seadove
05-10-2003, 11:36 PM
What follows is the text of a presidential address to be given
by President Bush on July 4, 2003. The source of this material
remains unidentified.
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq\'s regime has been
completed. The discovery and destruction of all weapons of
mass destruction have been covered thoroughly in the press. A
new Iraqi government has been established and appears to be
stable.
Our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the
order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq.
This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to
begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of
countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict.
This list is short. The United Kingdom, Australia, Spain,
Bulgaria, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of
the world\'s nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid
to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely.
The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay
for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money
into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders
grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with
an epidemic? Call France.
In the out years, together with Congress, I will work to
re-direct this money toward solving the vexing social problems
we still have at home.
I am ordering the immediate withdrawal of all US forces from
Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and all other Middle Eastern nations.
Leave us alone. Solve your own damn problems. Need help? Call
Germany.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us
and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your
relatives from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country
to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
Regarding the nation of Israel, I have this to say. It seems
like everybody has forgotten what happened to European Jewry
during the 1930s and World War II. Our nation will never permit
the destruction of Israel. No way, Jose.
Nevertheless, to Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo,
boys. Yank yer heads outta rectal defilade and work out a peace
deal. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can
go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces
there. Big tables, too.
I\'m ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations
with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help,
comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes
amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin
towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan
with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles
will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don\'t give a damn about
whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or
watch your precious Benzes, Beemers, and limos be turned over
to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since
we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks
might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also
on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really
need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple of extra tank and
infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I\'m gonna put
\'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting
now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own
citizens. Some will accuse us of xenophobia. My response is
simple and direct: if you can play that word in Scrabble, do it as
soon as your turn comes round.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying,
darn tootin\'! Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent
life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of
just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to
eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World
Cup soccer from America.
We will develop energy independence. We will restructure
our nation for its isolationist destiny. I will be sending legislation
to Congress tomorrow proposing the first actions that that
august body should take as we move in a new direction.
Finally, I have decided not to run for a second term of office.
The First Lady and I will retire to our Texas ranch and have some
fun. Laura and I have been talking about takin\' one of those
cruises up to Alaska. Personally, I could care less who gets
elected in 2004. Throw a little fascism into the mix and elect
Senator Clinton. She can appoint the editorial board of the New
York Times to her Cabinet.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We
owe you.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
by President Bush on July 4, 2003. The source of this material
remains unidentified.
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq\'s regime has been
completed. The discovery and destruction of all weapons of
mass destruction have been covered thoroughly in the press. A
new Iraqi government has been established and appears to be
stable.
Our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the
order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq.
This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to
begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of
countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict.
This list is short. The United Kingdom, Australia, Spain,
Bulgaria, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of
the world\'s nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid
to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely.
The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay
for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money
into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders
grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with
an epidemic? Call France.
In the out years, together with Congress, I will work to
re-direct this money toward solving the vexing social problems
we still have at home.
I am ordering the immediate withdrawal of all US forces from
Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and all other Middle Eastern nations.
Leave us alone. Solve your own damn problems. Need help? Call
Germany.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us
and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your
relatives from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country
to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
Regarding the nation of Israel, I have this to say. It seems
like everybody has forgotten what happened to European Jewry
during the 1930s and World War II. Our nation will never permit
the destruction of Israel. No way, Jose.
Nevertheless, to Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo,
boys. Yank yer heads outta rectal defilade and work out a peace
deal. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can
go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces
there. Big tables, too.
I\'m ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations
with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help,
comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes
amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin
towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan
with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles
will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don\'t give a damn about
whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or
watch your precious Benzes, Beemers, and limos be turned over
to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since
we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks
might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also
on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really
need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple of extra tank and
infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I\'m gonna put
\'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting
now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own
citizens. Some will accuse us of xenophobia. My response is
simple and direct: if you can play that word in Scrabble, do it as
soon as your turn comes round.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying,
darn tootin\'! Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent
life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of
just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to
eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World
Cup soccer from America.
We will develop energy independence. We will restructure
our nation for its isolationist destiny. I will be sending legislation
to Congress tomorrow proposing the first actions that that
august body should take as we move in a new direction.
Finally, I have decided not to run for a second term of office.
The First Lady and I will retire to our Texas ranch and have some
fun. Laura and I have been talking about takin\' one of those
cruises up to Alaska. Personally, I could care less who gets
elected in 2004. Throw a little fascism into the mix and elect
Senator Clinton. She can appoint the editorial board of the New
York Times to her Cabinet.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We
owe you.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.