Sexyredhead
11-17-2003, 08:40 AM
*How to speak English
Properly*
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3.
And don\'t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches
like the plague. (They\'re old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less
specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use
repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren\'t necessary and shouldn\'t be
used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than
necessary; it\'s
highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as
cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in
writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are,
not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a
diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement
is always the absolute best way to put forth
earth-shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo
Emerson said, \"I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know.\"
25. If you\'ve heard it once, you\'ve heard it
a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children,
not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor
sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than
understatement.
And the last one...
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Properly*
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3.
And don\'t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches
like the plague. (They\'re old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less
specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use
repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren\'t necessary and shouldn\'t be
used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than
necessary; it\'s
highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as
cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in
writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are,
not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a
diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement
is always the absolute best way to put forth
earth-shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo
Emerson said, \"I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know.\"
25. If you\'ve heard it once, you\'ve heard it
a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children,
not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor
sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than
understatement.
And the last one...
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.