MOBLEYC57
03-28-2004, 04:49 PM
A BLONDE DWARF
A
little blonde dwarf lady goes into her doctor\'s office complaining of an irritated crotch. After an examination
the doctor sighs, \"I don\'t seem to see any problem. Does it get better or worse at any time?\"
\"Yeah,
its really bad whenever it rains.\" she replies.
\"Well, then,\" says the Doc, \"Next time it rains, get in
here at once, and we\'ll take another look at it.\"
Two weeks later it\'s raining really hard, and the
little lady shows up at the doctor\'s office.
\"Doctor, it\'s really bad today. Please, you have to help
me!!\"
\"Well, let\'s have a look,\" he says as he lifts her up onto the table. \"Oh, yes, I think I see
the problem. Nurse, bring me a surgical kit. Don\'t worry ma\'am this won\'t hurt a bit.\"
The dwarf lady
closes her eyes in painful anticipation. The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. \"There
you go, ma\'am, try that.\"
She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims, \"That\'s great, Doc,
what did you do!!?\"
To which the doctor replied, \"I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain
boots.\"
PAIN RELIEF
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the
twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground
and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to
apologize. She said, \"Please allow me to help. I\'m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if
you\'d allow.\"
\"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I\'ll be all right...I\'ll be fine in a few minutes,\" he replied
breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she
persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she
loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, \"How does that
feel?\"
To which he replied, \"It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.\"
Q & A
anyone?
Q: What’s the definition of indefinitely?
A: When your balls are slapping up against her rear, you’re
in...definitely!
Q: What does a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A: They’re both meat substitues.
Q: How
did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: His hand caught fire.
Q: Where did they find Michael Jackson’s
other glove?
A: In Boy George’s shorts.
Q: Why is sex like a game of bridge?
A: You don’t need a partner if
you’ve got a good hand.
Q: Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?
A: Because the
sperm is handmade.
Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
A: Put a nipple on it.
Q: What should you do
if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q: What’s the difference between oral sex
& anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A:
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your
dic#.
------------------------------------------------------------
THE GROSS SECTION (Not for the weak at
heart)
FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE
A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He
knocks, a lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps horse dung all
over the carpet.
He says, \"Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don\'t do wonders cleaning up that horse dung,
I\'ll eat every chunk of it.\" She says, \"You want tomato sauce on that? We just moved in and we haven\'t got
the electricity turned on yet.\"
LITTLE JOHNNY
Little Johnny\'s teacher found Little Johnny in the
playground studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while Little Johnny held the tiny object up to the
light, saying, \"Well, it looks plastic.\" Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, \"But it feels like
rubber.\"
Curious, the teacher asked, \"What do you have there?\"
Little Johnny replied, \"I don\'t
know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber.\"
The teacher responded, \"Let me take a look.\"
So Little Johnny handed it over and the teacher rolled it between his thumb and fingers, then examined it
closely by sniffing and licking it. \"Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant
smell or taste, I sure don\'t know what it is. Where did you get it?\"
Little Johnny replied, \"Out of my
nose.\"
May your Sunday\'s ending be niiiice and relaxxxxxxxing, and your Monday....just as good!
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif
Got any soy beans I can borrow?
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif
A
little blonde dwarf lady goes into her doctor\'s office complaining of an irritated crotch. After an examination
the doctor sighs, \"I don\'t seem to see any problem. Does it get better or worse at any time?\"
\"Yeah,
its really bad whenever it rains.\" she replies.
\"Well, then,\" says the Doc, \"Next time it rains, get in
here at once, and we\'ll take another look at it.\"
Two weeks later it\'s raining really hard, and the
little lady shows up at the doctor\'s office.
\"Doctor, it\'s really bad today. Please, you have to help
me!!\"
\"Well, let\'s have a look,\" he says as he lifts her up onto the table. \"Oh, yes, I think I see
the problem. Nurse, bring me a surgical kit. Don\'t worry ma\'am this won\'t hurt a bit.\"
The dwarf lady
closes her eyes in painful anticipation. The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. \"There
you go, ma\'am, try that.\"
She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims, \"That\'s great, Doc,
what did you do!!?\"
To which the doctor replied, \"I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain
boots.\"
PAIN RELIEF
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the
twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground
and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to
apologize. She said, \"Please allow me to help. I\'m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if
you\'d allow.\"
\"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I\'ll be all right...I\'ll be fine in a few minutes,\" he replied
breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she
persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she
loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, \"How does that
feel?\"
To which he replied, \"It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.\"
Q & A
anyone?
Q: What’s the definition of indefinitely?
A: When your balls are slapping up against her rear, you’re
in...definitely!
Q: What does a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A: They’re both meat substitues.
Q: How
did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: His hand caught fire.
Q: Where did they find Michael Jackson’s
other glove?
A: In Boy George’s shorts.
Q: Why is sex like a game of bridge?
A: You don’t need a partner if
you’ve got a good hand.
Q: Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?
A: Because the
sperm is handmade.
Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
A: Put a nipple on it.
Q: What should you do
if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q: What’s the difference between oral sex
& anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A:
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your
dic#.
------------------------------------------------------------
THE GROSS SECTION (Not for the weak at
heart)
FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE
A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He
knocks, a lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps horse dung all
over the carpet.
He says, \"Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don\'t do wonders cleaning up that horse dung,
I\'ll eat every chunk of it.\" She says, \"You want tomato sauce on that? We just moved in and we haven\'t got
the electricity turned on yet.\"
LITTLE JOHNNY
Little Johnny\'s teacher found Little Johnny in the
playground studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while Little Johnny held the tiny object up to the
light, saying, \"Well, it looks plastic.\" Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, \"But it feels like
rubber.\"
Curious, the teacher asked, \"What do you have there?\"
Little Johnny replied, \"I don\'t
know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber.\"
The teacher responded, \"Let me take a look.\"
So Little Johnny handed it over and the teacher rolled it between his thumb and fingers, then examined it
closely by sniffing and licking it. \"Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant
smell or taste, I sure don\'t know what it is. Where did you get it?\"
Little Johnny replied, \"Out of my
nose.\"
May your Sunday\'s ending be niiiice and relaxxxxxxxing, and your Monday....just as good!
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif
Got any soy beans I can borrow?
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif