MOBLEYC57
08-23-2003, 01:27 PM
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif KIDS! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says: \"Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow.\"
The second one says: \"Ha! You think that`s fast? My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet.\"
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: \"You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45.\"
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif MORE KIDS! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
A little boy walks into his parents\' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, \"What were you and Dad doing?\"
The mother replies \"Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it.\"
\"You\'re wasting your time,\" said the boy.
\"Why is that?\" asked his mom, puzzled.
\"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.\"
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif BACKWARDS AMERICANS! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R & R, he caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, and then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down. Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
Could I please sit in that seat?\" he asked. The lady was insulted. \"You bloody Americans are so rude!\" she said. \"Can\'t you see my dog is sitting there!!?\" He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.
\"Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I could sit down,\" he said. The lady replied, \"You Americans are not only rude, but you are bloody arrogant too!\"
He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said, \"Lady, I\'ve been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your dog!?\" The lady replied, \"You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you are also bloody obnoxious!\"
With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window, and sat down. The lady was speechless. An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up.
\"Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady\'s description or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong! You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown the wrong bit#h out of the window!!!\"
I wish I was an Oscar Myers weeenerrrrrr! So everyone would be in love with meeeeeeeee!
Got\'a dog I can borrow? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says: \"Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow.\"
The second one says: \"Ha! You think that`s fast? My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet.\"
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: \"You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45.\"
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif MORE KIDS! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
A little boy walks into his parents\' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, \"What were you and Dad doing?\"
The mother replies \"Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it.\"
\"You\'re wasting your time,\" said the boy.
\"Why is that?\" asked his mom, puzzled.
\"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.\"
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif BACKWARDS AMERICANS! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R & R, he caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, and then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down. Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
Could I please sit in that seat?\" he asked. The lady was insulted. \"You bloody Americans are so rude!\" she said. \"Can\'t you see my dog is sitting there!!?\" He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.
\"Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I could sit down,\" he said. The lady replied, \"You Americans are not only rude, but you are bloody arrogant too!\"
He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said, \"Lady, I\'ve been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your dog!?\" The lady replied, \"You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you are also bloody obnoxious!\"
With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window, and sat down. The lady was speechless. An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up.
\"Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady\'s description or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong! You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown the wrong bit#h out of the window!!!\"
I wish I was an Oscar Myers weeenerrrrrr! So everyone would be in love with meeeeeeeee!
Got\'a dog I can borrow? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif