bivonic
03-04-2003, 09:10 AM
Axis of Evil Wannabees
by John Cleese
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the \"Axis of Evil\",
Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed
the \"Axis of Just as Evil\", which they said would be more evil than
that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of
in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new
Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name.
\"Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!\" declared North
Korean leader Kim Jong-il. \"Everybody knows we\'re the best
evils. Best at being evil. We\'re the best.\"
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join
the Axis of Evil.
\"They told us it was full,\" said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
\"An axis can\'t have more than three countries\", explained Iraqi
President Saddam Hussein. \"This is not my rule, it\'s tradition. In
World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis.
So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. \"Ours is
wickedly cool.\"
International reaction to Bush\'s Axis of Evil declaration was swift,
as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-
conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has
become a game of geopolitical chairs.
Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the
\"Axis of Somewhat Evil\", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and
Myanmar in the \"Axis of Occasionally Evil\", while Bulgaria,
Indonesia and Russia established the \"Axis of Not So Much Evil
Really as Just Generally Disagreeable\".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs
filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be
called the \"Axis of Countries That Aren\'t the Worst But Certainly
Won\'t Be Asked to Host the Olympics\".
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the \"Axis of Nations That
Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts
About America\", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain
established the \"Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear
Lipstick\".
\"That\'s not a threat, really, just something we like to do\", said
Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren\'t
perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval
for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the
\"Axis of Countries Whose Names End in \'Guay\", accusing one of
its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay,
Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn\'t want to join any axis, but
privately world leaders said that\'s only because no one asked
them.
by John Cleese
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the \"Axis of Evil\",
Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed
the \"Axis of Just as Evil\", which they said would be more evil than
that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of
in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new
Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name.
\"Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!\" declared North
Korean leader Kim Jong-il. \"Everybody knows we\'re the best
evils. Best at being evil. We\'re the best.\"
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join
the Axis of Evil.
\"They told us it was full,\" said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
\"An axis can\'t have more than three countries\", explained Iraqi
President Saddam Hussein. \"This is not my rule, it\'s tradition. In
World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis.
So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. \"Ours is
wickedly cool.\"
International reaction to Bush\'s Axis of Evil declaration was swift,
as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-
conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has
become a game of geopolitical chairs.
Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the
\"Axis of Somewhat Evil\", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and
Myanmar in the \"Axis of Occasionally Evil\", while Bulgaria,
Indonesia and Russia established the \"Axis of Not So Much Evil
Really as Just Generally Disagreeable\".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs
filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be
called the \"Axis of Countries That Aren\'t the Worst But Certainly
Won\'t Be Asked to Host the Olympics\".
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the \"Axis of Nations That
Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts
About America\", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain
established the \"Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear
Lipstick\".
\"That\'s not a threat, really, just something we like to do\", said
Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren\'t
perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval
for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the
\"Axis of Countries Whose Names End in \'Guay\", accusing one of
its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay,
Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn\'t want to join any axis, but
privately world leaders said that\'s only because no one asked
them.