Heart break...... help

[Lscread]

Hi everyone, some of you may remenber me as the guy with the young pretty girl fiend. I had had some trouble getting it up. I found her looks to be intimidating at times. Well things got better and the problems went better. We were engaged to be married this June. Well, a few weeks ago we had some arguments. And we broke up. I have wanted to get back with her, but she does not. I love her and I feel this desparate feeling of lonleyness. Bad heart break. I know it sounds pathetic (and it is). But I want her back so bad that I would just about do anything. My mind knows this is stupid.... If she does not want me, then move on... Right? I have even been introduced to anouther young girl (same age as the other one) who wants to go out with me. She\'s more mature, and grounded than my old girl friend, but not as sexy, and not as pretty. God I know this sounds so shallow. But I still want the old one back. Its driving me crazy. I am super depressed, anxious, lonley, cant eat, and have heavy feelings of desparation. I feel like I am 15 yrs old or somthing....... Please help

[Sexyredhead]

I wouldn\'t start something new until you\'re finished with the old girlfriend, for everybody\'s sake.

[belgareth]

That\'s true. But he also needs to get out and be with people. Keep busy and let time work it\'s usual wonder on him.

[Lscread]

What do you mean by finished? I have tried to get her back..... But no way. She\'s gone. I cant do anything more than I have. So I\'m done. Is that finished?

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Go to the doctor and get some Luvox and some Paxil. Or one or the other. Go to your medical doctor and tell him because of a bad breakup you have anxiety and depression that\'s interfering with your ability to function in your daily life and you want good help right now. Tell him to recommend a psychiatrist so you can be evaluated for medication. It\'s hard and if she won\'t come around, you have no choice but to live in pain. There is good medicine that will help you. My best advice is to avail yourself of it as soon as you can and be easy on yourself. It\'s not pathetic that your heart\'s broken and it\'s not shallow that for you nothing else compares to what you lost. You want what you want; you can\'t help that. This sounds hokey but my pastor gave me this advice once and it helped me a lot, going through divorce - every day do one thing just for you. Kinds of things that worked for me -buy myself a flower, go to an art museum, go to a bookstore and look at travel books ... I have no idea what simple pleasures you would want, but try every day to experience some pleasure, even for a few minutes. It\'s important so your brain doesn\'t forget how to go there. We\'re all thinking of you and wishing you the best, much affection from ftr P.S. Also I would try to exercise some gentle discipline with yourself - make sure you eat well, get enough sleep, if you have to take valerian root and 5-HTP and melotonin 3 mg, take your vitamins, take a walk at least once a day. Reduce or eliminate any unnecessary drags on your energy and don\'t neglect your physical body while your emotional body is damaged. One depends on the other to a large extent and heartbreak and loneliness are literally bad for your health. So try to treat your body with respect while you\'re sick at heart.

[Sexyredhead]

She may be done with you, but you\'re obviously not done with her if you want her back. Don\'t start a new relationship with someone else if you aren\'t over your old relationship yet. It wouldn\'t be fair to you or to your new girlfriend. Does that make sense?
Otherwise, DEFINITELY, take care of yourself, and get out with other people socially. Keep yourself busy doing enough other things (without wearing yourself out mentally or physically) that you don\'t think about her as much.
If this other girl is really into you, she\'ll be willing to wait a little longer to get you.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Lscread, this will probably sound like the biggest crock to you right now, but I know from experience that it\'s true -- it will never be the same for you again in your life as it was with this girl. Never, ever, that\'s gone. But here\'s the good news. It could be even better.



I swear to god. It happened to me, it could happen to you. As much as you thought that last one was the one, there could be one coming up that shows you all the reasons why she wasn\'t really. And maybe you\'ll have learned something about yourself or about relationships from this last one that will really help in your next one.



Maybe it\'s too early to be talking about hope, but just keep in mind, you never know what\'s going to happen to you next, and it could be a good thing is about to happen next. It\'s possible.

Hugs

[DrSmellThis]

Yes, all except for the meds part. If (!)you need it, what works for you is an individual thing. Talk to a mental health pro, not a family Dr.

It sucks. Everybody I know has just had a big breakup, it seems; including me. You need to grieve, to get the emotions out. There\'s no doubt a huge quantity, but one day soon it will be less; then less. You don\'t need to change your feelings for your ex-fiance. When its clouds lift, you will see the possibility of taking it to the next level with your next relationship. You already know you\'re capable of attracting an extremely pretty woman. Let that turn into confidence you didn\'t have before and you will have a chance of attracting someone even sexier. But more than that, you will recognize other things you want from a woman, and look to put them all together in one place.

I don\'t know why, but I just thought of Vince Lombardi\'s admonishment, \"look like you\'ve been there before!\", as regards crossing the goal line and celebrating too much. I guess it applies to not thinking that what you had is a rare event. Think of that as the baseline for yourself.

You had it because you deserve it.
You lost it because of something besides
YOU AND IT.

Whatever can defeated love say?
Only that it is not defeated!
Love falls down, and love cries.
It rubs its knees and wipes its eyes.
But dies?

Maybe, just maybe...I\'d talk to the woman that\'s interested in you and tell her you don\'t want to lose a great opportunity with her, but am wondering if she has any patience. Or just dive in if you want. I\'ve made mistakes turning away a few total hotties (aaaargh!!!) because I was still whipped on my ex. Regret City, USA. Monitor it to keep either from getting hurt, talk about it, be honest, but don\'t squelch yourself unless you feel totally crazy, like a loose cannon.

(poem by me, 2003)

[MadDoctor]

I think that FTR\'s advice deserves 5 stars. The only thing I\'d add to it is that, aside from Wellbutrin, many antidepressants cause occasional (purely temporary) sexual side-effects, like decreased libido. Then again, under the circumstances, that might not matter too much. If it happens, the doctor can always change your meds.

The 5-htp may also help in other ways (than just with sleep), since it will probably help your seratonin levels 24 hours a day.

[Phantom]

You should go to ( www.depressionforums.com (\"http://www.depressionforums.com\") ) if you need any info or help on that subject.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Yes, re the antidepressants dampening your libido but right, MadDoc, wtf for now. Better if you\'re not craving sex on top of it. You want that sick, grieving feeling to stop and you need relief from thinking of her 24/7 and eating your heart out. Get medicine from a psychiatrist. If you don\'t know one, ask your regular doctor to refer you. A psychiatrist won\'t make you keep coming in to talk about it if you don\'t want to, he\'ll just want to see you every few weeks to check about your meds and take the temperature of the thing, so to speak, so he can know when to start to cycle you off as you feel better. It will help you so much.

Bodywork, get massage from an AMTA licensed bodyworker, preferably someone who understands aura work. That can really be uplifting and massage is good for your health since it\'s another thing that makes your body remember how to feel good. Especially if when you have emotional pain, you hold it in your body (headaches, back aches, stomach aches, vision trouble).


Don\'t drink or self medicate with recreational substances. Better to let the doctor give you something; or if you\'re very skilled and knowledgeable about herbs and vitamins, go that route, but most of us don\'t really know enough about it to use those things in times of need to much avail, and the stuff the doctor can give you works fast before you get too bogged down.

[MOBLEYC57]

Your only friend is TIME. You can date one million girls if you like, but the only answer to it is....the heart wants what the heart wants. You have to dig within yourself and figure out how you can deal with it. For some reason, the more you push to get it back, the more distant you two become. Ugly as it may seem...there\'s no solution to a broken heart. All you have is......TIME. No voodoo, no magic, no alcoholic beverages.....just.....TIME. Even though you may feel like it at times, I promise you, you won\'t die from it. It\'s a looooong haul, but you can do it. One positive note...well, maybe not....but.....love doesn\'t die over night, if ever. If it was that easy for her to walk away from you over an argument that had nothing to do with you messing around on her...you\'re probably better off!! Be well. Tater!!!!

[Lscread]

I am so impressed with your replys. I have felt so alone in this. Thank you all so much. A special thanks to FTR & Drsmellthis, for amazing responces.... Thanks

[MadDoctor]

Oh, absolutely. I remember one time, after a truly catastrophic breakup, as I talked to my doctor about the causes of my depression, how I resented it when he said \"Well, maybe she wasn\'t really the right one for you after all?\"

When all\'s said and done, the perfect one for you wouldn\'t do that to you, would she? That\'s NOT part of the vision of what you want. I couldn\'t really accept that at the time, but as I started to get over her I was forced to acknowledge the truth of it.

Do be wary of how things go during the recovery process. My first marriage happened while I was on the rebound, and other than a couple of good kids it ended up being a complete f*ck-up. Don\'t let your loneliness get you into anything you\'ll regret.

If you can avoid running into her, or things that remind you of her, that will help. A complete change of scene is probably best, but usually hard to pull off.

Between 18 and 25, I had two breakups that were bad enough that I did something like change jobs to get away from the situation. After the worse of them, I was a total wreck, and didn\'t really recover for a couple of years or so. I know how horrible it can be. But I eventually did find someone who was really as perfect for me as I\'d imagined the others were, so don\'t give up hope!

I think that the worst part is the way you fill your head with all this stuff about what the relationship will be like, the future, the idea that you\'ll always be together and never be lonely again. It\'s such a wonderful and irresistable dream that it takes over your life... until the carpet gets pulled out from under you. There will be others who cast spells over you, even if each spell is different and unique. Just remember that the important parts of your dream can ALL come true, even if the cast ends up being different than you expected. Every failed relationship can teach one a lot about what one really wants and needs, take the opportunity to learn from them and your choices will be better and better.

[MOBLEYC57]

Thumbs up to ya!!!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif