View Full Version : Question for the gals. :)
bundyburger
02-10-2004, 10:58 PM
Something
I\'ve been doing for a while is putting my hand on a woman\'s bare shoulder for a second when I say something to
them. Not too often. Maybe in a bar or club or whatever. All part of increasing touch and getting myself in the mode
of being more natural with it, but something unexpected is coming from it. It seems to be having a stronger effect
than I would have thought.
Is there a stronger message being sent when I do this? Any thoughts from woman on the
forum?
Any enlightenment would be fantastic. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
Sexyredhead
02-11-2004, 12:10 AM
If
you\'re putting your hand on her shoulder from behind to tell her somethng it\'s one thing. But if you\'re
doing it from the front, it really puts you into her personal space. If she\'s interested, that\'s a good thing
because it kind of makes the space between you more intimate--you\'re putting up a \"barrier\" to the outside
with your arm. But if she\'s not, it may be too close, and she\'ll feel like you\'re invading her space and
get squirrelly on you.
Elana
02-11-2004, 04:51 AM
Dr.
SRH...you are good. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
Sexyredhead
02-11-2004, 05:08 AM
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Dr. SRH...you are good.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
Nah. Just
prone to squirrelly-ness. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Elana
02-11-2004, 05:17 AM
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
</font><blockquote><font
class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Dr. SRH...you are good. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
Nah. Just prone to squirrelly-ness.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Yea...I agree,
doing that without any signs that it is okay is kind of rude in my opinion, but some women go for it or don\'t
mind.
Okay, what about dancing? This is something I haven\'t figured out. With someone you just met at a
club...
Some guys just kind of grab them. If I was a chick, I wouldn\'t want to be pinned.
Putting your
hands on her hips in kind of pointless though. There is not any real close contact and it just restricts the
movement of both parties.
So how do women feel about this issue? Please speak from a POV of you are dancing with
someone that you haven\'t formed a definitive opinion on yet.
Thanks
Elana
02-11-2004, 06:01 AM
I can\'t
stand when guys grab at me on the dance floor when I am not interested. IMHO if a guy is dancing with a girl he
should not take the liberty to run his hands all over her body unless she starts it.
What bothers me more than
anything is when I am out with the girls and we are on the dance floor and guys start grinding up all over us.
GO AWAY! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
I can\'t stand when guys grab at me on the dance
floor when I am not interested. IMHO if a guy is dancing with a girl he should not take the liberty to run his hands
all over her body unless she starts it.
What bothers me more than anything is when I am out with the girls and we
are on the dance floor and guys start grinding up all over us.
GO AWAY!
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
That\'s how I
read it.
Now \"when you are not interested\" .... does that mean when you know you don\'t like him in that
way or when you just met the person and are simply dancing with them (ie not attracted/not
unattracted)
Thanks!
Elana
02-11-2004, 06:06 AM
one more
thing...........I would not let the annoying guy on the dance floor know that he was bothering me. I would just
finish the dance and then polity say goodbye and avoid him for the rest of the night. Don\'t assume because she
doesn\'t say anything that it is OK. You have to really read her signals.
Elana
02-11-2004, 06:07 AM
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
That\'s how I read it.
Now \"when you
are not interested\" .... does that mean when you know you don\'t like him in that way or when you just met the
person and are simply dancing with them (ie not attracted/not unattracted)
Thanks!
<hr
/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
It means that there is no instant chemistry. But if he is a cool guy
and I feel comfortable around him, I would probably be happy to continue dancing with him or talking to him off of
the dance floor.
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
</font><blockquote><font
class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
That\'s how I read it.
Now \"when you are not interested\" .... does
that mean when you know you don\'t like him in that way or when you just met the person and are simply dancing
with them (ie not attracted/not unattracted)
Thanks!
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
It means
that there is no instant chemistry. But if he is a cool guy and I feel comfortable around him, I would probably be
happy to continue dancing with him or talking to him off of the dance floor.
<hr /></blockquote><font
class=\"post\">
Okay, well I am a cool guy.
But nobody\'s ripping off my clothes.
And I ask women to
dance, don\'t just throw my crotch at them. I\'ll go in there if I am getting the non-verbal invite.
So I
still dont know what is okay and what is not. Truth of the matter is, though, my dancing is decent accept for my
hands! Never know how to work the hands. So wanting to get closer is more of a thing of being comfortable, but at
the same time, I don\'t want to be hanging on to someone who really enjoys dancing and wants to go crazy to the
music. You know what I mean?
Not sure what to do.
Sexyredhead
02-11-2004, 06:29 AM
This
may help you figure out what to do with your hands.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
http://ww
w.zefrank.com/indexdance.html (\"http://www.zefrank.com/indexdance.html\")
Other than that, read her body language. Move a little closer but
don\'t touch her. If she\'s receptive, she won\'t move back and make more room for herself to dance.
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
This may help you figure out what to do with your
hands.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
http://www.ze
frank.com/indexdance.html (\"http://www.zefrank.com/indexdance.html\")
Other than that, read her body language. Move a little closer but don\'t touch
her. If she\'s receptive, she won\'t move back and make more room for herself to dance.
<hr
/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
LOL, that link has to be a joke, right? I\'m better than
that!
Thanks for the advice about getting closer. I am really good reading body language, etc so I\'ll try
that.
With someone you have neutral opionion about, do you think dancing close is fun, or would you rather be
able to jus do your thing?
Elana
02-11-2004, 06:40 AM
I love that
link! I haven\'t seen it in forever. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Sexyredhead
02-11-2004, 06:42 AM
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
</font><blockquote><font
class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
This may help you figure out what to do with your hands.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
http://www.ze
frank.com/indexdance.html (\"http://www.zefrank.com/indexdance.html\")
Other than that, read her body language. Move a little closer but don\'t touch
her. If she\'s receptive, she won\'t move back and make more room for herself to dance.
<hr
/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
LOL, that link has to be a joke, right? I\'m better than
that!
Thanks for the advice about getting closer. I am really good reading body language, etc so I\'ll try
that.
With someone you have neutral opionion about, do you think dancing close is fun, or would you rather be
able to jus do your thing?
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
I\'m one who likes my space. If
I\'m neutral about a guy, I will want to keep my space--think close if the dance calls for it, but not glued
together.
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
I\'m one who likes my space. If I\'m neutral
about a guy, I will want to keep my space--think close if the dance calls for it, but not glued together.
<hr
/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
Thanks! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif
I\'d guess
anyone who enjoys dancing (not for the sake of hooking up) would feel the same way, but WTF do I know!
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Elana
02-11-2004, 09:33 AM
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Okay, well I am a cool guy.
<hr
/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
You just keep telling yourself that
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Pancho1188
02-11-2004, 10:07 AM
\"The
Little Kicks\" rocks!!! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif (shown as \"Elaine Ripped Me
Off\")
By the way, I almost got this confused with \"Elana Ripped My Clothes Off\", which I would demonstrate
with a video except for the fact that:
a. Elana made me promise never to tell anyone
b. I would really need
Elana to perform the move with me (again /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif)to do it justice
\"You
make the first move\", \"Let me make the first move when dancing\", do this, do that... Make up your damn
minds!!! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif Oh, the
hell with it...I\'m going out with BBB for Valentine\'s Day...at least my head won\'t explode trying to figure
this whole \"process\" out...
I have a new rule: you see Pancho, you like Pancho, you come up to Pancho and
say, \"Hey, you\'re hot. Let\'s go get something to eat.\" It doesn\'t matter who you are or where
you\'re from, the combination of a compliment and offer of company + food will make it inevitable for me to say
\"yes\". /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
But I digress...go with SRH. Shoulder-touching is
like invading the personal space. The alarm sounds, her shields go up, and you might just put her on defense. In a
business setting, some people have called that sexual harrassment (although it\'s sad but true). You could always
start further away like the hand, but since a lot of people see the hand as very intimate you may try the forearm or
arm. While you\'re at it, you can oogle over how firm and sexy her tricep is..........yes, only a workout guru
would say such a thing...
Okay, my rambling is done.........
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
</font><blockquote><font
class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Okay, well I am a cool guy.
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
You just keep telling yourself that /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
<hr
/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
If you were a booger, I\'d pick you
Sexyredhead
02-11-2004, 10:49 AM
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
</font><blockquote><font
class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Okay, well
I am a cool guy.
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
You just keep telling yourself that
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
If you were a
booger, I\'d pick you
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
Well, there goes lunch. :P~~~
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
</font><blockquote><font
class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Okay, well I am a cool guy.
<hr
/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
You just keep telling yourself that
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
If you were
a booger, I\'d pick you
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
Well, there goes lunch. :P~~~
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
Save some for me?
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif
tallmacky
02-11-2004, 01:09 PM
BJF do
the fingerbang technique.
Just search for the lady of your choice on the floor, and walk up to her, and without
saying anything just smile and start finger banging her....if she is a real trooper she will thank you later.
By
the way I need my own advice column with the great words of advice I have for Manchorito and now BJF it is obvious I
know what I am talking about.
P.S. Don\'t try the anal fingerbang until you masturbated the newbie technique
or you could get a negative reaction.
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
BJF do the fingerbang technique.
Just search for
the lady of your choice on the floor, and walk up to her, and without saying anything just smile and start finger
banging her....if she is a real trooper she will thank you later.
By the way I need my own advice column with the
great words of advice I have for Manchorito and now BJF it is obvious I know what I am talking about.
P.S.
Don\'t try the anal fingerbang until you masturbated the newbie technique or you could get a negative reaction.
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
TM, when I asked you to start posting again, I didn\'t mean that
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
tallmacky
02-11-2004, 01:42 PM
Yes, I
know bjf /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif. I had forgot to take my Ritalin, Prozac, and Zoloft.
After I take those I will be fine. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
I think the way most women
don\'t like to be all of a sudden touched, rubbed up on, or googled in odd situations is also a true but, to a
lesser degree for how guys feel. Most guys say they would love that type of attention yet if it happen on a regular
basis or if it has happen to you, you are left wondering, WTF? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
bundyburger
02-11-2004, 02:47 PM
To
clarify too that I\'d be standing from the front, maybe a little to the side of her and putting my right hand on
her left shoulder. So not quite fully invading her personal space.
Except for once, the reactions have been
astonishing.
That one particular time is even more peculiar: Shocked reaction and a sense of \"How dare you?! /
I\'m confused about that!\", but later on she showed EXTREME interest in me that wasn\'t there beforehand
So
SRH, do you think it\'s working the way it is because I\'m sending a strong \"I like you.\" message? And the
reactions are dependent on their thoughts about me? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
CptKipling
02-12-2004, 02:24 PM
It also
shows you are confident enough to approach and talk to women, and (if you do it right) give the impression that you
are interesting and \"safe\" (extroverted, fun to be around, good talker etc.).
My take on the dance initiation
issue:
Without question it can be awkward, and you may end up looking like a prick, but it doesn\'t need to
happen.
I find it quite entertaining to watch guys try in vain to start dancing with girls, esp. at my age. It
usually goes as follows: They hover around the girls stealing the odd glance, always paying attention to any move
the girls make (no matter how hard to try to look nonchalant /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif). Then
if they think the girl might like them they come up behind them, put their hands on her hips, and try to start
grinding. Nice try. There are some variations, but they all revolve around a similar \"quick lets avoid any
possibility of looking silly whilst dancing and cut strait to the chase\" theme. First lesson; learn to dance,
nothing extravagant, keep it simple. There isn\'t any point going to a club to pick up girls on the dance floor if
you can\'t dance.
Whatever you do, don\'t grab anyone’s arse, it\'s rude. Granted, if you already have a
decent rapport going with a girl then it\'s fine to do it playfully, but only if the situation warrants it. Only
people who aren\'t confident to put their arse (no pun intended, but I will accept any laughs graciously) on the
line and initiate properly with a girl do this.
The best way to initiate in a club is with eye contact and a
smile. Then you can either move in to ask her name or what ever, which is great for phero users because you have to
get really close to talk in a club, or maintain eye contact and dance with her. Remember that their are lots
of creeps in clubs, and girls will get approached by a lot of greasy tossers with bad hair who will induce
\"eww!\" reactions, so make a conscious effort to appear as contrary to that group as possible (no, really). If a
girl in close in front looks at you over her shoulder suggestively, then she want you to move in so she can ass
grind you, so let her goddammit! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif, move in but don\'t be too
eager. She may make her excuses and leave, which is cool (or at least it should be, because you are going to look
kinda stupid whining), and it may not mean she isn\'t interested. If you catch her lurking around you later on it
doesn\'t take a genius to know you should get your arse in gear and go and talk to her.
May I please add that
girls can be as bad as guys when it comes to inappropriate dancing. Groups of less attractive girls often weasel
their way into the middle of a group of guys and back up on individuals. This can be quite annoying, it wasn\'t
invited and is often not wanted. Then there is the groping of genitals, which has been known to be painful
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif I recently had a
girl who was obviously frustrated by me start caressing me, which would have been great if a) I had given at least
some sign that it was ok, and b) I didn\'t have a gf. She came strait up to me, straddled one of my legs and
started to, err, dance pretty close. I was trying to gently move her away slightly when my mojo apparently got the
better of her /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif
As I said a while ago in a thread by Andy, I like to start kino
off with a gentle touch of the arm. You can then develop it as it seems appropriate (I posted more in the other
thread).
EXIT63
02-12-2004, 04:16 PM
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
I can\'t stand when guys grab at me on the dance
floor when I am not interested. IMHO if a guy is dancing with a girl he should not take the liberty to run his hands
all over her body unless she starts it.
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
Unless of course she\'s
drunk...Then go for it! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
</font><blockquote><font
class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
What bothers me more than anything is when I am out with the girls and we are
on the dance floor and guys start grinding up all over us. GO AWAY!
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
You\'re
gettin old! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
Elana
02-13-2004, 06:46 AM
No Exit....I
only wanna dance with you, my sunshine, sugar muffin, sweet cheeks, bunny faced man.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
EXIT63
02-13-2004, 07:18 AM
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
No Exit....I only wanna dance with you, my
sunshine, sugar muffin, sweet cheeks, bunny faced man. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
<hr
/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
Do you Lindy Hop? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif
Elana
02-13-2004, 07:23 AM
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
</font><blockquote><font
class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
No Exit....I only wanna dance with you, my sunshine, sugar muffin, sweet
cheeks, bunny faced man. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
<hr /></blockquote><font
class=\"post\">
Do you Lindy Hop? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif
<hr
/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
Only with you, my sweet daddy hepcat
EXIT63
02-13-2004, 07:32 AM
HELLZAPOPPIN /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
oscar
02-13-2004, 07:52 AM
bundyburger,
Kari posted a link in the Open Discussion forum a couple of months back that I think is very
relevant to your
question:
http://www.server2.love-scent.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=offTopic
&Number=100296&fpart=1&PHPSESSID= (\"http://www.server2.love-scent.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=offTopic&Number=10
0296&fpart=1&PHPSESSID=\")
While \"dance floor dynamics\" and the disinhibitory
effects of alcohol will tend to alter the rigidity of the \"progression\" and \"permission\" aspects of touching
in a flirting scenario as they appear in the article, I think it\'s an invaluable read for helping us establish a
set of guidelines that may help eliminate that occassional \"How Dare You!\" response.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif
Here\'s the link straight to the
article:
http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html (\"http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html\")
Oscar
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
MysteriousMan
02-14-2004, 02:47 PM
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Do you Lindy Hop?
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif
<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
I love it
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif
Elana
02-16-2004, 05:31 AM
That\'s
kopasetic! You are one hep rug cutter.
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