Women and PMS...

[tomcat]

One thing that I should know already but I don´t...

How do I realize (signs like mood swings,...) when a woman has her menstruation respectively
is PMSing and should therefore be treated carefully. How long does it last and how can I get out
the \"cycle time\" without asking her ?

What rules concerning my and her behaviour should I heed when that is the case?

I would be thankful for some enlightenment /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
Thank you!

[belgareth]

Being chased around the house by a knife weilding women for no obvious reason is usually a good indicator. If she has a massive lump of chocolate in her other hand, its a sure thing.

[tallmacky]

Whenever you feel that \"there is no reason\" for this type of reaction, talk, or fighting is a good indicator. It\'s the what the hell philosophy. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Don\'t argue with her with she\'s pms-ing -- in fact, try to do activities that don\'t require a lot of talking. If she\'s grouchy, rub her back. Even if she\'s barking at you like a dog, just reach over and put your hands on her, rub her shoulders, rub the small of her back. Say things like, Oh, I see\" if she goes on a rant. Humor her.

Look for low frustration tolerance. Bursting into tears at small frustrations is a sure sign, but it\'s not always that blatant. Look for her having no patience.

She may also or instead be blue, depressed.

No matter how obvious it is, don\'t ask her if she\'s pms-ing or having her period.

The duration varies. Usually a week, the week before her period starts.

You\'ll have to log behavior if you don\'t know her well enough to ask her about her cycle.

If you are having sex with her, then she\'ll make vague excuses not to see you during that week ...

Hope this helps.

[Elana]

That\'s very good advice FTR. We should bump up the PMS thread in the women\'s forum.

[tomcat]

Hey FTR, thank you for that informative post!!

I´ll have a look at the womens forum too, because there have
been some posts about PMS...

[elvido]

Here\'s my advice: fcuk it.
Are you really going to keep track of that? Forget about it, just act your usual self. If your usual self isn\'t good enough for pms time, then you have a more serious problem between you than pms.
Any number of things can change our mood, but that\'s just how it is. Don\'t waste your time, it\'s silly.

[Elana]

Yeah....brilliant advice. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

[elvido]

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Yeah....brilliant advice. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

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Is that comment sandwiched between a couple \"\" tags? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[Elana]

You are one perceptive man /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[elvido]

That\'s cus of the yoga /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
Imagine your couple told you, \"hey i\'m going to be cranky and ill-humored during up to a week during the month? First: guess when it is. Second: treat me differently than you normally do.\"
When I refered to normal behavour, I\'m not saying that you don\'t react to your couple\'s mood. What I\'m saying is that you need to do so as you always do, not consider whether it\'s pms time. If your usual reaction to your partner shouting at you is throwing a pie in their face, then keep doing it. If it\'s kissing them on the neck, ditto.
But it just ain\'t worth it to have to be \"on guard\" or hyper sensitive to their partners mood, during a certain period.

[Elana]

Go back and read FTR\'s advice. She is not suggesting the man go out and build his woman a castle, or shower her with expensive gifts. Just show compassion. PMS is so much more than just being in a bad mood. Seriously.....it\'s really awful. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif

[belgareth]

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That\'s cus of the yoga /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
Imagine your couple told you, \"hey i\'m going to be cranky and ill-humored during up to a week during the month? First: guess when it is. Second: treat me differently than you normally do.\"
When I refered to normal behavour, I\'m not saying that you don\'t react to your couple\'s mood. What I\'m saying is that you need to do so as you always do, not consider whether it\'s pms time. If your usual reaction to your partner shouting at you is throwing a pie in their face, then keep doing it. If it\'s kissing them on the neck, ditto.
But it just ain\'t worth it to have to be \"on guard\" or hyper sensitive to their partners mood, during a certain period.

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Elvido,

I\'m not sure who to feel more sorry for, you for your utter lack of compassion and empathy towards somebody\'s discomfort or you wife/girlfriend for being in your company.

[Elana]

Thanks Bel /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[elvido]

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Elvido,

I\'m not sure who to feel more sorry for, you for your utter lack of compassion and empathy towards somebody\'s discomfort or you wife/girlfriend for being in your company.

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hahahaha, I love how people around here have the unbelievable talent to infer absolute nonsense, and make categorical statements about relationships that aren\'t even mentioned.
So, I\'m let me try again, but I really think I was quite clear:
It is a waste of time to dedicate any effort into attempting to guess when your girlfriend is pms, AND to change your usual way of acting based on this.
1. Unless she tells you, you\'ll never be able to calculate it exactly.
2. You\'ll be preconditioned to interpret any sign of tension/depression as merely pms, completely ignoring the fact that there could be an actual problem.
3. Whether it\'s pms or an actual problem or worry, this doesn\'t give someone a green card to become destructive. They have to be aware of their condition, and COMMUNICATE with their partner. That doesn\'t mean faking their happy when they aren\'t, but rather recognizing that they in fact are doing too well and that this can have an effect on people around them. If the guy attributes any bad reaction to pms, he could be excusing some UNFAIR attacks/moods.
4. Keeping a log on your partner\'s cycle is dangerously obsessive and can put you on the path to start worrying a little to much about other things: who she sees, who sends her email, what she\'s doing, what\'s in her drawers. I\'ve seen my share of insecure psychos like this.


What I\'m saying is that you will mistakingly be basing your reaction on the source of your partner\'s discomfort rather than on the discomfort itself. UNTIL YOU KNOW THE SOURCE, YOU CANNOT CONDITION YOUR REACTION.
Lets say your partner is really depressed because her goldfish died, but you\'re unaware of this fact. Do you give here a lower back massage because you think it\'s pms?
So what do you do? YOU WOULD REACT LIKE YOU WOULD AT ANY TIME WHEN YOUR PARTNER IS PISSED, SAD, IN PAIN. Your understanding that by this I mean telling her to go screw herselves, but I never said that. I can\'t say \"react like this\" because it depends on both people. Some try to amuse the other, others try to share their sadness, others leave the afflicted alone to heal.
Now, if communication is liquid between you two, hopefully she\'ll let you know a little more of what\'s going, which then allows you to focus your actions.
Think of what level of trust you\'re espousing, when asking whether your partner whether she\'s pmsing/menstruating is absolutely prohibited. Why? None of their business? None of their business but they have to keep a log on it? Makes a lot of sense.
Co.mmu.ni.ca.tion

[**DONOTDELETE**]

You make some excellent points.

All I want to say is this, and it\'s not at all PC, and if anybody asks, I never said any such thing:

Women are not rational when they are pms-ing.

So \"communication\" is kind of useless.

Which is why I recommend, strongly recommend, to avoid talking as much as possible during that week. It is definitely not the time to problem solve. And it\'s not the time to tell her she\'s being irrational, to calm down, etc. etc., try to be logical - that usually just makes it worse.

You\'re right that it\'s best if he knows exactly when it\'s going on, though. That\'s so true - he could start attributing everything to pms when there actually IS an issue.

Sorry we jumped to conclusions and thanks for explaining yourself.

[belgareth]

Elvido,

Your points only emphasize the accuracy of my comment about empathy.

1. This may be a mis-statement. You may not be able to tell when a woman is PMSing, I certainly can. But whether she is PMSing or her goldfish died is irrelevant for the purposes here.

2. Hardly, a little observation is usually all it takes.

3. No it doesn\'t. But there is a big difference between feeling down and being destructive. If her behavoir is distructive, what are you doing with her? Communication happens on a bunch of levels. When my partners speaks to me and I put my book down and look at her I am communicating many things without a word.

4. I\'ll have to agree about a log. Maybe that is for those who are too obtuse to pick up hints more subtle than a brick through the window.

A question for you, I\'m not tall nor handsome, nor rich, nor all buffed out. I am self confidant to the point of arrogance and I\'m a computer geek. So, why is it that in the last thirty years, other than for a single 12 month self impossed retreat from women, have I always had an attractive, sensual and intelligent woman to keep me warm at night? Could it be the way I treat women?

[elvido]

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A question for you, I\'m not tall nor handsome, nor rich, nor all buffed out. I am self confidant to the point of arrogance and I\'m a computer geek. So, why is it that in the last thirty years, other than for a single 12 month self impossed retreat from women, have I always had an attractive, sensual and intelligent woman to keep me warm at night? Could it be the way I treat women?

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Um, I don\'t know, and have no particular interest in pondering this. It was you who expressed concern over my treatment of women, not the other way around. I\'m happy for ya though (no sarcasm in this comment).

[xxxPantero]

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Keeping a log on your partner\'s cycle is dangerously obsessive and can put you on the path to start worrying a little to much about other things: who she sees, who sends her email, what she\'s doing, what\'s in her drawers. I\'ve seen my share of insecure psychos like this.

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Holy crap, i did/do that with my GF.

I knew her cycle better than she did it (of course i did it to get more sex /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif ) but now it\'s impossible because her cycle is so erratic... sometimes it comes every 39 days, then every 32 days, it\'s messed up.

but i also know who she sees, who sends her e-mail, who she sends messages to her, what she\'s doing, and especially what\'s in her drawers... i\'m an obsessive panty sniffer.. actually i only like to sniff her panties. i enjoy her smell the most.

although, unlike before, i don\'t ask her for the info, she volunteers it. she believes that i should be in control, yet she\'s defiant to no end. ah women... gotta love \'em

i wonder if i would enjoy smelling anyone else\'s panties. volunteers?

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Pantero, come and be my little Soup Boy.

[Elana]

Please don\'t leave elvido out. He is Soup boy material

[**DONOTDELETE**]

No, the ones who were dropped on their head as a baby are really not good candidates, I\'ve found.

[TBiRD]

Ugh! That wasn\'t a nice thing to say /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif Interesting discussion btw... DOn\'t really know what to add.
Seems like I\'m lucky , cos my girl is not snapping out of it and keeps her cool when she is in pms mode ... She can handle it really good , and doesn\'t turn into a psycho bitch , doesn\'t whine , doesnt scream , doesn\'t complain /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif What else can u ask for ...?!?!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Only teasing.

Some women don\'t have pms at all.