MOBLEYC57
09-11-2003, 08:17 PM
Something to go with your morning cup of coffee! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif
THE WATERMELON MAN /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, \"Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.\"
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer\'s sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, \"Now there are two!\"
A DOGGIE DOG WORLD! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif
Two dogs are sitting at the vets office. One has a dismal look about him. The other says, \"Why the sad face?\" The other dog replies, \"Well, my master beats the hell out of
me all the time, and yesterday I had enough and I bit him. I\'m next in line to be put to sleep.\"
After a couple of minutes, the second dog says, \"What you here for?\"
The first dog replies, \"Well, my owner is this great looking
gal you see over there. Yesterday she was putting my food out, and when she bent over, I saw that she was pantyless, and I couldn\'t resist myself and quickly mounted her, and started doing her from behind.\"
The second dog says, \"So you\'re next in line behind me?\"
\"No,\" said the other. \"It\'s my first visit! She was so happy with me afterwards, she brought me here to get a shampoo, have my nails done, and see if they can do anything about my breath. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
A LITTLE KOALA BEAR /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif
A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and begins performing Mobley-kind-of oral sex on the prostitute.
She wakes up and decides that since it feels so good she\'ll let him finish her off. The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed, and heads for the door. The prostitute jumps up and yells at him \"Hey, you have to pay for that!!!!\" The koala shrugs and continues to head for the door.
The prostitute yells at him again, \"Hey! you have to pay for that. I\'m a prostitute!\" She jumps up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf and shows the koala the definition of prostitute.
PROSTITUTE: (n) a person receiving payment for sexual services.
The koala smiles, shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the definition of koala bear.
KOALA: (n.) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves.
DANGEROUS SEX!!! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif
A trucker who had driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and was just starting down the equally steep other side when he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center road, butt naked, making wild passionate love. He blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. Realizing that they were not about to stop to get out of his way, he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.
Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, \"What the hell\'s the matter with you two!!? Didn\'t you hear me blowing the horn!!? You could\'ve been killed!!!!\"
The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, \"Look my friend, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming.....You were the only one with brakes that worked.\" /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif
Have a marvelous Friday! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif Annnd don\'t forget to brush your teefis...don\'t want to kill anyone at work with dragon breath!!!!! Tootles! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif
THE WATERMELON MAN /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, \"Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.\"
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer\'s sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, \"Now there are two!\"
A DOGGIE DOG WORLD! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif
Two dogs are sitting at the vets office. One has a dismal look about him. The other says, \"Why the sad face?\" The other dog replies, \"Well, my master beats the hell out of
me all the time, and yesterday I had enough and I bit him. I\'m next in line to be put to sleep.\"
After a couple of minutes, the second dog says, \"What you here for?\"
The first dog replies, \"Well, my owner is this great looking
gal you see over there. Yesterday she was putting my food out, and when she bent over, I saw that she was pantyless, and I couldn\'t resist myself and quickly mounted her, and started doing her from behind.\"
The second dog says, \"So you\'re next in line behind me?\"
\"No,\" said the other. \"It\'s my first visit! She was so happy with me afterwards, she brought me here to get a shampoo, have my nails done, and see if they can do anything about my breath. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
A LITTLE KOALA BEAR /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif
A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and begins performing Mobley-kind-of oral sex on the prostitute.
She wakes up and decides that since it feels so good she\'ll let him finish her off. The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed, and heads for the door. The prostitute jumps up and yells at him \"Hey, you have to pay for that!!!!\" The koala shrugs and continues to head for the door.
The prostitute yells at him again, \"Hey! you have to pay for that. I\'m a prostitute!\" She jumps up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf and shows the koala the definition of prostitute.
PROSTITUTE: (n) a person receiving payment for sexual services.
The koala smiles, shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the definition of koala bear.
KOALA: (n.) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves.
DANGEROUS SEX!!! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif
A trucker who had driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and was just starting down the equally steep other side when he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center road, butt naked, making wild passionate love. He blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. Realizing that they were not about to stop to get out of his way, he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.
Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, \"What the hell\'s the matter with you two!!? Didn\'t you hear me blowing the horn!!? You could\'ve been killed!!!!\"
The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, \"Look my friend, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming.....You were the only one with brakes that worked.\" /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif
Have a marvelous Friday! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif Annnd don\'t forget to brush your teefis...don\'t want to kill anyone at work with dragon breath!!!!! Tootles! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif