relationship with fiance coolin down

[markvgv]

i need something to help me out.. fiance has not been to affectionate lately and. intimacey has been coolin down a bit .. what product that love-scent sells would you guys re3comend. i was thinkin about A1 but not sure .. let me know!! thanx

[Andy]

I still don\'t see the point in warming up a cooled down relationship (just because I never heared of a single case that worked in the long howl) -- but well. How old are you, how old is your fiance and how long have you been together ? What kinda guy are you, what kinda gurl is your fiance ?

[CJ01]

Instead of taking the easy way by splashing on mones try finding out the reason for this change in her first. There could be all kinds.

[LadyWithQuestions]

I agree..........communication is the key to ANY problem...whether in finding the solution OR the cause/reason for the problem. But mones might also HELP with the communication if it helps her relax enough to trust you and share what is on her heart/mind. I wouldn\'t wear them JUST with the intention of \"warming her back into bed,\" but only as an aid in the communication factor.........which, of course could end up in some \"warm\" places. But I agree with focusing on the root of the problem BEFORE working on the intimacy.

HTH and Good Luck,
LWQ

[Andy]

Communication is fine and it\'s the only real way to handle such problems. Most couples lost or even never had the neccessary base to handle such problems the right way unfortunately. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif It\'s the point you\'ll for sure experience over and over in your life. This is the filter ... are you meant for each other ... have you only been after that fine tight ass without a deeper connection. In the latter case, thumbs down for Samson, there\'s no way to fix that.

[CptKipling]

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i need something to help me out.. fiance has not been to affectionate lately and. intimacey has been coolin down a bit .. what product that love-scent sells would you guys re3comend. i was thinkin about A1 but not sure .. let me know!! thanx

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The usual suggestions apply (TE, AE, SOE, PI...to add some spice), but i think A1 could help in this case too.

But before you jump into anything, has anything about you changed recently? Are you being a little more needy/clingy? Just a thought, those kind of things tend to push people away.

[Sexyredhead]

...or she could be totally stressed out with the wedding plans, invitations, moms, work, and the million other things she\'s got going on. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[proteus]

I know you asked about what mones could help but figured I\'d post something that I\'ve found to be very helpful. It\'s a question/answer posting from the \"Double Your Dating\" guy, David D\'Angelo. I\'ve posted it below. It\'s long but worth the read IMO.


&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;Letter from Some Guy to David D\"Angelo and his response:&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;

David,

First of all I would like to say that your book was a great help and I have definitely seen a change in my luck. I have met a really great girl who is fun to be around and very pretty, and I have been going out with her for several months.

When we first started going out the relationship was very sexual and intimate. Now after several months it has died down a great deal. At first whenever I would try to be intimate I usually was successful, and now a lot of times I get a response like, \"I am not in the mood right now.\"

My question is what am I doing wrong that is making her feel less sexual than in the beginning of the relationship and what can I do to put her in the mood?

And another question is am I being too nice? I usually get her anything she needs or wants and I usually do everything she wants, like not going out sometimes with friends and I usually go wherever she wants to. Sometimes she complains because we always do what she wants to do. So should I start taking charge and making an effort to plan what we do more and should I start telling her \"no\" more?

Lately she has been a bit more aggressive or bossy and she is quicker to yell at me when I do something she doesn\'t like. The control of the relationship has seemed to change from me, to being neutral, to her in control.

So my questions are, do I need to do something different? If I do, how do I change the path I am on because we have been going out for several months? What can I do to make her feel more sexual? And am I being too nice?

I would be very grateful for your advice to my situation.

A.

Hello, A.

I rarely put my two cents in when it comes to the \"relationship\" game. But this is such a common situation, and you have such a \"textbook\" version of it, that I thought it might be interesting to discuss.

And in fact, the main reason I\'m addressing this particular issue here is that the dynamic you\'re dealing with doesn\'t only happen in \"relationships\". It also happens on first dates, second dates, and third dates.

The advantage that your situation brings is that it gives me the opportunity to dissect a common pattern that you have seen develop over time... and by doing so teach others to recognize it whether it happens over ten minutes or ten months.

OK, off with the intro, on with the convo.

Here\'s the all-too-common pattern:

1) Boy meets girl.

2) Girl happens to be unusually attractive, and knows it... (although this doesn\'t absolutely have to be true. It also happens with more \"average\" women as well.)

3) At first, the novelty makes things interesting and the sexual energy is high.

4) Boy starts acting PREDICTABLE and stops doing the things that the girl was ATTRACTED to in the beginning (if he ever did them at all).

5) Girl starts doing things that make NO SENSE AT ALL TO BOY, like \"she complains because we always do what she wants to do\" etc. (I mean, it makes NO sense that a woman would complain if you\'re doing everything she wants, right?)

6) Boy begins losing control and grows up into a fine young Girly-Man.

7) Girl becomes more and more annoyed at her new Wuss Boy because he\'s just acting more and more whipped... and she finally hits the road.

8) Boy puts his head in his hands, saying \"What did I do wrong? I gave her everything she wanted...\"

I think that just about every man alive can identify with this progression. It\'s happened to us all at least a few times in our lives.

But what the heck is going on here?

Why do women become less interested in sex?

Why do they start being bossy and demanding?

Why do they get annoyed when we try to please them?

The answer is actually very simple. But, unfortunately for most of us guys, it\'s not OBVIOUS.

The long and the short of it is that WOMEN AREN\'T ATTRACTED TO GUYS THAT STOP ACTING ATTRACTIVE. Duh.

You read my book and newsletters, and probably learned a few things that helped you get her attention in the first place. But I\'m assuming that at some point you STOPPED doing the things that you did originally and started trying to \"please\" her...

Explained differently, STOP IT!

Let\'s go back to ATTRACTION 101.

ATTRACTION ISN\'T A CHOICE, IT\'S A RESPONSE.

In other words, women don\'t choose who they\'re attracted to. They respond to behaviors, communication, confidence, and other triggers.

A woman doesn\'t want a guy who acts like one of her girlfriends! She doesn\'t need another friend!

So what do most guys do when they meet attractive women?

Of course. They act like a girlfriend! They ask how her day was and what she wants to do tonight, listen to her problems, offer to help, and kiss her ass until she finally says:

\"Will you act like a man already?\"

Women resent men that they can control. But the paradox is that they\'ll keep trying JUST TO MAKE SURE THEY CAN\'T. You will always be tested. Get used to it.

Here\'s what to do:

If you ever experience one of the following:

She acts more controlling.
She is less interested in sex.
You\'re being nicer and nicer, but she\'s only getting annoyed.
Then do the following:

Stop acting like a WUSSY immediately.
Put some space between you and her. Call her once for every three times she calls you.
See her HALF as much as you\'re seeing her now.
Get a life of your own and stop trying to be her servant.
Take some time to reflect on any areas that you\'ve made the mistake of acting like a Girly-Man, and stop it!
You must remember that attractive women have a LOT of options. They are approached by men all the time. There are a MILLION guys that will kiss up to them.

She\'ll accept ass-kissing from a guy that she likes... but only up to a point. Once you cross the ass-kiss of no return, it\'s all over. And you won\'t even see it coming.

If I had a dollar for every guy that\'s written to me and said \"I don\'t know what happened. I thought I was doing everything she wanted... I was so nice... and then she left me saying that she needed to find herself\" etc.

Important Note: If a woman senses up front that you are a push over or a guy that is just like all the others that just want to give her what she wants, you\'ll lose before you even begin. So don\'t do it.

[Sexyredhead]

I agree, and yes, I do it. I hate guys I can boss around.

[Holmes]

Good post. Thanks, Proteus.

Holmes

[darkness]

eithery your manly or your not, but that has nothing to do with agreeing and being nice to her.

Alot more relationships end because men do want to do to have their way, and don;t want to give in for the sake of compromise.

You can totally put a woman on a pedastal and have her respect you. Once again it is two different things. DOn\'t go out following the type of advice that ruins relationships all the time. You can kiss your fiance goodbye if you start with that crap.

But there are some things you will have to do if you don\'t feel like leaving her, and that is tell her she can\'t be such a taker and has to give more or otherwise you don\'t want to deal with it.

[Holmes]

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tell her she can\'t be such a taker and has to give more or otherwise you don\'t want to deal with it.

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Isn\'t that kind of in that whole \"Agreeing/Being Nice (doormat)\" category--setting \"boundaries\" (*gag* I hate talking like that) as opposed to being a doormat--and doing so before it\'s too late...?

Holmes

[Holmes]

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Alot more relationships end because men do want to do to have their way, and don;t want to give in for the sake of compromise.

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Point taken. That happens a lot, too.

Holmes

[darkness]

when you can\'t ask your woman how her day was because some sopposed \"guru\" says it makes you like a girly man, well, that is just missing the point.

I agree with not being a dormat, but don\'t be afraid to let someone know that sometimes making them happy is more important to you than doing what you prefer. It can work if both sides are doing it, because then everyone gets there\'s. If you feel like proper recirprication isn\'t being given you can bring that up and turn it around. Once you make it clear you are a commidity too, then they\'ll respect you, and can either give it, or you can leave them if they don\'t.

Your always taking a risk in challening someone. But also calling once for every three times she calls and acting like you got other things going on opens up the window of opportunity for her to fade from your life more easily.

In any case, we don\'t know in this case if she has lost respect for him, it could be something totally different. It could be issues with herself that he really can do nothing about. But obviously he does not want to lose her because he loves her.

[proteus]

To me the part that really rings true and I see so often time and time again is the following line:

\"Boy starts acting PREDICTABLE and stops doing the things that the girl was ATTRACTED to in the beginning (if he ever did them at all).\"

Women are all unique and what attracts one, won\'t necessarily attract the other, but whatever the case I think if a relationship is going cold, both from the man\'s point of view and the lady\'s point of view, the question to ask is \"am I still doing what I did that initially attracted him/her to me? \" . We all get lazy and complacent when things go well and start slipping and oftentimes the problem is not with your partner but rather with what you are doing now versus before when you first met. Obviously, one can\'t keep things the same as before in anything in life, but it\'s always a good idea IMO to examine yourself and see whether the problem might be with you.

[Elana]

Why are there two threads for this one question? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif

[proteus]

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Why are there two threads for this one question? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif

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It\'s what I was thinking /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[krtel]

Well, if she was affectionate before, then your chemistry isn\'t the problem. Although it would really give you an advantage to use pheromones, you will lose this girl if you don\'t get your act together - pheromones or no pheromones. Obviously you were doing something right if she initially had high interest level in you. The problem is that you\'ve been doing something that has been detrimental to her interest level and you probably don\'t even realize it! I would highly recommend getting some pheromones and reading over some of Doc Love\'s advice. He is the author of \"The System\" which has really took me out of the dark with women. Here are some articles that may help you figure out what could be going wrong with your Ms. Right:

Women Who Use Men:
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_150/184_relationship_expert.html (\"http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_150/184_relationship_expert.html\")

Can You Pressure a woman into loving you? (e.g. Needy guys)
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_150/182_relationship_expert.html (\"http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_150/182_relationship_expert.html\")

Avoid Becoming Her Friend
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_150/189_relationship_expert.html (\"http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_150/189_relationship_expert.html\")

Hope this helps.

Krish

[proteus]

y\'know the article about the Navy Seal who was dumped by the lady who thought he was too needy really is a great example of why women confuse men so much. When you consider all this guy has achieved, the type of person he must be to be a Seal, and yet this lady somehow perceived him as weak because he just wanted someone to love and love him makes me shake my head in wonder. Anyway, it\'s stories like this that convince me that the best thing to do is just look out for No.1, don\'t get too attached, and only after the lady has showed all her cards, should you even begin to think about allowing yourself to get emotionally involved or dating exclusively, as these days it seems a simple desire to love/be loved is so often treated with contempt by so many women. I hear this type of story time and time again hence my getting pretty pissed about it. If my gf began pulling any of this this stuff on me after all I know now, I\'d simply start dating someone else immediately as women like this to me are kinda psycho.