belgareth
09-04-2003, 06:43 PM
This has been around a few years but somebody recently sent it to me again.
Beaver Dam
>
>This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
>Michigan Department of environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This
>guy\'s response is hilarious, but read the State\'s letter before you get
>to the response letter.
>
>
> SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm
>County
>
> Dear Mr. DeVries:
> It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
>Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
>referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
>landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
>
> Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the
>outlet stream of Spring Pond.
>
> A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
>A
>review of the Department\'s files shows that no permits have been issued.
>Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
>violation Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource
>and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public cts of 1994,
>being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
>annotated.
>
> The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
>partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
>flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are
>inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore
>orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to
>restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and
>brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work
>shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003.
>
> Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
>that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
>
> Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized
>activity on the site may result in this case being referred for
>elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your
>full cooperation in this matter.
>
> Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
>questions.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> David L. Price District Representative Land and Water Management
>Division
>
>
>
> This is the actual response sent back:
>
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
>
> Dear Mr. Price:
>
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
>to.
>
> I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
>Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
>process of
>
>constructing and maintaining two wood \"debris\" dams across the outlet
>stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor
>supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended
>that you call their skillful use of natures building materials
>\"debris.\" I would like to challenge your department to attempt to
>emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I
>believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their
>dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam
>persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
>
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
>must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
>activity.
>
> My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
>against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers
>throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
>
> If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers,
>through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of
>all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.
>Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301,
>Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
>Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
>324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
> I have several concerns. My first concern is ... aren\'t the beavers
>entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
>financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so
>the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department\'s
>dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent
>rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence,
>which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should
>leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and
>calling their dam names.
>
> If you want the stream \"restored\" to a dam free-flow condition please
>contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they
>obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter ... they being
>unable to read English.
>
> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
>their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
>and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live
>and enjoy Spring Pond.
>
> If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection
>lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers)
>and the environment (Beavers\' Dams).
>
> So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
>referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
>1/31/2003?
>
> The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will
>be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
>
> In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
>environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
>Bears are actually defecating in our woods.
>
> I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears
>and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver
>dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)
>
> Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
>contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response
>to your dam office.
>
> Thank You,
>
> Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers
Beaver Dam
>
>This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
>Michigan Department of environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This
>guy\'s response is hilarious, but read the State\'s letter before you get
>to the response letter.
>
>
> SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm
>County
>
> Dear Mr. DeVries:
> It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
>Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
>referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
>landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
>
> Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the
>outlet stream of Spring Pond.
>
> A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
>A
>review of the Department\'s files shows that no permits have been issued.
>Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
>violation Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource
>and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public cts of 1994,
>being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
>annotated.
>
> The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
>partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
>flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are
>inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore
>orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to
>restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and
>brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work
>shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003.
>
> Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
>that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
>
> Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized
>activity on the site may result in this case being referred for
>elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your
>full cooperation in this matter.
>
> Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
>questions.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> David L. Price District Representative Land and Water Management
>Division
>
>
>
> This is the actual response sent back:
>
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
>
> Dear Mr. Price:
>
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
>to.
>
> I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
>Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
>process of
>
>constructing and maintaining two wood \"debris\" dams across the outlet
>stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor
>supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended
>that you call their skillful use of natures building materials
>\"debris.\" I would like to challenge your department to attempt to
>emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I
>believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their
>dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam
>persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
>
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
>must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
>activity.
>
> My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
>against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers
>throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
>
> If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers,
>through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of
>all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.
>Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301,
>Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
>Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
>324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
> I have several concerns. My first concern is ... aren\'t the beavers
>entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
>financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so
>the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department\'s
>dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent
>rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence,
>which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should
>leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and
>calling their dam names.
>
> If you want the stream \"restored\" to a dam free-flow condition please
>contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they
>obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter ... they being
>unable to read English.
>
> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
>their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
>and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live
>and enjoy Spring Pond.
>
> If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection
>lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers)
>and the environment (Beavers\' Dams).
>
> So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
>referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
>1/31/2003?
>
> The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will
>be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
>
> In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
>environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
>Bears are actually defecating in our woods.
>
> I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears
>and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver
>dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)
>
> Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
>contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response
>to your dam office.
>
> Thank You,
>
> Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers