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View Full Version : HOW WOMEN SHOWER



seadove
02-26-2003, 04:40 AM
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you\'re getting fat.

4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again with cucumber and aloe vera shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

7. Condition your hair with cucumber and aloe vera conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least 15 minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).

11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Jiff.

15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.

17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

**DONOTDELETE**
02-26-2003, 05:33 AM
So ... what\'s your point?

seadove
02-26-2003, 05:40 AM
Well I thought that was funny, Like pheromones sometimes you get a hit and sometimes you don\'t.
/ubbthreads/images/icons/crazy.gif

**DONOTDELETE**
02-26-2003, 05:42 AM
It\'s true, anyway!

seadove
02-26-2003, 05:48 AM
<<<It\'s true, anyway! >>>


True what? that it\'s not a hit?
Or this is the way Renee showers?

**DONOTDELETE**
02-26-2003, 06:01 AM
That\'s exactly the way I shower. The only part that\'s not true is the clutching the long robe. I don\'t wear clothes in the house most of the time \'cause there\'s nobody here but me and the house plants, and they\'re used to me. The rest of it is exactly true.

Elana
02-26-2003, 06:05 AM
I am a nudie too. I never wear clothes at home. I can never understand how people relax in their homes wearing jeans. /ubbthreads/images/icons/crazy.gif I can\'t sleep in anything either. I feel like I am getting twisted up.

Elana
02-26-2003, 06:06 AM
Ivan, why are you still here? /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

seadove
02-26-2003, 06:06 AM
<<<there\'s nobody here but me and the house plants>>>

Botonics claim that plants have feelings too.
/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

seadove
02-26-2003, 06:11 AM
I have the 10 O\'clock night flight

**DONOTDELETE**
02-26-2003, 06:59 AM
Twisted up - like, nightgowns somehow end up bunched around your neck and buttons on pajamas poke you if you sleep on your stomach and pajama bottoms work their way into wedgies and ... who needs it. Nekkid\'s best. /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif And the houseplants are thriving.

Blackwidow_Woman
02-26-2003, 07:51 AM
>Botonics claim that plants have feelings too.)

Well they sure do.. I have so many house plants that it looks like a jungle in here..I got one huge vine that i have had since befour my oldest daughter was born.. I love house plants they freshen the air and look great and easy to care for..whats funny is they say when your preg. that your house plants know and will show it.. well that is very true.. they wither get yellow and most will die off no matter how well you care for them... /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif I have green thumbs...hehehehehe!!!

Bruce
02-26-2003, 08:41 AM
I think the second half of the joke is missing. It probably goes something like:

How Men Shower

1. Take clothes off and leave them on the floor
2. Fart and scratch your nuts
3. Wash crotch and arm pits
4. Rinse off about half the soap
5. Wipe the dirt and the rest of the soap on a towel
6. Fart and scratch nuts again.
7. Put on clothes that don\'t match

Something like that.

Bruce

**DONOTDELETE**
02-26-2003, 09:02 AM
Somewhere in there is:

Don\'t put the bath mat down but step out on the floor so it\'s good and wet when you leave the bathroom.

Shave and leave shaving cream and whiskers in the sink.

Leave the toilet seat up.

Throw the wet towel on the bed or on the back of an antique wooden chair.

/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

Sexyredhead
02-26-2003, 09:11 AM
I think there was also something in there about tasting her good-smelling soap/scrub and shaking his d!ck at his wife and making \'whoo whoo\' noises if he saw her in the hall going in and coming out.

BassMan
02-26-2003, 10:46 AM
Tho, one of my favorite American Folk tunes, Everyone Pees In The Shower, was written by a woman.

/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

**DONOTDELETE**
02-26-2003, 10:50 AM
Hey, I know that guy.

Or doing the \"Look What A Good Towel Rack My D!ck Makes\" trick and parading around with the hand towel on his pecker.

Ok, well ... if I did anything so disgusting as peeing in the shower, I sure wouldn\'t ever own up to it. /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif

bivonic
02-26-2003, 11:00 AM
Long time ago in college I was on a rafting trip (my fraternity with a sorority). Campfire & party ass off at night & then spend the entire next day drifting down the lazy Delaware with raft barges, I usually consumed more alcohol that weekend then any other weekend of the year, about a case a day was a good way to plan for how much beer to bring. Anyway I digress, this very outgoing chick said during the first night there are three things everyone does but are afraid to admit (usually).

1. They pick their nose
2. They masturbate
3. They pee in the shower

She probably stole it from that book or read it somewhere, regardless I thought at the time it was pretty profound & true!

Blackwidow_Woman
02-26-2003, 12:17 PM
>Leave the toilet seat up.

Not only that but they pee on the walls and floor and dont watch what the world there doing.. especially at night they dont turn the light on flip the lid are half asleep and just wiz where ever...then if they leave the lid up and your not really awake and you go to the bathroom ya fall in the damn toilet when ya go to sit down... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.. hehehehehe!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

bivonic
02-26-2003, 12:47 PM
yeah don\'t forget about the doo-doo stains or clumps of doo-doo we leave on the back of the seat & how the times when we try to be good & leave the seat down our aim is a little off & we splatter the seat such a big target that hole is too!, but hey at least we didn\'t leave the seat up!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/icons/shocked.gif

bivonic
02-28-2003, 11:10 AM
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the \"woo\" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your \"privates\" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don\'t bother to look for a wash cloth (you don\'t use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11.Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower).
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
16. Partially dry off.
17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go \"Yeah baby\" and thrust your pelvis at her.
21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

bundyburger
03-01-2003, 02:33 PM
Heh heh heh... For a moment there I thought someone would forget number #10. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

**DONOTDELETE**
03-02-2003, 07:23 AM
10, 15 and 18, EVERY TIME. EVERY TIME. And what\'s really bad is if he gets up before you do and destroys the bathroom like that, and you wander in still half asleep and sit down to pee and realize your feet are on wet floor/rug (UGH) and you\'d better squeegee and mop or there won\'t be enough Tilex in the world to kill the mildew so before you\'ve even had coffee you\'ve got housework. I\'m so glad I\'m not married anymore. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

Bruce
03-02-2003, 07:46 AM
FTR,
I never do any of that stuff. I usually shower at the gym anyway, but nobody would use the weird soaps I use, and I am paranoid about rotting the floor out in the bathroom as I\'m the guy who has to fix it or get somebody to fix it.
Bruce

**DONOTDELETE**
03-02-2003, 07:48 AM
All the good ones are taken. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

Bruce
03-02-2003, 08:39 AM
I\'ve got my quirks. It was no small task finding somebody who could live with them.
Bruce

**DONOTDELETE**
03-02-2003, 10:09 AM
She\'s a lucky woman.

Bruce
03-02-2003, 01:02 PM
(blush) thanks
Just for laughs I asked my wife if she considers herself lucky to have met me.
translated from Japanese:
She: \"Why do you ask?\"
Me: \"Somebody on the forum said you were lucky\"
She: \"Maybe you should find somebody like that\" and more pissed off stuff...

Looking back on it, I guess it was a stupid question. She caught me off guard with the \"why do you ask?\", so maybe it was the \"somebody else said it\" that pissed her off. Anyway, being married to a Japanese woman generally means living without a lot of overt signs of affection. If you ask for them, you end up with a bruised ego; just goes with the territory, I guess.

Bruce

Phantom
03-02-2003, 01:49 PM
How long did it take you to learn Japanese?

bundyburger
03-02-2003, 04:40 PM
<<Me: \"Somebody on the forum said you were lucky\" >>

ROTFL. /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif ...honest mistake saying that I \'spose /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

Lucky
03-03-2003, 05:25 AM
<being married to a Japanese woman generally means living without a lot of overt signs of affection. If you ask for them, you end up with a bruised ego>

Bruce,
How does a relationship with someone from this culture (Japanese) balance out? Do they place special emphasis elsewhere in the relationship?

Bruce
03-03-2003, 08:02 AM
Of course there is a lot of variation from one person to the next in any culture and a lot if not most of the Japanese women you meet over here, came here to get away from traditional Japanese culture, and in the case of second generation Japanese or \"ni sei\" all bets are off, but there are still some general principles that play heavily in a marriage with a Japanese woman. Personally (finally?), I can\'t imagine any other kind of marriage at this point, but they are not for everybody. One of my dearest buddies was married to a Japanese woman, mistreated her terribly (IMO) and then dumped her. He\'s not a bad guy in the usual sense, but he just totally misunderstood the nature of the relationship. All of her \"bad points\" sound to me either like good points or something that \"goes with the territory\".

What you get with a Japanese woman (99 times out of 100)
Loyalty: they are in thru thick and thin unless you are a total swine. They don\'t threaten to divorce you, cheat on you etc etc.
Great mother: Keep the kids out of trouble, help them with their homework, take them to after school clubs etc etc
Simplicity: Don\'t rock the boat, freak out in public, humiliate you in front of your friends
Hard worker: Do all the household stuff, pay the bills etc etc without whining about it.
Your own space: You will have your own domain and it will never be intruded upon. Your business is your business, and you will be left alone there (for better or worse)

What\'s exepcted of the guy:
Work hard, preferably make a lot of money. Do your own thing. Don\'t interfere with what your wife is doing. Basically, just don\'t be a jerk.

To be an extra special hubby:
Be a great father without sacrificing your work and other general household security. Encourage your wife to take classes or do other stuff she would like to do. When the kids are in school this will start happening more and more. When you notice she is getting a little fried, pack the kids in the car and take them off somewhere, letting mom chill out with a book or something.

What you *don\'t* get:
Virtually any of the \"normal\" Western signs of affection.
Sex, unless you initiate it yourself. (You never get turned down though, so that has its upside, I guess)
Companionship in the usual Western sense of the word.

Official marriage motto: \"Live and let live\"

Bruce

Bruce
03-03-2003, 08:05 AM
--How long did it take you to learn Japanese? --

I studied full time for the first 2 years I was there. That got me most of the way there. The rest just gradually developed.
Bruce