bivonic
01-02-2004, 09:34 AM
Hey peeps
- I\'ve been absent for a while, enjoy this gem, not sure if it\'s been posted before...
Holy cow, the
internet is a beautiful thing:
Masturbation List - Women
Brushing the beaver
Doing my nails
Doing the Two
Finger Slot Rumba.
Finger blasting
Flicking the bean
Going Mining
Gone fishing
Making soup
Making soup
Paddling the pink canoe
Playing the beaver
Playing the prawn
Playing The Silent Trombone
Polishing the
peanut
Shucking the bearded clam
Struming the plum
Strumming the banjo
Surfin\' the channel
The two
fingered tango
Tickle the taco
Toggling the bit
Two finger tango
Masturbation List -
Men
5-knuckle-shuffle
A big date with \"Rosy Palms!\"
A Mountaineer trapped in (Yuck) Bama Land
Attacking
the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Audition the finger-puppets
Auditioning your hand puppet
Backstroke
roulette
Bash the bishop
Bash the candle
Bashing the Bishop
Be a virtuoso of the skin flute
Beat off
Beat the bishop
Beat the dummy
Beat the meat
Beat the stick
Beat up your date
Beating the Bishop
Beating the meat
Beating the old man
Beating the pud
Beef-stroke-it-off
Being your own best friend
Biffing off
Bleed the weed
Blow the load
Blowing your own horn
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Bop the bolgney
Boppin\' The Bologna
Bopping the bishop
Bopping the Bonzo
Box the jesuit and get cockroaches
Boxing the
bald champ
Boxing with Richard
Breat the meat
Buff the banana
Buffin\' the bishop
Buggering hand
Buggering your hand
Burp the baby
Burp the worm
Burping the worm
Butter the corn
Caning the vandal
Capture the bishop
Charming the snake
Checking for testicular cancer
Cheesing off
Choke Kojak
Choke the
sherrif and wait for the posse to come
Chokin\' the chicken
Choking the chicken
Clamp the pipe
Clean your
rifle
Clearing the snorkel
Climb Mount Baldy
Climbin the tree
Closet Frisbee
Come into your own
Cook the
cream of ####
Corral the tadpoles
Couch hockey for one
Crank the shank
Cranking the love pump
Crimp the
wire
Crown the king
Cuddlin\' the Kielbasa
Cuff the carrot
Cuffing the carrot
Cuppin\' the Bishop
Dating miss michigan (think geography here)
Dating Palm & her 5 sisters...
Dating Rosie Palm and her five
sisters
Defrosting the fridge
Diddle
Diddling
Digitally oscillating one\'s penis
Do a hand job
Do
battle with the Purple Helmeted Warrior of Love
Do handiwork
Do the janitor thing
Doing It Your Way
Doing
the pork sword jiggle
Doing the White Knuckler
Down at the club (for members only)
Drain the monster
Dry
humping the ottoman
Electing the president
Engage in safe sex
Fist ####
Fist #######
Fist your mister
Five against one
Five knuckle shuffle
Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
Flick on over the thumb
Flicking the bic
Flip the Bishop
Flog the dog
Flog the dong
Flog the hog
Flog the log
Flog the mule
Flogging the bishop
Flogging the frog
Flute solo
Fly fishing
Fondle the fig
Freeing Willy
Friggit
Frosting the pastry
Galloping the old lizard
Gallup the antelope
Genitalic stimulation via phallengetic
motion
Get a date with Slick Mittens
Get the German soldier marching
Get to know yourself
Getting chafed
Getting off
Getting your pole varnished
Give it a tug
Giving your a low five
Gluing the lady\'s eye\'s
shut
Go a couple of rounds with ol\' josh
Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
Going blind
Going on a
date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters
Going on Peewee\'s little adventure
Going the blow
Got a date
with Miss Michigan...(hold up right palm)
Grappling the gorilla
Grease the pipe
Hack the hog
Han Solo
Hand
job
Hand Shandy
Hand to gland combat
Hand work
Happy piss (vs. Mean piss)
Hard labor
Have a conversation
with the one-eyed trouser snake
Have a date with Fisty Palmer
Have a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Have a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it\'s rhyming slang)
Have a one-night-stand with
yourself
Have it off
Have one off the wrist
Have sex with someone you love
Having a tug-of-war with cyclops.
Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Hitchhike to heaven
Hitchhike under the big top
Hold the
sausage hostage
Honing the cone
Hug the hog
Hump the hose
Jack \'n the Beanstalk
Jack hammer
Jack off
Jazz yourself
Jerk off
Jerkin\' The Gerkin\'
Jerking Jamby
Jerking the Gherkin
Jerking yanking
daisy-chaining
Jizzlobbing
Juggling the coullions
Just jerkin\' it
Kicking seamen
Kicking your roommate
out for five to ten minutes to \"call your parents\"
Knuckle shuffle on the ol\' piss pump
Looking for ticks
Loping the mule
Loves labors lost
Loving the muppet
Lubing the Tube
Make instant pudding
Make the bald
man puke
Making a foreskin cone
Making cyclops cry
Mangle the midget
Mangling the midget
Manipulate the
mango
Manual labor
Manual override
Master bacon
Meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
Meet Rosie
Hancock
Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters
Milk the cow
Milk the lizard
Milking one\'s self
Milking
oneself
Milking the bull
Milking the Lizard
Milking the moose
Mount a corporal and four
Much goo about
nothing
My sex life!
Nerk your throbber
Null the void
Oil the glove
On the vinegar strokes....(what do you
do with a vinegar bottle!)
Onan\'s olympics
Onanism
One gun salute
One man show
One off the wrist
Pack
your palm
Paddle the pickle
Paint the ceiling
Paint the pickle
Paint the walls
Palm the calm
Peal the
carrot
Peel some chilies
Peel the banana
Peelin\' some chiles
Peeling the banana
Perform diagnostics on
your ManTool
Perling the oyster
Petting the lizard
Pipping the pumpkin
Play a little five-on-one
Play five
against one
Play in a one-man show
Play on the skin flute...
Play pocket pinball
Play pocket pool
Play
tug-of-war with the cyclops
Play Uno
Playing a one stringed guitar
Playing peekaboo
Playing skin flute
Playing tag with the pink torpedo
Playing the one-stringed melody
Playing the skin flute
Playing tug-o-war
with Cyclopse (the Eye being your bellybutton)
Playing with the spitting llama
Playing with your turtle (for
uncircumcised guys?)
Please the Weasel
Please your pisser
Plunk your twanger
Pocket pinball
Pocket pool
Polish Percy in your palm
Polish the family jewels
Polish the rocket
Polish the sword
Polishing the helmet
Polishing the Rocket
Popping the cork
Pound off
Pound the bald-headed moose
Pound the pud
Pound your
flounder
Pound your pud
Pounding one\'s pud
Preparing the carrot
Priming the pump.
Pull off
Pull rank
Pull the carrot
Pull the cord
Pull the five-knuckle shuffle
Pull the goalie
Pull the pole
Pull the pope
Pull your #####
Pull your taffy
Pulling the balogny pony
Pulling the bologna pony
Pulling the pud
Pulling your own leg
Pulling your pud
Pummeling the priest
Pump the python
Pumping cream
Pumping
one\'s stump
Pumping the stump
Punch the Clown
Punching the munchkin
Punishing Percy in the palm
Putting
the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
Ram the ham
Relieving tension
Ride the great white knuckler
Roll your
own
Romeo and Himself
Rope the pony
Rope the pope
Rub off
Rub one out
Rubbing one out
Rubbing the pink
eraser
Run off a batch by hand
Sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights
Safest sex
Sanding wood
Scour
the tower of power
Scratchin the itch
Secret handshake
Self abuse
Self-induced penile regurgitation
Self-inflicted intercourse
Sex with someone you really love
Shag
Shake hands with Abe Lincoln
Shake hands
with your John Thomas
Shake hands with your wife\'s best friend
Shake the sausage
Shakin\' Hands With
Shorty
Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln
Shaking hands with Jack McNasty
Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
Shaking hands with the midget (some hesitate to use the term \"midget\")
Shaking hands with the unemployed
Shaking hands with Yul Brenner
Shaking the bottle
Shaking the hands of the self-employed
Shaking the sauce
Shaking the snake
Shellacking the shellaleigh
Shemp the hog
Shifting gears
Shine the helmet
Shine your
pole
Shoot putty at the moon
Shoot skeet (pull...shoot)
Shoot the moon
Shooting flies
Shooting for the
moon
Shuck your corn
Slaking the bacon
Slam the ham
Slam the hammer
Slam the spam
Slamming the salami
Slamming the salmon
Slap high fives with Yul Brynner
Slap the carrot, slap the clown
Slap the donkey
Slap
the pud
Slap the salami
Slappin the purple headed yogurt pistol
Slapping it
Slapping pappy
Slapping the
clown
Slapping the FleshGopher
Slapping the purple headed yogurt pistol
Slapping the salami
Sling the jelly
Smack-off
Smacking the salami
Snap one off
Snap the monkey
Snap the rubber
Snap the whip
Solo flight
Solo marathon
Solo sex
Spanking Elvis
Spanking Frank
Spanking the bishop
Spanking the monkey
Spanking
the salami
Spanking the wank
Squeeze the cheese
Squeeze the juice
Squeeze the lemon
Squeeze your
cheese-dog
Squeezing the weasel
Stinky pinky
Stir the yogurt
Stirring the batter
Straining the main vein
Strangle the Serpent
Stroke it
Stroke off
Stroke the dog
Stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
Stroke the
satin-headed serpent
Stroke your poker
Stroke your twinkie
Stroking it
Stroking the lizard
Stroking the
mole
Take matters into your own hands
Take part in population control
Take the monster for a one-armed ride
Talk quietly to yourself
Taming the shrew
Taunting the one-eyed weasle
Tease the weasle
Tease the weenie
Tenderize the meat
Tenderize the tube steak
Test the ####
Test your batteries
That crazy hand jive
The
art of Unisex
The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
The five knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
The Five
Knuckle Shuffle
The serta solo
Thrapping
Thump the pump
Tickle the pickle
Ticklewigglejigglepickle
Tickling the ivory
Tickly my fancy
Toasting the Surgeon General
Toss off
Tossing the salad
Tossing the
snag
Tossing the turkey
Tossing yogurt
Trouser snake cpr
Tugging the slug
Turning Japanese (with apologies
to The Vapours)
Twang the wire
Twanging the wire
Tweak your twinkie
Twisting your crank
Unloading the gun
Varnish the flagpole
Wack off
Wack the one-eyed worm
Wack the weasel
Wack the willie
Wacking willy
Waging the war of the priests
Waking the dead
Waking Wee Willie Wonka
Walk the dog
Walk the plank
Walking the snake
Wank
Wanking
Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
Washing the meat
Wax the carrot
Wax the dolphin
Wax your surfboard
Waxing the car
Waxing the carrot
Waxing the Dolphin
Waxing the
surfboard
Whack off
Whackin the weasel
Whacking it
Whacking Willy
Whip off
Whip the dummy
Whip the
wire
Whip up some sour cream
Whip your dripper
Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
Whipping the rat
Whipping the stiff
Whipping willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
Whittling the stick
Whizzing jism
Whizzing
jizzim
Wind surfing on Mount Baldy
Windsurfing on Mount Baldy
Wixen
Wonk your conker
Work off
Wrestle
the eel
Wrestling the purple headed warrior
Wrestling with the bald champ
Wring out your rope
Wrist aerobics
Yank off
Yank the crank
Yank the yoyo
Yank your plank
- I\'ve been absent for a while, enjoy this gem, not sure if it\'s been posted before...
Holy cow, the
internet is a beautiful thing:
Masturbation List - Women
Brushing the beaver
Doing my nails
Doing the Two
Finger Slot Rumba.
Finger blasting
Flicking the bean
Going Mining
Gone fishing
Making soup
Making soup
Paddling the pink canoe
Playing the beaver
Playing the prawn
Playing The Silent Trombone
Polishing the
peanut
Shucking the bearded clam
Struming the plum
Strumming the banjo
Surfin\' the channel
The two
fingered tango
Tickle the taco
Toggling the bit
Two finger tango
Masturbation List -
Men
5-knuckle-shuffle
A big date with \"Rosy Palms!\"
A Mountaineer trapped in (Yuck) Bama Land
Attacking
the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Audition the finger-puppets
Auditioning your hand puppet
Backstroke
roulette
Bash the bishop
Bash the candle
Bashing the Bishop
Be a virtuoso of the skin flute
Beat off
Beat the bishop
Beat the dummy
Beat the meat
Beat the stick
Beat up your date
Beating the Bishop
Beating the meat
Beating the old man
Beating the pud
Beef-stroke-it-off
Being your own best friend
Biffing off
Bleed the weed
Blow the load
Blowing your own horn
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Bop the bolgney
Boppin\' The Bologna
Bopping the bishop
Bopping the Bonzo
Box the jesuit and get cockroaches
Boxing the
bald champ
Boxing with Richard
Breat the meat
Buff the banana
Buffin\' the bishop
Buggering hand
Buggering your hand
Burp the baby
Burp the worm
Burping the worm
Butter the corn
Caning the vandal
Capture the bishop
Charming the snake
Checking for testicular cancer
Cheesing off
Choke Kojak
Choke the
sherrif and wait for the posse to come
Chokin\' the chicken
Choking the chicken
Clamp the pipe
Clean your
rifle
Clearing the snorkel
Climb Mount Baldy
Climbin the tree
Closet Frisbee
Come into your own
Cook the
cream of ####
Corral the tadpoles
Couch hockey for one
Crank the shank
Cranking the love pump
Crimp the
wire
Crown the king
Cuddlin\' the Kielbasa
Cuff the carrot
Cuffing the carrot
Cuppin\' the Bishop
Dating miss michigan (think geography here)
Dating Palm & her 5 sisters...
Dating Rosie Palm and her five
sisters
Defrosting the fridge
Diddle
Diddling
Digitally oscillating one\'s penis
Do a hand job
Do
battle with the Purple Helmeted Warrior of Love
Do handiwork
Do the janitor thing
Doing It Your Way
Doing
the pork sword jiggle
Doing the White Knuckler
Down at the club (for members only)
Drain the monster
Dry
humping the ottoman
Electing the president
Engage in safe sex
Fist ####
Fist #######
Fist your mister
Five against one
Five knuckle shuffle
Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
Flick on over the thumb
Flicking the bic
Flip the Bishop
Flog the dog
Flog the dong
Flog the hog
Flog the log
Flog the mule
Flogging the bishop
Flogging the frog
Flute solo
Fly fishing
Fondle the fig
Freeing Willy
Friggit
Frosting the pastry
Galloping the old lizard
Gallup the antelope
Genitalic stimulation via phallengetic
motion
Get a date with Slick Mittens
Get the German soldier marching
Get to know yourself
Getting chafed
Getting off
Getting your pole varnished
Give it a tug
Giving your a low five
Gluing the lady\'s eye\'s
shut
Go a couple of rounds with ol\' josh
Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
Going blind
Going on a
date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters
Going on Peewee\'s little adventure
Going the blow
Got a date
with Miss Michigan...(hold up right palm)
Grappling the gorilla
Grease the pipe
Hack the hog
Han Solo
Hand
job
Hand Shandy
Hand to gland combat
Hand work
Happy piss (vs. Mean piss)
Hard labor
Have a conversation
with the one-eyed trouser snake
Have a date with Fisty Palmer
Have a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Have a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it\'s rhyming slang)
Have a one-night-stand with
yourself
Have it off
Have one off the wrist
Have sex with someone you love
Having a tug-of-war with cyclops.
Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Hitchhike to heaven
Hitchhike under the big top
Hold the
sausage hostage
Honing the cone
Hug the hog
Hump the hose
Jack \'n the Beanstalk
Jack hammer
Jack off
Jazz yourself
Jerk off
Jerkin\' The Gerkin\'
Jerking Jamby
Jerking the Gherkin
Jerking yanking
daisy-chaining
Jizzlobbing
Juggling the coullions
Just jerkin\' it
Kicking seamen
Kicking your roommate
out for five to ten minutes to \"call your parents\"
Knuckle shuffle on the ol\' piss pump
Looking for ticks
Loping the mule
Loves labors lost
Loving the muppet
Lubing the Tube
Make instant pudding
Make the bald
man puke
Making a foreskin cone
Making cyclops cry
Mangle the midget
Mangling the midget
Manipulate the
mango
Manual labor
Manual override
Master bacon
Meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
Meet Rosie
Hancock
Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters
Milk the cow
Milk the lizard
Milking one\'s self
Milking
oneself
Milking the bull
Milking the Lizard
Milking the moose
Mount a corporal and four
Much goo about
nothing
My sex life!
Nerk your throbber
Null the void
Oil the glove
On the vinegar strokes....(what do you
do with a vinegar bottle!)
Onan\'s olympics
Onanism
One gun salute
One man show
One off the wrist
Pack
your palm
Paddle the pickle
Paint the ceiling
Paint the pickle
Paint the walls
Palm the calm
Peal the
carrot
Peel some chilies
Peel the banana
Peelin\' some chiles
Peeling the banana
Perform diagnostics on
your ManTool
Perling the oyster
Petting the lizard
Pipping the pumpkin
Play a little five-on-one
Play five
against one
Play in a one-man show
Play on the skin flute...
Play pocket pinball
Play pocket pool
Play
tug-of-war with the cyclops
Play Uno
Playing a one stringed guitar
Playing peekaboo
Playing skin flute
Playing tag with the pink torpedo
Playing the one-stringed melody
Playing the skin flute
Playing tug-o-war
with Cyclopse (the Eye being your bellybutton)
Playing with the spitting llama
Playing with your turtle (for
uncircumcised guys?)
Please the Weasel
Please your pisser
Plunk your twanger
Pocket pinball
Pocket pool
Polish Percy in your palm
Polish the family jewels
Polish the rocket
Polish the sword
Polishing the helmet
Polishing the Rocket
Popping the cork
Pound off
Pound the bald-headed moose
Pound the pud
Pound your
flounder
Pound your pud
Pounding one\'s pud
Preparing the carrot
Priming the pump.
Pull off
Pull rank
Pull the carrot
Pull the cord
Pull the five-knuckle shuffle
Pull the goalie
Pull the pole
Pull the pope
Pull your #####
Pull your taffy
Pulling the balogny pony
Pulling the bologna pony
Pulling the pud
Pulling your own leg
Pulling your pud
Pummeling the priest
Pump the python
Pumping cream
Pumping
one\'s stump
Pumping the stump
Punch the Clown
Punching the munchkin
Punishing Percy in the palm
Putting
the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
Ram the ham
Relieving tension
Ride the great white knuckler
Roll your
own
Romeo and Himself
Rope the pony
Rope the pope
Rub off
Rub one out
Rubbing one out
Rubbing the pink
eraser
Run off a batch by hand
Sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights
Safest sex
Sanding wood
Scour
the tower of power
Scratchin the itch
Secret handshake
Self abuse
Self-induced penile regurgitation
Self-inflicted intercourse
Sex with someone you really love
Shag
Shake hands with Abe Lincoln
Shake hands
with your John Thomas
Shake hands with your wife\'s best friend
Shake the sausage
Shakin\' Hands With
Shorty
Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln
Shaking hands with Jack McNasty
Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
Shaking hands with the midget (some hesitate to use the term \"midget\")
Shaking hands with the unemployed
Shaking hands with Yul Brenner
Shaking the bottle
Shaking the hands of the self-employed
Shaking the sauce
Shaking the snake
Shellacking the shellaleigh
Shemp the hog
Shifting gears
Shine the helmet
Shine your
pole
Shoot putty at the moon
Shoot skeet (pull...shoot)
Shoot the moon
Shooting flies
Shooting for the
moon
Shuck your corn
Slaking the bacon
Slam the ham
Slam the hammer
Slam the spam
Slamming the salami
Slamming the salmon
Slap high fives with Yul Brynner
Slap the carrot, slap the clown
Slap the donkey
Slap
the pud
Slap the salami
Slappin the purple headed yogurt pistol
Slapping it
Slapping pappy
Slapping the
clown
Slapping the FleshGopher
Slapping the purple headed yogurt pistol
Slapping the salami
Sling the jelly
Smack-off
Smacking the salami
Snap one off
Snap the monkey
Snap the rubber
Snap the whip
Solo flight
Solo marathon
Solo sex
Spanking Elvis
Spanking Frank
Spanking the bishop
Spanking the monkey
Spanking
the salami
Spanking the wank
Squeeze the cheese
Squeeze the juice
Squeeze the lemon
Squeeze your
cheese-dog
Squeezing the weasel
Stinky pinky
Stir the yogurt
Stirring the batter
Straining the main vein
Strangle the Serpent
Stroke it
Stroke off
Stroke the dog
Stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
Stroke the
satin-headed serpent
Stroke your poker
Stroke your twinkie
Stroking it
Stroking the lizard
Stroking the
mole
Take matters into your own hands
Take part in population control
Take the monster for a one-armed ride
Talk quietly to yourself
Taming the shrew
Taunting the one-eyed weasle
Tease the weasle
Tease the weenie
Tenderize the meat
Tenderize the tube steak
Test the ####
Test your batteries
That crazy hand jive
The
art of Unisex
The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
The five knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
The Five
Knuckle Shuffle
The serta solo
Thrapping
Thump the pump
Tickle the pickle
Ticklewigglejigglepickle
Tickling the ivory
Tickly my fancy
Toasting the Surgeon General
Toss off
Tossing the salad
Tossing the
snag
Tossing the turkey
Tossing yogurt
Trouser snake cpr
Tugging the slug
Turning Japanese (with apologies
to The Vapours)
Twang the wire
Twanging the wire
Tweak your twinkie
Twisting your crank
Unloading the gun
Varnish the flagpole
Wack off
Wack the one-eyed worm
Wack the weasel
Wack the willie
Wacking willy
Waging the war of the priests
Waking the dead
Waking Wee Willie Wonka
Walk the dog
Walk the plank
Walking the snake
Wank
Wanking
Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
Washing the meat
Wax the carrot
Wax the dolphin
Wax your surfboard
Waxing the car
Waxing the carrot
Waxing the Dolphin
Waxing the
surfboard
Whack off
Whackin the weasel
Whacking it
Whacking Willy
Whip off
Whip the dummy
Whip the
wire
Whip up some sour cream
Whip your dripper
Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
Whipping the rat
Whipping the stiff
Whipping willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
Whittling the stick
Whizzing jism
Whizzing
jizzim
Wind surfing on Mount Baldy
Windsurfing on Mount Baldy
Wixen
Wonk your conker
Work off
Wrestle
the eel
Wrestling the purple headed warrior
Wrestling with the bald champ
Wring out your rope
Wrist aerobics
Yank off
Yank the crank
Yank the yoyo
Yank your plank