seadove
06-25-2003, 04:20 AM
This is long but then, serves you right. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
There once was this guy who worked for
the Railroad as a conductor. Let\'s say
his name was Joe. Well, Joe was walking
through the train, en route, collecting
tickets from the passengers. He comes to
car 12, booth 3. In it is this beautiful
woman. He asked her for her ticket:
\"Excuse me ma\'am, do have your ticket?\"
\"Oh, I am soooo sorry, I dropped it out
the window by accident,\" she replied.
\"Sorry, ma\'am can\'t have any passengers
without tickets.\" He grabbed her by the
scruff of the neck and threw her out of
the train. Well, she landed on the
tracks, was run over by the train.
Naturally, the conductor was arrested,
thrown in jail. He was convicted of
murder before a jury of his peers, and
sentenced to death by electrocution.
The day of his execution came up, and he
was asked what he would like for his
last meal. He ask for a banana. They
gave it to him, he ate it, received his
last rites, and was escorted to the
chair. The executioner strapped him in,
hooked everything up. Last, he threw the
big switch once, and nothing happened.
So, he did it again, and nothing happened
Well, by law the conductor was legally
dead, so they had to release him.
Oddly enough, the guy got a job on
another railroad, as a conductor! One
day, he was gathering tickets, and came
to a booth with a little boy.
\"Young man, do you have your ticket?\",
asked the conductor.
\"A-a-a, I\'m sorry, I ate it by
mithtake..\", said the little boy.
And.. the same thing happened-- the boy
was thrown off the train and killed. The
guy was arrested, sentenced to death by
electrocution. It came to him last day.
The death row guard asked him what he
would like for his meal. He asked for
banana again. He ate it, and a priest
gave him last rites. He was escorted to
the death chamber. This time, though,
they where smart. They washed his hands
to get rid of any banana slime, they
washed up the chair. Next, they placed
him the chair, and hooked him up. The
switch- puller pulled the switch once,
and nothing happened. The switch-puller
pulled the switch twice, and nothing
happened, not even a single hair raising
on the guy\'s chest. Well, as the law
says, they had to let him go...
Even more amazingly, he got a job on yet
another railroad. This time it was a
rabbi. Same old stuff. Rabbi had no
ticket (he forgot to buy it). Guy threw
him off the train, rabbi died. Guy was
arrested, convicted, sentenced to death
by electrocution. When the guard asked
him what he would like for a last meal,
he asked for a banana. He ate it,
received last rights, and was escorted
to the chamber. However, this time the
officials where going to get it right!
They scrubbed his body with a brillo
pad. They scrubbed the chair with steel
wool. They tried the chair on a few
other prisoners... Okay, they strapped
him in, and threw the switch once,
nothing happened. Threw the switch a
second time, nothing happened. At this
point the guy was legally dead, etc,
etc. But, before the guy could leave,
the executioner, extremely frustrated
(he\'d seen this same guy three times
already). asked, \"What is it with the
banana!\"
The guy replied, \"I just like bananas.\"
So, the executioner screamed, \"Then how
come you don\'t die!!!!!\"
\"I dunno,\" replied the guy, \"I guess I\'m
just not a very good conductor.\"
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif
There once was this guy who worked for
the Railroad as a conductor. Let\'s say
his name was Joe. Well, Joe was walking
through the train, en route, collecting
tickets from the passengers. He comes to
car 12, booth 3. In it is this beautiful
woman. He asked her for her ticket:
\"Excuse me ma\'am, do have your ticket?\"
\"Oh, I am soooo sorry, I dropped it out
the window by accident,\" she replied.
\"Sorry, ma\'am can\'t have any passengers
without tickets.\" He grabbed her by the
scruff of the neck and threw her out of
the train. Well, she landed on the
tracks, was run over by the train.
Naturally, the conductor was arrested,
thrown in jail. He was convicted of
murder before a jury of his peers, and
sentenced to death by electrocution.
The day of his execution came up, and he
was asked what he would like for his
last meal. He ask for a banana. They
gave it to him, he ate it, received his
last rites, and was escorted to the
chair. The executioner strapped him in,
hooked everything up. Last, he threw the
big switch once, and nothing happened.
So, he did it again, and nothing happened
Well, by law the conductor was legally
dead, so they had to release him.
Oddly enough, the guy got a job on
another railroad, as a conductor! One
day, he was gathering tickets, and came
to a booth with a little boy.
\"Young man, do you have your ticket?\",
asked the conductor.
\"A-a-a, I\'m sorry, I ate it by
mithtake..\", said the little boy.
And.. the same thing happened-- the boy
was thrown off the train and killed. The
guy was arrested, sentenced to death by
electrocution. It came to him last day.
The death row guard asked him what he
would like for his meal. He asked for
banana again. He ate it, and a priest
gave him last rites. He was escorted to
the death chamber. This time, though,
they where smart. They washed his hands
to get rid of any banana slime, they
washed up the chair. Next, they placed
him the chair, and hooked him up. The
switch- puller pulled the switch once,
and nothing happened. The switch-puller
pulled the switch twice, and nothing
happened, not even a single hair raising
on the guy\'s chest. Well, as the law
says, they had to let him go...
Even more amazingly, he got a job on yet
another railroad. This time it was a
rabbi. Same old stuff. Rabbi had no
ticket (he forgot to buy it). Guy threw
him off the train, rabbi died. Guy was
arrested, convicted, sentenced to death
by electrocution. When the guard asked
him what he would like for a last meal,
he asked for a banana. He ate it,
received last rights, and was escorted
to the chamber. However, this time the
officials where going to get it right!
They scrubbed his body with a brillo
pad. They scrubbed the chair with steel
wool. They tried the chair on a few
other prisoners... Okay, they strapped
him in, and threw the switch once,
nothing happened. Threw the switch a
second time, nothing happened. At this
point the guy was legally dead, etc,
etc. But, before the guy could leave,
the executioner, extremely frustrated
(he\'d seen this same guy three times
already). asked, \"What is it with the
banana!\"
The guy replied, \"I just like bananas.\"
So, the executioner screamed, \"Then how
come you don\'t die!!!!!\"
\"I dunno,\" replied the guy, \"I guess I\'m
just not a very good conductor.\"
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif