball 3, 3-1.

I'm ahead in the count. This should be great,

right? Thinks seem to have been in my favor recently, and maybe just the right moment will come where I'll get

something going.

Friday arrives, and the last day of training is here. I spent hours the previous night

drafting the presentation to lessen the work for our teem today. Apparently, this work was desperately needed, as

we arrived in our final team preparation meeting with a lot of work to be done. I am scrambling to get things done,

and I get slide after slide ready without moving from my seat. Lunch goes by, and I get about 5 bites of my

sandwich the whole time before final edits are made.

As I am working on the fifth or six page, one of the women

in our group comes over to show me her page. This woman is all-around beautiful, but there is something about her

that I cannot get past and even know why. She has these big, beautiful eyes, and if you know anything about

psychology, you know that big eyes are attractive. Babies have big eyes for this reason: an evolutionary way for

humans to naturally find babies to be adorable, they have several characteristics that make them great. Also, these

type of eyes are rated highly in attractiveness scales. I feel bad because I was staring at her constantly, and to

make it worse it was always directly into her eyes because they were captivating. If I could, I would stare into

them all day. Honestly, besides knowing that she has short, blond hair and that she is thin, I don't know what the

rest of her looks like in more detail than those eyes.

She goes over the page with me, and I draw it up on the

computer. She comes by later, puts her hands on my shoulder, and asks how I am doing. I am not even sure if I

answered her because I was so focused on what I was doing. A half-hour or so later (time was crunched and I could

not tell how much was going by at any moment despite my constant clock-checking), the presentation was almost done,

and we were racing the clock as our presentation was almost about to begin. She puts on her makeup and tells me

that she would buy me a drink if we weren't already having a company-sponsored happy hour after the presentation.

I look up as she says this, and she is putting on some type of shiny lipstick. I stare for a moment and look at

something other than her eyes for once. Damn............................. *Snap* I get back to work. Strike 2.

3-2.

We give the presentations, and I go back to the room we were preparing in to get my stuff. Apparently,

this was the site of the happy hour. Whoops. They moved all of our stuff in no particular order to another room.

I scramble over to look for my stuff, but the cap with attached necklace to my USB memory stick is gone. I can't

find it, and it is driving me insane because I never lose anything. My obsessive-compulsive behavior kicks in, and

I am looking frantically for it. I grab what I could find and take it back to my desk so I don't lose it, and I

get back to my cube only to find my chair is gone and someone was logged into my computer with their username

locked. I'm starting to stress out. I've been around a large group of people all week, there is a large social

event going on, someone touched and moved my possessions, and I can't find things. I am losing it. During this

little panic, I miss the bulk of the happy hour.

As I am running around, someone tells me that someone found a

USB-related item. I turn to find the most attractive girl at the meeting standing two feet in front of me looking

directly into my eyes. I did not see that one coming, and I am shocked. I could have stopped and talked to her,

but instead I thanked her and ran off to find my stuff.

Later, one of my teammates stops me to say goodbye, and

I ask her if she happened to see it or (even better because I'd have found it) take it while she was putting her

laptop away. We looked for a minute or two, but then she had to leave. As she was leaving, Big Beautiful Eyes was

getting ready to leave, too, and overheard me talking about how I never lose anything.

"You'd hate being with

me, then." What?!?!?!? Did she just say what I think she said? Once again, I hear my words coming out of someone

else's mouth that have always been used around someone I like. Of course, I was too busy scrambling to find my

lost stuff, so I kept looking around. As they left, she thanked our teammate for keeping us all together, and then

they thanked me for my job on the presentation, saying there would be no presentation without me. They leave, and I

make my final attempts to find whatever else I could find, missing what appears to me in hindsight to be huge missed

opportunities. Strike 3. I'm out...

I go back to the happy hour, have a drink, and help the organizer clean

up. I am about to leave when I decide to thank someone I never met in person for helping me out last year on a

project via a colleague and email. Because of this, I get into a conversation with him and this girl that I

actually had lunch with through the same colleague a couple of times a few months before the other event, meaning it

was almost a year and a half ago. As thanks for my assistance with cleanup, I got a free ride home courtesy of the

organizer, who I should have remembered better before being reminded.

I slowly begin to fall asleep after I get

home while thoughts and images of the week's events danced through my head. I suddenly remember that I was going

to try and ask out this one girl, one of the attractive girls in my lunch group, to a movie over the weekend but

never had a moment that day to make it to her desk. I had a dream about her the night before, and I had a feeling I

should ask her out the day before when I stopped by to give her a cookie and show her something we were talking

about the previous week. I can't put my finger on it, but something was telling me to ask her out. Unfortunately,

time was not on my side this week, and I fell asleep thinking about the romantic adventures of Pancho Rivera...



I wake up on Saturday and take a day off from life. There needs to be some downtime from all of that action. I

figured that this might finally be the end of things for a while since I won't be seeing the people I had training

with very much anymore. Of course, I check my email to see if anything happened last night that I should be aware

of, and who would have thought: the trinket girl sent me an email the night before apologizing and telling me that

we will definitely go out for a drink very soon. The catcher must have dropped the ball on the third strike and

gave me a chance advance to first. Maybe things might work out after all. Maybe this crazy week with women might

amount to something. Maybe I'll get to think for the second time in my life, "I'm in love." Maybe I'll just,

for once in my life, have a gorgeous female that I am attracted to as my friend. Either way, three out of four

ain't bad.

PR