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MOBLEYC57
03-31-2003, 12:52 PM
\"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.\"
- Tom Clancy

\"You know \"that look\" women get when they want sex? Me neither.\"
- Steve Martin

\"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don\'t have a good partner, you\'d better have a good hand.\"
- Woody Allen

\"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.\"
- Rodney Dangerfield

\"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL.\"
- Lynn Lavner

\"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.\"
- Matt Barry

\"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.\"
- Camille Paglia

\"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.\"
- George Burns

\"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.\"
- Sharon Stone

\"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ~ no matter what she\'s reading.\"
- Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

\"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with \"Guess\" on it., so I said \"Thyroid problem?\'\"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

\"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.\"
- Tiger Woods

\"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-#itch.\"
- Jack Nicholson

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.\"
- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn\'t think Barbara had a sense of humour!)

Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man\'s genitals through his wallet.\"
- Robin Williams

\"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.\"
- Roseanne

\"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.\"
- Billy Crystal

\"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.\"
- Robert De Niro

\"There\'s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what\'s the problem?\"
- Dustin Hoffman

\"There\'s very little advice in men\'s magazines, because men think, \'I know what I\'m doing. Just show me somebody naked.\'\"
- Jerry Seinfeld

\"Instead of getting married again, I\'m going to find a woman I don\'t like and just give her a house.\"
- Rod Stewart

\"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.\"
- Robin Williams

HOPE YOUR DAY HAS/HAD YOU SMILING!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif TATER!!!

franki
04-02-2003, 04:01 AM
<< \"Instead of getting married again, I\'m going to find a woman I don\'t like and just give her a house.\"
- Rod Stewart
>>

That one is good. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

Bruce
04-02-2003, 11:45 AM
\"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ~ no matter what she\'s reading.\"
- Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

That\'s my favorite,
B

Elana
04-02-2003, 11:58 AM
Dave Barry Quotes...

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, \"My God, you\'re right! I never would\'ve thought of that!

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.

Elana
04-02-2003, 12:02 PM
More Dave Barry....

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it\'s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don\'t even invite me.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant\'s life, she will choose to save the infant\'s life -- without even considering if there are men on base.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

People in the computer industry use the word \"user,\" which to them means \"idiot.\"

The other major kind of computer is the \"Apple,\" which I do not recommend, because it is a wuss-o-rama New-Age computer you basically just plug in and use.

Thus, the metric system did not really catch on in the United States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine milimeter bullet.

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

You should not use your fireplace, because scientists now believe that, contrary to popular opinion, fireplaces actually remove heat from houses. Really, that\'s what scientists believe. In fact, many scientists actually use their fireplaces to cool their houses in the summer. If you visit a scientist\'s house on a sultry August day, you\'ll find a cheerful fire roaring on the hearth and the scientist sitting nearby, remarking on how cool he is and drinking heavily.

Andy
04-04-2003, 03:58 AM
hehe

Elana
04-04-2003, 11:32 AM
I just wanted an excuse to post so I can try out these new faces. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ooo.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif <font color=\"blue\">This is cool /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif </font>

How do I fix my sig.?