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Pancho writes:
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Actually, I feel great today. I always drink water at the end of the night
to ensure a decent morning... An ounce of prevention...
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Panch, I
am depressed. Here I am, thinking that you were the eight wonder of the world as you were proclaiming your amazing
ability to compose lucid and grammatically correct posts while drowning your sorrows in a world class binger, and
come to find out you sipped a Keystone Light and called it a night.
Man, you could hook a siphon to the
spillway of the Hoover Dam and shove it in my pie hole and there still wouldn\'t be enough water to kill the
hangover resulting from a night attempting to drink away the memories lamenting about love lost.
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I was actually (surprisingly) okay about the whole
situation, but I was sooooo afraid that I\'d go back to being not okay that I vented on the forum.
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Venting in a composed manner on an internet forum ain\'t being drunk.
Drunk is going to an extended family holiday party, drinking a little too much Christmas spirit, and waking up naked
next to your cousin. Drunk is waking up in the back seat of your car in a 7-11 parking lot in Ft. Lauderdale with a
door stamp from the Platinum Club on your hand, when you could have sworn you started off the evening in South
Beach. Drunk is drinking so much on the beach that you can\'t remember a way off the dunes, and you have to bury
yourself in the sand under a beach house so you don\'t freeze your nuts off. Drunk is going to Lincoln, Nebraska
for a football game standing on a bar and screaming at the top of your lungs \"Cornhuskers Suck!\" while dressed
head to toe in the oppositions colors. Drunk is going to your girlfirends sister\'s house to try and get her to
convince your girlfriend/her sister that you love her with all your heart, she offers you a cocktail or twelve, and
end up with your clothes in a heap at the bottom of her bed an empty bottle of baby oil by your head, and panty hose
tied on each of the four posts of the bed. Drunk is swearing to the almighty that you will never touch another drop
as long as you live as long as he takes away the unbridled burning, searing, screeching pain in your head, makes you
stop vomiting yellow bile (\'cause that\'s all that\'s left), and he/she/it damns the woman that made you try
to drink away the pain to this extent to enternal hellfire.
That\'s the type of drunk I thought that you were
at.
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No, I was more at the fake-hump-your-bro (fraternity
brother) against a door, fake-seizure on people because my lips were turning purple from the stupid 40 bottle
eroding from the number of times I removed and replaced the cap, holding off emotional trauma between my roommates
and my fraternity by trying to come up with an equilibrium between roomies getting a little free beer for hosting
the party and roomites pitching in because they just bonged half of what we had...Randomly complimenting female
friends and telling them how attractive half the guys in the fraternity think they are (a resulting, \"Let it
go,\" from a guy friend, to which I said, \"Why, I\'m just being honest. Who cares?\" and he said, \"Because
it makes people uncomfortable,\" to which I said, \"Awww, people are too easily embarrassed...\"), talking to
your ex-gf about who you did or did not hook up with over the course of the semester, somehow making great beer pong
shots despite the inability to see straight, telling your friends\' gfs that you\'re their sexual release when
the girls have headaches (I was, of course, joking. See my \"Not that there\'s anything wrong with that\"
Seinfeld response to Elana\'s, \"Sure, Pancho...\"), trying to have a serious conversation about how there might
be money missing from the social fund when I seriously have no idea what to say, apologizing to everyone about
anything I\'ve ever done wrong, and the #1 moment of the night: in a moment of trying to continue my great pathway
to being perfectly fine with my ex, I tell her to tell me how I know she feels by saying, \"I love you,\" because
I know she loves me but isn\'t IN love with me. Oh, and I took off my pants during the evening (It\'s so cold
here that I wear a pear of sweatpants under my baggy jeans, so I just revealed my sweatpants
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif) because people were knocking on my door that says \"Laser in use:
do not enter\" (my nickname from my roomies is Laser because of how I shoot in beer pong), and a girl actually
said, \"Hold on, I\'m naked\" while in my room... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif...I
responded by saying that that was the coolest thing I\'ve heard all night. Then, of course, as I said before I
walked my ex home, said some more fun things that make her uncomfortable (such as, \"That\'s good that you\'re
in love with him. You seem a lot happier now.\", and, \"Did you pick out your kids\' names yet?\"), and of
course ended the night by walking back, trying to go to sleep but the world spun, so I got some water, came back,
typed stupid things on this forum (won\'t be the first or last stupid thing I say, but I like you guys and
don\'t want you to think I\'m a tool...too late /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif), and went to
sleep.
Is that crazy enough for you, or should I have not remembered any of that to be qualified as drunk enough?
Oh, and as I said before, I didn\'t write the embarrassing post because I was drunk, I wrote it because I was
worried about feeling like crap the next day and I was venting. The drunkeness didn\'t hurt, though.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif I wouldn\'t have exaggerated so much.
Anyway, even if you
don\'t believe I had a few 40s (for a guy who has no tolerance), this is a fun story to tell, anyway. Hope
everyone enjoyed the laugh. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif I know I had fun.