xxxPantero
04-16-2003, 10:48 PM
“NOT IN LOVE”
04/17/03 – 2:17 AM
Man, I am f.ucking sexually frustrated. I just finished f.ucking my CyberSkin Pussy, and it’s feeling better all the time. Debbie just read her [bad word] chapter on Birth Control Pills, and has swayed back towards not wanting to get on them. I don’t know why, since I read that chapter as well, and saw no strong arguments against it. Man… I am f.ucking resenting that bitch now. First, she keeps wanting to talk to her exes (or just Jose). Next, she wants to keep their pictures. And then, she doesn’t want to have sex with me. Tell me, what’s the f.ucking point then? Why am I spending time and money on this girl? In the hopes that she’ll let me f.uck her again one day?
Man, I can’t be doing this bullshit.
If she did those three things, I think I’d love her. Hell, if she did the first two, I wouldn’t mind waiting for the third (well, not for too long now, I am human). But it’s because of those things that she’s f.ucking herself. I’ve closed my heart off to her, and now there’s not even sex as a motivation. It’s partly her fault, partly mine.
I think I’m starting to not just realize, but finally accept: I’m not in love with her.
I am not in love with her.
Is something wrong with me? No. Do I place a heavy importance on sex? Yes. Is that f.ucked up? Yes.
All I know is, that I am going to start having other relationships. But I am too much of a f.ucking coward to have a straight talk with her yet. I’ll have to do that sometime in the future, though. I think from the beginning of the relationship I was just playing at being in love, and secretly wishing I could love her as much as I wanted to. But I can’t.
I’m not in love with Debbie.
That saddens me in a way, but not enough. The relationship, at least for me, is over. I am going to start letting her keep her f.ucking pictures and continue to talk to her exes. And then I’ll start going out with my friends, while letting her meet her ex, Alex, in hooters. Eventually the relationship will fizzle out, and we can go our separate ways.
And then I can meet my own f.uck buddy from Braddock, since that’s what I’m looking for. F.uck it, maybe I should get into a relationship with a naïve f.ucking 16 year old who wants to f.uck me and needs to be mistreated. Just remember, wrap your dick so you don’t get stuck with a kid.
DEBBIE
What is it, am I not sexy enough or something? Isn’t she attracted to me? Doesn’t she supposedly love me? F.uck, maybe if I was a salsa instructor that would make me more sexier to her or some bullshit…
Man, I forgot who said this, but they were right: When you do long-term things, you are seen as a long-term partner only. When you do romantic and sexy things, you are seen as a romantic and sexy person, which can still develop into a long-term relationship while keeping the original elements. My mistake was that I made the “long-term” moves with Debbie, and wasn’t sexy or romantic enough with her. Either that, or because of her f.ucking BROKEN PUSSY, she associates sex (with me, at least) with pain. Interesting, I’m f.ucked but I’m not. I’m f.ucked because I’m not. Ha, ha.
Oh well, f.uck it, time to get back to work. At least I shouldn’t worry about my relationship. I know it’s already over, I just have to inform her of that fact.
04/17/03 – 2:36 AM
04/17/03 – 2:50 AM
It’s been 15 minutes and I still haven’t done s.hit. F.uck this. F.uck everything. I’m going to get drunk as f.uck. Never mind I have to get ready and leave for work in two hours. Think I should sleep? I don’t know, maybe I should do this tomorrow night. Or Friday night. I’m studying tomorrow night, probably pulling this all-night bullshit again.
Man, f.uck Debbie.
Hahaha, f.uck her proverbially, since I can’t do it literally.
04/17/03 – 2:17 AM
Man, I am f.ucking sexually frustrated. I just finished f.ucking my CyberSkin Pussy, and it’s feeling better all the time. Debbie just read her [bad word] chapter on Birth Control Pills, and has swayed back towards not wanting to get on them. I don’t know why, since I read that chapter as well, and saw no strong arguments against it. Man… I am f.ucking resenting that bitch now. First, she keeps wanting to talk to her exes (or just Jose). Next, she wants to keep their pictures. And then, she doesn’t want to have sex with me. Tell me, what’s the f.ucking point then? Why am I spending time and money on this girl? In the hopes that she’ll let me f.uck her again one day?
Man, I can’t be doing this bullshit.
If she did those three things, I think I’d love her. Hell, if she did the first two, I wouldn’t mind waiting for the third (well, not for too long now, I am human). But it’s because of those things that she’s f.ucking herself. I’ve closed my heart off to her, and now there’s not even sex as a motivation. It’s partly her fault, partly mine.
I think I’m starting to not just realize, but finally accept: I’m not in love with her.
I am not in love with her.
Is something wrong with me? No. Do I place a heavy importance on sex? Yes. Is that f.ucked up? Yes.
All I know is, that I am going to start having other relationships. But I am too much of a f.ucking coward to have a straight talk with her yet. I’ll have to do that sometime in the future, though. I think from the beginning of the relationship I was just playing at being in love, and secretly wishing I could love her as much as I wanted to. But I can’t.
I’m not in love with Debbie.
That saddens me in a way, but not enough. The relationship, at least for me, is over. I am going to start letting her keep her f.ucking pictures and continue to talk to her exes. And then I’ll start going out with my friends, while letting her meet her ex, Alex, in hooters. Eventually the relationship will fizzle out, and we can go our separate ways.
And then I can meet my own f.uck buddy from Braddock, since that’s what I’m looking for. F.uck it, maybe I should get into a relationship with a naïve f.ucking 16 year old who wants to f.uck me and needs to be mistreated. Just remember, wrap your dick so you don’t get stuck with a kid.
DEBBIE
What is it, am I not sexy enough or something? Isn’t she attracted to me? Doesn’t she supposedly love me? F.uck, maybe if I was a salsa instructor that would make me more sexier to her or some bullshit…
Man, I forgot who said this, but they were right: When you do long-term things, you are seen as a long-term partner only. When you do romantic and sexy things, you are seen as a romantic and sexy person, which can still develop into a long-term relationship while keeping the original elements. My mistake was that I made the “long-term” moves with Debbie, and wasn’t sexy or romantic enough with her. Either that, or because of her f.ucking BROKEN PUSSY, she associates sex (with me, at least) with pain. Interesting, I’m f.ucked but I’m not. I’m f.ucked because I’m not. Ha, ha.
Oh well, f.uck it, time to get back to work. At least I shouldn’t worry about my relationship. I know it’s already over, I just have to inform her of that fact.
04/17/03 – 2:36 AM
04/17/03 – 2:50 AM
It’s been 15 minutes and I still haven’t done s.hit. F.uck this. F.uck everything. I’m going to get drunk as f.uck. Never mind I have to get ready and leave for work in two hours. Think I should sleep? I don’t know, maybe I should do this tomorrow night. Or Friday night. I’m studying tomorrow night, probably pulling this all-night bullshit again.
Man, f.uck Debbie.
Hahaha, f.uck her proverbially, since I can’t do it literally.