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seadove
03-04-2003, 11:29 AM
We all know us guys don\'t need any lessons in this area. But, for those times your creativity is a bit off, here are some suggestions for keeping that girl on slightly off balance.
Lately I became very good at this subject.Trust me!!

1. Call her by the dog\'s name and then deny it.
2. Answer all her questions with a question, preferably one on a totally different subject.
3. Superglue the commode seat in the up position.
4. Shrink her jeans and when she overreacts because she thinks that she\'s gaining weight, give her a condescending smile and say that you prefer her with some meat on her bones.
5. Firmly refuse to ever ask for directions even if you find yourself in Georgia when your original destination was California.
6. Call her by your mother\'s name and then deny it.
7. Start a conversation with the dog in the middle of one with her.
8. Buy her power tools for Valentine\'s Day.
9. Never give her a straight answer.
10. Take up yodelling and practice a lot.
11. Quote Tim Allen to validate your position during arguments.(Argh! Argh! Argh!)
12. Leave the newspaper open to an ad for plastic surgery.
13. Pretend you forgot how to speak English.
14. Answer every question with \"Yes, dear.\"

Are there any more suggestions?I have a special list for jewish women.
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**DONOTDELETE**
03-04-2003, 11:36 AM
15. Get up and walk out of the room when she\'s talking to you, preferably in the middle of a sentence.

seadove
03-05-2003, 12:37 AM
HOW TO DRIVE MEN CRAZY

-Do not say what you mean. Ever.
- Be ambiguous. Always.
- Cry. Cry often. Tell them it\'s their fault.
- Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years months, or decades ago...
-Make them apologize for everything.
-Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.
-Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks..
-Play Alanis Morissette\'s \"You Oughta Know,\" loud. Look at them. Smile.
-Look them in the eye and start laughing.
-Cry.
-Get mad at them for everything.
-Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.
-Hold grudges.
-Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don\'t comply.
-When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.
-Use Daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his \"little princess.\"
-Be late for everything. Yell if they\'re late.
-Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24-7. Compare and contrast.
-Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness
-Cry.
-Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they\'re wrong.
-Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library... for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.
-Fall for your FAC.
-Gather many female friends and dance to \"I Will Survive\" while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.
-Correct their grammar.
-Describe back-alley abortions. Then remind them of their mother or little sister.
-Constantly claim you\'re fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.
-Leave out the good parts in stories.
-Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make sure to cause trouble.
-Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.
-Cry.
-Declare that you are not wacko.
-Criticize the way they dress.
-Criticize the music they listen to.
-Criticize their hair.
-Ignore them. When asked, \"What\'s wrong?\" tell them that if they don\'t know, you\'re not going to tell them.
-Try to change them.
-Try to mold them.
-Try to get them to dance.
-Pretend you\'re interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted.
-When they screw up, never let them forget it.
-Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting. Just because.
-Blame everything on PMS.
-Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them.
-Whenever there is silence ask them, \"What are you thinking?\"
-Get mad if they don\'t notice a haircut. Even if it\'s only a half inch.
-Read into everything.
-Over-analyze everything.
-Cry.
-Make it your goal to make them cry.


Any more suggestions? You\'re welcome to comment.