seadove
03-20-2003, 11:27 PM
WELL, WELL, WELL.
LADIES, DOES YOUR HUSBAND THINK YOU\'VE CHANGED?
IS YOUR LIFE SO FRANTIC AND HECTIC AND FRENZIED THAT YOU CAN BARELY MUSTER ENOUGH ENERGY TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL?
DO YOU FIND IT HARDER AND HARDER TO SUMMON THE STRENGTH TO GET OFF THE COUCH, STAGGER TO THE KITCHEN AND DISH UP THAT THIRD BOWL OF ICE CREAM?
HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN TRYING TO COME UP WITH EXCUSES AS TO WHY DINNER SUCKS?
WELL, HAVE FAITH. THE SOLUTION IS SIMPLE. DRUGS. AND DR. OLIVER IS HERE WITH JUST A FEW OF MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGHS THAT\'LL HAVE YOU BACK TO BEING THAT SAME OLD NUISANCE THAT YOUR HUSBAND FOREVER REGRETS MARRYING.
FIRST: DAMITOL - TAKE TWO AND THE REST OF THE WORLD CAN GO WHISTLE UP A CAT\'S BUTT FOR UP TO 8 HOURS.
ST. MOM\'S WORT: PLANT EXTRACT THAT TREAT\'S A MOMS DEPRESSION BY RENDERING PRESCHOOLERS UNCONSCIOUS FOR UP TO SIX HOURS.
EMPTY NESTROGEN: A HIGHLY EFFECTIVE SUPPOSITORY THAT ELIMINATES MELANCHOLY BY ENHANCING THE MEMORY OF HOW AWFUL CHILDREN WERE AS TEENAGERS AND HOW YOU COULDN\'T WAIT TILL THEY MOVED OUT.
PEPTOBIMBO: LIQUID SILICONE FOR SINGLE WOMEN. TWO FULL CUPS SWALLOWED BEFORE AN EVENING OUT INCREASES BREAST SIZE, DECREASES INTELLIGENCE AND IMPROVES FLIRTING.
DUMEROL: WHEN TAKEN WITH PEPTOBIMBO CAN CAUSE DANGEROUSLY LOW I.Q.. SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE ENJOYMENT OF COUNTRY MUSIC.
FLIPITOR: INCREASES LIFE EXPECTANCY OF FEMALE COMMUTERS BY CONTROLLING ROAD RAGE AND THE URGE TO FLIP OFF MUCH BETTER MALE DRIVERS.
ANTIBOYOTICS: FOR TEENAGE GIRLS. HIGHLY EFFECTIVE IN IMPROVING GRADES, FREEING UP PHONE LINES AND REDUCING MONEY SPENT ON CLOTHES AND MAKE-UP.
MENICILLIN: POTENT ANTIBOYOTIC FOR OLDER WOMEN. INCREASES RESISTANCE TO SUCH LINES AS \"YOU MAKE ME WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON,\" \"CAN WE GET NAKED NOW?\" AND \"WHERE WE GOIN\' LATER?\"
BUYAGRA: INJECTABLE STIMULANT THAT INCREASES POTENCY AND DURATION OF SHOPPING SPREES.
EXTRA STRENGTH BUY-ONE-ALL: WHEN TAKEN WITH BUYAGRA CAN CAUSE INDISCRIMINATE SPENDING FRENZY SO SEVERE, THE VICTIM MAY EVEN COME HOME WITH A JOHN BOY & BILLY CD OR A BOOK BY MONROE FISHER.
RAGAMAT: WHEN ADMINISTERED TO THE HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND, PROVIDES THE SAME CONSTANT IRRITATION AS RAGGING HIM ALL WEEKEND, SAVING THE WIFE THE TIME AND TROUBLE OF DOING IT ALL HERSELF.
ANTITALKSIDENT: A SPRAY CARRIED IN THE PURSE TO BE USED ON ANYONE TOO EAGER TO SHARE THEIR LONG, POINTLESS LIFE STORIES WITH TOTAL STRANGERS. HIGHLY EFFECTIVE ON CURMUDGEONS AND HEAVILY SPONSORED WORLD TRAVELERS.
SEXCEDRIN: GENERATES AN EXCRUTIATING HEADACHE WITHIN SECONDS. PERFECT FOR WHEN YOUR HUSBAND COMES HOME HAMMERED AND WANTS TO \"GET BUSY.\"
AND FINALLY, JACKASSPIRIN: RELIEVES HEADACHES CAUSED BY A MAN WHO CAN\'T REMEMBER YOUR BIRTHDAY, ANNIVERSARY OR PHONE NUMBER. A COMPLIMENTARY CASE WILL BE SENT TO MRS. BOY IMMEDIATELY.
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LADIES, DOES YOUR HUSBAND THINK YOU\'VE CHANGED?
IS YOUR LIFE SO FRANTIC AND HECTIC AND FRENZIED THAT YOU CAN BARELY MUSTER ENOUGH ENERGY TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL?
DO YOU FIND IT HARDER AND HARDER TO SUMMON THE STRENGTH TO GET OFF THE COUCH, STAGGER TO THE KITCHEN AND DISH UP THAT THIRD BOWL OF ICE CREAM?
HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN TRYING TO COME UP WITH EXCUSES AS TO WHY DINNER SUCKS?
WELL, HAVE FAITH. THE SOLUTION IS SIMPLE. DRUGS. AND DR. OLIVER IS HERE WITH JUST A FEW OF MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGHS THAT\'LL HAVE YOU BACK TO BEING THAT SAME OLD NUISANCE THAT YOUR HUSBAND FOREVER REGRETS MARRYING.
FIRST: DAMITOL - TAKE TWO AND THE REST OF THE WORLD CAN GO WHISTLE UP A CAT\'S BUTT FOR UP TO 8 HOURS.
ST. MOM\'S WORT: PLANT EXTRACT THAT TREAT\'S A MOMS DEPRESSION BY RENDERING PRESCHOOLERS UNCONSCIOUS FOR UP TO SIX HOURS.
EMPTY NESTROGEN: A HIGHLY EFFECTIVE SUPPOSITORY THAT ELIMINATES MELANCHOLY BY ENHANCING THE MEMORY OF HOW AWFUL CHILDREN WERE AS TEENAGERS AND HOW YOU COULDN\'T WAIT TILL THEY MOVED OUT.
PEPTOBIMBO: LIQUID SILICONE FOR SINGLE WOMEN. TWO FULL CUPS SWALLOWED BEFORE AN EVENING OUT INCREASES BREAST SIZE, DECREASES INTELLIGENCE AND IMPROVES FLIRTING.
DUMEROL: WHEN TAKEN WITH PEPTOBIMBO CAN CAUSE DANGEROUSLY LOW I.Q.. SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE ENJOYMENT OF COUNTRY MUSIC.
FLIPITOR: INCREASES LIFE EXPECTANCY OF FEMALE COMMUTERS BY CONTROLLING ROAD RAGE AND THE URGE TO FLIP OFF MUCH BETTER MALE DRIVERS.
ANTIBOYOTICS: FOR TEENAGE GIRLS. HIGHLY EFFECTIVE IN IMPROVING GRADES, FREEING UP PHONE LINES AND REDUCING MONEY SPENT ON CLOTHES AND MAKE-UP.
MENICILLIN: POTENT ANTIBOYOTIC FOR OLDER WOMEN. INCREASES RESISTANCE TO SUCH LINES AS \"YOU MAKE ME WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON,\" \"CAN WE GET NAKED NOW?\" AND \"WHERE WE GOIN\' LATER?\"
BUYAGRA: INJECTABLE STIMULANT THAT INCREASES POTENCY AND DURATION OF SHOPPING SPREES.
EXTRA STRENGTH BUY-ONE-ALL: WHEN TAKEN WITH BUYAGRA CAN CAUSE INDISCRIMINATE SPENDING FRENZY SO SEVERE, THE VICTIM MAY EVEN COME HOME WITH A JOHN BOY & BILLY CD OR A BOOK BY MONROE FISHER.
RAGAMAT: WHEN ADMINISTERED TO THE HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND, PROVIDES THE SAME CONSTANT IRRITATION AS RAGGING HIM ALL WEEKEND, SAVING THE WIFE THE TIME AND TROUBLE OF DOING IT ALL HERSELF.
ANTITALKSIDENT: A SPRAY CARRIED IN THE PURSE TO BE USED ON ANYONE TOO EAGER TO SHARE THEIR LONG, POINTLESS LIFE STORIES WITH TOTAL STRANGERS. HIGHLY EFFECTIVE ON CURMUDGEONS AND HEAVILY SPONSORED WORLD TRAVELERS.
SEXCEDRIN: GENERATES AN EXCRUTIATING HEADACHE WITHIN SECONDS. PERFECT FOR WHEN YOUR HUSBAND COMES HOME HAMMERED AND WANTS TO \"GET BUSY.\"
AND FINALLY, JACKASSPIRIN: RELIEVES HEADACHES CAUSED BY A MAN WHO CAN\'T REMEMBER YOUR BIRTHDAY, ANNIVERSARY OR PHONE NUMBER. A COMPLIMENTARY CASE WILL BE SENT TO MRS. BOY IMMEDIATELY.
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