Icarus
07-24-2003, 01:55 AM
The verdict was finalised and announced this morning, that J-Lo (Jennifer Lopez) and her performing associate would be going their seperate ways.
Although both were unavailable for comment last night, we can review previous statements made by both in various interviews for evidence of a growing schism between the pair;
\"Although we\'ve always been together, it can sometimes seem like she\'s the one getting all the attention, you know? Even though it\'s my name \'J-Lo\' <she holds up the album, and waves it slightly> on our CD\'s. And while I\'m still Jennie from the block <produces single, also waving> she has gotten way too big for her boots, you know? It\'s like, I\'m all still down with the poor people <gestures towards poster for \'Maid in Manhattin\' in background, still waving CD> but she\'s checking into fancy hotels and firing all the staff to replace them with her own trained chimps. She be ahead of herself and I think she knows it too. She\'s been making eyes at my Ben, as well.\" Jennifer Lopez, Empire Magazine, May 2003.
\"She be nothin\' wit\'out me, mahn. I mean it; she be up there, but who be drawin\' all da crowds and da media to her? Goddamn, if it wutnt for me, she would never even have met that stupid Affleck! I be the star of the show, and she be forgettin\' who put her where she is... Solo career? I ain\'t sayin nuthin jus yet, baby, but you jus watch out!\" J-Lo\'s associate, FHM, June 2003
Senior executives at Columbia Records were today saddened but not entirely surprised to see the parting of thier flagship latino star and her rear end. Head of Key-Demographic Marketing, Denny Lumbago had this to say:
\"We here at Columbia pride ourselves on a range of stars and musical styles and are deeply saddened that Jennifer Lopez\'s buttocks shall no longer be under contract with us; we wish them all the success in the world but we all know they\'re gonna be huge! I mean, they\'re pure lowest common denomenator!\"
The record industry fears that this controversial divorce may lead to major repercussions and retransfigurations of the power structure and popularity of many of the world\'s top stars. Xane Mandolin of Squeaky Voice Magazine, the leading authority in the tumultous world of Pop voiced his concerns;
\"Oh gawd, what does this all mean? The seperation into a subclass of talentless nohopers who just got by on the success of another, more talented star? What happens next? Enrique\'s mole demanding a bigger cut? Fred Durst losing out to \'Stupid Bloody Red Cap Records\'? Where does it all end? And what about the flipside? Can anyone imagine Justin Timberlake if he managed to secure the rights to a personality? He\'d be unbearable.\"
Rumours of a collaberation between J-Lo\'s buttocks and Kylie Minogue are, as yet, unconfirmed.
Good God... Perhaps now is a good time to stop typing.
C\'moan the badgers!
Steve
Although both were unavailable for comment last night, we can review previous statements made by both in various interviews for evidence of a growing schism between the pair;
\"Although we\'ve always been together, it can sometimes seem like she\'s the one getting all the attention, you know? Even though it\'s my name \'J-Lo\' <she holds up the album, and waves it slightly> on our CD\'s. And while I\'m still Jennie from the block <produces single, also waving> she has gotten way too big for her boots, you know? It\'s like, I\'m all still down with the poor people <gestures towards poster for \'Maid in Manhattin\' in background, still waving CD> but she\'s checking into fancy hotels and firing all the staff to replace them with her own trained chimps. She be ahead of herself and I think she knows it too. She\'s been making eyes at my Ben, as well.\" Jennifer Lopez, Empire Magazine, May 2003.
\"She be nothin\' wit\'out me, mahn. I mean it; she be up there, but who be drawin\' all da crowds and da media to her? Goddamn, if it wutnt for me, she would never even have met that stupid Affleck! I be the star of the show, and she be forgettin\' who put her where she is... Solo career? I ain\'t sayin nuthin jus yet, baby, but you jus watch out!\" J-Lo\'s associate, FHM, June 2003
Senior executives at Columbia Records were today saddened but not entirely surprised to see the parting of thier flagship latino star and her rear end. Head of Key-Demographic Marketing, Denny Lumbago had this to say:
\"We here at Columbia pride ourselves on a range of stars and musical styles and are deeply saddened that Jennifer Lopez\'s buttocks shall no longer be under contract with us; we wish them all the success in the world but we all know they\'re gonna be huge! I mean, they\'re pure lowest common denomenator!\"
The record industry fears that this controversial divorce may lead to major repercussions and retransfigurations of the power structure and popularity of many of the world\'s top stars. Xane Mandolin of Squeaky Voice Magazine, the leading authority in the tumultous world of Pop voiced his concerns;
\"Oh gawd, what does this all mean? The seperation into a subclass of talentless nohopers who just got by on the success of another, more talented star? What happens next? Enrique\'s mole demanding a bigger cut? Fred Durst losing out to \'Stupid Bloody Red Cap Records\'? Where does it all end? And what about the flipside? Can anyone imagine Justin Timberlake if he managed to secure the rights to a personality? He\'d be unbearable.\"
Rumours of a collaberation between J-Lo\'s buttocks and Kylie Minogue are, as yet, unconfirmed.
Good God... Perhaps now is a good time to stop typing.
C\'moan the badgers!
Steve