Problems in the bedroom, PLEASE HELP!!

[Johnny_Phero]

So I finally landed this girl I\'ve been working on for over a year (I can\'t attribute everything

to pheromones but they certainly couldn\'t have hurt....THANK YOU LS

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif ) . I can\'t even describe to you how perfect she

is......intelligent, funny, and drop-dead gorgeous (easily one of the most beautiful girls I\'ve ever met, much

less dated). She\'s one of those girls that absolutely lights up a room when she enters and can completely make

your day with a simple smile. Needless to say, I\'m thoroughly enamored with this girl; something that happens to

me VERY rarely.

On to the problem......

We\'ve been having sex for about 3 weeks now (approximately 3

times/week) and as of yet, I\'ve been unable to reach orgasm. I\'ve always had fairly high stamina and

generally take at least 15 minutes to climax under normal conditions. Up until recently, the problem has been my

size.....she can\'t handle more than 5-10 minutes without being overwhelmed with pain (she actually started crying

the other night /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif). This situation has resulted a serious case of

\"blue balls\" many times.

She\'s now become acclimated and is able to go much longer......and just my luck,

I\'ve now developed some sort of performance anxiety issue. This started off as being able to have sex until

close to climax, then not being able to become fully erect again after I pull out and put on a condom (she just got

off birth control about a month ago /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif). I initially just figured the

condom was cutting off my circulation as it fits quite snugly (I\'ve been using Trojan Large.....guess I should

try the magnums /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif).

Now, after a series of close calls

(getting very close to climaxing with no condom then having to stop), I can\'t seem to be able to achieve a full

erection long enough to even get things started (keep in mind, the size thing makes it rather difficult to insert

and begin smooth motion [I suppose some lubrication could help in this department]).

After a few failed attempts,

I feel like I\'m turning into some sort of head case, and can\'t seem to stop thinking about it. After reading

up a bit, I\'ve picked up straight Yohimbe extract, as well as a bottle of Cobra (Yohimbe, Horny Goat Weed, Muira

Puama) and some L-arginine supplement. I\'ve been taking 3g L-arginine per day for about 4 days, and have tried

both the straight Yohimbe and Cobra supplements (2 pills about an hour before we attempt to have sex) with

absolutely zero success.

I really feel like I\'m obsessing about it at this point, and can\'t stop worrying

that I won\'t be able to become sufficiently erect, even while partaking in fourplay. It\'s gotten to the point

where it\'s somewhat difficult to orgasm while masturbating because of these thoughts (I\'ve since ceased

masturbation all together in an attempt to remedy the situation).

This is easily one of the most frustrating

experiences I\'ve encountered in my 22 years of existence.....I mean, never in my most awful nightmares could I

have imagined this would happen to me. This girl has a VERY healthy sex drive (almost to the point of nymphomania,

which is jsut fine by me /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif) and, if both had our way, we\'d

probably never leave the bedroom except for food, bathroom, and the occasionally necessary class.

So if you

guys have any ideas as to how I can make this a reality, I\'d be EXTREMELY appreciative.

[bjf]

Johnny, don\'t think about the orgasm. Don\'t even expect to have one. Just focus on her, how she feels, the

sensations, how she looks.

It is like that live in the moment thing, rather than worrying about

tomorrow.

This should help you.

[apple]

yeah you really shouldnt worry if you have an orgasm or not at ALL! i mean it wont happen at all if you do :P just

try to please her, use your mouth and hands if nothing else is working, and then youll get so turned on by that

youll be able to dive right in anyways... too many guys worry and only make things worse, relax, if it doesnt happen

it doesnt happen! if it does then yay :P

[CJ01]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
I\'ve always had fairly high stamina and

generally take at least 15 minutes to climax under normal conditions. Up until recently, the problem has been my

size.....she can\'t handle more than 5-10 minutes without being overwhelmed with pain (she actually started crying

the other night ). This situation has resulted a serious case of \"blue balls\" many times.

She\'s now become

acclimated and is able to go much longer......and just my luck, I\'ve now developed some sort of performance

anxiety issue. This started off as being able to have sex until close to climax, then not being able to become fully

erect again after I pull out and put on a condom (she just got off birth control about a month ago ). I initially

just figured the condom was cutting off my circulation as it fits quite snugly (I\'ve been using Trojan

Large.....guess I should try the magnums ).


<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\"> Did she actually have a

vaginal cramp? That´s painful for both of you if you were in at the time

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif ouch

First off, don´t be pissed off because you have to use a

condom.
Second, the problem you´re having doesn´t sound like a physical one meaning such pills won´t really help.

Your problem sounds more like it has a psychological nature due to the first previous experiences, it´s subconcious.

That´s my guess.

If she does have problems with vaginal cramps, she ought to see a gyno, they can help.

and

what bjf and apple said
CJ /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Johnny_Phero]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
just try to please her, use your mouth

and hands if nothing else is working, and then youll get so turned on by that youll be able to dive right in

anyways... too many guys worry and only make things worse, relax, if it doesnt happen it doesnt happen! if it does

then yay :P

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

This is basically what I tried last night and this

morning.....I was incredibly turned on while pleasing her orally, but once it became time to do the deed, the

anxiety crept back in my head and I couldn\'t stay hard enough to begin intercourse. Me reaching climax was truly

the last thing on my mind....I just wanted to please her with something other than my tongue/hands (she admitted

she\'s never had an orgasm from oral sex). I guess I realize that I just need to relax, but it\'s easier said

than done when you\'re in bed with your dream girl /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif

[Johnny_Phero]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Did she actually have a vaginal cramp?

That´s painful for both of you if you were in at the time /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

ouch

First off, don´t be pissed off because you have to use a condom.
Second, the problem you´re having doesn´t

sound like a physical one meaning such pills won´t really help. Your problem sounds more like it has a

psychological nature due to the first previous experiences, it´s subconcious. That´s my guess.

If she does have

problems with vaginal cramps, she ought to see a gyno, they can help.

and what bjf and apple said
CJ

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif


<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

I\'m not

familiar with what a vaginal cramp is, but from this context, I\'d imagine that I\'d know it if she did. She

basically just becomes very sore after a while.

Don\'t get me wrong, I\'m really not pissed off about having

to use condom, except that as soon as I put one on, it becomes impossible to maintain an erection......my anger

comes with the subsequent inability to have sex.

I definitely believe it\'s psychological, but can\'t figure

out how to overcome the problem /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif

[bjf]

Ok. So you are having trouble getting up too, rather than just trouble climaxing?

[Johnny_Phero]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Ok. So you are having trouble getting

up too, rather than just trouble climaxing?

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

Exactly.....not at

first, but now it\'s becoming quite a problem. Each time I fail (it\'s happened 3 times now), the anxiety

becomes more of an issue

[Johnny_Phero]

I appreciate the suggestions BTW everyone, keep them coming

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif

I just know that when I finally get over this, I\'ll be about

the happiest man alive /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Johnny_Phero]

I should mention that it doesn\'t seem to happen when I\'m really drunk.....I guess this removes

the psychological factor, and allows me to concentrate on enjoying the moment. It\'s just not very practical to

be innebriated every time I want to have sex......and could render an orgasm in this situation nearly impossible

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

[CJ01]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
I definitely believe it\'s psychological, but

can\'t figure out how to overcome the problem

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\"> You do need to talk

to each other and not put yourselves under so much pressure.

Throw in a good porn when you´re alone at home and

have a wank.

If it´s soreness I guess she´s not wet enough? Try KY jelly. Do not use any fat based substances as

they damage the condom btw.

hehe, drunk sex won´t be much fun for either of you.
If you can´t work it out

together on your own a simple thing to do is (apart from seing a gyno for her and maybe you can consult them too) is

to find a pro who can help you get over the psychological factor for each of you. Sounds weird and I´m not someone

who´s into this sort of thing or quick to recommend it, but a pro knows tricks and ways to sort those things out.


But maybe you won´t need to go that far, chances are you´ll work it out alone together.

[EXIT63]

Have you tried hanging a picture of hot man ass on the wall above the bed. Should solve all your problems.

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[bjf]

Yea, I figured alcohol could help.

Well, if you can\'t score some valium, you can try some kava kava or

valerian. In my experience valerian you feel more, I haven\'t seen kava kava have much of an effect, but some

people recommend it on this board.

Valerian may relax you too much though.

[DrSmellThis]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
So I finally landed this girl I\'ve

been working on for over a year (I can\'t attribute everything to pheromones but they certainly couldn\'t have

hurt....THANK YOU LS /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif ) . I can\'t even describe to you how

perfect she is......intelligent, funny, and drop-dead gorgeous (easily one of the most beautiful girls I\'ve ever

met, much less dated). She\'s one of those girls that absolutely lights up a room when she enters and can

completely make your day with a simple smile. Needless to say, I\'m thoroughly enamored with this girl; something

that happens to me VERY rarely.

On to the problem......

We\'ve been having sex for about 3 weeks now

(approximately 3 times/week) and as of yet, I\'ve been unable to reach orgasm. I\'ve always had fairly high

stamina and generally take at least 15 minutes to climax under normal conditions. Up until recently, the problem

has been my size.....she can\'t handle more than 5-10 minutes without being overwhelmed with pain (she actually

started crying the other night /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif). This situation has resulted a

serious case of \"blue balls\" many times.

She\'s now become acclimated and is able to go much

longer......and just my luck, I\'ve now developed some sort of performance anxiety issue. This started off as

being able to have sex until close to climax, then not being able to become fully erect again after I pull out and

put on a condom (she just got off birth control about a month ago /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif).

I initially just figured the condom was cutting off my circulation as it fits quite snugly (I\'ve been using

Trojan Large.....guess I should try the magnums /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif).

Now,

after a series of close calls (getting very close to climaxing with no condom then having to stop), I can\'t seem

to be able to achieve a full erection long enough to even get things started (keep in mind, the size thing makes it

rather difficult to insert and begin smooth motion ).

After a few failed attempts, I feel like I\'m turning into some sort of head case, and

can\'t seem to stop thinking about it. After reading up a bit, I\'ve picked up straight Yohimbe extract, as

well as a bottle of Cobra (Yohimbe, Horny Goat Weed, Muira Puama) and some L-arginine supplement. I\'ve been

taking 3g L-arginine per day for about 4 days, and have tried both the straight Yohimbe and Cobra supplements (2

pills about an hour before we attempt to have sex) with absolutely zero success.

I really feel like I\'m

obsessing about it at this point, and can\'t stop worrying that I won\'t be able to become sufficiently erect,

even while partaking in fourplay. It\'s gotten to the point where it\'s somewhat difficult to orgasm while

masturbating because of these thoughts (I\'ve since ceased masturbation all together in an attempt to remedy the

situation).

This is easily one of the most frustrating experiences I\'ve encountered in my 22 years of

existence.....I mean, never in my most awful nightmares could I have imagined this would happen to me. This girl

has a VERY healthy sex drive (almost to the point of nymphomania, which is jsut fine by me

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif) and, if both had our way, we\'d probably never leave the bedroom

except for food, bathroom, and the occasionally necessary class.

So if you guys have any ideas as to how I

can make this a reality, I\'d be EXTREMELY appreciative.

<hr /></blockquote><font

class=\"post\">
I think I can help you, if you follow through. Your problem appears to me to be physical, but

of neurological origin. You are going into fight or flight mode neurologically, overriding and/or replacing

parasympathetic responses. Erection and orgasm depend heavily on the parasympathetic mode of neural functioning. In

chemical terms, too much of your dopamine is being conveted into adrenaline. In psychologial terms, you have to be

turned on, erect and orgasm because you just do and can\'t help it, not because you want to! Wanting and needing

to destroys your dick and balls at the worst times. So stimulants like yohimbe won\'t work, and might even make

things worse. Try kava kava, high dose borage/flax/fish oil supplements three large gelcaps/day), and St John\'s

wort and 5 HTP for your nerves (maybe valerian would help indirectly, as well as low dose saw palmetto to soothe the

prostate), and abstain from stimulants and neurotoxins (e.g., caffeine, nicotine, stimulants, sharp spices,

nutrasweet) for a while. Avoid excessive masturbation to orgasm (2x/week for now to let system heal), and never

[i]worry about orgasm or anything else when you masturbate (stop if you do). You should start seeing a

difference by 1-2 weeks, and should continually improve under this regimen.

Rather than Cobra, which is too

high in yohimbe for now, you could take a low dose of the stuff Bruce sells, or some other male sexual supplement

that contains little or no yohimbe. Stick to low doses for healing instead of stimulation. Take time off from the

sexdual supplements for several days, then reintroduce at a low dose.

Lavender EO can help. Rub a drop on the

front of your torso for relaxation.

In general, the key is to relax completely during the day before seeing

her and with her, to say the least. It will probably be easier to have sex in the AM, right after you\'ve been

relaxing in sleep.

She is the one who should be feeling nervous about your dick, not you!

You will

find related info on this site:



http://www.actionlove.com/ (\"http://www.actionlove.com/\")

The Mood Max and Dopafibra products

sold on that site are the most relevant to your situation.

[Whitehall]

DST\'s analysis and advice is sound.

Personally, I had a similar problem with a woman I was head

or heals about many years ago.

Today, I\'d recommend kava. Performance anxiety is made worst by yohimbe which

is terribly anxiety producing. I\'d get clean on the Yo and then get a bit loopy on kava - it DESTROYS anxiety -

then meet your lady.

BTW, the good ones are patient.

[Ash]

Excellent advice Dr. Glad to see you\'ve visited Dr. Lin. I posted his site many months ago and was soundly

dis\'d by many here. Lin comes off as a real goofball at first, mostly cuz of language but he\'s the real deal

as far as I\'m concerned. So are his products. Saved me a trip to the Mayo! My long swift unit is a steed again.

[DrSmellThis]

Congrats, Ash! I know I didn\'diss ya! Lin knows a lot about the big picture of sexual functioning

that others don\'t. I too posted his link, a month ago or something.