krtel
10-10-2003, 05:49 PM
Hi all,
I
just finished writing my essay for Texas A&M University. I need to send it in before the 15th. If you could
please provide feedback about this essay and any suggestions you may have, I would be grateful. Also, I\'m having
a bit of trouble deciding on a title for this essay, so any ideas would be really appreciated. Thanks!
:-)
Prompt:
What additional personal information do you wish to be considered in our decision? for example:
1.
exceptional hardship, temporary failure or personal experience that has shaped your abilities or academic
credentials
2. personal responsibilities
3. exceptional achievements or special talents such as poetry, artwork,
bilingual proficiency etc.
4. educational goals and choice of major
5. ways you have associated with the
University
Here is my essay:
About four years ago, I started high school with uncertainty of my future
endeavors. While growing up in a poverty-stricken family, school was the least of my worries. A lack of positive
role models in my community only made my situation worse. Therefore, whenever it came to schoolwork, I would only
aim high enough to achieve a passing grade. I didn’t realize the detrimental effects of my actions. Then,
as I entered my senior year, everything changed.
My detrimental “pass and get by” attitude
diminished shortly after I was accepted into the Shell Youth Training Academy. While the courses taught mainly
focused on career development, a strong emphasis was always placed on higher education. The instructors and several
other volunteers from various Shell companies advocated the significant difference a college-degree makes in the
workforce. The motivation I received not only introduced me to the idea of attending college, but also led to a
major change in my work ethic. Thus, my senior-year grades were among the best in my high school career.
Things
started to look even better for my once obscure future when the Shell Youth Training Academy assigned me to an
internship at Shell Information Technology International. I thought the only purpose of this internship was to give
me exposure to Corporate America. However, I received a lot more than I expected. I established several mentors from
my team and upper-level management who coached and supported me on my academic pursuits. In addition, I had the
opportunity to explore the broad range of careers that Shell offers. As my exploration continued, my choice of
career shifted from undecided to an attorney.
It is because of the efforts of the Shell Youth Training Academy,
Shell volunteers, and my mentors at Shell Information Technology International that I now have a clear perception of
my future, a plan on how to make my dreams become reality, and the drive to never give up. As days go by, I cannot
help but to wonder where I would be today if it were not for the coaching that I received.
I
just finished writing my essay for Texas A&M University. I need to send it in before the 15th. If you could
please provide feedback about this essay and any suggestions you may have, I would be grateful. Also, I\'m having
a bit of trouble deciding on a title for this essay, so any ideas would be really appreciated. Thanks!
:-)
Prompt:
What additional personal information do you wish to be considered in our decision? for example:
1.
exceptional hardship, temporary failure or personal experience that has shaped your abilities or academic
credentials
2. personal responsibilities
3. exceptional achievements or special talents such as poetry, artwork,
bilingual proficiency etc.
4. educational goals and choice of major
5. ways you have associated with the
University
Here is my essay:
About four years ago, I started high school with uncertainty of my future
endeavors. While growing up in a poverty-stricken family, school was the least of my worries. A lack of positive
role models in my community only made my situation worse. Therefore, whenever it came to schoolwork, I would only
aim high enough to achieve a passing grade. I didn’t realize the detrimental effects of my actions. Then,
as I entered my senior year, everything changed.
My detrimental “pass and get by” attitude
diminished shortly after I was accepted into the Shell Youth Training Academy. While the courses taught mainly
focused on career development, a strong emphasis was always placed on higher education. The instructors and several
other volunteers from various Shell companies advocated the significant difference a college-degree makes in the
workforce. The motivation I received not only introduced me to the idea of attending college, but also led to a
major change in my work ethic. Thus, my senior-year grades were among the best in my high school career.
Things
started to look even better for my once obscure future when the Shell Youth Training Academy assigned me to an
internship at Shell Information Technology International. I thought the only purpose of this internship was to give
me exposure to Corporate America. However, I received a lot more than I expected. I established several mentors from
my team and upper-level management who coached and supported me on my academic pursuits. In addition, I had the
opportunity to explore the broad range of careers that Shell offers. As my exploration continued, my choice of
career shifted from undecided to an attorney.
It is because of the efforts of the Shell Youth Training Academy,
Shell volunteers, and my mentors at Shell Information Technology International that I now have a clear perception of
my future, a plan on how to make my dreams become reality, and the drive to never give up. As days go by, I cannot
help but to wonder where I would be today if it were not for the coaching that I received.